A friend borrows something and returns it damaged. What do you do?

United States
February 12, 2007 11:29am CST
When a friend asks to borrow something and returns it in less-than-great shape. What do you do? Do you say anything?
10 people like this
28 responses
@tentwo67 (3384)
• United States
12 Feb 07
Well, I know that if I was the friend who had borrowed something, I would offer to repair or replace anything damaged while it was in my possession. I would hope that a friend of mine would do the same. If that didn't happen, I would first vow to not loan to that "friend" again. Whether or not I confronted the person about the damage would depend on the value. If it was inexpensive and easy to replace I probably wouldn't say anything about it, but if it was more valuable I would approach the friend about it and offer the opportunity to make it right.
• United States
13 Feb 07
yes, I too would guage the value of the item before deciding whether to say anything.
@mari61960 (4895)
• United States
12 Feb 07
I'de cry...that's it I would just cry. Seriously I doubt I would say anything.. I might say sarcastically "geez, did you have to kill it?" But I wouldn't make an issue out of it... Not with my mouth anyway, now my mind would be spinning with madness and fury...lol I always try to be nice and most of the time when I should say something I don't. And when I do say something while I'm angry...I end up having to let my feet fall out of my mouth first..lol
@Bizziebod (3526)
12 Feb 07
Oh it's so annoying when that happens, that if you ever get it back! Unless my really good friends ask then I don't bother about the rest. I always say something if it is broken or been misused, but you always get 'oh it was like that when I borrowed it!' So now I say no! Their loss in the long run!
3 people like this
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
12 Feb 07
Another nerve ending just dangling raw and festering in this topic. It has happened in the past where we have lent out equipment or something and sure enough, we enede up paying for the damages. So we learned out lesson. Nothing here animate or inanimate leaves without one of us attached to it. That way we can keep an eye on things. If is it not convenient for us to show up with a piece of equipment and run it,too bad. I don't mind lending a hand, but never a borrower or lender will I ever be again. My husband is such a chicken butt, that is answer is "Well it is okay with me but you'd better ask Ally first" What a sh!t. Nobody ever calls though. He has made me out to be the wicked witch of the west. I cornered him about it once and all he says is that he feels awkward saying NO. Heeeelllllooooo, its alright be me to be the wanker though duh?????
2 people like this
• United States
13 Feb 07
"Another nerve ending dangling raw and festering..." Ally, you are a hoot. I love reading your posts! So hubby leaves the dirty work up to you! Sounds like you have set of brass ones while his might be rather small....and made of marshmellows! Ha!!!
@villageanne (8554)
• United States
12 Feb 07
Unfortunately, my daughers have friends who borrow things and never return them. I finally told them that they were not allowed to loan them things. I guess you learn from experiece who will take care of things and who will not. Better to keep a friend and not say anything than to loose a friend over a material posession. That is what my advice is.
2 people like this
@shywolf (4520)
• United States
12 Feb 07
With me being as shy as I am, it would definitely depend on what the item was, how much damage was caused to the item and how close of a friend the person was. I would probably not feel able to say anything to someone if I didn't know them really well. Also, I would hope that a true friend would apologize and explain what happened, but of course this is not always the case, for they might feel too embarrassed to say anything. But anyway, in most cases i would probably just let it go.
2 people like this
@JoyfulOne (6242)
• United States
12 Feb 07
I had a friend that borrowed and brought stuff back damaged all the time, lol. I quit lending anything to her cause it just wasn't worth it. Depending on what it is, and how badly it's damaged usually makes the decision easier for me. Most people, at the minimum, say they're sorry and offer to fix it or get a replacement. As in the case of my friend, she'd never even apologise. (I think she thought I'd never notice or something.) It's a hard call for sure. If it's not something real important, then it might be petty to say something about it. It's always a chance when you lend something to somebody and whatever the object is you have to think about whether it's worth it to have it potentially be ruined. Sometimes it's just easier to say 'no' from the get-go.
@Morticia (419)
12 Feb 07
It depends on many things - if I borowed some old and worthless thing - I wouldn't mind so much, especially if my friend apologized to me with an offer to get me a new "something". But if I borrow something with any higher value (it doesn't have to be anything expencive, but priceless for me), maybe I wouldn't say anything at that moment, but he/she would never get anything from me again! Only if he/she partly destroyed that something - I would ask them would they like their things to be destroyed... I wouldn't be rude and hence they will get the point and probably feel bad.
2 people like this
• United States
12 Feb 07
That is a tough one. For me it would depend on how much damage was done and how much the item meant to me. You would hope that your friend would just acknowledge that they are returning it in less-than-great shape and volunteer to fix it or replace it. But some people take friendship for granted. Hope this helps. Lloyd
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
It depends, is it unusually degraded or worn out?! If it is, you owe it to your friendship and to that person. You just have to tell it in a nice way. I had a similar incident like this that happened to me. I lent my CD to a friend then when he returned it to me it was really worn out. I told him my concern and he took it nicely. It would be a problem if you just let it pass by, bit by bit it would just damage your friendship. Just give him another chance regarding him borrowing your stuff. good luck!
2 people like this
@Cephoozee (374)
• United States
12 Feb 07
Forgive 'em, they are your friend, right? If they're a good friend to you they will compensate for it, but you cannot expect anything, expectations can destroy any relationship.
2 people like this
• United States
12 Feb 07
WOW. that's a hard one. I have borrowed things and then damaged it, but I never returned it like that. i spoke up and told my friend and then I would buy another one. It's only happened once, but I did it. I know, myself, I wouldn't say anything. I would figure that they weren't such a great friend if they returned something broken or damaged and just go from there.
2 people like this
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Depending on what it was, I might or might not be upset, but if there was no apology made and at least an offer to replace it, there is no way that I would lend that person anyting ever again. I had a friend, one time borrowed someone's car, drove around like a maniac. I asked why she was driving that way, she sid, she wasn't worried, it was not her car. I never lent her my car again.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Feb 07
OMG, how disrespectful! "It isn't my car." I agree with you too...if the person at least offered to replace the item or fix it, then that is one thing. But if they return the damaged item and do not offer, then they sure would't be borrowing from me again!
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
15 Feb 07
All we ever ask of people if they borrow something is, if something happens to it, just let us know and be honest. We lent a playstation to some friends at one stage and they actually swapped the laser out of it for their old one that didn't work then gave it back to us. When we tried to play our playstation when we got it back it didn't work anymore and my husband rang us and all they did was lie to us, so we didn't talk to them again. We were told by another friend that they had actually swapped the lasers over and we were just hoping that our friends would be honest with us.
1 person likes this
@inked4life (4227)
• United States
15 Feb 07
If they were my friend I hope that they would be considerate enough to replace the borrowed item they damaged. That's what I would do.
1 person likes this
@lauriefnp (5112)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I suppose that it would depend on what the item was and how badly it was damaged. If the friend acknowledged that they had broken or damaged it inadvertently, and offered to repair or replace it, I am sure that I would decline their offer and forgive and forget. If they acted as if nothing was wrong, I would probably not say anything, but I would definitely not lend them a thing ever again. It would also make me reconsider the person's integrity if they ignored the situation. Mistakes happen, but how people handle them make all the difference.
1 person likes this
@babystar1 (4236)
• United States
13 Feb 07
If my friend would borrow something and return it damaged, yes I would say something about it. This person is my friend so I dont care if I say something to him or not.But most of my friends, if they brought something back to me damaged they would offer to replace it for me thats what makes a good friend.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Feb 07
I most certainly would say something! I allowed them to borrow it under the trust that they would take care of it. If it's not been taken care of I would expect them to replace it or they wouldn't be borrowing anymore of my stuff.
1 person likes this
• Canada
12 Feb 07
well i'd hope my friend would be honest enough to say something on their own. but if not i guess it depends how damaged it is. what i'd say is "what happened" plain and simple. If it's an accident i propably wouldn't say much esle.
1 person likes this
@ronita34 (3923)
• Canada
12 Feb 07
I am the type of person with little words in some situations. I might say something and i may not i guess that it all depends on what it was and why it is in that sondition. I would ask why it is in rough shape and i think i would just know better to be more cautious the next time i decide to lend something to this friend!