How to deal with a friend when..

Philippines
February 12, 2007 7:45am CST
... she's mad at you? I have a girl friend who got pregnant but after three months needed D&C since the baby died inside of her. Her parents didnt know that she's pregnant so she relied on us for moral support, money for medical check-ups and almost everything. But D&C would cost us a lot since its a minor operation and we're all just students. I know we cannot help her any further and she needs someone who can do a lot more for her. I told her that its time to tell her parents because above all else, its her family who can take care of her unconditionally. Then she loudly blurted out these words to our other friends: "if you're friend is dying, would you not help her?" and I was there. I know she was making me feel guilty, that I seemed to abandon her. And now she's mad. She has gone home, told her parents and has recovered from miscarriage... but she's mad at me. What should I do? (this is not my story. Its from a friend. She wants some advise.)
2 people like this
3 responses
• United States
12 Feb 07
It isn't your responsibility (or the friend who you are posting on behalf of) to take care of her. She's old enough to get pregnant she's old enough to make her own medical decisions like getting a D&C then she's certainly old enough to be in charge of her own finances! I'd tell her that you did everything you could and it is not fair of her to expect more out of you. People, even the best of friends, can only do just so much before they are unable to do anything else. You did everything you could, now its time for her to stop being immature and let it go. I would just write a letter explaining how you wanted to help, you did everything you could and you're sorry that you couldn't do more. Hopefully she'll come around.
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
Thank you.
• United States
12 Feb 07
Thank you - Thank you card
I hope it helps! Thanks for the best response!
• United States
12 Feb 07
Sounds like your friend did everything she could as far as help goes. There is a time and place when a friend has to say that I am unable to help anymore. When problems become too big or complicated for one person to help they should turn to their family. Your friend just needs to continue to be supportive of her friend and her friend will realize that she did what was in her best interest.
@deebomb (15323)
• United States
12 Feb 07
The best thing to do is to let her know that you still care but give her some space too. just call her often to let her know you care. Right now she is hurting but given time hopefully shewill forgive you and realize that you did the best that you could.