Would you re-marry again if your spouse dies?

United States
February 14, 2007 8:27pm CST
This haven't crossed my mind since I am not married yet but my aunt kept on telling a story about this. My cousin recently bought a house and the former owner was a nice family. I'm not sure how did they knew about their story but as far as my aunt knew, the guy's wife died last year and after couple of months, he remarries again. They are an old couple and the one that he remarried is way younger than him. I don't see any problem with it! Probably he don't want to grow older by himself. My aunt kind of freak out because she saw all the ex-wife's stuff being left on the house. Even all the pictures, videos and basically everything she own was left. I don't know but I think my aunt is just old fashioned that's why. For me, maybe the guy wants to move on already and he needs to leave his ex's stuff since she's already gone. That's also to respect her current partner. Do you think there's a right time to re-marry again?
11 people like this
47 responses
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
that's a very situational question. love knows no time. it can strike you even after your deepest heartache. if one thinks that he/she is really in love and there is no hindrance to that love, why not? you can't be forever depressed because of a loss loved one. i'm sure the loss loved one will understand it wherever he/she maybe because it's love, one thing that is unquestionable.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Feb 07
Thanks for responding!
2 people like this
@paulnet (748)
• India
15 Feb 07
yaa you are right, Love can strike any time 'n if you see a happy life then why not marry again.
@cuterat (296)
• India
15 Feb 07
I am strongly against re-marriage.For me mariage is not just a ritual.It unites two lives.You live with a person for quite enough time and when that person leaves this world, how can you think of living with some other person and give him/her the priviledge of the ex.It is not immaginable and should be avoided as much as possible.
@msqtech (15226)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I dont think you are giving the priviledges of the ex. I think you are moving on with life and being happy and healthy instead of wallowing in depression and grief. It is not healthy to remain depressed nor grieve forever. I think if we have life to live we should try to live it well.
• United States
15 Feb 07
I think the time is up to each person, but I would think you'd need time, perhaps a year plus to heal. I dont think I'll ever re-marry if that were to happen. Just my thoughts though. I understand not wanting to grow old alone. I hope those people are happy. Maybe the aunt is just not ready to accept that the wife is gone, or fears her husband will move on that quickly too?
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Feb 07
I have two exes so I don't think that counts but in case it does. At this time I have no plans to ever get married again. I do have some stuff from my previous marriages still left but not out in sight because I don't want to be reminded I just wanted to move on with my life. There is the dining room furniture and the bedroom (bed with a new mattress) furniture still here but as I paid for most of it I decided it would be dumb to go to all the expense of getting new stuff. I think Your cousin was right in getting rid of personal items.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Feb 07
Thanks for sharing!
1 person likes this
@sylvrrain (661)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I do not see a problem with it, he should do what he wants to make himself happy. Unfortunately, everytime I hear of a really young woman marrying a much older man, for some reason I think she is in for the money. I suppose there could be love there, I do not know the situation, but I would question her sincerity. Personally, I don't think I would be able to remarry. I think there should be honest and true love to make a marriage work. I have loved my husband for over 25 years, and that would be kinda hard to beat. I do not think I could ever love another man as much as I love him, so I would not try. There may be a time, when I may live with someone, but I would never marry again. Companionship is something you need your whole life. I would have a companion. I would have my friends, family and my memories, so I would not want a husband.
• United States
15 Feb 07
That's a very clever anwswer! Thanks for sharing!
1 person likes this
• India
15 Feb 07
if i used to love my spouse very much then i won't remarry cause i will never be able to see somebody else at her place...
1 person likes this
• Canada
15 Feb 07
I will remarry as life is real big and small, not of problems in life and without companion life looks quite difficult.
1 person likes this
@stateroad (730)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I ahve heard of some people who get married right away after losing a spouse. When they do it quickly I am surprised. I think a person should wait at least a year or two before they remarry. I just do not see how they could forget the life they had with their deceased spouse and move on so quickly.
1 person likes this
@peddhie (110)
• Australia
15 Feb 07
There's nothing wrong with the decision to re marry.It's not sinful and i think when you re-marry, you move on and though your new partner can't replace your former partner but companionship will make your life full of joy and meaningful.
1 person likes this
@sensesfail (2251)
• India
15 Feb 07
I guess i would re-marry.But not immediately,it would require some time for me to get prepared mentally.
1 person likes this
@Bee1955 (3886)
• United States
15 Feb 07
Really, its no one's business. I agree to respect his new partner and life, but leaving the ex-wife's things was tacky, he should have distributed it among the relatives and/or donated the rest to a charity instead of just leaving them behind. Perhaps you can suggest to your cousin, since she's the new owner and now has rights to the things, to contact the gentleman's family (if any) and see if they want to clear out the house and mementos. Logically it doesnt seem there will be, as it was all left behind. Therefore, your cousin can trash, donate or keep what she wants. You aunt is going to have to get over it.
@Bee1955 (3886)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I forgot to add that I was a widow in 1990, but being young (39), I waited a few years (3) before remarrying. Some people say grief for a year and then go on with life. If this gentleman is elderly, I am sure he has to right to not be alone while he still has some time left.
@jsae29 (1122)
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
I don't think so. I have thought about this before and I said to my husband that I will never ever replace him.
• United States
16 Feb 07
If you were to remarry, it doesn't necessarily means that you are replacing your late spouse. Of course not! I believe that the late spouse might be happy as well seeing that you have moved on with your life and you are happy. There's no comparison needed on the late spouse and current partner. Thanks!
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
hi there.. i think when the man loses his wife, sooner or later, he may want to marry again, its really different when the guy was left alone, he cant stand his lonliness, where as when a woman was widowed, she may not remarry again, and just concentrate more on the kids, but generally it really turns out that way. But i think its ok when the man settles for a new one, i know it must have really been hard for a guy to be alone, he may want to be loved again. But the span of marrying again should at least take sometime... at least maybe more than 2 years? well, i guess we really couldnt speak much of the guys side, but at least he wasnt cheating with his wife when she was still alive, and i guess her wife knows this is gonna happen sooner or later, and i think she permitts him somehow.. thanks a bunch^_^
• United States
15 Feb 07
Thanks for responding!
@smints8985 (1595)
• United States
15 Feb 07
This is a tough one... Hmm.. It would probably depend on the situationa and the healing process, if ever that happens and I have decided to move on and it so happens that I meet someone in the future that would love me just as much then I don't think there will be anything bad. My spouse will forever be a part of my life still but then he being gone I can never do anything about that but then I have to move on. Re-marrying does not mean you are replacing your spouse, it's just you have found someone like them and you want to continue living the happy memories that the two of you had in your time..
• United States
15 Feb 07
Thanks for responding!
@greengal (4286)
• United States
16 Feb 07
Just the thought of losing my husband makes me shudder and no, I don't think I would ever be able to remarry again. I love him way too much and all my first memories with him will always stay with me no matter what.
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
16 Feb 07
I have told my hubby that he is the only man who will ever be in my life and that i will never be interested in another .I mean to say we have been together for over thirty years now marries for twenty six and i don`t think i could even handle any more .iI need a rest i have my children to look to .but i would dearly miss my hubby and would never seek to replace him with anyone in my life ever
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
16 Feb 07
It is a personal choice for everyone, some people just do not want to find somebody else, some people do not want to marry again, and will stay alone, date, have a lover, even a live in boyfriend. For me personally it depends on if I find the right one.
@unisis (1674)
• Indonesia
16 Feb 07
i think it is depend on the situation,for me i need to wait for a few years and decided to marry or not to marry ,if marry is needed so i will be married again and if not needed i will take care my kids forever.
• Australia
16 Feb 07
I don't think I could. Jas is such a huge part of my life. And after everything we've been through and fought for it would just seem wrong to have a bond like that with someone else.
• Australia
16 Feb 07
I don't think i could. Jas is such a massive part of my life, and with everything we've been through i don't think anyone would understand the bond we have.