How are you different as a mother,than your own mom?

United States
February 5, 2007 10:08am CST
A lot of people grow up and say they want to avoid becoming the type of parent their own mother was to them. Maybe their mom yelled a lot, or spanked for no reason. Maybe she just didn't care much about your grades or who you hung out with. Maybe she let you do anything you wanted? Do you find yourself doing the same things your mom did? Are you domineering? A push-over? Or have you really strived to be a different type of mom? (Are you succeeding?) Do you see that you and your kids are repeating a cycle that was started by you and your own mom?
5 people like this
18 responses
• Canada
6 Feb 07
In a lot of ways, I'd be happy if I'm as good a mom as my mother was. Her family was the most important thing in her life and I learned a lot about how to treat other people from my mom. One thing I do with my kids, that is very different from my relationship with my mom, is that we talk very honestly and openly about everything. There are no taboo topics in our house whereas my mom was very conservative and you just couldn't ask about certain things. For example, my mom's explanation about birth control was, "Don't ever get pregnant because it will kill your father." I clearly had to take care of that matter myself, when the time came LOL I want my daughters to be able to ask for advice and guidance and not be afraid. I know they won't come to me about everything -- but I want the door to be completely open.
2 people like this
• United States
7 Feb 07
LOL parents are funny about those certain topics, aren't they?
2 people like this
@charms88 (7543)
• Philippines
6 Feb 07
I grew up in the care of my grandma because my mom had to go outside and work to be able to provide the basic necessities for us, her children. In my younger days, I was constantly envious of my friends who's parent were always present in our school play and even graduation. Now that I'm a mother myself, I chose to be a stay at home and devoted my time and attention to my children. I realized that children especially their growing up period needs our love and support and that they will always remember what kind of a mother am I.
2 people like this
• United States
7 Feb 07
You're right. Children really do need that when they're young.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
Well I am doing different things then what my mom did. For one I am getting my education which my mom never got. I currently am a full time student for a mothers only G.E.D class to where I get to bring my daughter with me to school. Which theres free daycare and free transpotation a big yellow bus comes and picks me up from my door step which IS cool. ..lol I am teaching my daughter better hygiene. I was tought to brush my teeth but was never forced to do so. Now the result is I am going to have dentures at a young age. But I take her teeth and gum cleaner and brush her 2 little teefers twice a day once in the morning and once before bed after having a bottle. I think I am doing a lot different from my mom. I haven't disciplined my daughter because shes only 6 months but I have been teaching her the word NO to understand what it means.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 07
Wow! It all sounds good, but that is so awesome that you are getting your GED AND that you can take your daughter to school with you! I've never heard of that before, but how cool is that?! :D Congrats to you! (and to her, for having such a good mom!)
3 people like this
@NancyLobo (681)
• India
7 Feb 07
Yes, I wanted to be different from my mom in certain ways,in some ways I do the things she does, she used to take up my studies which I also do, but she was very hot tempered and I used to get a lot of punishments, i decided I will not repeat such things with my kids, i will be more loving and patient, and spend time with them which she could not do as she was busy most of the time, so I missed that and I dont want my kids to feel the same,
• China
6 Feb 07
Oh, I have never noticed that kids is repeating a cycle hich was started by parents, maybe it is ture.. Nowadays, some children are trying to be unique not noly from their mom, but also from everyone. In order to let themselves unique, they wear different clothes, have different hair patterns... sometimes they succeeded. Things changed a lot, compared to the times when their mom was young... I think most kids have their own way to grow up and they can be differnent from their parents...
@cabergren (1182)
• United States
6 Feb 07
My mother was a screamer. There were five of us so I think that is the only way that she could get our attention. But I remember when she started yelling I stopped listening. So with my son I am not gonna say that I never yelled, I occassionally did. But I always remembered that I never listened when she yelled. So I tried to explain why I was mad and why I was punishing him. Not sure if it worked, but I do know that we are a lot closer than I ever was with my mother.
2 people like this
• Canada
6 Feb 07
My om was a young mom, and she didn't have a lto of confidence in herself. As a result, she didn't stand up for us at school or other places. She was also a single mom, and we were pertty poor, in a small town where being a poor single mom was not the 'norm'. We got ostracized a LOT at school - even by the teachers - an I wish Mom would have stepped in and told them it wasn't appropriate. She has another young daughter now, age 12, and the way she stands up for that little girl is the way I am with my kids. Kids can't stand up for themselves, and teachers can be really cruel somtimes. Espcially with me having special needs kids, I feel it is so impotant for me to be my child's advocate. That is the one thing I'd say my mom didn't do for me that I wish she had. Otherwise, my mom was warm and caring, and didn't raise her voice, hit us, or manipulate us, so I think I am pretty lucky.
• United States
7 Feb 07
I don't know what kind of parents your mom had, but I can tell you that I lack self confidence myself, and I'm sure it is probably obvious to many people. I attribute that in part to the way my mom treated me as a child. I was not made to feel important, that is for sure. It's hard to shake something like that, although for some, it is easier to be strong for their kids.. I'm sorry your mom wasn't able to do that for you and your siblings. I know that my kids rely on me to do what's best for them, and I do try. But it takes some serious stepping out of the box.
2 people like this
@rainbow (6763)
7 Feb 07
I would never have dared disobey my mum when I was little, choose what but I really rebelled as a teenager. I wish I could be a little more like that with my boys as they tend to take what I say as an opinion or advice and do as they want anyway, lol. I really wish I could get some extra patience from somewhere as I tend to yell a bit after a bad day, once panic strikes I scream at them a bit but it's ok as they ignor me, lol.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Feb 07
I think a lot of us yell more after a bad day :D I didn't dare be rebellious. I would have had my a$$ kicked. LOL
1 person likes this
@hahzen63 (157)
• Philippines
6 Feb 07
its usually what we don't want to become that we become. the mind only interprets things in the positive manner, the more you would not want to be like your mom, the more you'd veer closer towards it. (read that from a book entitled "Being Happy") what is more important is that you'd learn from whatever it is that your mom lacked, and try to do your best in being much better. :) as for me, my mom had sacrificed alot for our family, her love comes unsurpassed, and her care undisputed...i wouldn't mind being like her...in fact, i would be more than honored to ever be like my mom. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Feb 07
I agree- we have to learn the lessons our parents failed to learn, and be better people.
1 person likes this
• India
6 Feb 07
my mother is the best mom than other mom for me only. i dont know about others.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Feb 07
I'm very glad for you!
1 person likes this
@yahooguy (508)
• Romania
6 Feb 07
well when im going to have kids i will let them to do what they want to do :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))my mom doesn't let me do every thing i want to do so.........
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Feb 07
Just don't let them do everything they want to do. :)
1 person likes this
@Rosy001 (363)
• South Africa
6 Feb 07
i would definitely like to do things differently. my mom is a very conservative, over-protective, introverted person. not very open. i would like to be the complete opposite. no doubt, there are qualities that i would like to carry on from my mom but at the same time i would like to know that my children can be open and honest with me at all times, that i'd be able to participate and enjoy in more festivities or activities that they partake in.be a friend and a mother!
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Feb 07
Communication is a great thing between parents and children! :)
1 person likes this
@_hope_ (3908)
• Australia
6 Feb 07
Because i am different i know i don`d go out every night i stay home and look afer my kids i dont beat them until they are black and blue .Iam hereif they need me and i have been there to protect them form horrible things happening to them .i love them and they know it too. There is a big difference to me and my mother
• United States
7 Feb 07
It sounds like your children have a great mom. :)
1 person likes this
@wdiong (1818)
• Singapore
6 Feb 07
My mum is a rather domineering and had very high expectations of my siblings and I. Nothing we did ever measures up to what she expects. She tends to force her opinions on us which I do not like up to this day. Now that I am a mother to 2 kids I try my best not to be like my mum. I try hard to be encouraging (my mum never encouraged or praise us) when my kids accomplish something even if it's something trivial. Of course, there are times when I unconsciously also behave like my mum. Whenever that happens, I'll stop and remind myself not to do that.
• United States
7 Feb 07
Yes, it's hard not to let those bad traits pop up on us, when we least expect them.
1 person likes this
@vanities (11385)
• Davao, Philippines
6 Feb 07
no some people here in the philippines wants to follow the footsteps of their parents because parents knows best for thier children and don't want their children become a noturios they want their children becomes a professional someday. parents will not spanked, yeeled on their children without any reason.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Feb 07
Not all parents are good parents, though. Even if they think they're doing the best for their children. Sometimes we have to do better than our parents did.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Feb 07
wow..this really is one of the ebst threads i have seen..and i thank you for that..Now. to business lol..my mom was well..70% bad and the rest ok..for me..she was abusive mentally,physicaly and verbally..my sisiter was always the favorite and she never tried to hide that fact..and to this day its the same..and it has moved onto our kids..my sister's girl gets everything..my son nothing,,we neveer went anywhere because she never wanted to..and she had np patience when it came to homework and if i didnt understand i would be called stupid and quite frankly..if i wasnt so pis$ed off at her for saying those things and did everything i could to prove her wrong..and that included being something someday..Now i am a mom..and i have a wonderful 4 yrs old son..I have many things wrong with my back..to which is why i am disabled..but i force myself to take him places,,from swimming.to theater plays,movies,and last wekend Disney on Ice..and although doing anything kills me.i force myself..because he deserves to have a great childhood..ok yes i am making up for what i never did..i admit it..but i also read to him everyday..and play with him...i get frustrated with him..alot..and i yell when i shouldnt but as soon as i do..i will change my tone and appologize for it..I do disapline him..but i dont spank him..unless hes so bad nothing works..it is a last resort..but she didnt have all bad qulaities..i will admit..she made me into the independent woman i am today..well she helped..and we had a roof and food..but i promised i would never be like her..and i have suceeded so far..and he is the best child i could have ever asked God for,..
1 person likes this
@HemaSrini (435)
• India
6 Feb 07
I want to make my son grow without any tensions but he should know what is a problem? how to face it and overcome the same? How to enjoy life? Whom to believe and whom not? And the most important thing to teach for my son is to live a life how he has planned to live and work accordingly to achieve it. Which infact my mom lacked to teach me.
1 person likes this
@jillbeth (2711)
• United States
7 Feb 07
My mom was great. I knew she loved me but was never overly affectionate; it think that was just the way she was raised. I take time to hug my kids and grandkids and tell them how much I love them and how proud I am of them. My husband's family is the huggy type so I guess it has rubbed off on me!