I need advice

@Macthedj (631)
February 11, 2007 6:58pm CST
My partner and myself have a another couple who are good friends of ours. He works away most of the time so his girlfriend of 15 years is left to her own devices. I have recently found out that she has been having an affair. Now I dont judge people because sometimes what we see has a happy couple are maybe extremely unhappy on the inside. Now the predicament I find myself in is that She told my and my partner that she has finished her relationship and that she now sees a future with the man she has been having an affair with. i thought at least she had the guts to tell her partner it was over, but he has just called me and said everything is great between them and that he cannot wait to see her when he comes home. Can someone please give me some sound advice. Do I speak to her and tell her to tell himthe truth once and for all or do I take it on myself to tell him?
12 people like this
72 responses
@Jaimee31 (50)
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
i think you should to to her first tell her if she intend to end she has to d already, and if she won't tell i guess you should since you've been friends with them for quite some time. =)
1 person likes this
@Macthedj (631)
12 Feb 07
I have read all the responses and it seems everyone is saying the same thing. Thanks guys
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 07
YOu definitely need to talk to her first, let her know you know what's going on and urge her to be honest, but I would never tell a friend of mine their s/o is cheating on them. It would damage our friendship more than them finding out you knew and didn't say. They might feel resentful and like you're trying to come between them if you interfere that deeply, but you definitely should talk to her.
1 person likes this
@Laydee83 (275)
• Atlanta, Georgia
12 Feb 07
Personally, I think that you should stay out of it. I mean, you don't want her to turn things around and make it seem like you knew the entire time and so on. Cause then that could cause issues between you and your husband and his friend. So I say you just leave it alone and mind your business. BUT, if you think you should get involved....Talk to her. Let her know that what she is doing is her choice but she shouldn't make anyone else's life miserable. Tell her she needs to decide who she wants to be with seriously and let the other guy know ASAP that things aren't working out. Which ever choice you make here, good luck with the outcome.
@123mosco (630)
• Nigeria
12 Feb 07
let him the truth..........
1 person likes this
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
12 Feb 07
What a situation to be in. If I were you I would say to this person that she owes it to her partner to fill him in on where he stands. Simple as that. But I wouldn't tell him yourself unless she continues to make a fool of him. Give her the opportunity to come clean herself, but if she continues to two-time him, if he really is a friend of yours you should tell him. Think of it this way - in his shoes would you like to be told?
1 person likes this
@sandphinx (132)
12 Feb 07
Go round to see her and tell her what he said and that she should really tell and lying to herself, her partner and her bit on the side. He wont thank you for telling him.
• India
12 Feb 07
I hope the best thing is that you need to call them both n talk with them. Ask them their problems and make them understand the reasons which arose the current situation. U need to be brave n patience to do this or else you will end up messing around with the situation... Take care n all the best...
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 07
i think the only i can say is that if he loves her and if she loves him too but just because he is away most of time she can deal with that and had a affair, they should get married and then the guy or girl could move with each other or work something out. i mean if the girl is just not interested and it is not the being away part then i think it will be better for the girl to tell that to her partner. so i think u should talk to that girl and let her know that she should say the same thing she told u to her partner since he still thinks that she loves him
• United States
12 Feb 07
Sometimes you here people say"Don't get in the middle".But when it come to close friends that is kinda hard to do.Since you are friends with both of them,it has put you in between a rock and a hard place.Honestly,i would pray on it first.The Lord will guide you, and help you to make a decision.Also i would be concerned whether or not she is a true friend.If she lies to her boyfriend,she may have already to you.I think that some time in "Prayer" will give you the answer you need.
1 person likes this
@lump_z (116)
• United States
12 Feb 07
I wouldn't get involved, because most of the time you turn out to be the bad guy...what happens to their relationship is really between them. If your friend continues to talk to you about her affair then you should tell her you really don't want involved, and she should be the one to talk to her husband. I hope this helps. Been there and done that.
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
12 Feb 07
She needs to be the one to tell the boyfriend and not you. You need to sit down and talk to her about it and tell her how much of a predicament you are in because of her affair.
@mcaf1970 (140)
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
remind your friend that HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. tell her to be honest to her boyfriend. tell her if she doesn't love her bf anymore be strong enough to face her bf & end her relationship. explain why she fell out of love. she should believe in karma.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 07
Wow what a tough situation to be in,first I would talk to her and verify if she did tell him and finished the relationship, tell her that since you are friends with both, she needs to be honest with him and break it off if she hasnt to avoid more pain to this other friend of yours. She needs to know that honesty is the way to go and I would tell her she has so many days to tell him,before you feel responsible to tell him as a true friend.She shouldnt keep this man thats been in her life for 15 years hanging like this, if she wants to move on, she needs to truly do that,and the first step is by ending that relationship so she can move on.
@xXmeganxX (4423)
12 Feb 07
hi there, i think you should tell her to tell him herself because it could ruin your friendship if you told him yourself, plus it's not really your concern no matter how much you like each of them, that woman has cheated and she should own up to her own problems!
1 person likes this
@Desdemona (1305)
• Canada
13 Feb 07
She is still your friend? Sorry, but if she can do this to her husband, what kind of friend can she really be to you guys? I could not trust her - ever! Forget about her difficulties that her hubby is away and bla bla bla this and bla bla bla that. She is unfaithful and living a lie. If she told you she would end this and has not, obviously the lies continues. She wants the best of both worlds and is probably a big wimp and cannot take responsibility for this. In my opinion, which I know not everyone will agree with, I would throw the friendship out the door instantly. If the husband calls/visits to ask why you both don't call anymore, tell him the truth. Simple as that. And you still call her a friend? pfft! Best of luck!
• Australia
13 Feb 07
The "girlfriend" in all honesty sounds like a real piece of work.If they have been together 15 years you'd think she'd at least have the decency to tell him it was over.Imagine him coming home thinking all is well.I'd tell her to be a decent person and tell him the truth and let her know if she doesn't you will.I mean you'd like someone to let you know if the tables were reversed I am sure. Good luck!
@apky12 (776)
• United States
13 Feb 07
My advice is talk to her. Don't get caught up in that mess. You will be the one to lose out. Both of the people might get mad at you and they may stay together. Talk to her and try to get her to come clean if she really doesn't see a future with him.
• United States
13 Feb 07
I was in a simalar situation. What I did was tell my friend that if she didn't tell him that I would have to. I felt so guilty keeping that secret to myself knowing that the guy loved her and he deserved to know. Look at it this why, if you were in the guys position wouldn't you want to know?
• United States
12 Feb 07
my advice would be to tell her but try to keep yourself to a margin with things, while one side of you might be wanting to open his eyes to what she is doing you know that it might end whatever friendship you have going, i had a friend and the same thing happened to her, she was the one that was being cheated on and one of our close friends told her about it; well it turns out that in defense to himself the husband told my friend that our other friend was making things up and she wound up getting herself in a big mess; then to top it off our friend that was being cheated on acussed her of knowing things and not telling her (well it really was not her place to say anything), to put an end to it my friend and her husband are back together like nothing ever happened and we wound up looking like fools; so best advice tell her your thoughts but try not to get too involved into things.
@06sport (82)
• United States
12 Feb 07
definitly tell her to tell him. If you guys are good friends, you owe it to them. I dont like to dig into other peoples relationships but this just isnt right.