do you believe in spanking?

Canada
February 10, 2007 8:06pm CST
Do you think spanking is "punishment" or do you find it as "abuse" To me, as I was spanked and hit as a child, I hate it. I remember how I felt when my mother would spank me, I would defy her and make her angry etc... (yes as you can see I was not nice to her...) But now , thinking of how I felt as a child, I do not believe in doing that to my own kids.. I mean yes on a couple of small occasions I have tapped them on the hand (if they are say going after a light socket, or a stove, something in which they need some type of control) but I do not at all spank... What do you think? Would you spank?
1 person likes this
40 responses
@jerpogz13 (283)
• Antarctica
11 Feb 07
spanking is really abusive to a child.kids really hates to have a punishment like that.once you try to spank your child,youll do it again and again there so many ways to descipline your child though sometimes it hards to control when your angry.but is not only a solution.you can talk to your child.you know what, it happens to me while my 5 year old kid make mistakes and that time i feel so angry to him.i try to spank him.after a while he looks at me and cry and he thinks that i didntlove him anymore .you know what i really felt bad for myself.ive realized that spanking is not necessarily a punishment to a kid ,i promise that i wouldnt do it again.
@Jocelynk (130)
• Canada
11 Feb 07
I was spanked a handful of times growing up. Spank as in one swift smack on the bum - no repeated hits. It didn't change how I saw my parents, didn't reduce my self confidence, etc. Just taught me not to do that again and let me know that my parents are the adults here, not me or my siblings. My mom was my best friend growing up, even though she had spanked me when I was younger.. So long as it isn't a repeated thing or the only means of punishment, I won't judge.
• India
11 Feb 07
I think that a short sharp shock like a smack can be kinder and more effective in the end than just letting the kids rule the roost and come to a rude awakening in adult life. I think that discipline levels have drastically gone down since corporal punishment was removed from schools with some kids making life miserable for everyone else with parents who have given up (or could never be bothered in the first place) I am a parent and yes i do spank - but keep it sparing now as he is old enough to be told right from wrong. i reserve it for deliberate acts of defiance rather than the first course of action in matters
1 person likes this
@patgalca (14309)
• Orangeville, Ontario
11 Feb 07
I used to spank my children when they were little and every time I was consumed with overwhelming guilt. I hated myself and felt like I was being a lousy mother. I mean, I must be doing something wrong if I have to spank my kids to get them to do what I want. So one day I just made a decision - no more spanking. Period. I never did it again but I still have to take a child by the arm to escort them to their rooms because they are defiant and will not go when told. Of course my kids are older now (10 and 13) so I think I am past that stage. If there is an argument I don't have to send them to their rooms, they go storming off in a rage to their rooms. LOL! It is still upsetting though. I want my children to love and respect me and I know they deserve the same in return. No one ever said parenting was easy.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Feb 07
I do not believe in spanking. I was spanked as a child and I have terrible memories of it, and I truly believe for some children it can be abuse. I think it depends on the child and the mindset, but since you'll never be able to tell how it will effect your child, I will never spank my children at all. If my child was going for a light socket or stove, etc I would lightly tap her on the hand like you mentioned or just say a firm "NO" and direct her hand away. I will use the time-out method and any other method I can think of to avoid spanking!
@mssnow (9495)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I normally don't spank my kids. I did once when my son ran out in front of a car after I told him not to go into the street. But normally I gave them a consequences for their actions. I think spanking as long as it doesn't leave any marks is fine. It gets to be abuse when its done and leaves welts or bruises. And I only think it should be done on the bottom . Not anywhere else on the body. I did get spanked once or twice when I was little. But not hard enough to do any damage and it didn't really hurt. Just my ego a bit .
1 person likes this
@sylviekitty (2083)
• United States
11 Feb 07
You said you remember how it felt when your mom spanked you. Did you have a father around? Did he spank you? See, I was spanked by both of my parents. But my mother spanked ALL the time. She spanked me up til I was 16. She had a paddle, she used brushes, she used her hands.. she spanked harder if I hid the paddle, etc.. So I hated her more than I hated the spankings. As for my dad, he spanked, but not all that often. It hurt me less physically than it did emotionally, because I felt that he was doing it because I did something that disappointed him. I had more respect for him- he wasn't a spanking fanatic. He was doing it to discipline, not to be a controlling freak. So you tell me, in my case as a child, was spanking really all that horrid? (at least when it came to my dad)?
• United States
11 Feb 07
From my perception of what you have related, your mother was abusive, but your father was disciplinary. There is a very big difference there.
• United States
12 Feb 07
Oh I completely agree. Which is why I can say that IMO, spanking is not necessarily a bad thing. But I can also say from experience that it is not always justifiable, nor a good thing. There are parents who not just abuse their kids, but abuse their position as a parent. I had one parent who did that.. and one who generally speaking, did not. As you can see, being a child of such parents, I can see how spanking *can* work for some kids (under the right circumstances). I'm not completely 100% against it.
@turbogeek (121)
• India
12 Feb 07
Hmm lemme make it clear in few points: Spanking generates 1) fear not respect 2) hatred not love 3) revolting attitude not obedience. 4) violent nature Now you choose whats best for your kids... There are many other better ways to control your kids other than pampering them or the other way round.
@jossml (464)
• Puerto Rico
12 Feb 07
I am against spanking child, but they need to learn discipline from early ages, they are controlling their parents by the fact you almost can't touch your child because you will get accused of abusing them. They need to learn by other methods to respect and obey their parents, no by spanking.
@kritipen (4085)
• United States
12 Feb 07
No, I don't believe in spanking. I know soem times kid get out of control and it very difficult to handle them. Still I would prefer other methods to control them than spanking or beating them. Some times an angry word itself should be sufficient. If we raise the bar the kids might become more hard and might become more tough to handle.
• China
12 Feb 07
I hate spanking.I was spanked by my father when I was a child.I got very scared,and felt depressed for a long period of time.I will never spank my child,and I think adults can find other useful and peaceful ways to teach their children.
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
12 Feb 07
I've spanked my 4 year old son on the bottom and hands when he has been disobedient. I don't like spanking him but on occasion we have. We sit him down after it and tell him why he got spanked. He learns from it and doesn't do it again.
@koikoikoi (1247)
• United States
12 Feb 07
Well of course I believe in spanking. It does exist, but their is a difference between punishment and abuse. Spanking can be a punishment and it can also be abouse if you over do it or just do it because you have no intention or because you're bringing out your anger with him. That's just wrong. But I never liked getting hit so I'm not going to pass it down to my children.
• United States
12 Feb 07
I dont think spankings are a big deal. As long as you don't get out of control and you can control yourself it is a good form of punishment my parents spanked me every once in awhile and i dont think id ever do what they spanked me for after that.
@jimotman (634)
• Indonesia
11 Feb 07
no I totally disagree to use violence to educate children. Spanking is violence, right? It can have bad effects just like what it happened to you, and it can influence the kid's growth. There are a lot of other methods to educate or punish children, but not spanking or hitting or anything that uses violence.
• United States
11 Feb 07
I would only spank if it child did something real bad. Like you, for a minor occasion, tap on the hand. But for a real serious misbehaving, a spanking is needed so they know the severity of the punishment.
@drmt57 (295)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Yes I do believe in spanking, there is a huge difference in spanking and beating.When I spanked my children I did it out of love for them, on their buttocks with a open hand. tapping them on their hands or their buttock in today society could be considered as child abuse or physical punishmemt. I call it discipline with love.
11 Feb 07
i am with you on this one i dont beleive in smacking kids i used to tap mine on the hand like you if they were going for a light socket etc but now mine are 6, 7 and 10 i wont smack them, i know the other week i got my 10 year old a new hat and she had her ears sticking out (like an elf lol) so i went to tuck them inside the hat and she blocked me i asked what was that for and she said i was going to hit her i was gobsmacked(scuse the pun lol)i felt humiliated as i have never hit her let alone smacked her on the head i felt so small, but i think soceity has a lot to do with it to be honest, i would like to know other views on thsi as well. take care
@moneris0 (13)
• Canada
11 Feb 07
spanking is abusive. because children will be scared of thier parents and probably make a mistake and then the parents spank them again and theymake a mistake AGAIN then the parents will spank AGAIN.. and thats what happened to me when i was a child.
@mpmhc9 (8)
• United States
11 Feb 07
No, I dont. I think a serious talk with the child will work. But you have to be very serious and never threat him with some punishment you'll never do. Next step could be a "time-out" or no tv. And for some tantrum... just give them a hug...
• United States
11 Feb 07
Wow you are the first person I have ever heard say that they were against spanking when they themselves were spanked. 2 of my children are older now 12 and 10 and they will tell you when they got a spamking they absolutley deserved it. They will also say it had no effect on them . as Far as thinking they were abused they know there is a difference from spanking and beating, Most people do. Spanking is supposed to not feel great if it felt great then people would be begging for it not using it a a punishment. Amazingly we think that if wedon't punish our children somehow they are going to end up great people anyway! Does not make sense! My kids are well beghaved well adjusted children and yes they were spanked when they were younger, I don't need to spank them anymore because I set boundries when they were little!