What would you say to Your Parents????

@AskAlly (3627)
Canada
February 6, 2007 11:51am CST
Whether your parents have passed away or not. If you had the opportunity to tell them exactly what you thought of them.....What Would You Say? Is there anger and resentment? If so why? OR would you praise you parents for all the love and support they have given you over the years? This is your place to tell all.
19 people like this
70 responses
@BunGirl (2639)
• United States
6 Feb 07
To my Mom: I love you, you're my hero. (she knows this -- I've told her.) To my Dad: I forgive you, and I'm starting to understand why you were the way you were. That doesn't excuse it, but I want you to know that I understand. (I'll never be able to tell him this as he is no longer with us)
4 people like this
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
6 Feb 07
I'm sorry you will never be able to tell him howver it is good for you to come to terms with what happened in the past with your dad. You had a hero in your mother,,,,,,cherish her.
2 people like this
@pagli84 (1850)
• Netherlands
6 Feb 07
i would want to thank them for everything they've done for me over the years. i would like to tell my mom how she did a good job raising us despite what we might have said in the past. i would tell my stepfather that he's the only dad i ever knew and that im lucky to have him. i would tell both of them that i love them very much, and im sorry if i ever hurt them in the past. as for my bioligcal father, i have absolutely nothing to say to him.
3 people like this
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
7 Feb 07
Too bad about your biological father, it sounds like he missed out on a great kid....His loss. I am glad that you feel the way you do about your stepfather. He really stepped up to the plate if you feel this way about him. I'm happy you see your mom in a different light as well.
@snowflake5 (1579)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I wouldn't say anything hurtful. I did not get on with my mother for years, but then I thought, she's old, and even if she's not big enough to stop quarelling, I am. So I avoid contentious subjects, and though I'm still cross about things that have happened in the past, I never say anything and I never bring it up. Some of the problem was just down to clashing personalities, rather than intent to hurt anyway - you start to see this clearly as you get older. Anyway, they are old. I don't want them to go to their graves feeling that their daughter has a quarrel with them. Our relationship is really good now, partly because I've unilaterally forgiven her, and when they do go to their graves, their last thoughts will be happy in the knowledge that their family loved them very much.
3 people like this
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
7 Feb 07
Good for you Snowflake....it's not good to carry a grudge if you do not have to . Most parents try to do their best even when they fall short.
1 person likes this
@sweetlady10 (3617)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I want to say my parents that I love them more than anything. I feel proud and blessed to be their daughter. I am very thankful for their support and love they have been giving me through out the life. I don't have words to express all the feeling about my parents. I am so blessed I got them as parents. They still care for me and love me as they did when I was a child. Ally you are making me so emotional, i am out of words.
2 people like this
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
6 Feb 07
Aw, I'm so glad I posted this. I love my parents soooo much as well. I had so much love and support growing up and they gave just as much love to my boys. We have benefited from their wisdom so much over the years. Lots of times people say to me "Don't you get fed up living on the same farm as your parents" I say NO. And it must be a good place to be, since 2 of my sons live set up houses with their wives here as well.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Feb 07
Wow Ally you live with your parents in the same farm! So great, LUCKY YOU. I wish I could live with my parents through out my life.
2 people like this
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
7 Feb 07
Actually I live in my grandparents old house and my parents are about 50 yards away. There is a well worn path between the 2 houses. 2 of my sons built houses on a different section of our land, just close enough that we can all see eachothers lights burning at night. It is very comforting. I am so blessed.
@shywolf (4520)
• United States
6 Feb 07
My parents are thankfully still alive at this moment, but there are things that I never say to them that I wish I could. My family have never been the type to say the words I love you, so I doubt that I have ever said those words to either my mother or father, and I really hope to say that to them before they pass on from this world. It hurts me when I think that I have never said those words, but it is extremely hard for me to do so. The thing about the resentments I hold, those things tend to come out openly. It's the thank yous and things that they should also hear from me that I don't always remember or think to say, but i am trying harder to do so. I know that they have both done so much for me, and I know that they love me, and I dearly love them both.
2 people like this
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
7 Feb 07
Maybe it is time to search your heart and say I Love You to them. Like you said thankfully they are still alive. Do it while you can!
2 people like this
@Willowlady (10666)
• United States
6 Feb 07
My parents are still alive and we communicate quite well. When I can get to see them we write letters, I keep the ones I recive in a binder. I think Mom told me she keeps mine too. We express ourselves quite well and have nothing that needs said at this point. My Dad is in fact 81 and so we have made a peace for sure. Mom is active and only 3 years younger and diabetic. I have told her that I will be an orphan when she is gone. Glad of my parents and their long lives.
2 people like this
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
6 Feb 07
I'm glad to hear you stay in communication with your parents. Wonderful that you have peace between the 3 of you. I too will be an orphan when my parents pass. I wish your parents and mine many more happy years.
1 person likes this
@Stringbean (1273)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I would tell my mother that I was blessed to be her daughter. We were a fairly poor family, but she taught me how to survive by finding a way to do the things that seemed impossible. If we didn't have money for school supplies, she took us to the beanyard in the summer and helped us earn the money we needed. If we didn't have books we needed for school work, she took us to the library to borrow them. When I got a fantastic chance to attend Girl Scout Camp, she managed to find places to borrow a sleeping bag, a robe, and some tennis shoes--all on the required list, but things we didn't have. I wouldn't change the family I was born into for anything. I believe the best trait I have today were taught to me by them. My Mom has been gone for 5 years, and I miss her every day.
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
6 Feb 07
Stingbean you made me fall in love with your mom too!! Just as you were blessed having her as a mom, she has touched us all now that you have shared her story. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this!!!!!
2 people like this
@kylanie (1205)
• United States
13 Mar 07
I would tell them that I love them and that I resent the way that they treated me different then then others and that I did not appreciate them telling a judge that I could not take care of my daughter and that is why they have custidy over her now and I wish that they would not have put me down as much.
2 people like this
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
13 Mar 07
An interesting question. On the whole, they provided well for me, and raised me into an "upstanding citizen" while at the same time being utterly selfish and basically "stealing" my childhood. They had a kid, but made NO attempts to live their lives in a way that might support the raising of a child. We moved constantly, "noisy children" weren't allowed in the house because they would "break things" and I was expected to behave like an adult from as soon as I could walk and speak. When people speak of their childhoods, I realize that I have NO frame of reference for what it means "to be a kid." Like with all things, the consequences in my adulthood have been good and bad. On one side, I was in my mid-30's before I could "relate" to people my own age, but I left home at 18 with a body of experience most people don't have till their 40's and 50's.
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
6 Feb 07
Thankfully, both my parents are still alive and are now in their 60s I think I am honest I have a lot of anger towards my father, because he was a bully and he was never around when I was young, he had little or no interest in me and it was always mum who took me on holidays or days out or came to my school meetings and assessments. Dad was or is very much of a manipulator and takes it out on mum. I used to take mums side and dad would then take it out on mum even more. I have to bite my tongue now for mum's sake which is difficult at times especially when he has let him go and is worse for wear for drink.
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
7 Feb 07
Thank you, you are not the first person who has said that, very insightful of you. He is jealous of the relationship I have with my mum that's for certain.
1 person likes this
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
8 Feb 07
You are more of a man than he has ever hoped to be. I can see that from your posts. All you really can do is feel sorry for such a lost soul.
• United States
7 Feb 07
I actually have written letters to my parents a few years ago telling them how much they meant to me. There are some unresolved issues I've got with my mom but I hoping to get that sorted out soon. I just have to have the courage to do it. I just don't like hurting people and she's very overly sensitive and is not going to take it well. Nonetheless it's because of my parents that I am who I am today and if I ever have the honor of becoming a parent I have learned a tremondous amount through them. Whether it was something I would do that they did/didn't or would not do because they did/didn't.
1 person likes this
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
7 Feb 07
I don't know what the issue is, but will it hurt her more than it will benefit you? If it is an issue that once resolved, will bring you closer together I would do it. Otherwise I would just leave it. My mom did the best she could and I love her dearly. There are still one or two things that irk me, but at 73 she is not going to change. I just smile and say "yes Ma" and go on my merry way.
1 person likes this
@kgwat70 (13396)
• United States
6 Feb 07
My mom just celebrated her 60th birthday and me and my family put together a big scrapbook of pictures of all of us and her and we also included our own comments and our feelings about our mom. I would most definitely praise my mom for everything she has done for me and the way that she loved me and took care of me and my family. Here is the letter that I wrote to her that is in her scrapbook now. Dear Mom, I wanted you to know that I love you very much and am very thankful that you are my mother. I could not ask or wish for a better mother than you as you have always been there for me and have raised me very well. Your love and support mean so much to me and helped me become the person that I am today. Thank you for being there for me when things were great and the times when I was feeling really down. I couldn’t have made it through those times without you. You are the best mother that any child could ever have or want. You are also a great tutor to the children that you are helping. You are such a loving, caring and understanding person. I don’t what I would do without you. Thank you for all the times that you have helped me out whether it was when I was going through depression or helping me find my way to a place that I had never been to before or letting me borrow a car when my car needed work done or just when I needed advice on something. Thank you for helping me get through school and through life. I feel that the success that I have had in life is due to the love and care you give me, Allen, Mette, Maiken, Kristian, Espen, Pam and Dad as well as the children that you tutor. My coworkers keep telling me that I look just like you and have the same beautiful qualities that you have in you. I always look forward to having breakfast with you and dad on Saturday mornings as well as having dinners together during the holidays. Love, Your son. Ken
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
7 Feb 07
you made me cry!! You remember so many of the little things that really counted!!
1 person likes this
@kgwat70 (13396)
• United States
9 Feb 07
I would say pretty much the same thing to my dad as well as he has done the same for me too. I do remember everything that my parents have done for me.
@ossie16d (11827)
• Australia
25 Feb 07
Actually thought long and hard about whether or not to respond to this one AskAlly, then decided I should do so because it is important. For a start if I could talk to my father I would tell him that I love him, thank him for all that he taught me about live, living and the nature of people. I would thank him for the guidance he gave me in life, for teaching me manners and respect, the meaning of loyalty and trust, honestly and integrity. I would apologise to him for listening to the rest of the family and not to my heart before he passed away. Mostly I would tell him how much I love him and to thank him for being a wonderful father, grandfather and guide to myself and my family. To me mother, I would say nothing at all, because she doesn't deserve any kind words from me. My father taught me not to say anything at all to someone if I couldn't say anything nice. I have no nice words for her. Now that I have said that, please do not suggest that I should contact her and put it all behind us etc AskAlly. I have forgiven her for what she did, and now I have peace of mind but it did take a few years for that to happen and I do not plan to open any old wounds. :)
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
1 Mar 07
Thank so much for deciding to answer. I can tell it was hard for you. If you have peace in your heart....leave it there! :)
@lynn3024 (198)
• Canada
9 Feb 07
My parents are both still alive "knock on wood" but if i could say to them what i think. To my father I would say I love you and your a great man for putting up with mom for all these years. To my mother i would say. I love you but i don't forget everything. I still get mad when i think about how strict and over protective you were and how much of my child hood i missed out on because i wasn't aloud to do anything. I also get mad when I think about all the money you took from me when i graduated without telling me and not paying me back. I wish you'd let me live my own life and raise my children the way i want to. I don't forget the time you told your friends you favored my sister and i don't forget all the terrible things you said about my husband
1 person likes this
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
9 Feb 07
It's best not to stay bitter if it can be helped.
@patrice7 (1192)
• United States
7 Feb 07
farmhouse!. - family fun!.
hello ally!. i would like tell my parents that i love them so much. for my mom: i would like to thank her for being there to provide for the family and for being strong for all of us. i would also like to thank her for being always there for me especially at times when i need her most like now.. she always defends me and understands me and forgives me for all the mistakes that i have made.. she always tells me that failures in life should not let me down, instead they are lessons for me to learn so that i may become strong n the future.. for my dad: i want to thank him for being there to helo my mother provide for the family and for givign us shelter and all the other necessities that we had when we were children and also today..i thank him for all the lessons and warnings that he has shared and with which he has lectured me with.. i thank him for loving me and for making our family whole!. i love both of my parents and though we are not rich, id never want to not belong in this family!. this is God's blessing to me!.
1 person likes this
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
7 Feb 07
Thanks for posting the image. It's nice to hear that you have such a loving family. Now we get to see them in a picture as well.
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
7 Feb 07
Well, I honestly have told my parents what I think of them. I had a rough child-hood and my parents weren't great at being parents, but they tried hard. I have completly forgiven them for any pain they may have caused me, and I am now proud and honored that they are my parents. I think people hold onto things too long, and it tends to ruin thier lives. NOt that I think everyone should put themselves back into a relationship where they may be hurt agian. My parents have changed drastically from when I was a child, and I am proud of them.
1 person likes this
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
7 Feb 07
What you say is very true, bitterness is a heavy cross to bear.
7 Feb 07
where to start.. Sorry mum that you married dad. It was because of him that you went through such hardship. Through all you remained sane and attempted to raise us three. Thankyou for your life, your love and constant prayers. For many years I resented you for the way you treated me, but I understand, now Im older, what you must have been going through. I need to tell you more that I love you. Still, you seemed to come alive when you both separated. You have really made something of your life. I often think of where you would be now if you had married a 'normal' man, someone who encouraged you and loved you for being you. Dad. I love you. You have made many mistakes, so many mistakes.. I still think you have'nt realised the damage you have caused your family. I am older now and a father too, yes I make mistakes, but a man learns from these and attempts to rectify them. But not you.. In your blindness to see the damage you caused, you carry on the same regardless.. I suppose your ignorance is a safety blanket that shields you from realising the extent of your damage. Bliss in ignorance there is, should this blanket have been removed, would you be able to cope with the knowledge of the damage you have done? Wow.. glad to get that off my chest.. good topic.
1 person likes this
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
7 Feb 07
"I make mistakes, but a man learns from these and attempts to rectify them" Those are words spoken by a true man in my books. Cudo's to you. I must say that line gives me a great respect for you. Thank you for sharing this and teach your sons how to be men just like their dad!!
@Sageoak (36)
• United States
7 Feb 07
I have to say that my relations with my father were very bad. My mother was overly kind because my father was so bad and she tried to compensate. In the end I have learned to understand why my father was the way he was but I can never forget. He was old when I was born (54) and not very patient. He was born in Sicily and had the "old world" ways that made it difficult for him to say anything loving. He was physically and verbily abusive as well as being short of temper. At sixty years old he tried to open a new business in Florida and within six months it had failed. So at an age when other were thinking of retiring he had to start from scratch; this made him a very bitter man. So what would I say to him now? I would say that I hated him all my life but I can forgive him because he was a product of a Macho" upbringing and passed that on to his children.
1 person likes this
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
7 Feb 07
Comming from the old world it really must have damaged his pride to fail at his business. He sounds alot like my grandfather on my dad's side. He was one of those overbearing types. He passed away before my grandmother and I was shocked to hear my aunts saying "Well at least mom can have a few years of peace and quiet". Thank God my dad is not like him at all.
@WebMann (4732)
• Canada
7 Feb 07
My parents deserted myself and my 3 other brothers when I was just 5. They actually left us on the sidewalk and called the Childrens Aid Societ and then drove away leaving us there. If I had one question it would be to know what would possess people to destroy the lives of their kids this way.
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
7 Feb 07
To me such a thing is unfathomable. This post has brought more joy and more sorrow than I ever thought possible. Have you ever heard from them again?
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
7 Feb 07
I have a lot of anger towards my parents for not protecting me from being sexually assulted so many times as a child and then for the physical abuse they inflicted on me and my siblings . My mother has terminal cancer and recently i went to see her to tell her how i actually feel but i just couldnt do it .So as suggested by a friend i will write her a final letter which will be placed in her coffin when she passes i think by writing it down and just expressing how i actually feel will be enough . I don`t want to cause anymore arguements in my life i am and have suffered enough
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
7 Feb 07
I think that you have a very good friend and you were given some very good advice.