How to forget my Ex?

@cheongyc (5075)
Malaysia
February 14, 2007 12:31pm CST
My gf broke up with me about 2 months back. We separated in peace and in tears. She is the one who want to leave, and though reluctant, i still let her go and pursue her own freedom. Coz love is base on caring and wanting to see your partner happy. It's pointless to see her surfer together with me. She valued this relationship too (after 5 years being together) but she feel that it just won't work out for both of us. Although after 2 months, i still miss her very much and we are meeting each other twice a month. I still can break into tears easily, remembering those days when we were together. Sometimes, i would be obsessed with her in my mind, especially when seing other couples hanging out together. Do you think i should forget her completely? What should i do to forget her, to minimize my agony? I had been drinking heavily and found that alchohol just can't help much.
7 people like this
24 responses
@fxfriski (209)
• Singapore
27 Feb 07
Sorry to hear about your failed relationship... Do you mind sharing with me... so I can learn more from your "failed" relationship. The reason(s) why she broke up with you. What do you think of those reasons that she gave? (Are they excuses?) When you say see her "suffer" with you, in what ways is she suffering? Have you and her tried every option out here to "rescue" your relationship before coming to this decision. Thank you
1 person likes this
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
28 Feb 07
she din't give me a satisfying answer. She just said she fell sorry or guilty of what she had done, feel tired and pressure of this relationship. You are right, i think these are more likely to be excuses, which i think there could some reason behind. Not that i don't want to trust her, but all of this happen in a sudden, and inevitably compell myself to suspect the existence of intruder. Sorry about the typo error, what i mean is that she kept quiet for whole day, lost of focus and seems like not interested in the conversation or things we are doing together (eg watching movie). For me, she is kinda get bored. (This happen since only 2 days she want to broke up with me). I had tried many ways to rescue, including trying to revive our past sweet memory, giving her gifts & etc. Thanks for responding and hope these give you a better picture of what had happened.
1 person likes this
@fxfriski (209)
• Singapore
1 Mar 07
I doubt she can or want to give you any satisfying answers. (Maybe she don't want to hurt you with the truth, maybe she is afraid of what you will do.) Either way, from your words, it seems that she doesn't want you to know. It's better if you can find out from her why she feels guilty, tired and pressurize. Learning from one failed relationship so that you will not make the same mistakes again in a new one. When a relationship fails, both party has to take responsibility for it. From your words, I see that you can't really trust her anymore. To me it signals a let go instead of trying to get her back. A relationship is based on trust, if that is lost, it's easier to let go than to rebuild it. No worries about the typos, I am not very good in my language too. (Microsoft word helps) What you said does provide me with a glimsp of what goes on in your relationship, thank you very much. Last but not least... don't forget her or attempt to do so, the more you try, the harder it is to forget. Just accept that she has broken up with you, she is no longer your girlfriend, she is just a friend. Which part of Malaysia are you from anyway?
1 person likes this
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
1 Mar 07
But for me, i would rather stop asking her about the reason, it might just makes thing worse, coz who knows it might irritater her more. If she want to tell me, she will. Yeah, i am thinking about that, trying to forget her purposely, will amplify my agony futher. I just treat it as normal and i think i had pretty much got over it right now. Btw, really thanks for the advice and recommendation :) p/s: i am from Perak in Malaysia. Nice to meet you.
@diansinta (7551)
• Indonesia
30 Oct 08
Hi cheongyc, Its been 2 years. Do you already forget about her? i think time will changes everything.Me too wanna forget my ex husband. And starting something new. its still hurt tough.. seeing my sons grave yard hurt me some more.. thats why im not telling friends here about lebaran days. Home felt like not home anymore..i really confused by the past. its not good.
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@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
30 Oct 08
Hi diansinta, thanks for your hearty comments. If you ask me, I still think of my ex sometimes, especially when I am depressed, down and alone. Those happy moments are kind of unforgettable. But I am very much o.k. compared to 2 years ago. I am stronger now. I wish you the all best diansinta! Tomorrow is definitely going to be much better!
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@diansinta (7551)
• Indonesia
10 Jan 09
Sometimes, To let go is the best decision in every hearty problems. It is all are just ghost from the past.. my beautiful memories and the crass. Sometimes maintain our heart by not too happy and not too sad it's the best way to walk through our lives.
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@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
24 Jan 09
I agree with you Diansinta. Life is full of sadness and happiness. It's important to keep ourselves not to be too sad. Although I know the best way is to let go. But as always, it's easier said than done. So, I tried my best to do it.
@williamjisir (22903)
• China
20 Mar 08
Hello my dear friend cheongyc. I am so sorry and sad about your love affairs a year ago, and I was almost in tears when I read your agony because I had the same experience as you had years ago before I got married. I had a heartbroken love relationship with my ex-girlfriend in the end though we had had it for five years long like you had. But I had to let her go as her heart was no longer with me because of working in a different city. It took two years before I could forget about it and fall in love with my partner. In fact, it is hard to forget her as she is my first love and nothing will be able to change this fact. But I am very happy that I have got a better one as my lifepartner, my wife. It is now after a year since I read this discussion of yours and I hope that you have now found one that is worth your love with luck.
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@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
21 Mar 08
It's really hard for us to forget our first love. Although it had been more than a year, but I could still feel the pain. May be until now I still haven't let go of her in my mind. Unfortunately she failed another relationship and still contacted me. She pleaded me to be together again, but I kept on rejecting her, because I was still haunted by the pain I endured last time. In fact I haven't found my life partner yet and still waiting for my chance. I am glad that you are happy with your wife and all the best to you my friend. Thanks for your response to this sad discussion by the way!
• China
22 Mar 08
Hello again, dear friend. I know your feeling about her. That is what we say, 'once bitten, twice shy'. Anyway, I hope that you will soon find a nice girl in your life and await you nice news about it. Good luck and take care.
1 person likes this
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
22 Mar 08
Thanks for your good wishes. I hope I will finally got my soul mate who really love and care for me. Glad that you are always around my friend! Have a nice day too!
• United States
8 Mar 07
First off, glad that you stop drinking. About your relationship, I totally understand how you feel b/coz I've been there before. I am just like you, I don't want to force someone to stay with me if that's his choice. I agree with you that love is base on wanting the one you love to be happy. And if I leave will make that person happy, I will do it for him. But we need to protect ourself as well. Seeing your ex regularly just to make you thinking that you still have a chance. So, stop seeing your ex and move on. Put all her stuff in a box (out of sight, out of mind). Make yourself busy, so you have no time to think about her. I know it is a painful process, but you have to do it for yourself and for her. It takes me years to finally put all my ex stuff into trash. Good luck to you.
1 person likes this
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
8 Mar 07
FOA, thanks for the advice, i am really touched by your words. We are alike in wanting to see the one we love to be happy :) Although i still seeing her, but deep in my heart, i am not making myself thinking of another chance. I see her, just to treat her like normal friend. Coz i don't want to lose a good friend, after i lost a lover. After some time, i also slowly learned that, trying hard to forget her, will make me miss her even more. It might seem ridiculous, but i still have her photos on my computer table, her cloths in my wardrobe and her pillow by my side. Just like she had left for a trip. So, it might take years before i finally able to keep all her stuff away. It ache even on the thought of throwin her stuff into the trash. Thanks for your response, it helps :)
• United States
9 Mar 07
I did the same thing. We kept contact as friend after breaking up. I also don't want to lose such a friend...I miss seeing him even if we just friends. But then when you know that he is seeing someone, it hurts. I know we accept the fact that we are just friends, but seeing our ex to be with another person is another thing. It hurts you even more when you receive an wedding announcement from your ex. So, move on...better get hurt once and for all instead of continuously.
1 person likes this
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
9 Mar 07
It's gonna hurt when you see your ex with another person. But we should wish them happy. I know it's hurt, especially when i knew that she was engaged. What you said is right, i really need to forget her completely, so no longer need to bear the agony and let go entirely. Thanks for the valuable advice.
@itsmepinky (1301)
• India
10 Apr 08
I think you should give yourself some time to forget her. As they say "time is the best healer". The more you see her , the more u will want her. The more you try to remember , the more you will be hurt. So i would probably suggest you go on a small vacation , have a great time , chill around with your friends , pamper yourself and keep yourself engaged all the time. that will really help u get over it. All the best ~pinks~
1 person likes this
• India
10 Apr 08
And yes drinking will get you nowhere , it will only take a toll on your health. So quit that habit if u can.
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@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
11 Apr 08
Good suggestion, and thanks for your response itsmepinky! I am actually doing it. I try my best not to remember all the good memories. But I do not try to forget them purposely as well. Anyway it's part of my life years ago right? Although it hurts sometime, but I will face it with courage. By the way, I had stopped drinking heavily. It really jeopardize my health.
• Malaysia
11 Mar 07
Oh..easy problem.Get a new gf dude!Life ain't just drinking.But at least you had already get something from her.
1 person likes this
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
11 Mar 07
Hahaha...for a shy guy like me, it's not easy to get a girl friend. Besides, i already have some relationship phobia and i have not fully got over it, yet. So, it's time for me to take some rest (relationship is really tiresome) and 'enjoy' my bachelorship first. That's is really true. I learned a lot about relationship dos and don'ts, and also the wisdom of keeping long relationship.
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
11 Mar 07
Opss...by the way, i had stopped drinking and resume normal bachelor life. Though still miss her, but feeling of freedom is not bad too :p. Thanks for the advice and response!
@YoungInLove (1254)
• Canada
9 Nov 08
First loves are always the hardest becuase you have no other experience in this department so its hard to find ways that will make yourself feel better since youve never been through this before. If i was you I would stop seeing her so much, out of sight, out of mind, as much as you distance yourself the less you find you think of her. Also, when me and my first love broke up, as hard as it was I deleted him from my life. We didnt break up on good terms though so It was easier for me then it would be for you. You dont have to forget her or anything, but having the pictures hanging onyour walls,or your desktop, or whatever wont make you feel better at all. For me, I couldnt just DELETE a year nad a half of my life, or in your case 5 years. So if you have any pics of the both of you on your computer, file it away in a folder and dont look at it. That way you wont hurt everytime you see them, but you still have them as memories if its to hard to get rid of them.One day youll be able to look at them with the thought that you had a great experience and not be heartbroken. You just have to distance yourself from her and anyhting that reminds you of her. Like i said up there..out of sight out of mind, the least amount of reminders of her will make it so much easier to move on...
1 person likes this
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
9 Nov 08
What you said is very true. First love is the most unforgetable, and many friends agreed on this as well, base on their own experience. Actually it's unfortunate in my first love, but I am grateful that I got the help and morale support from my friends and family. Actually I did what you suggested. It's painful to throw away all the things that serve remembrance of her, therefore, I just tucked them into a corner of the house instead. This really helps me to reduce the agony. Thanks for your advice and have a nice day in Mylot YounInLove!
@ronaldinu (12440)
• Malta
8 Nov 08
Why are you meeting her twice a month? What for? What is the reason? You are not going to gain anything by that. Right now you need a clean cut in your life. © ronaldinu 2008
1 person likes this
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
9 Nov 08
By that time, she was still living in this city. Most of her friends and family are far away. I need to take care of her and provide asistance when she need it. Until she moved away and started working in another city, which is nearer to her hometown, we no longer see each other. I think I am much better now. I thinks she is too. Thanks for your response and have a nice day ronaldinu!
@rsa101 (15541)
• Quezon City, Philippines
29 May 08
Well I can sense that you two are just not ready for that separation that your partner initiated. I think what stops you from getting over her is that you're still seeing each other twice a month? Why? You are just trying to torture yourselves or yourself by doing this. I think when you talk about breaking up you should allow yourself to really lost in touch in her for sometime that means no more dating or meeting with her for at least six months or more. You will never really never forget her because of this habit of you two still seeing each other 2x a month. Stop this and eventually you'll get over her. If you cannot break this habit of yours then what's the use of breaking up at all.
1 person likes this
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
20 Jun 08
Thanks for for the advice. I have stopped doing that long time ago. Although it was her that asked for the break-up, but I still had the hope that we might be getting together again. I was totally devastated when I found out she is having relationship with another guy and I won't forgive her this time. That's why I had really stopped seeing her ever since that incident happened. I think I am much ok compared to last time. Although I feel sad when thinking about her occasionally, but I hope I can be stronger now.
@ayessa (1586)
• Philippines
28 May 08
You're right! You must have to forget her as soon as possible. Holding back the memories you have will only prolong the agony so better start now that you have courage before you clings too much on your memories. I know that it is hard to forget someone whom you love dearly. I've been on that and I know it's really possible to forget her. Maybe nsome person doesn't agree with that specially if they're holding on too much on the relationship they have. Let me share some advice that I get from friends during the time I wanted to forget my ex boyfriend. First don't go to the places that you go. The places you've dated. Avoid going to places where you have a memory of her. Then stop thinking of her. I know its hard but its possible. Do things that will make you busy. Things that will stop you from thinking the past. Now if you can't help but remember her try to write a letter to her but never send it to her. Just keep those letter and when you think it's already a bulk read all those one by one. That's the time you will see how naive you can be. HOw bad you are to yourself to let yourself suffer from pain because of her. You don't have to blame yourself but try to see that your ex had moved on so why can't you? It also helps to date new girls. Some people say that it is effective way to forget is to find new love. Those are just few things. There's a lot of things you can do to forget her. Just don't put yourself being drunk cause its not good for you. Hope I do help you. Goodluck!
1 person likes this
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
28 May 08
First of all I am grateful to you for the advice. It helps me even though it had been more than a year ago. Sometimes, I still feel the agony and my tears is on the fringe of dropping. What I can say now it's not easy to forget a person you have been in love with for so long. In fact she did come back to me and begging for being together. But I turn down the offers for many times. I no longer have faith in the relationship with her and wish to forget about all the past agony . Thanks for your response ayessa!
@chiyosan (30206)
• Philippines
4 Apr 08
first, do not drink heavily it will not help you get over her. you are meeting with her at least every month.. that is a good start for you to start being with her as friends. i guess you should think about your self and moving on and not thinking how much love you have for her. i am not saying that you should hate her... but since you are in speaking terms.. it means it is much easier for you to move on. (at least for me, that's what i think of. 5 years is a long time and it may be really hard to get over that too quickly.... but the sooner you think about getting on with your life.. the better.. start picking up the pieces now, do not dwell on her memories, but do not forget them.
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@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
11 Apr 08
I no longer drink heavily. Only occasionally when there is any chance, I will get drunk slightly, just up to the level of having some dizziness. I think she hates me now, after I kept on rejecting her idea of getting together again. I really don't have any plan in my mind. I just live my life without much thought. I do not hate her, really. But, she had stopped talking to me. Yeah, 5 years is really a long period of time and full of many unforgettable memories. I will do that, not to remember it or to forget it purposely. Thanks for your advice, appreciate it
• Philippines
4 Apr 08
hi cheongyc! I think you better not think of the things that make you together happy. Those memories, cause it can really hurt you. Remembering those days will not make you move. You should not forget her completely cause simply, she's wonderful. You're both wonderful. It cannot last to 5 years if it isnt really working. Thats what I think. I think you're really inlove with her. Thats the good thing you've done. You let her go. Maybe, she needs more space, she wants to grow and you know. Maybe, after she have done that she'll come back to you. But dont expect too much. You might get hurt again. I suggest not to look for another girl. You might get more frustrated and you might look for you ex again and again. So take time to heal your heart. Pray to God always and all your worries unto him. Its such a blessing that someone like her loves you in that times.
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
10 Apr 08
Thanks for the advice. I am more relieved after reading them. Actually she did pleaded to be together again, but I rejected the proposal. It's because I feel that it's pointless to be together again (this is the 2nd time) and keep breaking-up over and over again. It hurts. But I am not resentful. I was in tears when remembering all the past moments. I know I shouldn't think of it, but I just couldn't help it sometimes. Ya, I am grateful that we have been in a happy relationship for 5 years. Thanks for your response!
@subha12 (18453)
• India
31 Mar 08
it is very very difficult to try to forget someone. more you try to forget, more you will end up remembering that person. when people c=break up they think that they are about to forget that person to ease out the pain. its never the real case.time actually help out.
1 person likes this
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
2 Apr 08
What you said is right. The more you want to forget someone, the more we remember it. It's really painful, especially parting with first love. Time is the only remedy that actually works out. It's so true. But sometimes, it still hurts when recalling all the sweet memory. It really takes years to let it go, and it had never been easy. Thanks for your advice, subha12!
29 Mar 08
This is one that usually helps me get over my ex is... Go out get drunk and shagg a different man/woman... You should try it...
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@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
2 Apr 08
Well, that's a tempting solution. I had been getting drunk but never shag anyone to forget my Ex. . I think it's risky to try ons. Although it's painful, but it's up to us to strengthen our courage to overcome it. Besides, once you are in an relationship, we should face the risk of break-up and take the responsibility to recover without destroying our own life. Thanks for your interesting response, sexy_sam13!
@topeekim (89)
• Philippines
29 Mar 08
Whoa! This situation is so similar with mine. I had a 4 year relationship and just ended up last year. I was so hurt coz she is the one who wants to go. I really want her to come back, i always think of her and always contact her and begging for her to com back to me. But she won't like it.. It's like all of those times were just a waste. It was really hard for me but somehow i find solutions to my agony. I kept blaming her and resurrected myself and told myself "poor her coz she lost me". I tried to date other persons and open my heart and mind. Well it worked after a few months i met this really great girl, boost my confidence and i just discovered that she likes me too! i thought before that i already found the one but now my new girl is even better. and i am so thankful of what happened to me and my ex coz if not then i would not meet this wonderful girl i am crazy with. So good luck to you and may you find your girl too.
1 person likes this
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
2 Apr 08
I am sorry to know that you had been in agony when your first love left you about a year ago, but I am really glad as well that you had got over it and found your true love. We are alike in facing this kind of hardship when we were dumped. I had tried to convince myself it's not a big deal and get drunk occasionally, trying to forget all the ordeal. Actually I envy you because you had found a new one, and I haven't. Anyway, all the best to you and hope your current relationship is a great one!
11 Mar 07
Im in the same situation as you.. I think what you should do is to do something you like, like sports etc.. and stay among friends and your family, dont stay alone.. you'll start thinking of her again... When you go to sleep, listen to non love music until you sleep... I usually listen to trance, techno music... When you start thinking of her, just do something else like watching TV... Try to stop looking for her... Stop meeting her.. I know it is hard, but with time it'll make you better... It will normally take a lot of time... For me its been 10 months since we've seperated, and I'm still not fine... But im much better than 2 months after we broke up...
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
11 Mar 07
Ya...i had been joining my friends more often, visit my parents regularly and participate in more social activities. I soon reliazed that parents are the most importants people in this world. Besides, friends are very important too. They can be best company and best listener, when you are down and moody. I am gonna stop watching love movie, listening love song and reading love story.(that's a helpful tips i think :) In fact i am still meeting her, it's really hard to forget her completely, and i still want to be friend with her. (i don't want to lose a friend, after losing a lover). Me too...hmmm, it had been 4 months now for me. So, i have to endure pain for the next 6 months....:O (just kidding LOL)Yeah, i totally agree, recovery takes very long time. Some of my friens took half a year, some one year.....& etc. I think i am gonna take another year to get over it completely... Thanks for the advice, sharing and good luck to you in getting a much better soul-mate in future :)
@lkbooi (16101)
• Malaysia
9 Mar 07
Don't purposely force yourself to forget her. To forget something can be taken as some sort of investment. The capital is time. You may invest a lot of time before you can really achieve the goal. Now since you have already invested a lot of time why not going ahead? During the course you will have plenty of supporters for you along the way. Wish you a success.
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
9 Mar 07
Good analogy! That's right, since i had invested 5 years in this relationship, it will gonna take much time to recover from the sorrow and the past memories. I am truly grateful that i still have my family members and my friends, supporting me throughout the whole incident. And, i feel the importance of family and friends, after this time. Thanks for your advice and support :D
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Feb 07
First off, although its already been said, drinking will ultimately cause you a lot more agony than you happen to be feeling right now. A five-year relationship is a tough one to get over, and chances are you'll always harbor some feelings for this girl. You should check out this article about getting over a relationship: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/26994/how_to_cope_with_a_failed_relationship.html
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@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
28 Feb 07
Thanks for the good recommendation and your valuable response :) No worry, now i know how to stay alway from alchohol.
@howard96h (11658)
• New York, New York
23 Feb 07
"Out of sight - Out of mind" I think you need to stop meeting with her. When you see her it is bringing back memories that are too painful for you. Maybe it would help if you meet up with some friends and just hang out and meet new people. Drinking is not the answer I know your trying to soften the pain but this only makes it worse, after having some drinks it makes you more depressed. Time heals all wounds. It will get better my friend.
1 person likes this
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
26 Feb 07
Yeah, i had not seen her for 2 weeks now. It does help a bit. But sometimes, our mind is just uncontrollable, and will be strike by sense of sorrow. I had stopped drinking now and i don't want to ruin my health either :) Thanks for your response!
@zmitha (11)
• Pakistan
14 Feb 07
dude by drinking your spoiling ur own health and not doin good to urself, u can first tell m y didnt things work out between you 2 as u say tht u were together for 5 yrs, it should have been very difficult for you to let go of her, ask ur self if u still love her and my brother if you do, you should tlk to her you should be ready to change urself according to her needs, give her wht she wants, talk to her bout the things she dosent like in you and the things tht killed the relationship. only by then u would come to a conclusion wether or not u should forget her or not, after listening to all this i would be able to give you a proper solution to forget her... take care and minimize ur drinking habits..
1 person likes this
@cheongyc (5075)
• Malaysia
26 Feb 07
In fact i had done all my best to make her stay but to no avail. She is really determined to leave me this time. Looking at this 5 years, i had been tolerating and trying my best to give her what she wants. Ofcoz, there is something unaffordable for me (eg like a new car). I think everything just work out fine for us, and the only reason i think of until now, is, she get bored in this relationship and no longer wish to be together with me. i had stopped drinking, really thanks for the good advice :)