Is it natural for a man to give his wife flowers on Valentine's Day?

@juls2me2 (2151)
United States
February 12, 2007 10:43pm CST
To me, I feel it should be natural for a man to give his wife/gf/special someone flowers of some kind on Valentine's Day. My husband can sure find the money to get himself toys and computer stuff, but conveniently forgets to do something special for me (wife) when its warranted. Valentine's Day is my favorite Day of the year! I can celebrate it by decorating, getting a special card and little gift for him and my kids, but to this day....my own husband still won't take the time...On his OWN to do something...to show me how much he loves me on this special day. I've been subtle, I've been foreward about desiring flowers or even a flower with a special note or card....disappointment year after year. It feels as if he may not really love me enough to get a clue about it. What do you do?
9 people like this
46 responses
@Lindalinda (4116)
• Canada
13 Feb 07
Gifts have to come from the heart and not necessarily on a day that is dictated by society. Maybe your husband feels pressured, you say you have hinted and been forward about this, and he refuses to give something on demand. If you have a good relationship with him, if you are happy together, if you know in your heart that he loves you, if he does not cheat on you, if he provides for his family accept him as he is and don't push him or show your disappointment. As you say it had no effect in the past.
• Philippines
13 Feb 07
That's disappointing..=c My husband, although he doesn't earn enough money, makes it to a point that we celebrate Valentine's Day. He doesn't give me flowers or anything - he gives me special treats like back massages, a trip to the nearest bookstore for a free read, a laughing trip (just the two of us), things like that. Had he ever done those things to you? Maybe you two need to talk...
1 person likes this
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
14 Feb 07
Yes, those are the perfect exchanges for flowers. The key is taking the time to acknowledge the ones you love...in a special meaningful way. Money isn't necessary to take a little time to care. As far as needing to talk....have done that, but I end up being the one talking. All I can think is, that its not a big deal to him so it just doesn't matter. Even though he knows....I truly love Valentine's Day and celebrating my love for him. Well, can't make anyone do what isn't in them...you know.
@WebMann (4732)
• Canada
13 Feb 07
Well in the 24 years my wife and I have been married I have given her flowers maybe 5 times and only on of those times was on Valentine's Day. I prefer to take my wife out for a nice quite meal and just enjoy the evening. Flowers die to fast so I prefer to buy something that will last and that she can enjoy so I prefer to buy her a book that she can enjoy for a long time.
@babystar1 (4236)
• United States
13 Feb 07
I agree with you flowers do die fast, and all that money you spend on them. I would rather have a nice meal myself.
1 person likes this
@Devinarun (387)
• United States
14 Feb 07
well it is very natural for a man to give flowers to his wife on valentines day....instead mu hubby gives me fowers on days other than any special day on the excuse that all the others do the same.
1 person likes this
@greengal (4288)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Looks like we are in the same boat honey, my hubby is way too anti-valentine's for me to expect something from him! We've been married only a year and I think I must be thankful I got to know about this attitude of his soon enough to save me the disappointment year after year. I guess I was lucky when he took me out last year (we were married only for 2 months then..hehe) He didn't wish me or anything and cards...that's a far thought!He also made it clear, I'm taking you out only this year, don't expect the same next year!! Sigh, I guess we gotta accept it! Anyways wishing you a very Happy Valentine's Day, don't lose heart..console yourself, you aren't the only one with such a hubby..lol
1 person likes this
@parekh91 (33)
• Canada
13 Feb 07
i would give flowers and a nice gift like necklace or perfume! not cheap gifts.. but not too expensive either!
1 person likes this
• India
13 Feb 07
of course! don't you love her? go ahead........
1 person likes this
• Canada
13 Feb 07
Honestly, he shouldn't do it on Valentines Day or any other day because the calendar made him. He should do it when he feels like for no reason at all. However, if he knows how important Valentines Day is to you, then I would think that he should give up what I said. Buying toys and stuff for his computer doesn't mean much. Especially if he waits until they are on sale. In which case, he should get you flowers on February 15. Personally, I don't buy flowers (without roots), I am against that. I am not against gifts and such, but I don't think they serve much of a purpose themselves; but again, if they mean that much to you, and he's your husband, maybe it's not that heavy an expense. In short, I don't think it should be natural, but given the situation, I guess it would be warranted.
1 person likes this
• Canada
13 Feb 07
Honestly, he shouldn't do it on Valentines Day or any other day because the calendar made him. He should do it when he feels like for no reason at all. However, if he knows how important Valentines Day is to you, then I would think that he should give up what I said. Buying toys and stuff for his computer doesn't mean much. Especially if he waits until they are on sale. In which case, he should get you flowers on February 15. Personally, I don't buy flowers (without roots), I am against that. I am not against gifts and such, but I don't think they serve much of a purpose themselves; but again, if they mean that much to you, and he's your husband, maybe it's not that heavy an expense. In short, I don't think it should be natural, but given the situation, I guess it would be warranted.
1 person likes this
@laddii (27)
• India
13 Feb 07
i woule rather give her a kiss in the morning...... then would take a break frm my work for that day..... & would spend it with the luv of my life...... i would take her out.......do loads of shoppin.... then dinner in the best place....& in the night....... hhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmm..............muah muah aah
1 person likes this
@sherinek (3323)
• United States
13 Mar 07
Objection! This is an old discussion, but I had this in my mail box cos, I have something to say. Even my husband never give me anything for Valentine's day. He cant even remember the day. I am also not a fan of this day anyway and that's a different story. But when you say that you feel thae he really doesnt love you, I think its all wrong. Love cant be measured on a flower or a gift given on some day be it valentines or other. My husband very rarely even tell me that he loves me. But I know he loves me very much, takes care of me and go through even fire to be there for me. I am sure that your husband also loves you very much. We women sometimes feel sentimental but men are more rigid in things engaged with "emotions" cos they very rarely show emotions of any nature. If he neglects your needs, or if he doesnt treat you as his wife, then you can be upset. Anyway, I want to stress the fact that, love cannot be expressed with words or material things. In my view it is something that you have to feel in your heart and we shouldnt think that a person who gives us a lot of gifts or tell us "I love you" all the time, really do love us.
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
13 Mar 07
I was raised in a family where my father did the little extra things that really made my mother happy, true romantic in a sense. It just seemed like such a natural thing to him. when my husband and I dated, my husband and I always did little things for each other to acknowledge the love we shared. Guess it slows to a stop once you get married, if you let it. You are right though. Loving someone isn't based on things or specific words you say, but it sure does create a closer bond when your spouse notices the little things that make your world get brighter and chooses to endulge you once in awhile. Doesn't have to be a gift or words...its whatever is unique to each individual. We all have different ways that we actually feel love from another.
@sherinek (3323)
• United States
14 Mar 07
I agree with you Jules. There are people who are very romantic and do such things. But there are also people who are like your husband and mine who are not very good at showing romance. We cant chase them away for not being romantic can we? We have to get used to this. I also love to be cuddled and receive gifts and hear sweet nothings all the time. But, this is what the God has given us so we have to be satisfied with them. On the other hand, as I said earlier, even though they dont show much romance, they love us very much. There are a lot of wives in this world who have much worse husbands.
@Bee1955 (3887)
• United States
13 Feb 07
LOL! The word you used - natural". Giving flowers is not in a man's DNA. Its not a mater of not loving you, they are simply completely clueless. I have walked into Wal-Mart or our local grocery that has a flower section and even pointed out which display I would like. He nods his head, walks away and the day comes and goes. Now we do go out to eat, but thats a gimme. I learned a long time ago to not mention it. Maybe one day....
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
14 Feb 07
Thanks for confirming....what I really know deep inside. I can hope forever it seems, but its just not in most men. The men that do give women flowers...have come to the realization that it is something special that a woman enjoys and they seem to be less self-absorbed than most men. So...to all you women that receive some special gesture from your husband/bf/loved one on Valentine's Day...be thankful. You are truly 1 out of a gazillion on that day.
1 person likes this
@Bee1955 (3887)
• United States
23 Mar 07
Thanks for best response!
@mcrowl (1050)
• New Zealand
13 Feb 07
And one other thing: what on earth has it got to do with the kids? Why would you get gifts for your kids on Valentine's Day? This is just crazy. It turns every special day in the year into another Christmas, and heaven knows that's overcommercialised almost to the core.
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
13 Feb 07
It's not CRAZY to love your children and to remind them how important they are to you. Why would you think that? The gifts I do are a little box of chocolates or homemade cupcakes...that are special as a reminder that I am thinking about them and remember how much I love them. Of course...that's not the only day of the year that I'll do something special for them, but Valentine's Day represents LOVE. It's for every person, not just couples dating. It's a DAY to have an EXCUSE to show someone that you care about them and that they're important to you. So if you choose not to love your wife and do something special...doesn't have to be costly or huge...that's your choice, but its not crazy if someone chooses to. Men that seem to have a clue are TRUE ROMANTICS. They aren't self-centered or prideful and know how to care for the ones they love.
1 person likes this
@mcrowl (1050)
• New Zealand
14 Feb 07
I hate to agree with you, because you're one of my friends (!) but I still think it's crazy to give gifts to all of your family on a day that focuses on romantic love. You complain that your husband doesn't give you something special on this day, yet here you are giving the kids gifts. Don't you see how it's detracting from the point of the day? What's it going to be like when your kids are grown up and they have to give gifts to their kids and you have to give gifts to them and your grandchildren...the list goes on and on. Save Valentine's Day for lovers. That's what it's meant to be all about.
@MySpot (2602)
• United States
13 Mar 07
My hubby isn't exactly a romantic either. Although, if I were to ask for something special ~ he wouldn't hesitate! Personally, I'd rather have flower bulbs (to plant and enjoy every year) or a house plant. I love those gifts that keep on giving! You should buy (or have him buy) you a flowering bush that could be pruned and added to your home as decor... this way, when you want flowers, they are easily attained. I understand what you're saying too. If you really love the holiday and want to feel all fuzzy and romantic then he should at least try to give you those desired feelings. Maybe when he's expecting a certain feeling, you could remind him of his selfishness ; )
@MySpot (2602)
• United States
13 Mar 07
Flowers 4 U - Bouquet of flowers just for being you!
Wouldn't it be even more romantic and special if they just gave them for no other reason than that they were thinking of you, just for being you or out of love??? Then we'd be suspicious! LOL: )
@simplycza (1480)
• Philippines
14 Feb 07
HI, same with me. I am lso expecting flowers from my boyfriend but he is not used to that. Well, let's just try to understand that we cannot push them to carry all the good traits we wanted for a man. Instead, let's try to view some other things that they have done for us which defines and shows more love.
@chileman (969)
• Australia
14 Feb 07
My wife doesn't like flowers that are going to die in a couple of days, she prefers something she can plant that will live for years to come. Also a nice meal out at a restaurant does more for her than a bunch of flowers!
@venshida (4839)
• United States
13 Feb 07
He should get you the flowers since its important to you, but if he treats you special all other times I would just let it go. He probably is not into Valentines some men are not.
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
14 Feb 07
It's just a selfish thing. Not a big deal to him...so it just doesn't matter, is his thinking, I suppose.
@chertsy (3817)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Don't feel bad. I don't expect anything either. Honestly I really don't care about valentines day. It's just a day that was fixed so people could make money on flowers, candy and jewerly. Don't forget those cheesy valentine day cards for kids to hand out. That ends up in the trash a few days later. I think it's cute to get your kids something special. Flowers die, candy is eaten fast, jewerly is something I really don't care about. I can't stand this so called holiday, with seeing pink, red, and white everywhere. Three of my least favorite colors
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
14 Feb 07
It's all what you make of the day. It's just a day that is noted by all the world to remember "LOVE" and what its all about.
• United States
13 Feb 07
I don't think it is. Many men just don't think that way. My husband has given me flowers once. Actually one flower. A single rose and it was on the way home from a trip we had taken about 6 years ago and only because I had been crying that he never got me stuff like flowers. He doesn't get me stuff for special occasions. I don't get birthday cards or gifts on Valentines or Mother's Day. They are just not important to him, I guess.
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
14 Feb 07
Yep, I know what you mean. I'm coming to find out that its not really intentional that husbands don't get things, but it is pretty selfish to not take enough time to know that you or me for that matter....would really enjoy it. The men that do those special little things....have learned how to make a woman feel treasured and important. The ones that don't...are missing out on enjoying the blessings a treasured woman gives back to her man.
@vityota (879)
• India
13 Feb 07
hey there should be frankness in a relationship so why just you dont tell him how you feel when he does not do things for you and you feel sad.. i dont think he does not love you and all might he does not like to express his feelings
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
13 Mar 07
I can be as blunt and frank as I want to him, just misses the point. Thing is...it needs to be something that comes from his heart that makes it really mean something anyway. I guess I just love romance and hope to share that love with him, but he has to want to take a moment and notice what makes me really tick, I suppose.
• Canada
13 Feb 07
I'm not a flower, jewelry,candy girl, so I'm damn hard to buy for. I'd rather just have a nice dinner or something. I think the real problem here is not the flowers, but the fact that even though you've let your hubster know something is important to you, he keeps ignoring it. So basically you have two choices ( as I see it, and I could be full of beans ) 1. you decided this is a deal breaker, and sit down and really let him know exactly how he makes you feel when he ignores this day. I would use the old psychological jargon and start with. "I feel ______ when you_______" that way he will feel less attacked by the conversation. or 2. Decided that it isn't really all that important, and do what you like for valentine's day without the expectation of receiving anything.That way if he ever does something it's a bonus. I am sorry you've been dissapointed, it's always hard.
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
14 Feb 07
You're absolutely right! I have done your #1 recommendation for a few years of our 19 together, but it gets no where. So...now its the #2 option that seems to be working out for me these last few years. I just make the day what I want it to be and enjoy the loved ones that participate in it. You have to...or I'd be disappointed all the time, right...! Not worth doing that. Sad thing about doing that though...is now it seems like his efforts at all don't have much value to me...gonna have to get out of that mode and start remembering its a "Bonus" be happy about it.