"Tan his hide so he knows who is boss"

@mememama (3077)
United States
February 20, 2007 4:07pm CST
I keep getting this advice from older people since it's obvious that he's a toddler. I really don't understand why people think I need to beat an 18 month old to show him who is the boss. I've also heard "blister his butt" "paddle his rear", etc. It's never ending. I hear it too when he's not misbehaving at all. I know we get stupid advice as parents all the time, but why do people find it necesarry to use physical force to show who is the boss of their child? Do you think this is why some adults have so many problems now in days, because their parents "showed them who is boss"?
10 people like this
39 responses
• United States
21 Feb 07
Little Helpers - 2 year old helping with laundry
I'm a non spanking parent as well. My parents beat the crap out of me growing up. The only thing it taught me was not to inflict pain on others. It rattles my nerves when I hear people use this as the reason they hit their children. I have 5 children. All well behaved. My oldest son 20 years old. My other children are 18, 15, 12 and 2 years old. My two year old daughter is in the terrible 2 stage. My husband has no patience and he gets frustrated. I am sure a lot of parents do. I have found the easiest way to discipline my 2 year lately is by simply telling her NO we can't do that. Let's play with this instead. I may have to take a few minutes of my time (which I am willing to give) and get motivated into playing with something. I also include her in all my activities. Big mistake I made with my older children. LOL They give a whole new meaning to the word lazy. My daughter puts the silverware in the dishwasher, clothes in the dryer and anytime she sees me sweeping she fetches the dustpan. Sometimes, she even manages to empty my laundry basket..but she's so much cuter than dirty laundry..
• United States
21 Feb 07
It is important that children do know that their parents are the ones in charge. However, that time should come when the child is old enough to understand the consequences of his actions. An 18 month old does not have the capacity to understand that they are misbehaving. Children don't develop that sense until they are around two, two and a half. It is pointless to strike such a young child because they won't understand why you are hitting them. They'll just think that you're trying to inflict pain rather than teach a lesson. Growing up, my mother never hit us. We just respected her and feared her in a sense. She didn't have to hit us to command that kind of authority. So we "knew who was boss" without getting hit.
2 people like this
@mememama (3077)
• United States
21 Feb 07
We never got hit, except for once but she apologized because it was out of anger, it still haunts her today, I tell her I'm find lol. I think some people are amazed that someone who isn't spanked can grow up and be a productive member of society.
1 person likes this
@medooley (1875)
• United States
21 Feb 07
I personally don't think that either spanking or not spanking is what is going to make a kid behave or not. They need all sorts of displine and reasoning to why the displine in happening.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Feb 07
Good point, if you're not explaining to your children why they are getting disciplined then it really doesn't matter what you do, because they won't understand why they're standing in the corner or laying over your knee!
@joluha (344)
21 Feb 07
I cannot believe that people are so short tempered with little children! At 18 months old a child doesn't know the difference between right and wrong and is far too young to learn from smacking. I think in general people are not patient enough and too quick to snap at the kids. Being a child should be fun, and shouting and smacking certainly doesn't show them that.
2 people like this
@Mamaof2 (574)
• Canada
21 Feb 07
You can earn your sons respect and how him who is boss is many other ways than spanking him. I really dont understand how people now a days believe that this method works in disiplining our children. I think spanking only shows the child how to be aggressive and mean. Some may not agree....
2 people like this
@DaEntity (122)
• United States
21 Feb 07
My mom never spanked us at that age. She usually smacked our hands and said no or put our noses in the corner (that was the worst)... A spanking isn't beating your child. Beating your child is when you're hitting them so hard you leave bruises or your child need medical attention. I wasn't spanked until I was four and I think I'm more respectful of my parents because of it. Maybe these suggestions people are giving you are because your child is lacking in the control department. Also remember the age difference. Back when my grandparents were kids nobody thought twice about a child receiving several spankings from a "switch." Look in the world we live in now. California trying to pass the "no spanking' children law for all kids under the age of 18.
1 person likes this
@mememama (3077)
• United States
21 Feb 07
No, my son isn't lacking in the control department at all. People are telling me this as he's sitting nicely in my baby carrier or sling. Don't get me wrong, he does throw tantrums ocassionally in public, that's when I just simply tell him we are leaving-and we do that, but no one has told me this when he's done that.
1 person likes this
@DaEntity (122)
• United States
23 Feb 07
At what time are people telling you to do these things? Are you describing what he did earlier that was bad to them? That just doesn't make any sense. Why spank a child when they're being good. That just teaches them to be bad...
• United States
20 Feb 07
I also hear this alot. I always hear "if you don't stop I'm gonna take you out to the car" or people will hold their hand up like they are going to hit a child and say "if you don't quit". I think that many people use physical force to discipline their children because that is how they were brought up. I personally do not think that physical force is needed. If you teach your child to respect you from day one, then you should'nt have to fight with them too much. My husband tells me that his father spanked him a couple time (he only knows that because dad told him). He was taught at an early enough age that he started to respect his parents. Once he became of an age that he remembers, he said he was never spanked but was talked to about the situations. He was sat down and told why he cannot do something or why he is in time out.
1 person likes this
@all4ucnc (861)
• United States
20 Feb 07
Taking away privlages, and time out are great ways to disipline a child, My kids don't need spanking now because they know it is an option ( a last resort, but still an option). When they were old enough to crawl and get into things they were not suppose to a tap on the hand with the Firm word NO. was always enough. Then when they got old enough to tell me NO, then they were introduced to the corner. But times come up when a swat on the butt is a must. I have a brother who will not ever spank his child, and she knows that no matter what she does, she'll either have to stand in the corner or she'll loose one of her many toys. SHE IS A MONSTER!!!!, I've over there when she was standing on the countertops in the kitchen, throwing dishes down onto the ground laughing, the more daddy yelled, the louder she laughted. He finally grabbed her and set her down on the ground and talked her about how that was bad, She smiled at him then asked "so should I stand in the corner, or do you want my barbie"...he sent her to the corner. When she got out she climbed onto the back of the couch and then jumped down onto her new baby brother, he was only 3months old she landed on his arm, luckily she didn't break it, at this point she gave up her barbie.....Sorry but the girl needs a spanking.
@mememama (3077)
• United States
20 Feb 07
Yikes, don't want to debate, but we're a non-spanking house and I grew up without spanking, so I don't think it's a must! I always hear what a monster nonspanked kids are, but I can tell you that I personally know a kid who is spanked, he hits my son everytime he gets mad at him. So it goes both ways!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Feb 07
I have heard similar things as well. It is very saddening. I believe people say these things because of social conditionings. Unfortunately such behavior is so backwards. There is so much evidence to show that physical force and shaming only harms children. I can't imagine anyone wanting to do so to an 18 month old!!! I have an 18 month old as well and I can't imagine the thought of harming him intentionally.
1 person likes this
@chadd_atl (288)
• United States
21 Feb 07
It all depends on how you do it. "Discipline" is entirely differnt than "showing a kid who's boss". One of the reasons that youth are out of control now are because so many people are against spanking. My parents spanked me and it did not have a negative effect on me. I could say the same for most of my friends. If a parent disciplines out of love, it's a lot different than doing it out of anger and "tanning his hide".
1 person likes this
@jkpaid (99)
• Uganda
21 Feb 07
just displine the child for example if he does any thin bad no TV that day
1 person likes this
@vokey9472 (1489)
• United States
21 Feb 07
Who are these people and what rock did they crawl out from under? No one in their right mind would ever spank an 18 month of child. A child that young is too young to even understand that they have done something wrong. Don't get me wrong, I am pro-spanking, but I do not believe that you should ever spank a child before the age of 3, and even then you should use spanking as a last resort and extremely sparingly. I have a very high spirited little boy and at 18 months, I would tell him no no and then redirect his attention. I started using a time out corner when he was 2 and I would sit him in his time out chair for 2 minutes (1 minute for every year of age). That worked wonders until he was about 3 1/2. Then we had to resort to taking away priveleges. That works wonders. We have only had to spank him maybe 5 times total. I also use the 1,2,3 method. I will say "1, this is your first chance to correct your behavior before you lose (enter a privelege), 2 this is your second chance to correct your behavior before you lose..., 3 this is your last chance to correct your behavior before..." and then I will take something away. If the bad behavior continues, I count again only this time I tell him that he is going to get a spanking. I have almost never had to go beyond 2 with the spanking. The next time someone tells you to spank an 18 month old child, tell them to shove off!
1 person likes this
@emarie (5455)
• United States
21 Feb 07
it mostly depends on the child sometimes. i would never hit a child just to show them who's in charge. i use spanking as punishment for doing something wrong. some kids, they respond nicely without spanking, some kids you just have to. it should mostly be used as a last resort for those children who do not listen to any other way of dicipline. its a pick a chose game for parents we have to find the way that most works best for both parties.
1 person likes this
@jkpaid (99)
• Uganda
21 Feb 07
no the fact is that do not punish the child for no reason but do so when he or she does wrong but not show him u are the boss he doest understand that
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 07
sometimes its ok to SPANK not Beat tha kid there is a difference. i have 2 kids and i don't beat them. they get the once in a while SWAT but those don't really hurt just use ur best judgment
1 person likes this
@imadriscoll (2235)
• United States
21 Feb 07
I would never beat a child ... but I think that some children respond to spankings while others respond to time outs, taking a toy away, or just a firm no! When given the choice as a child between getting a spanking or being grounded I would always choose a spanking! It was over quickly and only hurt for a short time. I was then off to do what I wanted with my friends. My sister on the other hand would choose to be grounded ... she was a homebody and it really didn't effect her life. My parents caught on and eventually they switched punishments for us!
1 person likes this
• Singapore
21 Feb 07
If the parents punish their children just for letting them know who are the bosses, one day the children will let their parents know who are the bosses by rebelling against them.
@phon4u (2217)
• Laos
21 Feb 07
If I were you, I would love boss's child, when he/she is grown up, he/she will do return to me. Do good get good. It is only said in the bible that we should respect the aldults or older.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 07
No 2 kids are alike. I don't see hitting an 18 mth old helping. But dear as you grow as a parent this will come to you. With the high rise of kids beating the parents. I have noticed the kids never knew who was boss. I would never tell another parent to hit their kids. Your going to know what is right for you. I would also never allow a kid to think they could over run me. When adults lose the control of the house,situation,dispute etc. They learn a life long lesson. One that can never be turned around. The only resolution for them is group homes etc.
1 person likes this
@phon4u (2217)
• Laos
21 Feb 07
All depends on the culture. If you love and respect the boss, you can love and take care of his child when he needs you, when he need some thing, if he is a good boss he will help you to do a return. People help each other. If you can't help and don't respect, but you keep inside, not to show your feeling out to your boss.
1 person likes this
@kahheng (281)
21 Feb 07
LOL! This is indeed funny! No, you do not punish your kids just to show who is the boss. That amoutns to abuse! Respect is earned not expected. By physically abusing your beloved child, he/she would grow up to do the same to his younger sibblings, friends in school as well as off springs. So, how can you love yet abuse someone you love? My advice is punish only as a last resort. And if you do end up punishing your child, do follow up by sitting with them later on and explain to them that what they did was wrong and why they were punished for it. Children at young age are like young bamboo shoots. you can bend them to whatever shapes you want to. Once they reach a certain age, if you attempt to bend them, they would break. At that young age, they need all the care, love and proper guidance. Encourage them, sit and talk to them , play with them. If they are naughty, correct them, if they refuse to listen, then punish them. However, DO explain to them why they are punished later on. This way you would build a great relationship with them. They would learn to respect you and you in turn would earn their respect. Showing them who is the boss is as good at teaching them to be bullies. That is the exect opposite you want your children to be, right? I hope this helps in parenting. Oh btw, I am a father of 2 beautiful girls. At times they can be devils but most of the time, they are angels.. Thank god for that :)