My ex-husband messed me up for life!

United States
February 10, 2007 4:33pm CST
During my 10 year marriage, my husband was cheating on me with another woman, then I found out he was crossdressing and also cheating on me with men...... Then came the divorce of course. Now I don't think I want to get involved with anybody ever again because I'm afraid of what I might find out there. You know, abusive men, more unfaithful men, etc.
2 people like this
11 responses
@Anakata2007 (1787)
• Canada
12 Feb 07
holy yikes!!!! Yes that is a bad experience! How long ago was it? I think you need a bit more time before thinking of geting involved. You need to be wary of who you choose. hoepfully your experience with your e made you more aware of listening to and heeding warning signs or red flags.
• United States
12 Feb 07
I married him in 1995, divorced in 2005. Indeed, my eyes will be wide open when and if I enter into a new relationship.
• Philippines
10 Feb 07
It's really difficult to tell what will come out of any decision we make. When you and your husband decided to get married, I'm pretty sure everything was in order to build your own happy family. You were disillusioned with what you uncovered as regards the affairs of your husband. Nonetheless, life goes on and you are coping fine. Do not rush into any relationship. You are right about having doubts about men, but some women are into this kind of activity, too. Since you are an honest and true to one man woman, the right man for you might come much later on. You'll just simply find him without having exerted any effort to meet him. He'll just come along. This time, study him thoroughly so as to avoid committing the same mistake.
1 person likes this
@soulist (2987)
• United States
29 Sep 08
I totally agree with Trini. You seem to be doing fine since the divorce and granted there are fears there, but you seem to be kind, honest, caring woman and a good man will come to you when the time is right. You may not be ready for a relationship right now.
@Phlamingho (7831)
• Denmark
10 Feb 07
Well look at the bright side, you can't do any worse with the next guy ;-)
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Feb 07
well, unless he's a serial killer....... lol
@Geminigirl (1909)
• United States
10 Feb 07
Wow, well that's a lot for a girl to handle. he did put you through a lot. My advice would be to chill for a while and just get yourself together, you know, take a breather from men. Once you get some time passed by, you may just want to give it a try again. I know there are plenty of wonderful men out there, don't give up!
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Feb 07
It's been 2 years since he's been gone and I thought my feelings would have changed by now, but they haven't.
@elysian (122)
• India
10 Feb 07
i wouldnt say i blame you.... but when u hit rock bottom d only way der is left to go is up!!!
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Feb 07
It's bad when you have to look up to see the bottom!
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
11 Feb 07
There's a statement that's always written in bold letters when you look at a prospectus for an investment, like a mutual fund: "Past results are not an indication of future performance." I think relationships are a lot like that-- it's easy to project our old (and negative) experiences onto the present and future. Of course it's easier said that done. I can *logically* reason my way through the fact that whomever I am talking to right now has NO relation whatsoever to the idiot I talked to yesterday, but getting past the *feeling* or *fear* that it might be so is a little harder. I like to think of the past as a teaching lesson. There are no "failures" in relationships, just "lessons." And it sounds like you've certainly had your share... but you still have every opportunity to get it right, next time around.
1 person likes this
@CRiley27 (984)
• United States
10 Feb 07
You were hit with alot from that marriage, so to feel the way you do is very normal. For the time being, take care of yourself. Learn to enjoy being single, and caring for yourself. Get together with friends, start a hobby. As you know we can never predict what the future holds for us, so while you say no more men, don't worry about that. If and when you meet another man, take it slow. The neginning of a new relationship is always nice, and the good ones stay that way. But for the time being, just enjoy. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Feb 07
I can't blame if you feel like that. But life doesn't stop there, you have to move on. Open your heart and love will come.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Nov 08
Sorry to hear about your trouble. I went through the same thing only it was my wife and she is now a lesbian. However if you are messed up for life that is a personal decision. I am re-married to a wonderful woman and have a great relationship. I made the decision that no one else would determine the outcome of my life and went to some counceling. After many visits I determined that I would not judge all women by the actions of one, that I had been married to for 26 years. My advice to you is seek some help and support and then live your life by your standards and values.
@ladym33 (11008)
• United States
31 Oct 08
There are good men out there. Don't let one bad man ruin you for life for other men. I know a lot of wonderful men, I am married to one. There was a time when I felt like you but then I found a wonderful man. If you keep your heart opened you will find one someday too. If you meet a man and he turns out to be a loser you don't need to stay with him, dump him like a hot potato, the next guy might be the right guy.
• Canada
21 Feb 07
Wow, you really had a lot thrown at you. It's a lot to handle all at once. Take your time as far as going out with other men is concerned. Give your heart time to heal, and work your confidence back up. Out there somewhere is the right man for you. I believe that one day you will be happy again.