If you don't believe in divorce, do you just suffer through a bad marriage?

United States
February 12, 2007 11:01am CST
If your marriage isn't what you'd like it to be- he or she works all the time, you two don't communicate well, you grow apart, you hate each other, etc..- BUT you don't believe in divorce (let's say your religion is very much against it), what do you do? Do you think to yourself: "I made my bed (I chose this person, for better or worse), now I have to lie in it"? Do you force your spouse to get counseling with you? Or do you go by yourself and work on your own problems? Or do you just pray a lot, and hope that works? (And what if it doesn't? Can you really force yourself to be with this other person til "death do you part"?) *My grandmother was in a really bad relationship, but because of her religion, she felt she could not leave her husband. Her kids tried to convince her it was the best thing to do, but she refused. She ended up dying, and left him a widower. (He wasn't a good husband by any stretch of the imagination, so sadly, this was probably for the best).
6 people like this
23 responses
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
I believe that divorce may be opted only as the last resort. All avenues to make the marriage work will have to be exhausted first. Counselling, having heart to heart talks, consider the kids, spend a vacation together, etc. If nothing really works despite all the efforts exerted, then it is best for the couple to go their separate ways. If religion is the reason for clinging to the relationship, please be guided that The Bible says husband and wife may get a divorce but they may never remarry for as long as the used to be partners are both living. Only a widow or widower may find a suitable partner and remarry.
1 person likes this
@mccullar (124)
• United States
13 Feb 07
were in the bible dose it say that? hhhmmm i never new that and i think your right with wha tyou said!
• India
13 Feb 07
I believe that if one is unhappy in a marriage and is certain that it does not have a future and things cannot be worked out, one should take the extreme step. There is no point in continuing a relationship if the damages are unreparable. There are people who are afraid of what the society and their family members would think of them. I don't think one should worry about such things as it your life and your relationship which is in a mess. MOst importantly just follow your heart and do what it tells you
1 person likes this
@Anakata2007 (1787)
• Canada
12 Feb 07
This is tough. I believe in marriage strongly and I believe that people should divorce only as a very last resort. No relationship is perfect and most lets be honest are far from perfect. I think it our marriage is not a happy one, we need to concentrate on other things in life that will make us happy. However, if our spouse cheats, steals or beats us, or if he or she threatens our personal safety in other ways, then divorce is the option.
@rainbow (6763)
12 Feb 07
Lifes tooo short to spend it being miserable, I would never stay if i was really fed up and it was affecting my boys. My cure for never wanting a divorce is to not get married, I have managed to escape it so far and wouldn't want to get married as I might feel trapped and it would cause problems that weren't there before.
1 person likes this
@jerpogz13 (283)
• Antarctica
12 Feb 07
it depends on the situations.it always have a solutions not only a divorce.just talk and communicate with your partner and try to work it out.there so many ways!
@Sawsen (795)
• United States
13 Feb 07
I think I wouldn't take it to that extreme, but I hope she is rewarded for her efforts. My religion isn't against divorce, but it really dislikes it. But if you find yourself in the situation you described, you would be permitted to leave. I mean all those things would be taken as steps, but if you could not resolve your problems, then yes, divorce is an option. Especially if the husband is abusive. That's just not right to stay in that type of a marriage.
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
13 Feb 07
that's what most people did, yes. when you said not a good husband, does it mean abusive physically or verbally or both? If he is any of those, I don't think she should stay just for the sake of religion. Did she marry him for love or was it arranged? If it was love then yes the church would find it hard to give her divorce (and she didn't ask!) but if it was arranged, then she could've tried to ask the church about it. My friend is Catholic, she married for a year and the guy cheated on her, so she pleaded for divorce and the church gave her. The guy cheated and so he broke the unity that God had blessed them in.
@micheller (1366)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Unless you are in an abusive relationship you have no excuse to not try and work things out. Try to work things out on your own. You both have to be willing to work on the relationship. If trying to work it out on your own doesn't work, then try marriage counseling. If counseling doesn't work either than you can start talking about divorce. If your having problems with your marriage you shouldn't just jump to divorce. You should at least TRY and work things out.
@Elaeblue (145)
• United States
13 Feb 07
You dont have to stay and be abused if you dont believe in divorce. There is no law that requires you to stay. Live elsewhere. You can live on your own and not be divorced.
@rosie_123 (6118)
13 Feb 07
There is no way I could ever force myself to live in an unhappy state like that. Life is for living, and is far too short, and precious, to spend it scared, frightened, unhappy, or whatever, just because some religion tells you to. If I had tried for a while, and still felt like that, would get out, and never look back. It is ridiculous, in my opinion, to live a lie, and be unhappy, if you have any choice to the contrary.
@sisan76 (43)
• Singapore
13 Feb 07
I believe that divorce should be a last resort. When two individual gets married, they are said to stand by each other and to love each other. Try to go for a renewed honeymoon and have a heart to heart talk about your relationship.
• United States
13 Feb 07
im in a bad marriage right now and the only reason im still in it is because im not payin for it now if he wants to file and pay i wont stop him but i do believe in divorce i just dont believe in paying for it
@nuel_h (1594)
• Indonesia
13 Feb 07
first of all, very good post, hmmm... second, stick to the rules: never divorce(if u are christian) there are alternative : go to counseling or the worst: marriage cancelation
13 Feb 07
It's a hard one, i would hate to be in a bad marriage but i would hate to get a divorce too, i would seriously sit down and do some talking and go to councelling, everything to make my marriage work, my in-laws are in a strange marriage and my mother in-law is a strong irish catholic and don't believe in divorce, its such a shame as they are like strangers living together and i really want to help them without interfering, i really think they need to seek councelling and or just go on a break together and get to know eachother again
• United States
13 Feb 07
If you don't believe in divorce, but the marriage is gone so badly that you can't live with your spouse, you shouls separate. Not divorce, but not live together.I heard this was done in Europe back in the day. That is what I would do. In the eyes of your religion you are still married.This way you won't end up hating one another.
@sanjudear (142)
• India
13 Feb 07
In my point of view if I will be in the same condition then I will try my level best to get adjusted to the circumstances but If the situation is crossing the limits & if home is made hell then I would deffinately try come out from the hell by explaining him the situation
@posterBOY (116)
• Philippines
13 Feb 07
I think bad marriages happen because the people in them forget what their relationship was like BEFORE they got married. The sweet things a person does during courtship shouldn't end after marriage. Love is an ongoing thing, and it's up to two people in a relationship to keep it going or neglect it. More often than not, because of the pressures of raising a family, domestic duties, working to support a family, couples forget to have time for themselves and make time to be romantic and express their love for each other just like when they were still in the courtship stage. They let fights fester, when during courtship they would work things out to get back together again. Marriage is not just a ceremony, it's a pledge of love. You don't have to suffer through a bad marriage if you just remember what got you into the marriage in the first place: the promise of love between two people forever.
• Singapore
13 Feb 07
if i am in this shoes, i will definitely go for the worse as i believe in suffering in a short term rather a long one.
@shila07 (514)
• Bhutan
13 Feb 07
It depends on the situation. Divorce is not a godd idea in good marriage, but in bad marriage, its best, i think. If some one doesnot know the actual meaning of a marriage, he she may good for the divorce. If husband is vulgar, not good, she can go for divorce
• India
13 Feb 07
Yes, if you don't believe in divorce there's not much else that you can do. Well, I suppose that you could seperate from your husband, so that 'technically' you would still be married but you wouldn't have to put up with an abusive husband. Personally I think that after giving it your best shot, if you still find that your relationship is not working then you should gracefully call it quits.