Christian or Hyprocrite?

United States
February 7, 2007 11:05am CST
I am haveing a real hard time with my husband. I am afraid for him. He is very angry with the church as a whole....let me explain... My son has a mild for of Autism and we enrolled him into a Lutheran school in Sept. Things went pretty good at first until safety issues turned up. The school would allow him to be bullied...bullied by teachers too.The school principal lied to us many times and the focus always came back to money.We ended up pulling him out Nov 1st. They then lied to the new school saying that we wanted services that they couldn't provide etc..We put our son in the PS near us only to have him assulted by a teacher on his second day.After this we had a pedaphile move in across the street. We contacted our landlord (a Pastor)and landlord to the home across the way who asked if the man had assulted my kids and if not then not to call him until he does! Needless to say this made my husband ticked! There are alot of other things that have happened that involve the church,but I think you get the idea. We are moving in a month to get away from such insanity,but I am afraid that living here has really taken a toll on his faith.He wants nothing to do with the church..here or anywhere and doesn't want me to take the kids in fear that we will have another problem. I want to help him but don't know how.Any suggestions?
11 people like this
34 responses
• United States
8 Feb 07
Explain to your husand that there are demons everywhere, even in a Pastor. I have been mistreated by people who called themselves Christians, but we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rules of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. The Church may fall short and fail you, but Jesus never will. Tell your husband to keep his eyes on God, and his faith in Christ. Be strong for your husband, pray for him in faith and God will move.
• United States
9 Feb 07
I really liked your response. The Church may fall short and fail you, but Jesus never will. What a wonderfully put sentence.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 07
How beautifully said...thank you.
@sunshinecup (7882)
8 Feb 07
I would say as of this moment, there isn't anything you can do. Let him cool off, it sounds like he has real reasons for being so upset right now. In time with a new place and new surroundings, he or you both will find a new church that will not be such a let down. I would ask him to continue his faith and prayers, don't let the jerks ruin his beleives. I am sorry for you guys, people can be such idiots sometimes.
5 people like this
@patootie (3593)
8 Feb 07
I think a change of town and time will be very helpful .. but it's a great shame it has to be like this ..
3 people like this
• United States
8 Feb 07
Thanks Sunshinecup...He definatly needs a cooling down period! That is an understatment!
1 person likes this
@albert2412 (1782)
• United States
7 Feb 07
I can understand how your husband feels about the church where you live. We also were mistreated in public school and in some of the local churches here because of our autistic son. People would walk off from us at church and do everything they could to avoid us. Also, the local public school did not like us showing up unexpected to check up on how they were educating our son. They tried hard to keep us out, without any luck on their part. When we found out that the public school was covering up for the fact that our son was being hit and bullied, we pulled our son out of public school and decided to homeschool him. He deserves a lot better than to be hit and kicked every day by mean kids. I wish that you and your family lived close to us. We would invite your family to have church services with us at our home, which we do every Sunday.
• United States
8 Feb 07
Whoa...you are so sweet!I would love to have service with you and your family! To bad it would be a heck of a drive every weekend! lol Sorry you too had to experience the closeminded people!
1 person likes this
@NVMapper (115)
• United States
13 Feb 07
I was Autistic and remember one time being called out to fight a much taller guy. I knew that unless I did something really drastic I was gonna get hurt, so I got in real close and kneed him. LOL, I won even tho the other boys said I cheated, but the bullying stopped in that school because everyone was afraid of what I would do.
@kriz10 (47)
• Canada
8 Feb 07
Unfortunately Christians often get a bad name because there are churches that have members (and yes, even pastors) that are not true Christians or are not keeping their walk with the Lord. There are also true Christians out there that are just plain caught in a cycle of sin. Since you are moving anyway, look around and find a church that is bible-based and growing spiritually that has a strong and compassionate pastor. As far as your husband is concerned you must pray for him and let him see what Christianity really is by your own example if he will not go to church. I will pray for you as well.
5 people like this
• United States
13 Feb 07
Thank you...you are so right. I have found that a church is only as good as the people who attend. I will continue to do as I always have and hopefully hubby will see the light after we move. I thank you for your prayers
• United States
8 Feb 07
I think that your husband has become angry at God because he probably feels he has been dealt with unfairly by the Church, and all involved. Moving away will solve some of the problems, but he will still have to deal with his resentments to move forward, otherwise, he is cheating himself and you and your children in a way. Personally- what finally worked for me was praying daily for those who I felt wronged me. Sounds overly simple, but it works. The pedophile issue- that is a public danger all the way around, and I have no suggestions there
5 people like this
• United States
8 Feb 07
I have been praying daily...for both my husband and family. Thank you for your post.
1 person likes this
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
7 Feb 07
hi Deberooney. this is absolutely terrible. It sounds like the collective church are turning their backs on this child's welfare - very very unChristian. All I can say is that if I were you I would carry on with the plans to move house and away from this. I really can't say whether all the churches are like this but I can tell you that the Catholic church in Ireland have had a lot to do with child abuse. I do think that abusers can sometimes hang out in places where they will haven more access to kids (such as churches and schools) so maybe this can go someway towards explaining some of it. Give your husband time. Other people such as the members of this church are irrelevant to your husband's relationship with God. As Jesus said "I am the way, the Truth and the Life. No man cometh unto the Father but by me" in other words, there is no intermediary between God and man except Jesus (unlike what the pope would have us believe), so some bad people like this pastor etc should not matter. Good luck
5 people like this
• United States
8 Feb 07
Thank you for this...I am going to move away from the negativity in hopes of a new life with my family! Thank you for the kind words and luck wishes:)
2 people like this
@rainbow (6763)
7 Feb 07
Oh Debs, what can I say, how awful for you all! I am sorry to say that this has really hurt your husband and I think I can understand why he has turned away from the church. I'm not a big church person and this would have infuriated me beyond explanation. The school was bad enough, but to be spoken that way by your l'lord who obviously must know your son is vulnerable is disgusting, although maybe he was just trying to give this person a second chance. I think you are still best to move as you feel so uncomfortable with your situation, he just has to take the chance that things will be better somewhere else. Maybe giventime and space the pain and helplessness of your present problems will fade and he will calm and return to a new church with you. I really do wish you all the best with theis, you can sent me a message anytime if you are upset and I promise to answer it next time I'm online.
5 people like this
• United States
7 Feb 07
Rainbow...I think I love you! lol Thank you for answering.It is hard to see him spiraling down...even though I do understand why. I hope and pray that this move helps him realise that there are good people out there.
4 people like this
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
Hi deberooney. Your son's experiences were really dissappointing considering that it involved pastors and school authorities. However, it would be improper to generalize and accuse the church in general for the action of few of its members. We should realize that the pastors, priests, ministers and other church leaders are not the church per se. We, the people, who are members, is the church. These church leaders are actually God's servants to serve the church, us members. We should also remember that they are also humans that are prone to mistakes and sins. Needless to say, there are also countless of church leaders who are exemplary servants of God. There are only a few of those undesirable church leaders. Your son, as I see it, needs a special school for Autistics so that he could be properly taken cared of. Not all school are capable of handling special children such as yours. I'm sure there is one in your place. God bless you and your family,especially your son.
4 people like this
• United States
13 Feb 07
See there is a problem in the US..it is the ignorance (no offence please!) towards children with HFA/Asperger's. Yes this is a form of Autism. Yes,he has special needs. The problem is that he does not belong in a school for "Autistic's". His IQ is higher than alot of adults and his vocabulary is at an 18 year olds. He knows more about wildlife than most professors! Another name for Asperger's is "Little Professor". Unfortunatly there isn't any "Special" school for my son.He needs patience,understanding,and a teacher who is willing to learn.
• United States
13 Feb 07
I forgot to mention....in this state there are no Autism schools. These kids are either homeschooled or mainstreamed.
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
i understand what you're husband is going through. He couldn't do anything to defend or avenge his bullied son. Any father who has a good head on his shoulders knows he can't do anything at this point and turning his back on the church seems to make sense for everyone involved. He can't pretend liking church when it bullies his child. YOu're better off if you don't convince your husband. It's his personal battle and even you are ticked off by the way you and your child was treated.
3 people like this
@orgzhar (15)
• United States
8 Feb 07
What i would prefer you would do is if you really think it would do any help then pray for him. If this really is a situation that you are in, i think that everything happens for a reason. Im not sure exactly where you are from... But i know that everything happens for a reason, and whatever happens ACCEPT IT.
3 people like this
• United States
8 Feb 07
First thing I would do is ... "Pray".....and your prayers will be answered in "God's time"....not ours....yes, even though I've never been there; I can emphasize with you....your husband will come around....in time, I believe...but you have been through so much...(you and your family) and the Lord has sustained you so far....but I know...we are earthly beings and we want answers...and now......its hard to know who to trust...with so mmany preditors out there....I will be praying for you....hope you don't mind me rambling on and on....Bonnie
• United States
13 Feb 07
I had to LOL when I read this because my childhood pastor used to say,"God grant me patience...NOW!" lol Thanks Bonnie...I will continue praying!
@GardenGerty (92211)
• Marion, Kansas
8 Feb 07
It sounds as if we are discussing three or four problems, all linked together in this discussion. First of all, your husband's faith--he feels that it is injured, and he is resistant to worship at this time. You can listen. He will not go to hell from not being in church, but he will need time to get over it. I believe he will. Is he also mad at God because of your son's disability? I would also guess at that. Human beings make up the church, and human beings are fallible. Secondly, the pedophile in your neighborhood. It is unfortunate, but I have been a landlord, and you cannot legally evict someone over what they might do. I think the landlord should have spoken to you in a more compassionate manner, and explained this. I would probably move, too, but not just over this issue. It seems that thirdly, people in your community are not capable of educating students who learn differently, and in fact are definitely harming your child and his education. I have two jobs. I am a paraeducator, working with elementary age students with special needs, including aspergers and other autism spectrum disorders. I also work as a residential support specialist for adults in a supported living situation. Again, this includes people with varying abilities and needs, including aspbergers, autism, downs, and other disabilities. When you move, before you sign a lease or buy a home, visit the schools that are available for your son. See what is offerred. I would hold back from private schools because they do not receive the extra state and federal funding that allows them to hire additional staff to work with special needs kids. I say that, even though the Christian school (non denominational) nearby has dealt with some special kids. I would visit with the public school, and in a reasonable manner explain what has happened to your son, and ask how those types of situations would be handled in their school. The school I work in has a population of about 16-20% special needs students. I would base my relocation on what is available for my child. Some schools and some districts are more able to flex with these situations. They just hire better people or something. I have only been in this school for two years, and I am pleasantly surprised, it is a small school, and they do an excellent job. Yes, there are kids that will tease, and bully. There are also kids who will "adopt" special kids, and take them under their wings, and be their friends. Kids reflect what they learn at home. If you find a good school, chances are you will also find a good church in the community too. We have three companies or associations that provide services to our adults,in our town. People move their special needs people into the community because we have so many opportunities. I work for one of those companies. I know that the clients in my program go to church, and that several churches participate in embracing them with God's love. We have special needs persons that attend our church. Kids learn to be compassionate when they are exposed and educated, and held accountable for their actions. I hope you can find a place where the Spirit of God embraces your whole family.
• United States
13 Feb 07
I thank you so much...We have checved into the school districts (public school) and there are 2 that look incredibly promicing. Now it is a wait and see...hard! My husband and I are both very open minded and will look to the church when he feels ready. Hiopefully once things calm down after the move. Blessings to you!
• United States
8 Feb 07
I do not go to church nor could you cal me religious but I do know alot about the Christian faith. All things happen for a reason even if we don't know what that is immediatly. Maybe God is leading you somewhere new. A place that will nurture your son. Maybe you r husband will find a new church family that will blow his mind. As far as the schools behavior, I would find out where to file the appropriate complaints. They violated your sons right as a "handicapped" child I would have definitly pressed charges on the teacher that assaulted my son. Autistic children have enough on their plate with out having all this added trauma and stress. Parents included. Tell your husband not to give up, not to let go of his faith just because one branch of the church acted in such a horrible way. God will test your faith and it may not seem fair but that is life. Just hold on and pray for him. He will come around after he can let go of his anger. There is a saying in AA/ NA: LET GO - LET GOD. He has to let GO of his anger and let GOD do his job even if he doesn't quite understand. I wish you the best. PS I am going to school so I can help children like your son.
• United States
13 Feb 07
Thank you so much for your kind words. We have filed a complaint with the synod...they are extreamly upset and are going to be in contact with us. I wish you all the luck with school.We need more people like you! Blessings!
• Canada
7 Feb 07
Sounds lilke your husband has been hit very hard. I am sorry to hear this. Try to encourage him that one church is not representative of all churches. I truly hope that when you move you find a more accpeting community.
4 people like this
• United States
8 Feb 07
I thank you for this!
1 person likes this
@PoeTalker (715)
• United States
7 Feb 07
Well, it's probably just that specific church. Once you move away you should find a school that specializes in autistic children. Did you really think it was a good idea to put him in a school with normal children? Hes made in gods image and yes he deserves better, but for his own sake he should be in a school with children like himself where he wont have to experience bullying and so on. If you continue to put him into normal classrooms, it doesn't matter where he goes but it will just continue on the way it has been. The is a clear line between church/people and god. The church in no way represents god, it's just a group of people trying to live their lives correctly. People make mistakes and do things that are terrible. It should have made your husband very upset, but to have it affect your relationship with god is a foolish idea. You need to put him in a school where he can be with his own and the problems won't happen again. If you put him in another normal school it will occur again, on worst or better levels.
3 people like this
• United States
7 Feb 07
Your post really saddens me! So you think a child that is high functioning..or a bit different shouldn't/doesn't deserve a Christian education? I hate to tell you,but there are NO schools specifically for kids with Asperger's/HFA. As a Christian aren't we supposed to love an innocent child even if he is different or is my husband right...the church/todays Christians aren't ready or able to accept my son? It also bothers me that you feel that my son will get bullied no matter where he is...people that say that are letting the bullies win. If you are the voice of true Christianity than my husband IS right! I hope and pray someone else has an open mind!
5 people like this
• Canada
7 Feb 07
This response is absurd. Every child deserves to be free of bullying, and it is entirely up to the SCHOOL to make their environment safe for all kids. Autistic kids can, and do, successfully intergrate into mainstream schools - yes, even Christiam ones!
@dbcraff (162)
• United States
8 Feb 07
Did you ever think it was the school system that needs to change to protect these kids.
5 people like this
• United States
8 Feb 07
Im sorry that all that happened to your son! i cant believe that teachers would actually hurt a child! i dont know if you can, but maybe you could consider homeschooling for him for awhile. Just find a DIFFERENT church, and start going, your husband will follow once he figures out that its a different place and environment. good luck to you. keep praying.
3 people like this
• United States
13 Feb 07
I am and continue to! Thank you so much!
@foxyfire33 (10017)
• United States
8 Feb 07
My suggestion is to just keep praying, for your son and your husband. Your son has every right to have a proper, safe education. No child can be entirely protected from bullying but that doesn't mean adults should just stand aside and allow it to happen. Good job Mom for trying your hardest to protect him. Leave things in God's hands, He will watch over your son in ways you didn't even know he needed. Your husband sounds very disillusioned about the church right now. From what you've said it seems understandable. Hopefully once you get settled into your new home, things will settle down and you will be able to be a happy family again. Most likely he will come back to God when he is better able to see all he has been blessed with. Just because you may not be able to take the children to a church until your husband is more comfortable does not mean you need to give up on their religious education. "Where two or three gather..." Continue it at home and seek out new friends with a connection to the church you wish to begin attending. Then your husband will be able to see good, kind and true Christian people and you will all have an established support system in place when you are ready to begin attending services again.
3 people like this
• United States
13 Feb 07
I agree...thank you!
• United States
8 Feb 07
You married your husband, why can't you accept him for who he is and what he believes?
3 people like this
• United States
8 Feb 07
Hmm...let me see...I have accepted my husband for who he is...he is a man who has had is faith in the Lord damaged due to closed minded individuals. My **job** as a wife is to stand by him and help him through the tough times.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Feb 07
As for the pedophile across the street, there really is nothing they can do unless he does something. I hate to say it. I know that stinks, but that is the law. I don't understand what you expect your landlord to do about it either. My son was just diagnosed a high-functioning autistic. The school he is in has been the best support I could have had. I suggest before you move you talk to several different school districts and see which ones are welcoming and prepared to handle your son. Why does he have to go to a private Christian school? It has been my experience that private schools don't want to be bothered with special needs kids as they want to keep their test scores high by dumping these kids out onto the public school system. Can't he get his Christian education at Sunday School? As for your husband, if his faith is shaken when it is the right time God will call to him again. Or perhaps hsi faith was never quite as strong as yours is. Either way, you can't make someone feel a certain way, all you can do is take care of yourself. I would try to find a good church where children are embraced (we were lucky to find two like that) instead of where they are shunted off to the crying room if they dare make a noise during the sermon.
2 people like this
• United States
13 Feb 07
We picked the Christian school because we have an older daughter who is already there and they are ahead of this states public school by 2 years. It is a much better education...just not for my son. The public school in this area is one of the worst I have ever heard of or seen. I have met several 3rd graders who can't read at all and they don't hold them back...just ship them forward. Truley sad. For now the Christian educating is going to be from home.
@flowerchilde (12520)
• United States
8 Feb 07
Well, I know everyone says you must go to church, but I would probably have to say that the bible advises women to "adapt themselves to their own husband" so if it was me, I would read my bible and worship the Lord (daily) on my own, and with my family or friends when I got the chance. Afterall churches are made up of humans, and the bible and the Lord come from God Himself. ...and just keep it all in prayer. It is sad, but yes, churches, and people of the Lord, can turn others away from the Lord! But it doesn't have to be that way. Christians are not God, so they don't have to make us turn from Him. I would give your husband room and let him know/think you trust him in all this..