My boyfriend and my bestfriend talking

Irritated and confused - Irritated and confused -- that's how I feel.
@Jestin (560)
Philippines
February 13, 2007 9:54pm CST
My boyfriend just told me that he and my bestfriend have been messaging each other on MySpace for 2 weeks now. Yesterday, they just chatted on yahoo almost the whole day. They only get to talk to each other on MySpace first but then they exchanged YYM IDs and then email addresses and then they talked on the phone too, just in one day. I don't want to feel jealous but I can't help it. Is this something I should just let go or is this something I should worry about. I want to trust them both but isn't it weird that they are talking by themselves. I mean if he needs something from my friend, he's ask me to ask her and she would ask me to ask him if she needs something from her and they're not supposed to be excahning contact infos on their own. I don't know what to think or how I should feel.
6 people like this
27 responses
@cuddleme01 (2727)
• Philippines
14 Feb 07
You said your boyfriend and your best friend talk for hours, or the whole day, chat the whole day, wheew! That is something. There must be something going on with the two of them. If normally they do not do that, except for now, then I think you should investigate on the matter. A man and a woman spending their time, their whole day together connotes something. If you have that feeling that something fishy is going on, you probably might be right. Your instincts might be true. Talk to your boyfriend and best friend about this. It is also best to hear their side rather than jump to conclusions. You might look suspicious but it’s better to let your fears out for it to be settled once and for all.
@Jestin (560)
• Philippines
14 Feb 07
I did to him about it but he edited a lot of stuff about the conversation. I told him if he honestly thinks it was an innocent conversation, then he should have just told me the plain truth. But he was a bit defensive so that bothered me. He said he edited the story a bit because he knew I'll overreact. Me and my bestfriend used to have this unspoken rule that we're not to be too close to each other's boyfriends. I think that's just proper. But this is the first time she has done this to me and she was just as flirty (sorry for the lack of better word) as my boyfriend was when they chatted.
• Philippines
14 Feb 07
honesty is very important in any relationship. your boyfriend editing the story, giving you half of the story is a sign of dishonesty, don't you think? why not tell you the truth if there is nothing bad to hide in the first place. and you said your best friend was flirting with your man, that means your best friend likes your boyfriend. Flirting is a clear message if you are to ask me.
• Philippines
14 Feb 07
Well, you shouldn't jump up to conclusion right away that they are doing something wrong. First, you should talk to them one-by-one. Ask what has been going on with their life. Make the conversation lightly so as not to alarm them that you didn't like what was happening. If their time that should be devoted to you or to other things they need to prioritize becomes less, then you should address to them the matter. I think they are not aware of what they are doing or how it affect you. If this set up last for quite long, then that was the time you should take actions to what is really necessary. Don't act in front of them that you are furious of the problem that you lay to them. Be as calm as possible cause you will look like an uneducated one. Always have some ethics and logic in mind. Clear to them things you want to clear. Sometimes, jealousy starts on inferiority. Do you believe that you inferior than your best friend for your boyfriend to decide to choose her? Don't be too paranoid. Trust is important in a relationship, may it be friendship or with your bf. If that lacks in you, then you better think again. It is not worth to continue the relationship if you have only little of it for him. But never let yourself be left out or be aggravated. Just fight for what you believe is right and true. Just enjoy the love you feel, may it be less or much.
1 person likes this
@Jestin (560)
• Philippines
14 Feb 07
You got me with the inferiority thing. I was actually asking myself if I'm that insecure to be jealous. On the other hand, 5 hours is no joke. My bestfriend is still a woman and I know she can be a flirt at times, especially when the guy flirts back. I want to stop feeling jealous or scared but I can't. I keep thinking it's not my instincts telling me that my boyfriend might like my bestfriend but I can't take this weird scared feeling inside.
• United States
14 Feb 07
Hi Jestin: I think you have every right to be concerned and this type of behavior from your boyfriend should raise and eyebrow or two. I mean, my husband may talk on the phone with my friend, but that is because he is saying hi and I am the one that was on the phone with my friend to begin with and their conversation is all of 5 minutes not 5 hours. If you don't want to seem jealous and you don't want to break up with him right away over this, then I would just lay low and see what will become of their "new found friendship". It makes it even more suspicious because he lied about the coversation and the time limit of them. If it was all friendly and nothing else then it shouldn't have been a problem for him to tell you about it or even allow you to be apart of the conversation(s) they were having. I mean yeah you do want to trust both of them, but I have been stabbed in the back by my own cousin when I was younger so I really don't trust any female getting too chummy with my man. Give it some time, but be sure to let the both of them know that you really are not happy with them communicating for so very long without you being involved, but let them know that you are trying to trust them and believe that neither one of them will hurt you. See if that will help then make up their minds not to spend hours together talking behind your back. I wouldn't overdue it just in case it was mainly innocent, but I would be watchful. Best!!
1 person likes this
@urbangirl (1461)
• Australia
14 Feb 07
Well since your boyfriend TOLD you about this - he is probably not doing anything 'wrong' (yet) but I understand why you feel left out. This seems to be a large amount of time spending communicating to each other. Maybe you should speak to your girlfriend and let her know you know they've been talking. Bring it up casually and watch her reaction. If her intentions are other than friendly - maybe her reaction will give it away. I wouldn't panic - but keep an eye on this for sure to see if it continues.
@Jestin (560)
• Philippines
14 Feb 07
The thing is, my boyfriend tried to leave a lot out when he told me about it. He first said they were just talking on MySpace. I asked if they chatted he said no first. But then he admitted it after some time. Then he told me he salled her for a minute. Then I asked my friend and she said it was for about 30 mintues. He said he was trying to help her get a job but they couldn't be talking about that the whole time. They chatted for about 5 or 6 hours and talked on the phone for like 30 minutes. This is really killing me!
@urbangirl (1461)
• Australia
14 Feb 07
Hmmm...so you have spoken to both of them. This is no good. He should be letting you know if he "sees" her - not letting you know AFTER the fact, when it seems you've caught him out. In any case, I know I would feel hurt by all this.
@mikncas (73)
• United States
15 Feb 07
First of all I understand where you are comingfrom and am sorry for your dilema. Ladies please do not talk offense by this because I am also a lady... Honey best friend or not some women are vicious, conniving, and decietfull. I don't know how long you have been with your boyfriend but my guess is he either thought he got caught or was feeling guilty, a womans intuition is a very strong thing and if you are asking if you should be worried you already know. I would definately put a halt to their visits or you will be losing a boyfriend and a best friend and by the way when you are sitting around talking about you wonderfull boyfriend and how great he is some woman get jelous want what you have or maybe she feels threatened that he is taking you away either ways don't take the chance...Good Luck
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
Why don't you talk to both of them about how you feel..This isn't good to me as I see it but I would feel the same way as you are feeling. Better let it out in the open while it is still early..don't wait until it is too late to talk to them.
@rsa101 (15478)
• Quezon City, Philippines
15 Feb 07
Although at first sight it may seem suspicious but then if I were you I wouldn't get my doubts control over my emotions. You should try to investigate calmly as possible coz you might discover that there's nothing to worry about. Well try to cross examine everything and connect the dots later :D. Don't judge hastily coz you might loss both if you try to vent out your suspicions prematurely. Try to gather as much evidence as possible before jumping into conclusions.
@mr_ilham (1611)
• Indonesia
15 Feb 07
my dream come true - my dream come true
what do you think
good for you everybody have talk each other thank you
@pinklilly (3446)
• Australia
15 Feb 07
I feel for you I would have felt the same way.. Don't jump to conclusions because it could make the sistuation harder it is great that he told you first but yeah I still would feel a little worried too.. How close are you and your friend? How long have you been with your Boyfriend? There may be nothing to worry about as long as his honest with you 100% than it should be fine he may just be scared that you will jump to conclusions and get angry with him so he may leave things out.... If your friend is really close with you and a True friend than you shouldn't have anything to worry about... Get all the facts right first before you jump to conclusions :) Best of Luck *hugs*
• United States
15 Feb 07
I do hope there's nothing going on there. On one end, since your bf gave a hint that they were messaging (initially), maybe you shouldn't worry too much. What if he's only making you jealous? What if they're planning a surprise? On the other end, I believe in women's intuition. You know your bf better than anyone here who could give you advice. If you feel something negative about the situation, then I guess you have to ask both of them separately about it. There's no other way I could think of. Keeping mum about it will not put this situation to rest. Good luck!
• United States
15 Feb 07
i think i would probably feel pretty weird about that. if my boyfriend was talking to my bestfriend over messenger and on the phone all day i would get a bit suspicious. but he shouldn't have to ask you to ask her something. he should have the freedom to ask anybody whatever he wants. if you feel weird about it you shouldn't hide it from him, just tell him.
@7nicole1 (1634)
• Canada
15 Feb 07
Wow well depends what kind of person you are that will determine how you should handle it. If it was me and I found that out I would be pis*ed off because its one thing talking on myspace but emailing and calling each other is kind of weird all in one day. Id say if it happens again then if I was you I would bail out on your boyfriend because thats one sign hes no good. Just tell him it bothers you when he talks to her on the phone and if loves you or whatever there will be no problem and he will stop but if he kicks up a stick he's got other intentions. Good luck but dont be blind.
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
well, you must talk about this matter to both of them.. this kind of situation can be a source of misunderstanding on both you and your boyfriend and a mutual understanding between your boyfriend and your bestfriend.. this is a difficult situation you are having and it must be really hard for you.. Doing an act today can save your relationship to your boyfriend and your bestfriend. talking the whole day is not an ordinary thing that is why you are worried about this. even if he told you that they are talking to each other, you cannot be assured that there is no other things going on with them.. try to act as soon as possible.
• United States
15 Feb 07
I'd talk to them both. Your boyfriend should know better and your best friend should have enough respect for you even if she does like your boyfriend to let it go because he is with you right now. And yes, I would feel jealous and I think you are entitled to your feelings and don't feel guilty about it. If he is getting defensive about it, then I'd be really concerned :-(
@mememama (3077)
• United States
15 Feb 07
When I was in highschool, my best friends boyfriend talked to me alone all the time, we both had something in common-the love for that friend! Of course this was before myspace and instant messaging (yes I'm old lol), but we had phones back then! He has told you what he has been doing, therefore he is open with what he does-I think that you should have some faith in him. I think you would worry if you stumble across them alone and they like immediately jump away from each other, but other than that you should be fine. My high school sweetheart also was friends with one of my friends, they did homework together and such. If your boyfriend loves you, you'll have nothing to worry about!
@nishanity (1651)
• India
15 Feb 07
oh i se that u r insecure!! well clearly u dont trust either your boyfriend or your best pal! when u love someone , the trust comes automatically....i see that in your case, the trust is practically non-existent! no one being in a relationship where there is no trust... but do note the point that ur bf told u tht he had contacts with ur best pal... obviously he wsnt planning to do anything to destroy your trust rite?
@Gwapako_28 (2142)
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
Its normal that you feel jealous!I guess, something is happening between them without you knowing!You better ask your boyfriend and your friend what is happening between them and also, tell them how you feel so they both understand that it made you jelous!
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
i think they have a relationship and i guess the guy two timed you both.. they have an agreement to have a relationship that you dpont know.. i think its right to feel jealous to your bestfriend.. all you have to do is to talk to them and ask them, if they have a relationship if you prove that your perception is right you have to set your boyfriend free so that you would be aware..
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
15 Feb 07
well, i will have a chat with my bf and my best friend one by one and ask them personally what had been happening... and i will ask for an honest response from both of them... i will not make accusation or point finger at them first and i will try to listen to their part of the story first... i will also let them know my feeling about this whole situation and i will tell them that i wouldn't want anything bad that can jeopardize our relationship... because both of them are important to me... one is my bf and one is my best friend... yeah... i will use the principle HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY and approach them...
@vhansen (2029)
• United States
14 Feb 07
Be afraid,be very afraid.Seriously,this is wrong on so many levels it's not even funny.Since your boyfriend is the one that told you,I'm betting your bestfriend is the one that started it.She's seen what you got and wanted it.Now she's trying her best to get it and just might.The only saving grace in this is that your boyfriend felt bad/guilty enough to fess up which means he does care about you and knows he's doing wrong.Tell him how uncomfortable and betrayed this makes you feel and see what he says,then go from there.Oh,you might wanna rethink the whole bestfriend thing too.