would you be with a "fattie"?

United States
February 9, 2007 11:29pm CST
ok, i personally would be considered a "fattie". i have never been thin. my sister, while she was in high school, bless her (grr) was a size 2. me, i was a 14. and i was busy and active. i was involved in activities. marching band is hard, with lots of work, and oh yeah, marching. you get my point. when i met my husband online, i weighed less than i do now. however, i was no skinny minnie either. he told me he never pictured himself with a "big" girl. i said "let me guess, she is about my height, with big boobs and weighs about as much as a toothpick" and he told me not quite, but close. i then informed him that for a woman to have big boobs she either had to be fat once, is fat now, or they are very fake as that's what boobs are, fat. and the but men like, yep, that's fat too. well shaped, but there's more there than muscle guys. this leads in to the fact that once most people settle into a relationship they gain weight. especially after getting married. usually within a couple of years, the wife has gained quite a bit of weight. it's a comfort thing. and the men are disappointed that their young hot thing is now a married middle age wife. here's my point, are we really that much of a society that you wouldn't even consider a "fattie" as a mate? i mean, the odds are you are going to have to at some point, with the rate of obesity in this country. can you follow the logic? what do you think?
10 people like this
25 responses
• United States
10 Feb 07
I think you are trying to ask an intelligent question, but I find your use of the term "fattie." You are only encouraging the stereotype that a person with a weight problem is less of a person, undeserving of a relationship. That such a person should be judged by their appearance over any other trait. That it is ok to prejudge, ridicule, harrass, and discriminate against such a person. And while I'm ranting here, can anyone tell me why a person whose weight problem runs towards too much weight is an outcast, while the person's whose weight problem runs to too little weight is a supermodel?
4 people like this
• United States
10 Feb 07
and it is a sterotype, i'll give you that, and that's why i put it. because by many skinny good looking girls, i'm a "fattie". i'm not deserving of love or my relationship or even living because i don't fit the stereotype of "good looking"..so yes, it's like that for a reason, because it'll attract all kinds of attention and maybe people will see past the stereo type and see the question. and for those that don't, then the answer already is no.
4 people like this
@Shelite (212)
• Canada
10 Feb 07
Darling don't ever think that you're not worthy of a relationship.
4 people like this
@signum (547)
• Australia
10 Feb 07
Ok, my boyfriend is normal weight, and i am overweight. I was about 40kg's lighter when i first met him. You're right, I gained a lot of weight after getting together with him because I am comfortable in this relationship. I'll sometimes get upset after looking at myself in the mirror etc, and ask him if it bothers him that I have gained weight since being with him, although I was not thin when I met him. He says it does not bother him, but it's hard to tell if he's saying it so my feelings don't get hurt. I am lucky to have him, because he is the sweetest man on this planet, but I do worry that my weight may bother him and he just won't say it. I think it's shallow for a man to only want to be with a stick thin woman. Personality should be far more important than looks.
4 people like this
@leleng (247)
• Philippines
11 Feb 07
well im also a plus size. But as i see the situation even you are thin or fat, everybody should know that we're woman. we should be loved, appreciated and respected. personality counts.
@coffeeshot (3787)
• Australia
11 Feb 07
My boyfriend asked me this the other day. In an aesthetic sense, I'd have no problem with it. What would concern me though is the health issue. If I met a guy who was a bit chubby, I wouldn't mind, but if he was obese, and did not care about his health then I probably wouldn't want to be involved with him. I would not want to be a widow at 45 years old. That said, I also wouldn't be with a smoker for the same reasons. btw, I love your avatar!
3 people like this
• United States
11 Feb 07
thank you for the avatar comment, i felt it appropriate on the statement of being a mom...and yes, the health issues concern me as well..i made my husband quit smoking for health reasons, and i am trying to lose some weight for the same reason, i want to be healthy enough to grow old with him
1 person likes this
@Shelite (212)
• Canada
10 Feb 07
It's really too bad that people think like that. If someone truly loves someone they'll love them for their inner beauty and not their outer beauty. My weight goes up and down, and my husband tells me every day how beautiful I am no matter my weight and tells me that he loves me. He loves me for me. Which is why he's such a wonderful person not to mention best father ever. I've got three children...so it's hard to keep a good exercise routein and still manage to eat healthy where there's so much more to do. I'm about 30 lbs heavier than I was when we were married but there's absolutely no difference in his thoughts of me now from then. If a husband thinks the way you've described in the situation then he's not worthy of the person he's with. Good luck!
3 people like this
@zenmachado (1619)
• United States
10 Feb 07
Sure its a worthy selection, but TOO big is not a healthy or beauty inspiring thing for anyone.. regardless of who you are..
3 people like this
• United States
11 Feb 07
I second this. Im not a "fattie" nor am I supermodel skinny, but I try to lead a healthy life for myself and family, and wouldnt want to involve an unhealthy partner in my life.
1 person likes this
@soldenski (2504)
• United States
10 Feb 07
I am a fatty, and I would not date a fatty. I know I don't understand it myself. My husband is of normal weight for his height, and when we married I was not thin, in fact I was chubby, I've gained weight through-out our years, but now I am doing something about it. I work out two hours a day/everyday and I watch what I eat. I am not doing it because of my husband (although he is an added bonus) but because I am having my daughter's sweet 16 party this year, and I want to look GOOD!!! lol
3 people like this
• Indonesia
11 Feb 07
lol good on you soldenski, I wish you all the best for your daughter's party. You will definetely look luscious. ;)
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
10 Feb 07
I think I understand what you're talking about here, although I am not sure I agree with your line of reasoning. I do agree that our society places too much emphasis on appearance, and that it's a bit whacked that we equate the "worth" of a person with how little they weigh. Naturally, people are entitled to their point of view as to what's important in relationships, including appearance. However, I don't really agree with the idea that people gain weight because they settle into comfortable committed relationships. I'm 46 and weigh about what I weighed in college when I was very athletically active. I can think of more than a few female friends in their 30's and 40's who are about the same size as they were as young adults. As for your question, "would you be with a fattie?" I have to say that I don't consider body type in my relationship choices. However, I DO consider lifestyle-- I like to eat healthy foods, and I like to go for long bike rides and day-long hikes... and I want my partner to be someone who CAN and DOES do that, as well. I don't care what their body type is, however. I dated a girl in my 20s who was definitely "stout" but she had more energy than anyone else I've ever met, and THAT was hot. Hope that made sense...
3 people like this
• United States
10 Feb 07
I'm definitely not skinny myself, so the chances of me dating someone of about my stature as possible, and personally, I have no problems with it. I just think that men have a lot of issues with their hot young things becoming bigger as they age, because they're still wanting that attractive young woman that they had when they got married. I think this is a big problem when it comes to cheating..the mean want someone younger and more fit than the wives they care for. I think it's more of an attraction issue than it is an emotional one.
3 people like this
• Canada
11 Feb 07
I also object to your use of the term 'fattie'. I am a a Big Beautiful Woman myself, and I would never spend time with anyone who called me fattie or any other dipairaging name. I was heavy when my husband married me - and I see lots of heavy people with partners, so I really don't think that being heavy is an obstacle to being in a relationship. What matters is how confident you are - if you are confident, you are attractive, no matter what your weight.
• United States
11 Feb 07
ah, but the term "fattie" caught your attention, didn't it? see, i am a large woman, i have been since before i met my now husband, and i've gained more since we've been together in the last almost 5 years...i am trying to lose weight myself, for health reasons, and not because he doesn't like the way i look. i made him quit smoking for health reasons, so i feel i should offer him the same courtesy. and i will NEVER be model thin. my ideal weight (according to charts) is about 130 pounds, i would look like nicole richie or one of the olsen twins if i were that small, not to mention my boobs would go away, which would make hubby rather upset, hehe...i want to weigh less so that we can be old together, a healthy old at that.
1 person likes this
@ogtuwan (312)
• Philippines
11 Feb 07
Let me say, I am not skinny. I put effort on losing weight but not because I want my lover to stay and not look for other good looking girls, the reason Iam doing it because it is healthy. If we let our lovers think we are insecure of our attributes may it be physical or emotional, they would really start looking for more. whatever your weight or height or complexion or race is... If your confident enough, it wouldn't matter... Have a good day!
2 people like this
@coolhunkz (360)
• Philippines
11 Feb 07
for me, its not a big deal as long as she/he deserve to be threated a friend. whats important is your inner beauty not because your fat. but we can't regret others think firstly on how we look but the moment they knew this person and they would realize it.
2 people like this
• India
10 Feb 07
Ok..let's be fare... Being Fat or Skinny doesn't matter as long as you are able to adjust n as u knw too much of anything is also not gud... So if moderate dont mind being with a fattie...
2 people like this
@pagli84 (1850)
• Netherlands
10 Feb 07
personally, i think looks are important. im not saying that im going to marry a model, but i have to be physically attracted to the guy. i have never been physically attracted to a 'fat' guy. i dont know why, but i guess its just personal preference. i also have never really been attracted to really skinny guys either. i think i like someone who has a nice proportionate body...slim with maybe some muscle.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Feb 07
Man, I wish I could wear a 14. Haven't fit into that size since I was like 13 or 14. I was an 18 when I finished high school. I had one friend that wore a 0. She drove me nuts but she actually never complained about her weight. She actually thought she was too skinny but just couldn't gain weight. Lucky her, lol. I really don't look at weight when I look at other people. There were lots of guys I liked in college that were chubby or whatever. I had a big crush on this guy I worked with (too bad he was married). We flirted a lot. He was actually bigger then me but he was such a cutie. I felt bad sometimes that we were flirting too much but whatever--that was a long time ago. I ended up marrying a normal sized man. He weighs about 155lbs and I weigh about 100lbs more and he loves me very much. He tells me every day and has stayed with me even though I have gained about 50lbs since we got married. I am trying to lose some weight and he tells me all the time that I don't have to because he will love me no matter what I look like. He can be really sweet sometimes. We have 4 normal sized kids, too. In fact my oldest is underweight (she is like my friend from high school--eats and eats but doesn't gain a pound). I have friends of all shapes and sizes and never think about their size when we are together. They are just normal people like me.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Feb 07
I really dislike the use of the term "fattie". I'm fat, but I'd rather people just call me "fat" rather than a "fattie". Of course I'd be with a fat person. It'd be silly of me not to, given my own size. My boyfriend is of average height/weight but I wouldn't love him any less if he were big like me. I think of it this way: The skinny little girls in high school will someday encounter sags and wrinkles just like the rest of us; at least it won't be as much of a shock to me!
@carissa765 (1098)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I am also what some poeple call a fattie.. I wear a size 16, but the fact that I am almost six foot tall, that helps alot.. I have all of my weight evenly distributed, and look okay for the size that I wear.. I cannot believe some of the comments that some of these people put on here, to judge someone by their size is completely rediculous, I think that you should not be judging people the judging is to be left to the person up above.. I realize that some people are so shallow that it does not matter what the persons personality is like, but I personally think that this does not matter... Personality is the main thing in any relationship, because if you have someone who is "beautiful" but has lact of any intelligance, how do you expect your relationship to go anywhere if you cannot have intelligant conversations with that person? How do you go anywhere in life thinking the beauty is everything? Is it truely not who you know but who you blo*? Does beauty get you where you need to go or intelligance in your opinion?
@itsjustmeb (1213)
• Canada
11 Feb 07
I know how you feel, I understand how you feel. My siblings were always smaller than I was, and I did balloon up to almost 300 pounds at one point. I dropped the boyfriend, dropped 60 pounds and went from there,. But from todays society if you aren't a size 0 you are a "fattie"...
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Feb 07
No, under no circumstances.
1 person likes this
@carlaabt (3509)
• United States
12 Feb 07
My husband is actually more attracted to bigger girls than thin ones. He's only dated one thin girl ever. I think that's kind of funny because my husband was a pretty thin guy when we started going out. He's 6' even and weighed about 150 when we started dating. His waiste was 29 inches. I'm 5'8 but outweighed him by about 50ish lbs. But ya know, he never had a problem with it. We've been married almost two years now. He's gained a lot more weight than I have. I did gain a bunch of weight right after my son was born because of some health issues relating to that, but now I've lost most of it and I'm back almost to my prepregnancy weight. Yeah, I'm still fat. But my husband still loves me and thinks I'm beautiful. And I still love him and think he's terrific even though he's gained 50 pounds in the 2.5 years we have been together. I just don't really look at weight as an issue. As long as neither of us gains so much that we can't be active and involved in our son's life, we'll be fine.
• United States
12 Feb 07
I am overweight ans so is my boyfriend. I am more attracted to fat men in general, though I'd still love him even if he lost weight.