moms, are you expected to be a personal playmate.

Canada
February 15, 2007 12:33pm CST
my daughter seems to think i'm a personal playmate and i should entertain her every second of every day. i can't get her to play on her own for half an hour a day. does anyone else have this problem? how can i stop it. or do you play with your child all day long. i can't get much else done, even when i'm cooking and cleaning she's begging me to play with her. we do so much together every day. it's not that she's not getting any attention. every day we play board games and play outside.
10 people like this
26 responses
@simplysue (631)
• United States
15 Feb 07
This is something I deal with too. In order to get my chores done I include my lil man. He helps sort laundry and put clothes in the washer. He helps to put dishes away, pick up toys,dust, I let him add ingredients to dishes that I cook and am teaching him to measure. This way he is learning and getting my attention and I'm getting the things I need to do done. Hope this helps.
3 people like this
• Canada
15 Feb 07
those are great ideas to give her attentionwhen she needs it and i'm busy, thanks. but i also want her to play by heself.
2 people like this
@apky12 (776)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I think this may be where the boys vs. girls thing comes into play. My boys sometimes want me to play with them but they can occupy themselves or play together pretty well. I can't remember how old she is either. I found that once they are 2 things get a little easier. My 1 1/2 year old is definitely more high maintenance than my 2 1/2 year old.
2 people like this
• Canada
15 Feb 07
my daughter is 3 and a half.
• United States
15 Feb 07
My daughter used to be the same way .. until I had another LOL Now, aside from having more children .. I found that finding things that *really* appealed to her would give me a few minutes to clean or do whatever else I needed .. sometimes for her it was a movie or coloring at the table, or other fun solo activities. I also would do the "be right back honey" thing while we were watching a movie and just disappear for about 15 minutes, by the time she realized I was gone I'd run back in there for a few before running off again lol
2 people like this
• Canada
15 Feb 07
anything i set her up with, the coloring books, movies, she still expects me to do it too. i try to leave but then i get the where are you mom. she won't stay long enough at one activity to give me enogh time to leave for even 10 minutes.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Feb 07
My children entertain themselves for the most part. They have grown up with this however. I raise them to be independent from me. They sleep in their own beds from birth. As soon as they are able, they feed themselves. I'm not one for attachment parenting, at all. I love my children. And I care for them. And I do play with them. However, I have other things to accomplish, even if it's just reading a book, than to play with them non-stop. They have toys and imaginations and I expect them to use them. My children hardly watch t.v. as well. They spend a great deal of time in their rooms, with their toys. Or at the table, with their coloring books and crayons. I think that it's ok to allow them to play on their own. And your daughter may not have anyone else to play with. Does she go to school? Can you get her in to a play group? Have another child? I think that only children get the bum deal unless they really get to play with other kids on a regular basis. Kids learn from one another, and they keep each other entertained.
2 people like this
• United States
15 Feb 07
I guess I am lucky. Both of my kids--especially my daughter--play on their own a lot. My son is 5 and he loves to play his computer games and with his Ninja Turtles and all. My daughter will sit for literally HOURS playing with Legos or writing on paper.
2 people like this
@sbeauty (5871)
• United States
15 Feb 07
Kids are getting more and more this way today, and then when they go to school they think they should be entertained all day instead of working on their own. I think a lot of the problem originates in too much TV time. Children love attention and to have adults play with them, and some of them can lay the guilt trip on pretty heavy. However, you shouldn't give into it. If she just wants to sit and look bored, let her. Give her the time you have to give, but go about doing the other things you have to do, too. Don't let her watch TV or anything during these times, and I'll bet she'll get bored with just pouting and start finding something to do.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Feb 07
Life sucks hahahahahhaha!
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Feb 07
I'm really starting to think there's a huge difference between little girls and boys. I remember my little sister ALWAYS needing attention and wanting someone to play with her. I now have a son of my own (he's 18 months old) and though we play and read together all the time, he's perfectly content to play with his toys or watch a movie on his own. The only thing I can suggest in order for you to get things done around the house is to try and include her. My son likes to take the clothes out of the dryer and put them in a basket for me and when I do the dishes he'll stand on a chair next to me and either just watch or play with some bubbles. Good luck!
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
15 Feb 07
Same goes for my son too. He is happy and content playing with his toys, watching tv or movie on his own. As long as I allow him to mess up the lounge area, he is happy. I also include him in household chores and he thinks he's a very big boy when he helps out.
@imtiyaz1 (146)
• India
16 Feb 07
my wife used to love readin but since having two kids she is constantly into them our daughter just dosent leave her free they play with the barbies togather always onto 1 story or another but now after she has become six yrs old she has started playin with children her age now her 4yr old brother plays cars with her mom
1 person likes this
@fabwisp (1328)
16 Feb 07
Awwww. My kids have a tendency to try that too. I think you need to be firm. After my first I realised I do need time to myself. And kids soon get used to it being mummys time. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@ronita34 (3923)
• Canada
16 Feb 07
I know how this feels and it is hard for us as parents as we also have soo much other things to do. I always try to limit my daughters and my playtime as i have soo much else to do! I try to influence them into doing things on their own. Fortunately i have two daughters and i keep my niece so they tend to occupy eachothers time alot too! Have you ever though of giving her a sibling? Just a thought!! Good Luck and God Bless!!! Always keep in mind that you are a loving and obviously patient mother and those are awesome qualities to have!!!
• Philippines
16 Feb 07
yup i do have the same problem with you too. try to make her understand at her level of understanding that you have more things to do without also rejecting her. if she has siblings that could help her a lot, let them play with her. i can't wait for my 9-month old baby to grow up for her to become the playmate of her older sister.
@jimotman (634)
• Indonesia
16 Feb 07
I think it's natural to be like that, your daughter is really close to you, just like any other child. My daughter, when she wakes up, always looking for her mom, and can't get her mom out of her sight for long. If she can't see her mom for some time, she'll start looking for her. This is the bond between a child and a mother.
1 person likes this
@Lani3338 (39)
• Philippines
16 Feb 07
I guiess it is just natural for kids to enjoy their childhood and that is why they love to play games with their mothers. It is healthy for them that you give attention, it is a good foundation in growing up and bulding their self-esteem
1 person likes this
@kegski (20)
• United States
16 Feb 07
My son is 3 and if I am not giving him constant attention I hear "hey Mom" every 5 seconds! He's got a billion questions, but mostly, he just does it for the attention. He's getting better now that he's learning to write letters. He will spend an hour sometimes just drawing. I have to remember to keep checking on him though. Just the other day he spent 45 minutes in his room alone just coloring.....some of it on paper...the rest...well....let's just say the surface of his desk is now quite a masterpiece! My friend told me it's the "first child" syndrome. She told me it will get better with subsequent kids. She's got 3. Hopefully she's right, but it's still going to be awhile before I find out.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Feb 07
If she is an only child, then that is her problem. She needs a friend or a sibling to play with. I had a younger brother to play with. He was a lot of fun to have around. I lost my brother six monthes ago to Type 1 Diabetes, but I am still glad that I got to have him.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Feb 07
yes, i have a four months old baby boy, and he likes me around, he cries when i leave for work, and he is so happy when i come home. i think he likes me being with him, but i have nothing to do with it, i have work to do, that is why i am teaching him to play on his own. kids like their moms beside them, they feel secure. and because moms have more patience when it comes to playing and caring them that is why they like us to be with them all the time...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
I think your daughter needs exposure to her fellow agemates. it is natural for a kid to look for a playmate like their mom for instance. it's human nature. and the more time you spend time with her the more you knew her and time will come when you will look back at these days and reminisce you can't help but cry
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Feb 07
Yes, my son is almost 5 and is always saying "play with me play with me!" I do play with him but there are times I need to do stuff around the house. I try to provide stuff for him to do like coloring,painting, making a craft, etc. Right now his prob is mainly cuz his baby bro needs attention too and he gets jealous. Its hard to find the happy middle! But my friend told me once that we are not here to be their playmates. We need to help them find things to do and friends to be with, help their development and independance. HTH!
• United States
15 Feb 07
I had to give in to my nerves. I bought my daughter noisy toys to play with. This helped a lot. I also put a radio in her room she loved the music. The dress up items really helped. She is 12 and I love that she still does the dress up. needs not to be influenced by others to be entertained. When alone she handles the time well. But the noisy toys also drove me crazy at times.
1 person likes this
@cher913 (25893)
• Canada
15 Feb 07
Yes! I don't know if it was my fault, but since it was only my daughter and I, I played with her a lot when she was little and now (she is 13) and cannot for the life of her, amuse herself! So I don't know what to tell you.....my second daughter is very much like me, very happy to play on her own. Maybe its just my first daughter's personality. I don't know!
1 person likes this