How do you Punish your Children?

Child Tantrum - Screaming Child tantrum
Australia
February 20, 2007 11:41pm CST
I know the big debates on smacking children etc and Im not wanting to go into that here please. What I do want to know is how do you punish your young children? I still give my son, he's 3, a smack on the hand when he gets out of control which isnt often, but the usual punishment is being put in his room with no t.v. or anything till he calms down and can apologise. We always discuss what is happening with him and make sure he knows why hes in trouble etc. Im just wondering what works best for you and what gives you the best response from your child. Thankyou:)
3 people like this
22 responses
• United States
21 Feb 07
My daughter is 3. We spank, we do time outs, we take away things. We recently started a chore chart with her and have behavior on there as well as chores she's to do. It helps with her. She's very strong willed, and just talking nicely, and 'redirecting' isn't going to fly. She gets spanked and put in a time out, thats what works for us. Right now, the biggest thing is computer time, and it gets taken away very fast because its the 'important' thing right now for her.
• Australia
21 Feb 07
I totally understand where you're coming from , my son is also 3 lol. Thankyou very much for your response!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 07
I agree. I have a child the same age and we use the same type of discipline that it sounds like you're using.
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@Jemina (5783)
21 Feb 07
I am not a mother yet but I used to teach small kids who were sort of problematic. And since they were not my real kids it took me a while to get to know them better. At first I was kinda harsh on them by scolding them a bit and sometimes spanking their hands. But that didn't work and made me feel guilty afterwards. I also got sore throat for scolding :-@ Eventually I got smarter--so I thought--and came up with a list of dos and don'ts which I made clear with each new students/pupils I get. The punishment is also clearly stipulated that if they violate any of those rules they would be warned and if they did it the 3rd time the'd be given extra writing task which is excruciating for them. They just hate writing 100 sentences. But i'm glad it works. But kids are kids so they easily forget the rules and the punishment that comes with it. However, just one gentle calling out their names and pointing at the rules are enough to make them behave.
3 people like this
• Australia
21 Feb 07
Sounds like you're doing a great job hun, keep up the good work :). Thanks for replying.
1 person likes this
• Canada
21 Feb 07
Your way makes sense to me! I'd leave out the slap on the hand, but everything else you have said makes perfect sense. I think you handle things in a calm and rational way, letting the child know what the problem is, but not making him feel ashamed. Good for you!
3 people like this
• Australia
21 Feb 07
Unfortunatly he gets way out of control sometimes and with a little smack on the hand he knows for sure that he's pushed it too far! lol. Thanks and thanks for your response :)
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 07
Children and society in general need to realize that there has to be a punishment for "acting bad".Sweetpea i wish more parents react like you to disobedience.Many parents are quick to react and are more worried about getting it over with rather then taking the time with a child to explain that it was wrong.Guess what parents you and i have all misbehaved some of us still do.Do we want to be harshly punished? or perhaps get a second chance and a sincere discussion that is both understanding and informative?Personally i would want to be talked to about the situation.Now to answer the question of what is done at my house.I babysit my nephew on a daily basis, he is only 2 but still misbehaves plenty.I sit him down and explain what he did wrong.I do not raise my voice and i say no because he understands that.I may seem like a pushover but i do not see it that way.Perhaps with enough conversations rather then yelling one day he will grow to be a calm understanding man.Children will always respond to a positive parent and its important for the kid to know the action was wrong.He himself is not wrong.Like i said Sweetpea your solutions are also encouraging Good Luck
• Australia
22 Feb 07
Thankyou very much. Im also sometimes seen as a pushover or a softy but I dont want to be screaming and yelling all the time Id rather him understand why he was getting me upset and what hes doing wrong, if it comes down to it yes I will smack him but I always feel bad after it and he knows it lol. I appreciate your response :)
• United States
21 Feb 07
I have a 4 yr old son..and he has beenusually good..but lately he has been testing me..and been reallyyyy bad! maybe its cabin fever..ge must get from from me..anywho if its a just somethign simple..i will make him have a time out..and if he keeps it up then.. he will be put in his room til he calms down..i guess it all depends on how bad he is..i have taken the playstation from him..and he has been grounded from leaving the yard in the summertime..i dont believe in makin him grounded to his room then..its just too hot..but if he is soo bad..and irractic..i will spank him..but i havent spanked him more than maybe 5 times in his life so far,,i have been lucky..but again,,he has been really testing me lately!!
• Australia
21 Feb 07
They get like that dont they. My son is the same, he is usually good but especially since breaking my foot he knows I cant chase him s he's been testing me lol
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 07
I agree I use spanking and a pop on the hand after using time out, taking away privlidges and so on! usually this actually keeps my son in check alot longer than those other punishments so I don't havr to do it very often!
2 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
23 Feb 07
My kids are older now so punishment is a little different to when they were tots and young kids...My kids really dont need to be punished, they're good kids..mind you I had an issue with my son about 2 weeks ago over him lying to me about homework....If there is ONE thing I cant tolerate its liars so he definately felt the wrath of mom..He ended up getting no allowance for one month (he gets $13 a week), he was grounded from the computer and phone for 2 weeks and grounded to the house for 2 weeks....and he got the lecture from me of course....My daughter never steps out of line at all but she doesnt like when I get angry....my son is mainly really good too but lately with this whole puberty thing he's had a few moments..... I thik the main thing that keeps my kids in check is them not wanting to disappoint me...I take great pride in my kids and they've always known how proud I am of them etc so when they do something that is disappointing I tell them..Like when my son lied to me I let him knwo just how shattered I was over it....Talking openly with them has really kept them in check and beign available is another great way to keep them out of trouble too..
1 person likes this
• Australia
24 Feb 07
Sounds like you definatly have things in order in your home! Thanks for your response.
21 Feb 07
I think that you have a good idea of what works for you and your child. A smack on the hand is a good deterrent and it seems that you only need to do it when you feel that he "gets out of control" so I am not going to get into the debate about smacking or not. Its not my business. I would say to any parent what works best for you and your child is the best thing for you and your child. However, I would never condone any one using a weapon such as a stick, belt, whip or any form of "weapon" against a child. I don't condone slapping a childs face or slapping them across the head either which I have seen in my local shopping area :(
1 person likes this
• Australia
22 Feb 07
I actually saw something in the paper today that said a smack on the hand or bot at the time is disciplen, when you actually leave the room go find a spoon or belt, its abuse. I think they have a point! Thanks for your response.
• United States
21 Feb 07
I have a 20 month old son and he is a handful! At this age, he does everything he ain't supposed to do. He only listens to me when I scream NO (and on some days, it's the WHOLE day), and sometimes I do smack him on the and and feel horrible afterwards.
1 person likes this
• Australia
22 Feb 07
Aaaaw bless, it makes you feel guilty doesnt it. Good luck with it hun and thanks for responding.
@joluha (344)
21 Feb 07
It's hard isn't it - I have a two year old and think that maybe he is too young to start telling off. I try to explain to him that some things are naughty and he musn't do them. Smacking should be avoided if possible although I must admit I look at other kids and think they sometimes deserve a smack, but on the whole I think talking is better. People are very quick to lose patience with their children and I try to remind myself of this when I start to get agitated. As he gets older I think I would punish him by taking away things he enjoys, eg. he won't go to watch football if he misbehaves (just a silly example).
1 person likes this
• Australia
22 Feb 07
Its true they dont always do what you want lol. Thanks for your response.
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
21 Feb 07
I started making my kids at the age of 3 when they acted out to do physical exercise. They do push-ups, sit-ups, cherry pickers, knee bends, lef lifts, and other physical exercises when they act out. They are now 10, 8, and 7 and they are very well behaved. I'm the youngest grandchild out of 52 grandchildren and all my aunts and uncles and cousins agree that my children are the best behaved kids in the family. I chose to give them the gift of self disipline instead of physical and it has worked for me. I suggest it to anyone that has children that act out. That is not to say that they aren't always good, but when I started doing this, they were doing the exercises 4 to 5 times a month, thats down to maybe 4 or 5 times a year now. When I first started this my mom said she thought it was child abuse. But then she saw how their behaviors were changing (for the better) and how well they were behaved and told me that I was right that it wasn't abuse, she thinks I given them a great gift now. I must agree, self disipline is the best gift you can give to a child. I decided to try this form of disipline when I lived on a military base, and saw other people using this form of disipline and saw it working myself. It really does work. Spanking a child says its okay to hit when we are upset. Yelling has never accomplished much. Grounding (come on now with what kids have now days it don't work either)
1 person likes this
• Australia
22 Feb 07
Thankyou very much for those ideas Im glad you found something that works for your children and family. Its great to hear of alternatives and I appreciate your response.
• United States
21 Feb 07
Hi, instead of using the word "punishing" I would like to refer it as disciplining. I don't like to spank my kids but an occasional spanking on the bottom for my 4 year old is always accompanied by a brief talk on what happened and how she could better behave next time. We also use positive words of afirmation. As she is getting older, I think the brief "time out" discussion is working. Kids like it when you go down to their level and talk to then and ask them what is on their mind. They just want to be listened to.
• Australia
22 Feb 07
i totally agree with you , thankyou for your response.
• India
21 Feb 07
i am very close to my neice.she treats me like her mom. there have been times when i should have punished her but simply couldn't do so. it was once that out of rage i shouted at her but after seeing that she is deeply hurt i really felt bad. i think when i'll have my own children i wont be able to punish them. i wonder how other mothers do this.
1 person likes this
• Australia
22 Feb 07
Oh you get to a point lol. Kids are kids, theyre just letting out the irratations and frustrations the only way they know how, we just learn to deal with it the best way we can ;) Thanks for responding.
• United States
21 Feb 07
Yes I agree I smack my children on the hand or tap Him in his behide I dont think that punishing your children by punching or beatings or with belts is very Mature of a parent thing to do even though back in the day thats actually how they punished their chidlren but unlikely as it is some people still do it even though that was a thing they did years ago
• Australia
22 Feb 07
Even back in the day some people didnt resort to such violnce I hope. Thankyou for your response
@weemam (13377)
28 Feb 07
My sons are now 44, 41 and 26 I did give them a slap on the bottom and the hand and at the same time explain why I was doing it , I do so hate it when a parent answers " just because I say" that's not an explanation , My grandchildren are grounded and they hate that , but that's the way my sons and their wives handle things , I think the main thing no matter how you do it , is to let them know why you are punishing them and what you think they di dwrong , to say " just because " is no explanation xx
1 person likes this
@ssh123 (31100)
• India
22 Feb 07
We do not spank, we do not smack. No sticks. We just give a shout and if he does not listen, we keep quiet and will not entertain him for the next 2 to 3 hours. That will bring him to the line. We cut off extra perks / facilities etc.
1 person likes this
@deemster (50)
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
I have 2 chidren. One is already 10 (boy) and the other is eight (8) years old (a girl). We (me and my wife) raised our children by letting them know why they are being reprimanded or punished. Though we do not implement physical punishment. Every small details why they have been punished is really a big deal for them so you must try to let them know your reason and situation. And at the same time you must try to instill in their minds good values in a way that they are encouraged to do it( for example by story telling, games, etc.).
• India
21 Feb 07
hi,, i never punish my children becoz i am think something different. i never punish them i just feel them that they are wrong and they should not do the wrong thing next time in a way that they understand that and think on that
1 person likes this
@vijvss (4)
• India
21 Feb 07
I dont really punish my children if i had one so i think punishing ll not give anything rather than fear.
@haissam (93)
• Pakistan
21 Feb 07
Yes I do punish them but not physical punishment Just stop them to view thair best tv show, cancel dinner at park reviewing pocket money. All this work but they do nt change thair attitude they do it again and again