Is it fair?

@jenalyn (675)
United States
February 9, 2007 8:58pm CST
My husband has had anxiety attacks for the past two weeks. His heart starts racing and his pulse was 118 the last time we actually went into the emergency room. Every time it happens it's always after one in the morning, and we have to drive up to the emergency room parking lot and sit there until he feels better. One night he made me do it 4 times in one night. He wants to be in the parking lot in case something happens because he is afraid that they won't get to our house in time. He did go in one time and let them take his pulse and blood pressure, but won't go for further testing because we can't afford to pay for it. I told him I don't care how much it costs, I want him to go. He still won't go. So last night he asked me to go after yelling at me, and I said no. I was too tired and not even alert enough to drive. So he went by himself, and he has been mad at me every since and says that I don't care about him. Is that fair? Is he right, was I selfish since I didn't go last night? My whole weekend has been ruined.
1 person likes this
6 responses
@Michele21 (3095)
• United States
10 Feb 07
Why should you have to go and sit in the car in a parking lot with him?? If he is afraid something is going to happen he can go by himself, tell him to sit in the emergency room incase he can't walk in by himself-just kidding-sorta. I wouldn't ba able to do that night after night. Tell him he needs to go get everything checked out and find out what is wrong or you are not going to go with him anymore. Don't feel bad!!!
2 people like this
• United States
10 Feb 07
i totally agree with you. if there is something wrong with him he needs to figure out what it is. he is making both of their lives miserable.
1 person likes this
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
10 Feb 07
He now wants to end our 10 year relationship over this. He is certain that this one incident proves I don't love him. Such a baby.
@crazynurse (7510)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Your poor husband doesn't seem to have a heart problem, rather an anxiety problem. He really needs treatment for the anxiety problem as it won't just 'go away.' He can't expect you to continue to go to hospital each night and sit there. However, what he is feeling is real to him and very uncomfortable, which is why he needs to get on some medication. It isn't worth ruining the marriage over!
1 person likes this
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I don't think it is a heart problem either, we have been told that by a cardiologist, too. I know that it is very scarey for him, and I have been very compassionate about it, until now. Since he is verbally attacking me over not going with him, I have not been feeling compassion for him. I wish he would just go in and see someone. If he did that then it would help end these episodes. I just don't get why he puts himself through this, needless to say me along with him.
@aprilsue00 (1992)
• United States
10 Feb 07
Can you say hypocondriac. okay maybe that is not the case. how many times have you taken him to the emergency room and he won't go in? is it really because he can not afford it or is it because there is nothing wrong with him. i guess i really do not know the situation but from what you wrote that is what i got out of it.
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
10 Feb 07
I don't know if anything is wrong with him, he won't go get checked out. He is what I consider a borderline hypocondriac, I mean I know people that are worse than him. If I tell him that I don't think something is that serious, he gets really upset.
@jbrowsin66 (1322)
• United States
11 Feb 07
You should try to get him to go to his family doctor and describe what he's feeling. A simple prescription for some medication (lorazepam or zoloft or something like it) will take care of the attacks. I'm sorry but I think you should have taken him. The more anxiety he has, the more likely they will continue. Try and imagine how scared you'd be if you had a medical problem and needed his support. If it happens at night maybe a sleeping pill would help. Get him to go see a doctor.
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I hope I can get him to see a doctor. Maybe I should use a sleeping pill then drive him to see one, because he won't go on his own.
@merkava (1226)
• Philippines
10 Feb 07
There are 3 simple tests he can do to see if he has any heart problems. Do a blood test or a blood chem. It's cheap. To see his LDL(bad cholesterol) and his HDL(good cholesterol level. Also a complete blood chem will check his sugar levels, uric acid..etc. The other simple test is the ECG. That'll confirm if has a heart rhythm problem or if he has tachycardia(more than 100 heartbeats per minute) or bradycadria(less than 60 beats per minute) It could just be stress, panic attacks just like my case. I felt dizzy and nearing passing out. My blood pressure would rise and even my pulse rate would be around 120bpm and I was just 25 yrs old back then. Being fed up, mid last year I went to my cardio and did a blood chem, ECG, 2D echo imaging exam and even the stress test. According to the ECG I had arrythmia, an irregular heartbeat but according to my stress test and 2D echo which were a lot more accurate I had nothing to worry about. In fact my heart valves opening were too good that they open really wide and close without any backflow problems that if I showed them to a sports therapist the sports therapist will immediately train me to compete in races. I had the heart of a horse. I think it was unfair though that you left your husband in his time of distress. I know getting up in the wee hours is hard. I used to do that with my girlfriend. She would drive me 8km away to the hospital and wait for me to be released. I was so ashamed of my situation that one time when I had that bad feeling again I just told her to go back to sleep and I'll go there alone. She got angry and told said to me if I was looking for an accident!? What if I pass out in the middle of the road? What if this problem really is serious!? As a couple it's is sacrifice and compromise. What's a night's disturbance compared to the life of your loved one?
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
11 Feb 07
thanks for the detailed inforamation. He won't go in for any tests. And it wasn't one nights disturbance either. It was a week of it, and begging him to go into to get tests. So if I am a mean person for driving him 5 out of 6 times, then I guess you would be right. I am not there for my husband and not sacrificing enough. I should just let him keep getting me up every night even though he won't see a doctor. Right?
@jbrowsin66 (1322)
• United States
11 Feb 07
You should try to get him to go to his family doctor and describe what he's feeling. A simple prescription for some medication (lorazepam or zoloft or something like it) will take care of the attacks. I'm sorry but I think you should have taken him. The more anxiety he has, the more likely they will continue. Try and imagine how scared you'd be if you had a medical problem and needed his support. If it happens at night maybe a sleeping pill would help. Get him to go see a doctor.