Would this make you mad?

United States
October 11, 2006 8:47am CST
Yesterday I was really tired and asked my husband if he would get up and get our daughter ready for school, which he did. He doesn't leave for work until 1pm and gets home at 11pm. We usually go to bed at the same time. Anyway. He got up and got her off to school. I was trying to sleep which is difficult with two other kids running around screaming. Then at 9am he brought the baby into our room. I tried to sleep but she kept fussing and banging on her bassinet and making a lot of noise. At 9:25 I gave up and took her into the living room to find out the reason he put her in our room was so he could go back to sleep. I was very mad. All I wanted was one day to sleep in and he was too selfish to let me. Then today he got up just long enough to lay her on the living room floor and use the bathroom. I've been up since 6:45 and have a bunch of stuff to do but I can't because I can't leave the baby alone in the living room. It is 9:45 and my husband is still in bed. I have all these things I need to get done but I have to wait until he feels like getting up. Then I still have to work around him because he will just sit in front of the TV until he leaves for work. URGH!
2 people like this
48 responses
• United States
11 Oct 06
As far as I am concerned he is being very selfish. one day to sleep in is really not to much to ask for. as far as waiting for him to get up to get your things done, and working around him once he gets up, I wouldnt do it. I would get started whether he is sleeping or not, I would offer no more consideration than he does, when it comes to working around him I would tell him he needs to move to another room, and if he is to content with that room and the t.v to move I would shut the t.v off and give him the broom,mop,dust rag (something pertaining to what you need done in that room), and tell him if you want to be in this room then get busy.
• United States
11 Oct 06
Well I can't leave the baby in the living room alone and the other kids are supposed to be cleaning their rooms so they can't watch her. If I leave her alone she will get into something and I can't bring her into the bathroom with me to clean. So I'm stuck waiting for him to get up. The worst part is I only have energy right when I get up. If I wait to long I lose all that energy and never finish cleaning up. Yesterday I ended up spending my whole day cleaning the kitchen while he watched TV. I mean from like 10am until 2pm I was cleaning.
@pormadi (1300)
• Indonesia
12 Oct 06
great experience.
1 person likes this
@mtdewgurl74 (18118)
• United States
20 Oct 06
I would do what he does to you go put the baby in the room with him or wake him up hand him the baby and say listen we are starting a new thing in the mornings it called daddy time...my sister in law has done this with success..gives you time to get things needed to be done or sleep in...
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Oct 06
its just plain selfishness om his part. it takes two to make a baby, and it takes two to help with the baby. does he expect you to do all the work, all the time? being a parent is a 24 hour job, and we don't get paid for it. all you ask is for a couple more hours of rest, and he doesn't even think you earned it. its like that at my place as well. i only have one child, but shes only 6 months old. i get up with her in the mornings he works early. that's fair. but on days he works the late shift, i should be able to sleep in later (couple hours). instead, he takes her to the living room, puts her in front of the tv to watch baby einstein while he eats, plays on the pc, etc. she is screaming for attn, literally, and all he does is tell her to be quiet. she is 6 months old, and doesn't understand. so i get up to tell him to pick her up to help her be quiet, and he tells me its my fault i cannot sleep deeply enough to sleep through her screams. i completely understand where you are coming from, and i wish men could be more helpful, and understanding when it comes to the kids. just ignore him. do what you need to do. tend to the kids, and just do things that need to get done. don't start a fight with him, its not worth it.
2 people like this
@linkpointe (1003)
• Philippines
20 Oct 06
I must admit that being a wife and mother are two tedious task. But i did passed it with flying colors. It is just a matter of not complaining...continue on what you think you're happy at. Believe me, your family will be proud of you and even wonder how come you were able to do it all? Want to be called as a "wonder/bionic MOM" like me. Trust in your capacity to do all the household chores without complaining. From there, everything will fall into its right places and you'll feel relieved.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 06
I don't want to be "wonder mom" or "super mom" I just want some sleep and some time to myself. Is that really so much to ask. I have done a year and half with no time away from my kids (except my weekly trip to the grocery store and a couple hours twice a week doing laundry). They are with me 24/7. My brain is fried. I'm so exhausted sometimes I can't make a coherent sentence come out of my mouth. And I don't like being taken advantage of. I am a mother, not the maid and cook. I refuse to do all the chores without complaint. That is what a maid does, except she would get paid. I get nothing. And of course he is passing down the bad habits to my kids. I don't know why I expect them to pick up when they never see their father do any of that stuff. While I'm cleaning in the kitchen he is watching TV so that is what they do, despite me telling them to go clean this or that. I just find that very rude to begin with. For me, if I see someone cleaning I have a compulsion to get up and clean too. So I never get any rest because, if by some grace of God, he does start cleaning then I want to help because that is the nice thing to do. But then he seems me doing and thinks he is done and stops.
• Philippines
20 Oct 06
If you're going to count on all the things you're doing for the family, you will really felt bad. If you're feeeling tired and exhausted, i suggest you to stop, and relax. If they see nobody doing the chores, i guess, they will leap a finger to help. I think you're husband is too dependent on you.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 06
If I don't do the chores no one will. They don't care if the house is clean. My kids throw all their toys on their floor and walk away (like normal kids). They would never think to clean it up. Then I have to listen to them whine about broken toys, toys they stepped on, toys they can't find. They have no respect for anything they have. And my husband--he sure doesn't care. When I got back from my 8 week stay in Chicago helping my dad the house was a disaster. The toilet was a nice dark brown/almost black on the inside from him never flushing it or cleaning it. There were dirty dishes piled up (although he had done some of them while I was gone), there was rotten food in the fridge, etc. He just doesn't care.
• United States
20 Oct 06
Your husband sounds like he is taking advantage. I would ask if you had tried to talk things out with him, but I am married and a SAHM of 3 so I know where you are coming from. My baby is 7 months old and so active that I can hardly keep up with him. I am sure that you know since this is your fourth that it is as stressful as it is joyful when a new addition comes in. I have seen my husband at least a handful of times going back to bed after getting 10 solid hours (he also snores) or napping on the couch when he is suppose to be watching the kids. And the thing with half assing the dishes? I thought only my dearest did that, I am glad to know that I am not alone, what good does a half clean plate do you? How long is you husband on the third shift for?
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 06
His schedule changes all the time. They bid every month for their schedules and he doesn't have much seniority. He goes back and forth from early mornings (5am-1:30pm) to days (7am-3:30pm) to evenings (11am-7:30am) to the night shift. I hate swing shift. Some months it is a combo of those. And his days off can change each month, too. Right now he has Sundays and Mondays off. Which is what I want. My daughter has Girl Scouts every other Monday. We can only go if he is working the morning or day shift or has the day off. But we miss a lot of other stuff. She can't go to a birthday party of a boy in her class tonight because my husband isn't home so I can't take her (she doesn't want me to leave the party and I can't just bring 3 uninvited kids with). We also missed open house at the school which brought my daughter to tears. We will miss parent teacher confrences next week (we missed both of them last year) and he won't be home when our town does trick or treating next Thursday or their "Halloween parade" and party next Saturday. I really hate these hours. There just isn't enough time before he goes to work to do anything. If I go anywhere (usually grocery shopping) I only get two hours. I have to wait until he gets up at 10am to make sure he is going to watch the kids and then I have to leave the stores around noon so I can be home by 12:30. He usually leaves around 1 to give him enough time in case of traffic and the huge walk across the parking lot/terminal. And then that is it. I don't have my own car so I am at home after that. Not that I would really want to go somewhere with all 4 kids.
• United States
20 Oct 06
Sometimes I feel like my husband going to work is actually a break for him because he gets to interact with adults who respond like adults when you talk to them. Do you all go to a church that could maybe help you with the children? Maybe not for a vacation or even to leave the house, but at least to crash for a couple of hours to recharge yourself? I read what you said earlier about being tired all the time, have you asked you doctor about depression?
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 06
I feel the same away. I say that to my husband all the time. At least he gets to go be around other adults during the day, lol. Sometimes I wish I could get a job. Just a part time one so I could get out. But with his schedule it is impossible. It can change every month. We don't go to church. I don't believe in it and there is no way I would ever be able to get him to go. I barely know anyone around here and the moms I do know all work. I'm the only stay at home mom I know around here. And since I don't have my own car we are homebound. We live in a very hilly area that makes it hard to just get around town. The kids whine within a few minutes of going out for a walk that they are tired. I already know I suffer from depression. I have since I was a kid. I have taken different meds for it but non helped. I don't have the money to keep up treatment. It is a $20 copay for each visit and I was supposed to go to 2 different doctors for 3 visits a month. That is $60 a month, not including the meds. That is $60 that can go towards fomula or diapers or food for the other kids. We just don't have that kind of money to toss around. I might start up treatment after the new year if my husband can start to get more overtime.
• Mexico
11 Oct 06
I think you are exaggerating a little bit here and for me you hubby is a good guy. Why? Let's start with what you do in the house and you don't have to do heavy cleaning everyday. You do that once a week. The cooking takes a few hours between doing things. The kids are the toughest part, but they go to sleep in the daytime too, then why don't try to take a nap, cause you've the whole day, that is 10 hours for yourself. The problem is you are a bit slouchy and like to fight with your hubby and there are hundreds of small reasons for that. The major problem is you don't know how to program yourself, instead you compete with his time. So wakeup with the kids and go to work directly. Start with the cleaning around, and then cooking. When he wakes up he has a few hours to watch TV and that'll still give you time to finish things and when he leaves go to sleep with the kids and that'll give you ample time to finish your sleep, because if you sleep for three hours straight you won’t need anymore.
• United States
11 Oct 06
Did I say the kids sleep durning the day? I don't remember that because only the baby naps during the day. My oldest is in school and the other two do not nap. My problem is how do I clean the kitchen and bathroom (which is on the other side of the house from the living room) when the baby is in the living room? I can't clean the kitchen and watch her in the other room at the same time. She is only allowed in the living room because of safety issues. She is 6 months old and will not sit in a swing or her playpen. She wants to crawl around. So what do I do? I may not do physical work all day long but the mental strain is getting to me. The constant noise is worse for me then physical work. Most people wouldn't understand that but think of how fatigued you may feel after lifting weights all day. You want to lay down and relax. That is how I feel after listening to the kids all day long. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to cry because my brain is buzzing with noise--noise I can't escape. It is overwhelming and neverending. I don't get an 8 hour shift. From 6:30am until around 9pm I listen to this noise. Then my husband comes home and I have to listen to his video games and the TV until he is in bed. While I was pregnant I was routinely staying up until 2am just to get some peace (my husband was going to bed around midnight) and still getting up at 7 or 8 in the morning, not to mention being almost unable to sleep because of being pregnant and getting up at least 3 times to use the bathroom. I was averaging 4 hours of sleep a night. And most of that was on the living room floor because my husband snores and we have no sofa to sleep on. He sees no reason for him to go somewhere else to sleep if he is keeping me awake with his snoring. At the same time my husband was averagine 10 hours of sleep.
• United States
11 Oct 06
she is exaggerating? you obviously have no clue...otherwise you wouldnt have said it. yes her husband works hard but so does she. and he is using the fact that he works outside the home to be lazy at home, when he cant even take out the trash without her pointing it out to him, I mean get real..thats just being plain lazy on his behalf when he finds taking out the trash to be such a difficult task that he doesn't do it.
1 person likes this
@Cindyh2k (308)
• United States
20 Oct 06
You say your baby will not stay in her playpen. Can she climb out? If not, put her in the playpen and let her play there. If she cries at first, just ignore her for a few minutes and once she knows that you are not going to pick her up, she will play with her toys. The biggest thing is to let the children know who is in charge - and that should be you.
• United States
11 Oct 06
I feel very bad for you and I understand why are you are mad. My husband does the same crap well he works early until 3:30pm but when he gets home I need a break and for him to watch our daughter so that I can cook also get some other things done. I only benefit a little because we live with my mother who has been so helpful. I have chronic fatigue so my joints hurt alot and I don't feel good half of the time. I hope both of our husbands come around. I feel for you. I pray that he changes, helps you more and comes to understand that being a mother is the hardest job in the world. We need rest too!
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Oct 06
You know what's sad. When he is on the early shift he is much more help to me. When he works that schedule he is up at 4am and home by 2pm. He watches the kids so I can nap if I need it or to go grocery shopping. He helps me cook dinner and stuff. But he is also in bed by 8pm which is also the kids' bedtime which is very stressful. I just don't get why when he works a late shift, isn't up late or has to get up early that all of a sudden he doesn't have to help? what is up with that?
• United States
11 Oct 06
Yea he should be helping, the shift hours he works are just as hard as us being mom 24/7.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Oct 06
Hey, that's my biggest problem too. I want him to have fun and he really enjoys his playstation (heck I bought the thing for him for his birthday/father's day back in 2001) but it consumes all his free time. I have also worked shift work or just plain odd hours and know it is a pain and tiring. Before I met him I worked in a college cafeteria. I worked from 10:45am-1:15pm, then again from 4pm-8pm. That was Monday-Friday. On Sundays I worked from 7am-3:30pm. And most Saturdays I picked up shifts for people. I was tired a lot but I didn't have family to worry about back then so I could do what I wanted with my free time. He doesn't have that luxary because we have 4 kids that want to spend time with him. Especially our 6 year old who is in school while he is home. He only sees her on Saturday mornings, Sundays and Monday's after school.
@jhannon (1410)
• United States
20 Oct 06
Was he like this with all the kids are the others boys?Is there something deeper.You two should talk i was inthis situation and talking made it better..Maybe make some ideas like have him get up help u out so you can do what needs to be done.Then let him go back to sleep for a few hours.Try telling him u would love his company a lil more and the children miss there dad..Maybe use it in a postive way .Cause parenting is very hard and i only have one .I cant imgine three and erands and a tidy home .He is very luckya nd needs to see that.Also what a beautiful lil girl..Mine lil girl is turning 2 next weekend.My hubby didnt know what to d with a girl at first now that shes oldeer he does though..SO could be many reasons.All and All your job is hard and hes being self centered..He needs to thin about his family before you get sick of it and it turns into arguments..Hire Nanny 911 SHE COULD WHIP HIM INTO SHAPE..LOL
• United States
20 Oct 06
He wasn't this bad with the other kids. He used to get up with them all the time so I could sleep in. Even when he worked this schedule he would be up by 8am and would get them up and fed and would watch TV. I didn't ask him to do it, he just did. I already talked to him about it. He says he is tired and wants to sleep and that is it. He hurt his back in August so he says he can't get comfortable so doesn't really sleep at all at night. Funny, because I don't get any sleep either but I still get up. Like I said, I suffered with 2 dislocated hips for the last 2-3 months of my pregnancy and still managed to get up with the kids, do dishes (which requires standing for an hour), do laundry (even carried the baskets over myself), vacuum, etc. I didn't get any breaks. He hurt his back and got 7 weeks off of work. 7 weeks of sitting around doing absolutely nothing. I had major abdominal surgery (my c-section) and left the hospital, came home and cleaned the house that evening. I am just so tired. Physically, emotionally, mentally. I'm tired of doing everything for everybody all the time.
@jhannon (1410)
• United States
20 Oct 06
Us Moms get burnt out its true..You need to book a get away with some friends for the weekend.Tell him to take the kids and let him feel what u feel nothing is more exhausting then caring for three children and running a household by yourself..He needs to help you..Its more exhaustinga rguing with the one person who is supposed to be helping.Cuae you guysa re supposed to be a team right?I really hope things get better soon..Keep us updated..TAKE CARE. Oh also what worked for me was here is the baby i need soem alone time.He had to do what needed to be done cause there wanst anything else he could do at that point..It gets through to them that u are very very tired and need a break just as much as him..Maybe u guys could get a sitter adn get away for teh wholeday ..Spend some time just teh two of you its a big help..
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 06
Well I don't think he could handle our kids. He goes nuts when I just go out for a couple of hours to get groceries. The 3 nights I was in the hospital having the baby was the worst for him. He would come visit and would complain about the kids being all over him. Well, no duh. Welcome to my world. There is no peace or quiet in my day. I refuse to take a vacation. That would just mean a weeks worth of work for me to do when I get back. Not much of a vacation, if you ask me. Because he would never think to clean anything while I was gone. He just does the bare minimum. He makes the kids cereal in the morning, PB&J for lunch and dinner and sets them in front of the TV for the entire day. He can take care of the baby. He does do most of the diaper changes during the day so that is about the only break I get.
• United States
20 Oct 06
I agree that he is being very selfish. You cant do everything! Men just fail to realize that they are not the only ones who have things to do and that includes sleep as well! Its like all they can seem to think about most of the time is theirselves. I've had the same problem and have just begun to "leave things set" and when he asks why I tell him. Its very frustrating I know. I'm sorry your having to deal with it.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 06
Thanks. Some days are better then others. Last night I got no sleep. My husband snored the first hour I tried to sleep then the next hour the baby kept waking up screaming every few minutes. My husband would just stick the binky back in her mouth and go back to bed. Finally that stopped working and she just kept screaming. He just kept sleeping and ignoring her so I got up and fed and changed her (she was soaked). Then she thought it was play time. I was up from 3am-4:30am. He knew I had gotten up with her. Then I was up at 6:30 to get my daughter ready for school. I got about 3 hours of sleep in total (over a 6 hour period). My husband got up around 10am then took our son to toys r us (which was a trip they planned yesterday). After they got home he ate lunch then watched half of a movie with the kids and went to work. The baby has been super fussy all day and all I have done is hold her while she squirmed all over or listend to her cry about everything. I got a whole 20 minute nap earlier before the other kids woke me up. I doubt I get much more sleep tonight. The snoring keeps me up for hours some nights. While I was pregnant I spent most night sleeping on the living room floor. He doesn't think there is any reason for him to sleep in the other room if his snoring is bothering me. It is my problem. But of course if I'm sniffling from a cold I am expected to sleep in the living room so I don't keep him up.
• United States
20 Oct 06
I'm so sorry your going through this. Your husband sounds like my husband. Especially what you were saying about not being able to sleep in your room bc of your cold. I dont know how you held your tongue for that one. Have you sat him down and told him all of this? Its very hard to decide how to handle a situation like this, but you could always try this. Do you have an extra room with a bed, somewhere you can just escape and sleep. Then once you've taken care of your lil girls needs and you've done everything to soothe her, just walk away into the other room maybe take an alarm clock or something and lie down and rest and try to sleep. That way hes in there with her and will have to get up himself instead of relying on you to do it. It may be a hard thing to do since I know any mother doesnt like to hear their baby cry. But if you dont get a good nights sleep soon than your going to be ready to have a nervous breakdown. Or maybe someone you can trust to watch her a few hours during the day? I'm sorry if I'm not much help, I'm pregnant now, being induced this wednesday actually. And I ama first time mom, so maybe I dont know what I am talking about, just looking for anyway to help you.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 06
No--your advice is good. I don't have any friends to watch the kids. They have never been watched by anyone but my in laws and they live over 800 miles away. In fact the only night I have had away from them since April of 2005 was when I was in the hospital having the baby. 3 days was all I got and that wasn't great because I was recovering from the c-section so I didn't rest much. And in those 3 days my husband did nothing so I had to clean when I got out. We don't have any extra rooms but I could still sleep on the living room floor or now we have a couch! We just bought it in August, lol. Before that we sat on the floor.
• United States
11 Oct 06
perhaps you should talk to him rather than spending your time on here... nothing will get fixed with out communications... why do women always blame problems on guys when they refuse to actually tell the guy? sure what he did was wrong, but you need to actually talk to him if you want it to be fixed
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Oct 06
Well, he's at work right now. And I have talked to him. He doesn't seem to think there is a problem. And he gets very angry when I bring it up. He says he tries to help but I just get mad at him over everything. My problem is it doesn't help me when he does everything half-assed. He does the dishes but then after he is done I have to go through and check everything and usually re-wash 1/3 of it. Not to mention he doesn't do all of the dishes--just half because he can't get them all to fit in the dish drainer but he refuses to learn to put them in so they all fit. He just doesn't care about the family much. If it interfers with his football or Nascar or playstation then he doesn't want part of it. I had to spend weeks convincing him to go get family pictures on Monday. He did go but complained half the time about missing some football or baseball game or something.
• United States
11 Oct 06
well if the dishes bother you that much, just leave the dishes and then make it a point to give him the dirty plates the next night... trust me us guys will eventually get the picture
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Oct 06
You know, I've tried that and it doesn't work with him. He just ignores them. Same with trash. His one chore is to take out the trash. Most of the time if I don't say something or do it myself it will be overflowing onto the floor and he will just walk by it. And to him "trash" duty only means the kitchen trash. He will just let the can in the living room and bathroom completely overflow and never think twice about emptying them. So pretty much I do all the chores. Every once in awhile he volunteers to help but like I said he only does things half way so I have to finish it.
• United States
12 Oct 06
In a way I would be very pissed off too....I know being a stay at home mom can be just as bad as a regular job or even worst. But he is the one bringing in the money and working from 1-11 that's 9.5hrs of work each day he doesn't have time to take a nap during the day or sit down for a while on the couch which I assume you do...cause I do! My bf works and I stay home. Yes I clean and run errands but during the day I take breaks and maybe a nap or two. He doesn't! So I wouldn't expect him to wake up the kids....I think that's just one more of the responsibilities of being a stay at home mom. But then again if he went back to bed while you were up taking care of the kids the least he could of done was help you with them he was already up! My bf I wouldn't expect him to get up and help early in the morning unless I woke up with a headache or something!
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Oct 06
He only works 8 hours. The rest is commute time. I understand he works hard and is tired. I have worked in the real world before and if I had ever worked with someone that acts the way he does at home I would be ticked. Actually I have worked with people like that, or more precisely I did the work for them. I used to do two or three different jobs at one time at work. I always stayed late, came early, filled in, whatever. And I only made minumum wage. I worked my butt off for no recognition, but at least I got paid at the end of the week. Anyway. He isn't really talking to me, I guess. He's mad because I got mad that he went back to bed. I guess it is all my fault or something. At the moment I don't really care. I prefer the quiet. All he ever does is tease me anyway so I'd rather him not talk to me for awhile. How sad is that? I think we need a serious break from each other or something. But that is a whole other issue.
• United States
12 Oct 06
Maybe he wanted you to go back to bed with him. BUt I understand you had the other kids to take care of. My bf gives me silent treatment when he know's I'm mad at him...and don't want to hear it! YOu know what always helps me relax a bubble bath! but just make sure he or the kids don't bother you!
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 06
Do you have a playpen for her? Put her in a playpen or her crib while you clean. Or else, set up a babyproof room for a play room. Put a child gate in the doorway and do what you need in the line of cleaning.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 06
She screams if we put her in the playpen (she doesn't have a crib). And her playroom is the living room. But it is also the older kids' playroom. We live in a 3 bedroom apartment. She sleeps in our room right now because there really isn't room in the other bedrooms for her. The living room is the safest place right now but there are still other hazards. The crayons and paper are in there. I can't put them anywhere else. The kids color on everything if they aren't supervised and they won't keep the crayons up if I'm not right there watching them. My sewing stuff is also in the living room. No where else for that stuff either. No where else for the movies or the books or the computer. The kids' bedrooms are full of little toys she could choke on. Not sure what else I can do.
• United States
20 Oct 06
wow i dunno how you could handle that!! it certainly would piss me off. my husband and i kinda take turns going to bed early or taking a nap during the day (we have a 2 month old) normally i'm the one that stays up though if the baby is up because my husband works early in the morning...but if i'm tired when he gets home i just ask if he minds if i take a nap! he's usually ok with it. but surprisingly i haven't been that tired lately which is really nice!! i finally feel like i'm getting some energy back!
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 06
We used to do that stuff when our son was a baby. He had colic and reflux and was a very unhappy baby the first few months of his life. My husband worked nights (until midnight or 1am) and when he got home he would stay up with the baby if he was fussy and I would go to bed. Then we started every other night one of us would sleep in the spare bedroom we had at the time so at least one of us got some sleep. Then the one that slept alone would get up with the baby and our older daughter in the morning so the other one could sleep in. It worked great. Then when our middle daughter came around we couldn't do that anymore. He was working early mornings and had to be up at 4:30am so I got up all through the night with the baby. But as soon as he got home from work at 1pm he would take the kids and send me to bed. I mean send. He would take me by the hand like a child and put me in bed. That is how he used to be. Maybe that is why I am so upset. Because he used to want to do these things. When our other three were babies he would make me take a nap every day and when I got up the floors would be swept and at least the dishwasher was emptied (how I miss that dishwasher, lol). Now, instead, he sleeps in and does nothing but sit around. I'm starting to worry something is wrong with him. I guess I miss the old him. The one that wanted to be part of a family and help out. Maybe we are both going through the same thing. I know I'm burnt out with caring for the kids. I guess he is too. He doesn't want to be around us anymore.
@remaster74 (4065)
• Greece
20 Oct 06
Have you ever tried talking to him? It seems very unsencitive of him to do this thing all the time. You are a mother and a wife not a slave after all. You have the right to stay in bed as much as he does. It seems like you need to make a little talk with your husband.
• United States
20 Oct 06
Yes, I did mention to him my disappointment and tiredeness. He just tells me to not worry about the house, that it doesn't need to be cleaned. But, to me, it does need to be cleaned. So in his opinion, since he doesn't think the house is messy he doesn't have to clean anything. I guess he figures if I'm the only one bothered by it then I need to do something about it, not him. I only complain when the house is really bad. There is messy and then there is a disaster. I only want his help when the house is so bad it is going to take me a whole day to clean it up. I don't want him to slave over it. What I want is for him to pitch in so it doesn't take me all day to do stuff, heck even if he just took the kids to the park for a couple of hours so I could get a break (he would never do that, though).
@DeenaD (2688)
• United States
20 Oct 06
Are you a stay-at-home mom? If you are, he may consider it primarily your job to take care of the kids.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 06
Well we decided before we even had kids that we would share the chores and child rearing equally even if I stayed at home. I don't believe it is my sole responsability to take care of everyone and everything just because I stay home and I don't think his 8 hours of work a day with a paycheck entitles him to sit around watching TV and ignoring us all day when he isn't at work. But I guess since I stay home my needs and feelings aren't as important as someone that brings home a paycheck.
• United States
12 Oct 06
I understand. My hubby is the same way. I have to really bug him to give me a day to sleep in, usually only two or three times a year. I try to be understanding because my hubby works and I stay home with our son, but it's not like I am sitting around watching TV and napping all day. There is cleaning, cooking, shopping and taking care of our son. Men just don't get how tough it gets sometime.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 06
men just suck most of the time!! how often do they even help out with cleaning??!!
1 person likes this
• Canada
21 Oct 06
His behaviour would annoy me too. Quite honestly, I can't see why you both can't get up at the same time and "divide" the work. He could just sit and watch the baby (not too difficult, and he is the father) while you do the chores, etc., that you have to do. But I guess getting him to agree to that is the biggest challenge.
@mshaw85 (34)
• United States
21 Oct 06
one thing we, as mothers need to understand. It is our job to take care of our children. It is our husbands job to work. Sure, if you have a wonderful husband, he will take on some of the responsibility when you're so exhausted that you are about to fall over onto the floor...but we have to understand that men, just arent as capable as we are. And that can either be taken as good or bad. Either way you put it, if we are helped with the kids, wonderful! if not, so what? we are mom. Hear us roar!
1 person likes this
@tater03 (1765)
• United States
21 Oct 06
Oh, I would have killed him. My husband does this to me at times. He goes to be way earlier than I do, so I don't really understand why I cannot sleep for an extra hour. But then when I do get to sleep for longer it is almost not worth it because I always wake up to a huge mess.
1 person likes this
@Pmcbride (1082)
21 Oct 06
My wife and i had the same problem (i was a diecaster, carrying 22kg's of molten metal and pouring it in to a cast constantly) 8-4,4-12, & 12-8 on weekly rotating shifts with a half hour break each shift. I also have a playstation & watching soccer habit, my wife was complaining and i was ignoring her, finally we spoke about it, i realised i was being unreasonable and tried to help out as much as possible, i did the night feeds with my children and whatever cleaning i could do (not very much)to let her sleep and went to work shattered the next day but, it had to be done . Well, the tables have turned - i had to leave my work for health reasons and my wife took a job as a beauty therapist now, she is tired all of the time and i do all of the chores, my wife works Tuesday to saturday and i work saturday and sunday. My wife gets to stay in her bed all day sunday (watch tv get her dinner in bed, sleep all day if she wants) in turn she lets me sleep in on tuesday and she gets the kids to school and it works great for both of us, she doesnt do any cleaning or cooking and i can still play my playstation and watch soccer, after all of the cleaning is done. All because we talked about it (some very, very loud talking at some stages but, we got there in the end). and here we are now, Both happy. Talk about it and keep talking until he listens (it's a partnership and he needs to know that).
@wvchell78 (564)
• United States
21 Oct 06
I know exactly how this feels but by some miracle I have actually gotten my husband out of this trend. I finally just broke down one day after only getting 4 hours of sleep the night before and told him it was his turn to get up with the kids in the morning. It took me waking him up 4 times but he got my point and took him into the living room with our 3 year old and let me get some sleep. As far as with the chores I am no help there. I do all the chores he just complains if they are not done. Every once in a while he will take the trash to the curb on trash day but that is maybe once every 3 months. I know my husband works hard (approx. 70 hours a week) but after he had a few days off he realizes what it is like to have a day at home. On his day off I will take a walk for around 30-45 minutes to just get out of the house or just sit on the porch. While I am outside it is his time with the kids. I really hope it gets better because I know how stressful it is. I read in an earlier post that your baby won't stay in a playpen what about a play yard or even a walker. I know my pediatrician doesn't like walkers but sometimes Zack's walker is a blessing for me to get things done in another part of the house.