Have you ever killed anything?
February 13, 2007 10:09am CST
What? No! Never! Are you sure? Yes! Positive! Are you absolutely sure? Yes! Absolutely sure that I have never killed anything! All right then, have you ever stepped on an ant or killed a fly? No! Never! Never ever never ever ever! You can't get into heaven if you've killed something. How could you never have stepped on an insect? Uhhhhhhhh! Becausssssssssse, I don't walk around. What about the food you eat? Ah! I'm a vegetarian. But you still have to kill the vegetable to eat it! Uhhhhhh! Nope! Someone else does that for me, because I buy all my veggies from the green grocer and I live in a flat. Hmmmm, O.K. then. What about that blood stained body on the floor there? Did you kill that person? Uhhhhhh! That one? Yes. That one there. Uhhhhhh! That one doesn't count. Why not, who is it? It's a telemarketer.
13 Feb 07
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something." Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
14 Feb 07
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. And you thought blondes were dumb.
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
13 Feb 07
I am a killer lol. I've killed many bugs in my life...mosquitos, ants, all types of insects really. And my grandparents used to have hens...and i would help them to kill them so i guess that turns me into an assassin :( lol