Funny Notices.....

Ireland
February 17, 2007 3:42pm CST
I got bored for a while and decided to browse the internet looking for funny quotes and I came across these notices. In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER. On the grounds of a private school: NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION. On an Athi River highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP. In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS. A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS. In a cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS. FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES. Hotel brochure, Italy: THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE. Have you any to add??
13 people like this
27 responses
• India
18 Feb 07
well I dont have anything new but those are really hilarious...lol....i mean were they genuine mistakes or were they meant to be funny....
2 people like this
• Ireland
18 Feb 07
Wish I knew. But I have a genuine one which I took with my camera while on holidays. I was going to the hospital with my friend as she wanted to visit her sister. At the gate I saw a sign that said (this is true), "Family Planning, Use Rear Entrance". I couldn't resist taking a photo of it.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Feb 07
These were great I love stuff like that. Got any more?
• Ireland
17 Feb 07
If Con is the opposite of Pro, then Congress must be the opposite of Progress. If you like I will send the link in a pm. Let me know.
1 person likes this
@villageanne (8554)
• United States
17 Feb 07
I am sorry, I do not have any to add but these are great. I laughed at them as I was reading them. It is amazing the funny things you will find in the big World Wide Web. LOL
2 people like this
• Ireland
17 Feb 07
Thanks. I'm still reading them and I'm tormenting my husband by telling him the really funny ones as he is trying to watch tv. I love your new avatar. So cute!
1 person likes this
@sweetlady10 (3617)
• United States
17 Feb 07
Hey those ar rally funy. I like specially the River highway, Poster at Kencom and sign of the restroom. But they all are great, have got a good laugh. Sorry I don't have any to add.
2 people like this
• Ireland
17 Feb 07
There are hundreds on the site but those are just a few I picked out. I'm still reading the others and some are just hilarious. Thanks for the comment.
1 person likes this
@SplitZip (1490)
• Portugal
18 Feb 07
I had a file with that "engrish" product instructions bit that circulated around years back, but I can't find it :( I do have a large file with many anonymous quotes. But I'm afraid it's too large to post! (myLot has a max. character limit, apparently). They're not quite in the same line, but here are a few: "People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do." "Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the show?" "Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it." "Some drink at the fountain of knowledge...others just gargle." "When everything comes your way, you're in the wrong lane." "As easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841." "If you think nobody cares, miss a couple of payments." "Don't judge a book by its movie." "Fool-proof implies a finite number of fools." "Be alert...the world needs more lerts." "If you can remember the '60s, then you weren't there." "To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal ideas from many is research." "Friends come and go but enemies accumulate." "The reward for a job well done is more work."
1 person likes this
• Ireland
18 Feb 07
Brilliant, and very true. I'm emailing all of these to my son as he has a great sense of humour and I am sure he will post some on his website. Thanks for sharing them.
1 person likes this
@SplitZip (1490)
• Portugal
20 Feb 07
No problem! I'm glad you found them amusing :)
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
21 Feb 07
Lol I don't have any to add but these are certainly strange notices lol. I guess they must have been done by a Blonde lol even though I have to say I am blonde and I think I would have done them better lololol.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
21 Feb 07
Well, you know what they say, "If the cap fits, wear it". Just kidding, but I will give you a plus for being blonde.
@Eskimo (2317)
18 Feb 07
I've seen a lot of these over the years, usually funny because of translation. Some have been added because of potential to be sued, like MacDonald's cups of tea have warning ' contents may be hot' or another one on a packet of nuts 'Warning may contain nuts'. I remember reading once that a church had a notice at its door 'Tired of Sin Come On In' and written below it was 'If not Phone xxxxxxxxx' I won't give the exact phone number in case someone gets offended.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
19 Feb 07
I just had a McDonalds coffee to-day and there was danger of the cup being hot. It was drinkable but the frozen chips had to be discarded in the nearest bin and the nuggets weren't a whole lot better. The ones about the nuts and the church are really funny. I have taken quite a few photos of funny signs while I was on holidays but they are filed (lost) somewhere on my computer. I'm not very computer literate.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26793)
• United Kingdom
18 Feb 07
Some great ones there, thanks for sharing, one of my favourites was a sign in a laundry in Rome 'ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time' Speaks volumes doesn't it... When in Rome.... Another favourite is Drop your trousers here for best results. (Notice In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.)
1 person likes this
• Ireland
18 Feb 07
I just wonder if any of these people ever realised how silly their notices looked or if anybody ever drew their attention to them. Your's are certainly very funny and thank you for posting them. It's great fun to read them.
• Canada
18 Feb 07
LOL! Some of these are hilarious! I used to get email with things like this in them all the time but I never saved any of them, I wish i had now and then I could have added some. Still, thanks for the laugh on what is turning out to be a boring Sunday lol.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
18 Feb 07
I used also get them in emails but I would forget about them and deletethem with the emails. I saved the link to this site so that when I get bored I can start reading the rest of them. Thanks for your response.
@irisheyes (4373)
• United States
18 Feb 07
I can't ever think of anything to add to lists like these but I enjoy reading them. We have a comedian named Jay Leno over here who hosts a late night TV program and he has viewers send in nonsensical newspaper quotes like these from all over the country which he reads every couple nights on the air. I racked my brains but I can't even remember one of his although I always get a good laugh out of them when he reads them.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
18 Feb 07
I can just imagine. My husband's brother collects the nonsensical newspaper quotes and saves them in an album. I have read some of them and they are absolutley hilarious. I haven't got a great memory for jokes either, or anything for that matter, but I enjoy hearing and reading them. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@babystar1 (4236)
• United States
18 Feb 07
Those were so funny, you made my day. I got one for you. Plumber joke A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at the neurosurgeon's house. After a two-minute job the plumber demanded $150. The neurosurgeon exclaimed, 'I don't charge this amount even though I am a surgeon." The plumber replied, "I agree, you are right. I too, didn't either, when I was a surgeon. That's why I switched to plumbing!"
1 person likes this
• Ireland
18 Feb 07
That is so funny. It reminded me of the time I paid a plumber €750 to repair a leak and I had to pay another plumber to do the job right. It broke my heart. Thanks for the laugh.
• United States
18 Feb 07
Sign at a golf Course read: "Any persons (except players) caught collecting golf balls on this course will be procecuted & have their balls removed" Gee - that's a bit harsh. A pole had two signs. The top one said, "Lodging Next right" Underneath that was another sign that said "State prison" A rest stop sign (eatery & gas station combined) said: EAT HERE and GET GAS Sign at a photography studio read: "Have the kids shot for Dad. $24.95
1 person likes this
• Ireland
18 Feb 07
Ha, ha. I really enjoyed these. Very funny. Thank you for sharing them.
@kaydee10 (268)
• Philippines
18 Feb 07
I don't carry any jokes right now but will post if i have any... yours are really great...LOL...
1 person likes this
• Ireland
18 Feb 07
Thanks kaydee. Glad you enjoyed them.
@suryachalla (1370)
• India
18 Feb 07
Danger-High Voltage - This is a symbol to inform people and avoid
death by electric shock.`
WARNING: LIVE WIRES. DO NOT TOUCH. FINE: Rs.1000.
• Ireland
18 Feb 07
These are getting funnier by the minute. I'm not sure how long I can last as I am starting to ache with laughter. Thanks for responding.
• United States
18 Feb 07
Those are funny i am rolling all over the floor i can you they have the craziest warning in the world lol
1 person likes this
• Ireland
18 Feb 07
Thanks annie. My tummy is beginning to hurt with the laughter, just as I thought I was finished. I'm going to be sore to-morrow.
• United States
18 Feb 07
Everything on here was effing hilarious! i found myself LOLing a lot. i used to knwo a bunch of these, but i really don't remember them. Oh, that "con is oppostie of pro" quote is now on my MSN. Wonderful!
1 person likes this
• Ireland
18 Feb 07
Wonderful sense of humour. Your response has sent me into a fit of laughter. Thanks so much for that.
@nowment (1758)
• United States
18 Feb 07
I took the time to type this but it wouldn't let me post it. I kept getting a message telling me to fill in the post. So here is again From Real Church Bulletins. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I upped my pledge - Up Yours." Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 am. All ladies are invited to lunch at the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn singing at the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basemet on Friday afternoon. Potluck supper Sunday 5pm. prayer and medication to follow. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. At the service tonight the sermon will be What is Hell? Come early and listen to our choir practice. Please place your donation in the envelope with the deceased person you want remembered. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. Ladies don't forget the rumage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. Don't let worry kill you off - Let the Church help. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married in the church on October 24. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. Thursday at 5pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers club. All ladies wishing to become little mothers please meet with the pastor in his study. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. A song fest was hell at the Methodist Church on Wednesday. The outreach commitee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church. 22 memebers were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang "Lord Knows Why" Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary. During the absense of our paster we enjoyed the rare privledge of hearing a good sermon when JF Scubbs supplied our pulpit. The ushers will come forward and take our ties and offerings. The concert held at the fellowship all was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her. Hymn "I Love Thee My Ford" Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch. On the church bulletin during minister's illness God is Good. Dr. Hardgraves is better.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
19 Feb 07
Oh dear, it must have taken you forever to type all of these and you did a great job of it. They are so funny that I am finding it difficult to type my response because my hands are shing while I am laughing. Thanks for taking so much trouble. I enjoyed every one of them.
@pitstop (6890)
• India
18 Feb 07
Yeahhh! You've made my weekend funny! Great collection... also good stuff from people who contributed. I've read several but cant remember any now!
1 person likes this
• Ireland
19 Feb 07
Yes, I've read them all and some of them are absolutely hilarious. Like you, I can never remember any of them for very long but it was very enjoying reading them.
• India
18 Feb 07
I love children and old people. It's everyone in the middle I cant stand. - Don Imus You won't find it hard to meet expenses. They are everywhere. - From the Internet Life is like a novel ripped out. - Rascal Flatts You're not famous until my mother has heard of you. - Jay Kay Leno
1 person likes this
• Ireland
18 Feb 07
Very good. Just when I thought my fun time was over, you start me laughing again. I love the last one and thanks for sharing them.
@smints8985 (1595)
• United States
18 Feb 07
hahaha... well I have no imput as of the moment but then I just have to share that I fancy the one liners.. that is also probably the reason why I adore statement shirts.. haha..
1 person likes this
• Ireland
18 Feb 07
I love the funny t-shirts too and I buy lots of them for my son. Thank you for responding.