What Do I Do to Avoid an EX Relative and ABUSE ?

United States
February 7, 2007 2:36pm CST
I have a social gathering this weekend were I will be seeing an EX relative. I am a little upset that she was even invited to this Party but what can I do it was not my choice. I am going to go because I do not want to hurt the person giving the Party or hurt the person who the Party is for. Here is my problem this EX relative is horrible and is verbally abusive to me once she even tried to hit me in Public. I do not want to get sicker from stress but I do not know what to do about it. I have learned to ignore her but that does not always work. I am getting stressed now just thinking about this weekend. Any ideas ??
3 people like this
7 responses
@mssnow (9495)
• United States
7 Feb 07
I have a relative like that . She is an alchoholic and she gets verbally abusive to people. When we go to parties that she is attending. I stay away from her. If she sits by me I excuse myself and find another place to sit. If she starts to bother me I ask her nicely to stop and if that doesnt work. I tell the host or hostess of the party that I will not be staying any longer because I do not have to deal with being abused. Then I leave. Abuse is abuse and if a person abuses you then you have a right to take whatever action neccssarry to avoid that situation. Even if it means hurting the person throwing the party (they invited her). Do they know about the problems she causes you? You might be able to talk to them before and tell them how uncomfortable you feel about the ex relative being there.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Feb 07
Yeah they know all about her and the problem is that they had problems with her also. Everyone knows that I am ill and my conditon us weak. They also know that stress can aggrivate my situation. These people do not care they are just worried about this big social gathering and thats it. Thanks for responding.
@olaff123 (434)
• Namibia
7 Feb 07
Please explain this first: How does a person become an ex relative? Secondly, I would have explained my feelings to the host in a diplomatic fashion, stating that I do not feel comfortable with the person, without assigning blame etc. After that I would have left the party.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Feb 07
This person was married to one of my siblings. The party she is invited to is this weekend. This is a big Family gathering and the host is a relative. I do not understand why this person was invited. I am afraid that I will get ill from stress. The problem is I have the type of Family that will be mad if I do not go. I would have hoped that they would understand my feelings but do not. It hurts that my real Family does not care about me and though more about inviting someone who does not even belong to the Family anymore. Thanks for responding.
@Avichail (694)
• Indonesia
11 Feb 07
Dear stateroad, thank you for the best response but I sincerely hope more that you are well right now with both your medication and this weekend's event. I believe that someone who has gone through many difficult things is often the most lovable person because their character has been sharpened through the process. I believe you have much more valuable thoughts to be shared here. Thank you for letting me joining in. God bless you, stateroad...
@Avichail (694)
• Indonesia
13 Dec 07
Dear Stateroad, It's been 11 months since the last time you shared this story. Hope you are doing a lot better =) Once again, thank you for the Best Response, I never thought I would have gotten it because I think my comment was somewhat cruel, without better understanding the difficult situation you had to face back then. Anyhow, may you keep doing better from this day onwards!
• United States
15 Dec 07
I was just getting ready to give you some advice and realized this post was made 11 months ago. Hope it all went well for you.
• United States
6 Mar 07
I understand this completely. I do not think she should have been invited. I would not attend. It is not worth the stress. I avoid those situations by doing something fun.
@Avichail (694)
• Indonesia
9 Feb 07
Hello stateroad, from your sharing it seems that you try not to hurt other people by risking being hurt. In this case, your own family and the host. Do you think it's worth it? I hope I'm not 100% correct, but I think the bigger problem you have might not be about having to meet this so called ex relative, but about wanting to please people to the point of getting oneself hurt or avoiding confrontation at any cost eventhough it will hurt more. Why? Sometimes I think we need to care less about whether or not people will understand us. It rarely happens at times. So, I now learn to just waive it, yet try my best not to be like them. It's uneasy but my biggest comfort come from this, that God knows what happen, that He does not allow hurtful things happen to me for nothing. There's gonna be something wonderful behind it. Hope you'll make it well this weekend whatever your decision is.
@LindaLou (483)
• Canada
7 Feb 07
Avoid this relative at the party at all costs. Do not make eye-contact, do not speak to her. Yet, keep an eye on where she is at all times. Stay at the opposite end of the room at all times and ensure that the host knows that you wish to avoid this person. If your EX relative does insist on speaking to you or if she is in anyway abusive tell her upfront and LOUDLY that you do not wish to speak to her and to stay away from you. You will probably have to embarass her as she sounds like the kind of person who does not take subtle hints. Do not take any crap from this person or anyone else for that matter. You deserve better! Eleanor Roosevelt said that no one can take advantage of you without your permission. So don't give her permission. Don't allow her to abuse you in anyway.