I am allowing my Daughter and Granddaughter move back in.

@linda345 (2661)
Canada
February 12, 2007 9:20pm CST
I am allowing my daughter and granddaughter move back in. She came to us and asked if she could move in the end of this month. My husband said yes. We where planning on moving to a small apartment but we will stay where we are for now. I have to be strong and make sure she takes care of her daughter when she is not working. Do you have anyother tips on what rules I should lay down to make it a peaceful situation?
3 people like this
6 responses
@Lindalinda (4112)
• Canada
13 Feb 07
You are very kind and generous to put your own plans on hold. I think you should have a family conference with your daughter and explain to her that you wish the situation to be temporary. Ask her what her plans are to become financially independent and what time line she is thinking of. You should make a few house rules such as what kind of participation you want from her as far as running the household is concerned. If she is contributing financially you should set the amount, if she is not, establish what you will provide for her. If you do not want to be a built-in babysitter establish from the beginning that you have your own life, friends, events and interests that you are going to keep. In order for this to be a harmonious relationship you must remember that your daughter is an adult and will bring her own ideas with her. Does she have a boyfriend? Will she want him to stay over? Tell her exactly how you feel about it. Communication is really important and setting a goal as to when your daughter will be on her own feet again. Wishing you the best of luck and a happy family.
• Indonesia
13 Feb 07
I agree with you Lindalinda...
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
14 Feb 07
Thank you. You have some very good ideas. I will discuss these with my husband.
• United States
14 Feb 07
I can only pray and wish you well dear. Just decide with your husband what you both want and can live with. Then tell her. If she agrees fine, if not, it won't work. I've been there already. You must be very firm about this. Blessings, M&M
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Feb 07
As long as you set the limits before she moves in she will not have reason to go beyond. When my daughter stayed with us she was never around. Our grandson was with us more. I didn't mind this because I love my grandson dearly. I just wish she would be a better parent and provide him with the emotional support he needs rather than think of only herself.
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
20 Feb 07
I am going to do my best to be firm and make sure it is her that takes care of the baby.
• United States
14 Feb 07
I have been through this with sons and daughters. Whatever rules you decide on, make them clear from the beginning. Some of mine were....This is OUR home I don't care how old you are you will respect us and our rules. No one of the opposite gender in your bedroom at any time and definitely no hanky panky in my house. You will clean up after yourself and your child. You will help with all house work. If they are able I make them contribute to expenses. You will take care of your child, we are not built in babysitters. I usually give them a time limit to find a place of their own even if I have to help them out a little. Most of all just love them.
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
14 Feb 07
Thanks for the ideas. It is nice to know what worked with other peoples kids.
@coolcatzz (1587)
• Canada
13 Feb 07
Linda you have to make sure that you start out right from the beginning. Don't always get up for your granddaughter. Sit back and let your daughter take responsibility. If you allow her to dump her motherhood responsibilites onto you then you are going to be stuck. People are already commenting on the fact that it seems like you are raising her. Don't allow it. Be firm from the beginning.
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
14 Feb 07
You are right I have to make sure I don't get roped into babysiting all the time.
@hcromer (2712)
• United States
13 Feb 07
It really depends on how old your daughter and grand-daughter are. If you are charging them rent to stay there, you can't set too many rules. Make sure that they keep your house just as clean as you keep it and that they replace any of your food that they may eat.
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
14 Feb 07
We are not charging them any rent as she is a single mother and is trying to save money for September. I will make sure she keeps the house clean. The last time she lived here she was a pig.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
5 Mar 07
Well basically you certainly need to tell her that the Baby is her responsibility and not yours, that while she is work you will look after the Baby but when she gets home it is her responsibility not yours. Also that the she has to do her fair share in helping round the House.