Breaking up during tough situations.

sadness - this is me right about now. www.google.com
Australia
February 8, 2007 11:05pm CST
My boyfriend and I argued today about little things like me letting the dog in the house. He was abnormally very touchy and short tempered. I told him I could not take his nagging anymore and maybe we should put off the engagement as we have been arguing quite a bit lately. It wasn't until after I threatened to leave him that he told me he might lose his job, which he has only been at for a few weeks and he really enjoys. I asked why and he eventually told me it was because his grandfather was admitted to hospital this morning and he left work to see him. Although he had permission from one boss, another one gave him a talking to when he returned. He's extremely upset and was almost crying. Of course now I feel incredibly awful and I don't know how to console him and say i'm sorry. He's saying he'll make it easier for me and end it now but I don't want to end it, I want to support him during all this. All i'm doing now is waiting for him to finish work and talk to me, biding my time on mylot, feeling terrible. Any advice?
12 people like this
23 responses
@zuri25 (2127)
• United States
9 Feb 07
My boyfriend and I have been down this road many a time in our four year relationship. Breaking up when things get tough may seem like a quick fix, but it's definitely not. Neither of you really want to do that anyway. We've all heard people preach that communication is the key to a good relationship. As cliche as it is, there's truth in it. Best thing for you to do when he gets home is appologize for your behavior (don't expect an appology from him even if he should be giving one) and let him know that you don't want to break up and that you want to help him through this difficult time in his life.
1 person likes this
@zuri25 (2127)
• United States
9 Feb 07
By the way, I really like your avatar...where'd ya get it?
1 person likes this
@zuri25 (2127)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Good, I'm glad you worked it out. Thanks for best response. Rainshine...Hahaha...I hope you've been able to get some sleep cuz you obviously needed it, but at least we all got a laugh.
• United States
9 Feb 07
Although his situation sounds tragic, sounds like he was fishing for sympathy when you threatened the break. You mentioned you have argued quite a bit lately. If that is the case, then today's reason for an arguement doesn't explain prior events. Sounds like you have been thinking about a break for some time, most people don't just suddenly decide these sorts of things. If that is the case, please, spend some time really thinking about how you feel about this relationship and where it is headed. Marriage is a big commitment and you want to make sure you are ready and that this is the right person to be ready with. Good luck.
• Australia
9 Feb 07
Thank you.
1 person likes this
@karsted (241)
• Canada
9 Feb 07
Now that you know what is on his mind, be supportive. I think if he was going to lose his job, he would have been fired when the other boss was talking to him. So really, he has been reprimanded, it does not mean he has lost his job, yet. Let him know you are supportive of him, and dont let him use negative self talk. Some men are pretty sensitive about things, dont let him blow things out of proportion, and take it out on you because he is feeling bad.Sometimes, they just over react. Maybe by the time he comes home tonight, he will feel better. After all, he had the opportunity to let off some steam. I think you will be okay. Sometimes things just seem really huge, when actually they are quite small.
@vladmire (28)
• Philippines
9 Feb 07
it's not really good doing that kind of thing, it will only worsen the situation. try putting down your pride, both of you.
1 person likes this
@docjudie (42)
• United States
9 Feb 07
Apologize to him for talking about ending the relationship..This Really has to change if you are going to marry. People who drop "the divorce card" all the time most often do get divorced. Explain to him that you cann ot be there for him if he doesn't tell you what is going on. If he is type not to bring things up,,you may have to be the one to ask him questions when his mood seems awry. Make sure he knows that no turn of events..like a job loss, would cause you to turn your back on him.
9 Feb 07
I think that you just need to be there for him when he comes home and give him suport and let him know that now you know the reason for his mood you are going to be there for him. He should understand and hopefully will be more likely to share things with you in the future. Good luck
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Feb 07
are you staying around becuase you love him & want to be with him or are you staying because you feel bad & dont want to leave him while he is dealing with this other crap? I mean if he is your fiance why wouldnt he tell you something as important as his grandfather going to the hospital? Or that he could possibly get fired? I think you should NEVER threaten to leave if you dont actually have the balls todo it. If you were able to throw it out there that quick than maybe its been in head with all the arguements & stuff. But dont stay just because you feel bad. Stay because you love him. You can still be there for him if you arent his significant other.
• Australia
10 Feb 07
He said it's because he can't deal with situations like this and doesn't like talking about it. aren't most men like that?!
• United States
10 Feb 07
i dont know about most men. I could understand about his job part but his grandfather? thats a big deal right there. I know my man who doesnt talk about ANYTHING...would at least tell me that!
• United States
9 Feb 07
Coffeeshot - Dont take this the wrong way, but threatening to leave should be the last resort in any situation and this should be the last time to threaten him in this manner. That is not a good practice in any relationship and especially not when you are planning on going into a marriage. It is your little way of controling the relationship and getting your way and it is totally wrong. He really needs you right now. I think you should support him and help him through this difficult time. You really need to apologize and let him know that you only want to be with him, but that your relationship has grown in such a way that there should be nothing, absolutely nothing that you two dont share. Communication is KING and it is not going to last without it and his grandfather is a major thing that you shoud have been involved in and with almost losing his job if you two were married would be a major shift in the income of your household so that should have been discussed with you as well. Just both of you work on the communication and although things may be said in anger they are not always what a person really feels so it is best to think even when you are angry before you speak. Best of luck to you both!!!
• United States
9 Feb 07
I have to agree! If you want to make this relationship work, then you deffinately need COMMUNICATION between the two of you! You may think about getting "couple" counceling...if you guys can't figure it out yourselves! I hope you guys really strive to make this work, if you indeed are truely in love!
@missyd79 (3438)
• United States
13 Feb 07
well i am sorry i haven't gotten here sooner. i hope that everything went okay. you need to tell him that he needs to let you know when things are bothering him instead of him taking it out on you. a good relationship has good communication.
@krishkorp (427)
• India
10 Feb 07
I really feel what u doing is the best thing right now.He needs u badly now and i feel he is lucky to have a person like you as a girlfriend.Do talk to him and give ur relation another chance to live.Maybe u can talk him out of nagging that he is doing lately.Maybe there is a reason behind his nagging.Normally for someother matter that they cant discuss they go around and start nagging.Keep talking to him and maybe u'll find out what really the matter is ?.All the best .
• United States
10 Feb 07
You can tell him that you are sorry for what you said about the breaking things off and that you were just angry and now have had time to think about it and really have decided that this is not what you want. I would however tell him that you understand now why he was acting this way today but you still don't understand why the attitude in the past. I hope that all will work out for the two of you.
@rubypatson (1842)
• India
10 Feb 07
You need to support him and be there for him, this phase will pass, dont worry, call him at work and say sorry, make it upto him when he returns, have a nice surprise for him
• Canada
10 Feb 07
I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a tough period but hopefully any luck things will change for you and start to look up . Just try to keep talking with your fiancee and letting him know how you feel on different topics so that you don't blow up with each other because of something you didn't discuss with each other . Good Luck !!!
@vanities (11376)
• Davao, Philippines
10 Feb 07
i think you must try convincing him that you dont know all hed been thru and that you msut ask forgiveness for all the unkind remarks you have said...that you really love him and all...its the best reassurance you could do i guess..
@shomomo (850)
• Israel
10 Feb 07
I think you should stand beside as a girlfriend if you didn't really mean to break-up with him before you knew about his job or stand beside him as a friend if you really did want to break-up with him. On either case, you have to support him in his time of need.
@resasour (378)
• United States
10 Feb 07
Tell him that your sorry he is having such a hard time right now. Tell him that if this job doesn't work out that only means a better one is on the way. You know God does not close a door without opening a window. Tell him that you love him and want to be by him, but in the future for him to please respect you enough to talk to you about his problems, and not take his frustrations out on you.. tell him you can't help and support him if he does not talk about it.. because you are not a mind reader. Tell him you didn't ask for easy.. you asked for love... and just remind him, that he has you, and everything else will work out.. Chances are if he does not lose this job, no matter how much he likes it now..he will grow to not like it since his bosses can't be on the same page at the same time... that's a warning sign for trouble ahead anyway... Good Luck to you both... Life is hard... cling to each other...
• Singapore
10 Feb 07
I empathasize with you on the series of events that caused the 'lid' to blow (yours, and on such an important matter, your engagement). Yes, support is what he needs at this time. Put aside the issue of the dog for a time; perhaps it may even have to wait out this time outside the house. Since your bf had permission from one boss, but not from another, and he had a valid reason to take time-off, he shoudn't be afraid of losing the job, even if that's going to take place; but, I'm assuming at this time of my writing he is still being employed there. Otherwise, he could still request for grace and while he's there, try to put back some of the hours he missed, a little at a time, like overtime. Make this time of support one where the both of you get to go deeper in your relationship; you are supposed to give and take, now you giving more than taking. Perhaps by the time this is over, and some resolution is arrived at, the issue of the dog would'nt be as great! I wish you and him all the best!
• United States
9 Feb 07
i think the best way is that u call him dont wait for him to call u and just be normal like nothing happens ask him about his grandfather thats what my wife doas to me and because i love her i dont make a big deal about an everydau fait
@chazdubs (249)
• United States
9 Feb 07
Support your man! Stand by him during this difficult time and help him through it. Doing that will make your relationship stronger and better. Goo luck on your two's future and I hope you are happy.
@pagibig (300)
• Philippines
9 Feb 07
You need to work things out. Talk to him, find out why you have been arguing. You need to understand where he is coming from and he needs to understand you.