Son Cutting again

@beckyomg1 (6759)
United States
February 12, 2007 3:35pm CST
I have a child that does this. He did stop for a while but now is back doing it. I have tried to talk to him about this but he will not listen to me. He has stop seeing his counsler and as she said i cant force him into going. Just am frustrated as a mom on what to do.
6 people like this
12 responses
@brendalee (6084)
• United States
13 Feb 07
I was a cutter when I was about your son's age. I did it because I had been molested by my mothers boyfriend and my mom didn't believe me. I think I did it to get back at her and to gain some much needed attention. There are many reasons why kids do this. Luckily I stopped after a few years. I went to counseling but it did not help. It was my closest friends who helped me. My mom had sent me to a mental health hospital. I was there for about an hour when my roomate told me that if I touched her stuff, she would kill me. I walked out and from that moment I knew I had to do something. I got my friends together and told them what I had been doing. It was such a release. I stopped after that. I have been told that a rubber band sometimes helps. have your son place it on his wrist, make sure it is not too tight. And when he gets the urge to cut, tell him to try snapping the rubberband. I didn't use that method but I have heard from people who have. Good luck and hang in there.
1 person likes this
@beckyomg1 (6759)
• United States
13 Feb 07
actually he did use that method before when he was doing it, and it did help, but he did go through some more things lately and that is why he started back up again, i also checked out is myspace and on the info on it it says im a cutter and i always will be, that is why im getting concerned again, also he did do alot of cutting a couple weeks ago alot more then he had done before. I have to keep looking to see if he is doing more i have notice some but smaller, i just dont know what to do sometimes, i know that he does it sometimes because of the emotions of hurting himself before someone hurts him.
@brendalee (6084)
• United States
13 Feb 07
You probably have already seen these websites but if not, they might be helpful to you. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-injury/DS00775 http://www.coolnurse.com/self-injury.htm http://mentalhealth.about.com/cs/familyresources/a/selfinjury.htm http://human-nature.com/odmh/selfinjury.html
1 person likes this
@beckyomg1 (6759)
• United States
13 Feb 07
i dont think that i have check out those sites i will look into them thanks so much for sending them to me.
@lauriefnp (5112)
• United States
12 Feb 07
I'm sorry to hear about your son. Cutting is a hard thing to handle, as is bipolar disorder. Is he on meds? If so, is he taking them correctly? A lot of times people stop the meds because of side effects and their symptoms increase. How old is he? I assume that he's in school. If his grades are good, the school may not even be aware of a problem. Maybe it would be a good idea to arrange a meeting with his teachers and guidance counselor to discuss this and find out if his behavior has changed in any subtle way in school or if his class participation has changed. Maybe the teachers are aware of something that could be causing him stress, resulting in cutting. This is such a difficult situation, because you're right, you can't force him to go to the counselor. Even if you did, he could sit there and not participate at all, which is most likely what would happen. Don't be hard on yourself about being a good Mom. I'm sure that you've done everything that you can to be available to talk with your son and that he knows that you want to talk and to help him. Unfortunately, he needs to be the one to open up. You're doing all that you can. Hang in there, and hopefully he will open up soon.
1 person likes this
@beckyomg1 (6759)
• United States
13 Feb 07
im trying to hang in there, im not sure if his med need to be adjusted. i think its really is that he has been emotional lately and that is why he has started back up. i will just hang in there a bit more and hopefully it will get better.
2 people like this
@lauriefnp (5112)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Is he a teenager? As he enters puberty and his hormones change he may need medication adjustments.
1 person likes this
@beckyomg1 (6759)
• United States
13 Feb 07
he is 16 and a half and i am going to the neuroligst this next month and i am going to be asking to check the levels of his meds to make sure that they are correct.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Feb 07
I'm not sure how old he is, but in some states they will take legal action against the parents if the kids don't go to school. :( Is it possible that he's bored there, or that he's being bullied?
1 person likes this
@beckyomg1 (6759)
• United States
14 Feb 07
I think it is all emtional things that is making him be like this. i have tried to talk to him but right now im just mom and dont know anything.
@Sawsen (795)
• United States
13 Feb 07
How old is he? I know that you can't force him into going, but you could probably take away all the things he uses to cut himself. I know it's an extreme tactic, but sometimes you have to go to extreme measures to protect children, especially from themselves. I also think there is an underlying reason why he would be cutting himself, and I'm sure it's to make him feel better about himself. So maybe you should talk about self-esteem to him, and let him know how great he is, and how much you love. I'm sure you a great mother, and you give him compliments always, but I think he is trying to feel better about himself.
1 person likes this
@beckyomg1 (6759)
• United States
13 Feb 07
He is 16, and sometimes i dont know what he is using, it could be from a paperclip to something else. i try and make him feel better but im the mom and right now i dont know anything in his mind. so i just try to just tell him that i will be there for him.
@brokentia (10396)
• United States
13 Feb 07
How old is he???? I understand that you can not force him to stop or to go to counseling. But there must be something that the counselor can suggest because this just isn't good! Maybe you should consider a different counselor. Because if he started again and the counselor is not helping, I would find someone that WILL help.
1 person likes this
@beckyomg1 (6759)
• United States
13 Feb 07
He is sixteen, and he did like the counsler, he just for some reason did not want to go anymore, she did suggest that i see someone to maybe help me understand more you know what i mean.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 07
I can't understand how she says you cannot force him because he IS physically harmful to himself. I would call other authorities and check. He needs help for sure. I will keep your family in my prayers.
1 person likes this
@beckyomg1 (6759)
• United States
12 Feb 07
Yeah, i cant force him to go to the counslers, i could call the authorities and do it that way. But at this time i dont really want that right now because i dont know if that would make things worse.
1 person likes this
@emeraldisle (13146)
• United States
12 Feb 07
I agree with the others that you need to see if you can find out what is bothering him. Usually cutters are feeling a lot of emotional pain or stress. Some cutters will cut so that they can see that they are still alive and can feel, while others cut to have a visual and real pain to focus on that it isn't all in their head and heart. Something is bothering him. If you can get him to at least talk to you it might help. If not just let him know you are there if he wants to. Offer him some support. Yes you are allowed to worry but don't pressure him on it, it could just make it worse.
1 person likes this
@beckyomg1 (6759)
• United States
12 Feb 07
yes as a mother i do worry and worry alot. i just wish that i could do more sometimes. my kids are my world and i hate to see them doing something like that. i will always be there for him when he is ready to talk to me.
1 person likes this
@aretha (2540)
• United States
12 Feb 07
i am sorry that has to horible as a mother. my hubbys cuisins 14 yr old was doing cuz some other kids in scholl were but they sat her down and told her what she was doing to herself and she stopped if it were only that easy for every one. good luck i really hope he stops or figures out y
1 person likes this
@beckyomg1 (6759)
• United States
12 Feb 07
thank you for the luck, sometimes yes it is hard to handle and everything. but i am a loving mom i think and i just hopes that he can talk to me again at some point.
1 person likes this
@shoelover (1573)
• Australia
12 Feb 07
My daughter used to cut herself and I found whenever she did it had to do with what people were saying or doing at school. If your son is still at school I would advise the school counsellor what is happening and they will check it out. If he is not at school it means he is probably having a bad emotional time about something and that is his way of feeling better. I know you cannot force him to go to counselling. My advice would be to just let him know you are there for him if he needs to talk. Don't be judgemental in what he says just listen.
1 person likes this
@beckyomg1 (6759)
• United States
12 Feb 07
yes i always try to listen. I think that i am a concerning mother. I try as a might to talk to him but most days he just does not want to talk to mom. but i let him know that i am there for him.
• Pakistan
13 Feb 07
You should try to be more polite with him not strict. I hope it will work.
@beckyomg1 (6759)
• United States
13 Feb 07
alright i will try that but i am polite with him.
• Australia
18 Feb 07
Im sorry that your son did this. I cant imagine how you must be feeling as his mom. The reason he is cutting himself is usually to relieve all the stress that is going on in his life. It usually means that the person is not happy with something, or is hurt by something. Because you know, physical pain will heal, it is more bearable than emotional pain. Though I never cut myself, I should know it, because I have hurt myself ages ago. Some people says that cutting gives them the feeling of having control in their life. Its true that you cant force your son to go see his counselour, but there are things that you can do to help him. You could be his friends instead of his mom for a while, what I mean is that really be there for him, listen to what he said, be someone that he can unload to, to share his pain with, and for a while dont try to get him to stop. Ive heard that it is very hard to stop even if they want to or not. Im sure that your son wants to stop, but he feels that it is very hard and a failure for him, so that he stops trying and continue cutting. And also, pray for him, so that God will light his heart and help him ease his emotional pain, help him cope with the reality. Because by coping with reality, you will be a stronger person in life. Good luck and feel free to message me if you want to talk or something. :)
@mtdewgurl74 (18121)
• United States
17 Feb 07
My niece has recently started this I think it is because my husbands niece who is 17 has done this several times and told my niece about it and so now she does it. She won't stop her words are it's my body, my life, and we need to stop nagging her because it just makes her want to cut herself more. I think it also has to do with her having a hard time with her mother. I just wish she stop and your right my sister tried forcing her into counseling but nothing worked she just set there and refused to even speak a word and when the time was up she left. All we can do I guess is love them and tell them we do no matter how much they say we don't and be there for them whenever they need us to be. and hold them when they need it. And show them no matter how old or big they get they are still our babies.