What are your feelings?
February 12, 2007 12:16pm CST
Hello Everyone, There once was a story about a little girl who asked her mother: "Why does Grandma eat out of the wooden bowl and the rest of us eat out of our beautiful dishes? Her mother surprised at the daughter's question, explained to her daughter that Mama's hands are shaky and she might drop our good dishes and break them, so she uses the wooden bowl instead." After thinking about this for a moment, the little girl asked: "The would you save the wooden bowl for me so I will have it for you when I grow up? The preview of coming events might have startled the mother even shaken her a little. But upon reflection, it may also have reassured her that her little girl was planning on taking care of her! The prospect for many of the elderly may not be so bright. They have become the fastest growing segment of the population in many parts of the world and many are 60 or older. A study showed that many elderly in nursing homes are frequently showed disrespect by those caring for them in these home, talk baby talk to them. That robs the older people of their dignity but is also bad for their well being and self esteem. This type of disrespect robs the elderly of their health also, they soon get depressed and decay physically and mentally. Many elderly in today's modern society find themselves homeless and alone, unvisited and uncared for. Especially in many nursing homes throughout the world, abuse, neglect and uncared for elderly are stored in nursing homes like sardines. When they enter these nursing homes most get the feeling it is their last stop on life's journey. How sad, yet when thinking of these dear elderly, they are someones , mother, father, sister or brother. On the other side of the issue sometimes due to needing nursing care twenty four hours a day, a nursing home is needed. But there is a difference when a nursing home is needed an when a nursing home is the easiest way out for those involved. Here is a case and point. I recently visited a nursing home where everyone around this lady I was visiting, was out of it. Sitting in wheelchairs, some strapped in so as not to fall, with each of them looking into space and with blank look on their faces. I went over to her and touched her hand gently,and asked her how she was doing? She looked up at me and with such a big smile and her face came alive and said; "I am fine thank you, how are you? She then proceeded to tell me to sit and visit a while, so I did. We talked about her grandchildren and how they hadn't been to see her in weeks, and that she hoped they were okay. She then went on to tell me that she really did not like it there. I asked her why and she said because there is nothing to do and I have no one to talk to and I get depressed. I feel like I am sitting waiting to die. I tried to comfort her and told her I would be back to see her again in two days. Here is my point, yes, in some cases nursing homes are needed when care can not be managed at home. But that is only needed sometimes. That being said, I personally feel that nursing homes are not where our loved elderly parent and relative should be. When they are older they need care, but especially if they have their full thinking abilities. Then in that case they belong home with their families. It is cruel to place someone who has a good mind into a nursing home where the just decay. If I need to ever place my loved one in any nursing home it would be the last resort, and I personally would visit to see if it is clean, well maintained, not smelling of urine and feces, and that the staff is qualified and certified personnel, a homelike atmosphere, activities and adequate meals. I would monitor my relatives care and visit them daily or if I could not at least 3,4 times a week. In the conclusion of this issue, I want to say, I personally would keep my parents in my home with me and care for them. If a nursing home is needed, some families may choose that. I personally would not, but I would never look down on those who feel they need to place their elderly loved on in a nursing home. I do not know their situation. I do though know this, for the amount of money a descent nursing home would cost each month, a nurse can stay with your relative when you can't and it would be cheaper and most important, it will make your elderly relative more happy and feel loved. What is your personal feeling on the issue of nursing homes? Take care, Jadona2006
2 people like this
15 Feb 07
I appreciate you for this. You're so loving and caring and I hope that you would not allow your parents to be brought to the nursing home in their old age. I am not also in favor of bringing our old folks to nursing homes where they could not be personally taken care of by their loved ones. Yes, it's very expensive to stay in the nursing home and so if the family can afford to pay for such, they may as well pay for a private nurse to take care of their old folks in their own homes so that they see each other every day and know what's really happening.
• United States
15 Mar 07
Hello Arseniajoiaquiun, You are correct, if one can afford a nursing home they can afford a nurses aid or some one to care for their loved one when a family member can not. We live in a society that seems to throw old folks away even though they say they love them. I truly feel it is time to repay the wonderful things that parents and grandparents do for their children. In many cases, raising a family is not easy but 0ur parents and grandparents took care of us and I personally feel when they are sick, then it isd our turn to care for them. Thanks for your comments and I am sorry for not commenting sooner but I have been sick. Take care, Jadona2006
15 Feb 07
Kudo of the year award to you on this discussion. It is so true, and it really breaks my heart. I am very over protective of elderly men and women, and I hate to see them used and abused in any way. For me the in home care is the only way to go. My grandmother is 76 years old, and my grandfather is going on 69, and I am always worried about what will happen to one if the other goes. I am not in the position to offer either of them a great place to live. I am a single mother, with two children, who is unemployed due to the lack of work available here, and planning to go to college this fall. I would take them in without a second thought, but I'd feel horrible for not being able to help them out in a better way. I would do whatever it would take, but I could never let them rot in one of those nursing homes. My great grandfather was in one, we lived a few provinces away, and I know that my grandparents offered, but he declined, but his other children didn't care to take him in and that was the last place he saw. The last face he saw when he sat down at the table for tea that afternoon was that of a nurse. That alone kills me, and I would not allow it to happen to any other family member now that I am old enough to intervene.
• United States
15 Mar 07
Hello Candygurl24, I am sorry I have not responded sooner. Been sick.:) I truly do appreciate your comments and am so happy to see that others feel as I do about nursing homes. I believe that anyone who can care for another person truly loves that person. When I was sixteen years old and my mom became sick with Encephilitis due to a mousqito bite I was very frightened and thought my mom would not make it. She was in the intensive care for a few days and then in progressive care for three months. She could not wash herself or feed herself or use her hands well or walk. The doctors thought she should go to a nursing home and I told him no. I refused to leave her side. I stayed with her in the hospital and so they gave me a cot beside her bed and food to eat. I knew as long as I stayed close to my mom, she would feel more comfortable and less fearful of what was happpening to her. She left the hospital to go to a rehabilitation center where she remained for another 3 months and they taught her to use her hands some better and to try to dress herself, but it was very hard for her. They soon told me the same thing to place her in a nursing home. I again told them no, that my mom took care of me for 16 years and now because she needs help I should but her in a nursing home? I took my mom home and cared for her. She remained in the wheel chair for 7 years and soon was able to walk with a walker and then a cane and now she walks with nothing at all. She uses her hands and cooks and cleans and helps me with my family. You see this happened in 1990, she got out of the wheelchair in 1997. My mom is now doing well and helping others. You see my mom is a minister and loves people. She visits those that are sick and shut in and in home for the elderly. My point is this, would my mom have done as well if I listened to those doctors and put her in a nursing home? I certainly don't think she would have. My mom is 63 years old and loves life. I feel that being home is what helped her fight to get better. She knew she was loved and wanted to get better. Most elderly who are placed in nursing homes, give up and become depressed and they just waste away. How much more loving to give those we love a chance to enjoy life, even if with some disibilities my mom loves life and enjoys being with people. Who are we to know if maybe by our gentle loving care we can help restore our relative and loved one back to quality life and one that is beneficial toward others. Take care and thanks for your comments. Take good care of you Grandmother and Grandfather, after all they are a gift for God. Jadona2006
15 Mar 07
I am glad to hear that your mother is doing well. One thing you said really hit home...about your mother taking care of you for 16 years...and I totally agree. Our family gave up alot to raise us, so what is it to take care of them while they are in need? Are most people's time really that valuable that they can't spend it on their loved ones? When standing at the gates and asked what I have done with my time/life, I would much rather say that I dedicated a great deal of time to taking care of my loved ones rather than say, well I worked too hard, lost contact with my family and then stuck my family in a nursing home and barely had the time to visit. Bless you and yours. Candygurl24