good dads

Canada
February 16, 2007 11:09am CST
As a new mother I keep hearing people say that fathers are not expected to participate that much in duties pertaining to the baby. Or more so that they dont do much. Is this true? Or is it just an out of date belief about the participation of dads?
4 people like this
8 responses
• United States
16 Feb 07
I had twins three years ago and my husband has always been a hands on kind of dad, because of the love of his children. (and because he had no choice..hahhah) But in all seriousness, fathers play a vital role in the child's development, and my husband teaches and plays with my children just as much as I do. He also does equal house chores as I. The children need them.
3 people like this
@Alphasee (389)
• United States
16 Feb 07
Dads should do whatever they can, and actually are very fundamental to the growth and structure of your kid. Whether it's a boy or a girl, the dad can (still) help change diapers, feed your kid, and even smile and play with your kid. When your kid gets a little older, you can work on reading together, and "Daddy can come home". He can be that extra smile, and/or that extra influence.
• United States
16 Feb 07
I think it's a very outdated perception of the role of fathers. Unfortunately, there are still some men that feel this way, even in the younger generations! In fact, my boyfriend's view is that since I'm a stay-at-home mom and he works full time that he doesn't have to get up at all during the night to feed our son (and he doesn't), or help with any of the household chores. In fact, there are days when he'll go out after work and stay out so late that he doesn't see our son at all, sometimes for several days in a row! I think that some men need to realize that even if you're a stay-at-home mom you need help with the children sometimes too. Not to mention that our sleep is no less valuable than theirs!
• United Kingdom
16 Feb 07
I also have this problem with my partner. He seems to think that just because he goes to work, it means that he shouldn't help out at home. If he's made a mess, I don't see why he shouldn't clean it up just because he goes to work. My oldest son is at school for as many hours as my partner is at work but my son still helps around the house! And I'm a full time mum to our 20 month old toddler but my partner still spends all his time at home on the computer and won't even spend time playing with the kids or anything. I also have the problem of him going out after work every night. The problem is that as soon as I say anything about how he's upsetting us, he'll shout and make excuses and it'll somehow end up being my fault!
1 person likes this
• Canada
16 Mar 07
So why do either of you have them around? If you are going to have to do it on your own, then why not do it on your own and not have to have another child (the daddy) to take care of?
• India
16 Feb 07
I think nowadays both parents are involved in looking after the child. As in most families both the parents are working, the duties at home are also shared which includes looking after their child. Also again it depends on the individual. Some men are of the opinion that looking after the baby is"a woman's job" whereas there are other men who are much more considerate.
2 people like this
• Canada
16 Feb 07
I agree with your comments. I think dads are more involved these days. The comments I have heard come from older generations and I dont think they realize how much dads do today, though saying that, there sure are a lot of single parents where the father has no contact at all. Its hard to say if it is better today or worst.
2 people like this
• Canada
16 Feb 07
i think it's a generalization. some dad's are bad fathers who don't participate but some are amazing father's. just like mother's not all mother's are good mothers. i know lots of people who the mother took off and left the baby alone. anyway my daughter's father was a good father when he lived with us. i have sleeping problems. so he used to get up at night to feed her. then early in the morning we'd trade off. he'd go to bed for a few hours while i took care of her.
2 people like this
@pumpkinjam (5774)
• United Kingdom
16 Feb 07
I think fathers are expected to participate far more than they would have been, say, 20 years ago. I don't see any reason why my partner should not have to participate so much. Although he still doesnt' do that much. In fact, he does virtually nothing. I'll ask him to look after the kids while I go to the shop and all he'll do is play on the computer and ignore the kids. I know there are a few dads like that, who basically think that because they are in the same room as their children, they are looking after them. But I also know plenty of fathers who do a lot more, even a few full time dads. So it's not that it's not expected, just that a lot of men still live in the dark ages when it comes to childrearing.
• Canada
16 Feb 07
my 5 month old's father is not living with us, thats why im so sick of hearing that some men do nothing, as he is totally good when he is visiting. That I should be thankful of that. I'd like to see how well he does though doing a 24 hr stint as a dad!
1 person likes this
• United Kingdom
16 Mar 07
My ex is a really good dad to my oldest son. He was ok while we lived together but he's far more interested now. I think when they live with you, men don't really appreciate their kids so much because they see them every day but when they are in a situation where they don't see their kids or when they risk not seeing them if they ignore them then they are often a lot better. I think my partner, and a lot of other men, take it for granted that the kids are being looked after and that they don't have to do anything.
• Canada
16 Mar 07
I think it is out dated for the most part, to this day my hubby wakes in the middle of the night with any of our four kids for whatever the reason, I only take over if they are throwing up because he has a weak stomach. When I am at home I care for the baby, and when he walks in the door, most of the responsibility is his, like feeding, changing, putting to bed. This is the way it should be because they are part of it all, half the reason the baby is here + half the work for the baby.
1 person likes this
@budsr03 (2355)
• Canada
16 Feb 07
When our children were born i wasn't a big help raising them because i was allowed to get away with it, but i still loved them. When my first granddaughter was born i did everything, the feeding, burping, changing whatever was needed. Time didn't matter. She is 17 and i have helped raise a healthy tomboy. No dresses for her. Take care Cherubsn.
1 person likes this