Surrogacy - would you have a baby for someone else?

@rosie_123 (6118)
February 12, 2007 4:36pm CST
In the past year, I have had two friends who have been touched by the subject of surrogate babies. One friend (I started a thread about her some while back), is giving birth to a baby for her brother. And another friend of mine, who was not able to give birth naturally, had a child through a surrogate agency in the UK called COTS. Recently I read a newspaper article about a woman who gave birth to a child for her daughter, because het daughter could not give birth. I know it is an emotive subject, but how do you feel about it? Would you be prepared to do this for your sister, or a close friend who desparately wanted a child, and could not have one? What do you think the pitfalls are? Could you have a child just to hand it over to someone else?
12 people like this
55 responses
@wolfie34 (26816)
• United Kingdom
12 Feb 07
Ironically a few months back I was having a discussion more or less on the same lines, about sperm donation, would I be happy, donating sperm so couples who couldn't have children would benefit. But now the law has changed and you have to put your name to every donation, so that if any child is born they could in theory trace you as their natural father! The money you get for donating is just to cover expenses and they class sperm donation as giving your liver or kidneys to someone and there is no price tag. But even so it wasn't the money and neither was it a religious choice but I felt in the end that I couldn't do it. Thinking about your discussion I also feel the same, that if nature intended people not to have children then this should be so, there are so many orphan children that need a loving home, and adoption and fostering should be considered over surrogacy, but that's my own personal opinion.
3 people like this
@rosie_123 (6118)
13 Feb 07
Thanks for responding to this discussion. It is good to get a male viewpoint here.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 07
That to me would be one of the hardest things in the world to do. You would be carring the child inside of you for nine months and in that time no matter that you knew you would be giving it up the child and you are still bonding. Then if it is a family member that you are giving the child to chances are that you would be living close to them and every time you saw that child it would take a little piece of your heart. In cases of discipling the child would if you and them disagree about how that should be done. Would you say something or turn your head. To me it would be just such a hard thing to do. But each person has their own way of looking at things. This is just me. I could not do it no matter what the reason.
@rosie_123 (6118)
12 Feb 07
Thank you for your comments.
@remaster74 (4066)
• Greece
12 Feb 07
I wouldn't even dream of that. I think it needs a lot of strength to feel a baby growing up inside you and then to be obliged to give the baby up.
2 people like this
@quispy (573)
• United States
12 Feb 07
I could definitely do this for someone that I care about. I did make this offer to one of my best friends that had exhausted all other means. It is something that I thought about, and is something that I would do, as long as I knew who had the baby!
2 people like this
@malcido (422)
• United States
10 Mar 07
My husband and I have offered to be a gestational surrogate for my sister in law. The transfer will happen next month. This was not something that we decided easily or quickly. I could not do a traditional surrogacy where my egg was used and I would not consider doing this for money. I am excited about continuing this journey!
1 person likes this
@rosie_123 (6118)
11 Mar 07
Well I think that is an amazing thing you are doing, and I wish all the best with it.
@Bee1955 (3886)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Linda, Eric & Brian - 2 men & lady
I'll tell you what. In the early 1980s I wanted another baby real bad. However, I found out that because I had a juvenile-sized uterus and my first pregnancy (at age 15) caused major damage, I would not be able to carry it. I had ( and still have) the best friend in Linda and her now late-husband Dave. They came over one day and asked now ex-husband if we would consider having Linda surrogate for us. I felt that it was the bigggest blessing and truely felt grateful, but she had a year old baby and just got her body back into shape, and I felt she had enough after 4 boys. We thanked them profusely and they kept the offer standing until we were divorced, 5 years later. Now that's friendship. Here's a photo of Linda and 2 of her sons (one is the baby I mentioned and my godson - Eric) last Christmas in Michigan. Such friendships never die.
1 person likes this
@rosie_123 (6118)
13 Feb 07
You are lucky to be blessed with such a good friend as Linda. Thanks for sharing your story.
@shambuca (2560)
• United States
13 Feb 07
since i don't want any children of my own- I can't see myself having one for someone else. But I suppose if it were for my sister, since I love her so much and she almost wasn't able to have children (she finally was able to find a dr to help and she has 2) and I saw first hand the heartache she was feeling- i think i would have to consider it, but that is a really tough call.
1 person likes this
@rosie_123 (6118)
13 Feb 07
As someone who also chose not to have children, I find it very hard to imagine how a need to have kids can drive a woman to such despair, but I have friends who, like your sister, were desparate to have children, so I have seen the heartache at close quarters too. One of these friends did have a child through surrogacy, and I have seen the change in her, and the happiness bought into her life, so I admire any woman that can do that for another.
13 Feb 07
I agree with what most people here have said. It would be the most difficult thing to do. Carrying a baby and then having to give it away. I guess it would be easier to do for family because you would still see the child etc and it's a very loving act to carry someome else's child. I think it would be a lovely thing to do if you were a strong enough person but i don't think i am.
1 person likes this
@rosie_123 (6118)
13 Feb 07
At least you are honest and strong enough to know your own mind, and there is nothing wrong with that. Thanks for responding.
@ukchriss (2103)
13 Feb 07
If I still had all my bits inside, yes I could definitely do this for someone that I care very much about. I would love to be able to help someone in this way.
@rosie_123 (6118)
13 Feb 07
That is nice to hear.
@Naomi17 (624)
11 Mar 07
I don't think i could do it mainly because i know how quickly i bond with a child growing inside me, just think i would be to attached after 9 months it would feel like mine then. I applaud those who do it especially if its not for money, how do you tell your children your pregnant, that its not there brother or sister and your just an incubator
1 person likes this
@carpenter5 (6786)
• United States
11 Mar 07
We have friends that did this for her sister after she had cancer/chemo and couldn't carry a child. They felt so blessed to be able to help. As for me, I bonded with my three so much during the pregnancy, I don't think I could walk away
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Mar 07
I wouldn't, but I think it is the most selfless thing you can do.It must be so hard to want to have a baby and not be able to have one.Anyone who is a surrogate is a heroine.
1 person likes this
@urbandekay (18312)
10 Mar 07
Oh yes I'd love to but not really possible :) all the best urban
1 person likes this
@magnel (2263)
• India
14 Feb 07
I don't think i would do that... my advise is, if the couple really needs a child, there are so many children who need parents. If I was in that situation, I would probably adopt a child, thus giving a new hope to the child who is already come into the world.
@rsa101 (13336)
• Philippines
14 Feb 07
I have heard about this and from what I know, there are others who makes this as business. A woman agrees to be impregnated by a husband who is wanting a child whose wife cannot bear for a fee of course. Then after birth, the child's name will be given to the husband and the mother is the wife not her biological mother. Although it looks okay but I believe there's something wrong somewhere along the line that I could not figure out. I personally don't feel okay having this kind of arrangment.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Feb 07
I would like to say that if it were my sister or a best friend I would do this for them. But after having had my son, I don't think I could honestly carry a baby for 9+ months, feel it kicking and moving around in there, give birth to it and then just hand it over to someone else and not be its mother after that. I definitely know I wouldn't be able to do that for a complete stranger.
• Canada
13 Feb 07
I would definatly concider being a surrogate mother for someone. i loved being pregnant and would love to do it again but i don't want anymore children.
1 person likes this
13 Feb 07
well if i wud hav been a lady, i wud definately hav had helped if someone asked me to do so,,,,, its been something dats as big as a life to someone,,,,, and i hav a huge respect for those mothers who are doing this, hats foo to them, cheers,,,,,,,,, God bless all such ladies
1 person likes this
• Canada
13 Feb 07
I know I could never do this . I tried so hard to have the babies I have and at one point one of my sisters had even suggested maybe doing this for us but as she had never had her own child she didn't know how she would feel about having to hand the baby over to us . We discussed a few times at lenght and in the end decided maybe it would not be a good idea . I think the whole idea behind it is really nice but I think it would take a special person to be able to do this for someone else . The pitfalls would be carrying the child for nine months and experinecing everthing first hand but knowing that at the end of this the child would not really be yours .
1 person likes this
@albert2412 (1782)
• United States
13 Feb 07
When our second child was born, our babysetter came to talk to me. She expalined that here husband had worked for a chemical plant for many years and because of the nature of his job he was unable to have children. She told me that she was looking for a "sperm doner." I politely turned her down. Even if my wife had agreed to this I would not have wanted someone else to raise my child.
1 person likes this