UNBELIEVABLE! I talked to my daughter about the cigarettes today, she tried POT

United States
February 22, 2007 7:46am CST
What is happening? I don't know i feel so greatful on one hand that she out right told me. but WHAT THE HELL? I just am beside my self. She said this week end at her friends she tried pot. That it was the first time and she is being very angry and defensive "so how long am i grounded? I know i'll never be able to go any where now."A week or so ago i told yous her first breakup happened and i was worried because she wasn't grieving. (i mean she didn't want a boy to be her world yet but he was) We have had the disscussion that this girl's house she went to has drug and drinking and lax rules. but this is her very best friend in the whole world and because of our open relationship and the way my daughter expresses her values and plans for her future and even has a plan of attack as far as how to get to be where she wants to as an adult, i trusted her. We just had this disscussion, (that she must go out into the teen world and live a little and i must trust her to do what's right) Well now look!!!!!!! I just want to lock her up and agghh i'm just so confused. I told her that i have never been so dissapointed in my life, however i love her and am still proud of who she is and i expect that she realizes that this whole thing is wrong and a direct result of holding in her feelings and denying herself the greiving process over her boy friend. i also told her how much i am proud of her for telling me so quickly and for even telling me at all. BUT WHAT DO I DO TO BE SURE IT DOESN'T CONTINUE?I had her at 16 and i have vowed from day one to make sure her life goes well. She becomes something someone. My life has been about her from the day i had to go to school and face my peers and teachers pregnant. I made her i will raise her right NO MATTER WHAT. I just can't let this happen to her. no. I didn't get to be a teen for more than that one year (me 15-16yrs old) i don't want it all to be in vain.
6 people like this
12 responses
@fabwisp (1328)
22 Feb 07
I think you have to focus on the positive. You have obviously got a good relationship with your daughter for her to be able to talk to you about these things. I think if you dont relax a little you will lose this. All of us have tried pot or something else at some point. If she were planning on it happening again i dont think she would have openly told you. It sounds like you have a lovely responsible girl. Trust herto learn from your mistakes rather than expect her to make them.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
22 Feb 07
Thats true. Some kids don't even got trust on the parents to discuss this kind of stuff with them.
@Debs_place (10551)
• United States
22 Feb 07
Well first off she talked to you, that is a good thing. Maybe, you could try a new punishment, she is grounded from going out and for the next 2 months, her social life will be at home. All of her friends - both male and female must come over to visit her. Get to know them. Then talk with her - don't lecture about the goods and bads of each kid. I think that you are actually more concerned about her getting pregnant ( I don't blame you), is she involved in school activities? If she is,I thought I read 14, 14 and her life revolves around a boy, she needs to develop some self-esteem, maybe she needs some other interests to help her define herself.
1 person likes this
@KrisNY (7609)
• United States
22 Feb 07
You obviously did something right in raising her if she told you about it. She could have kept it a secret and kept doing it. Let's just hope that she didn't like it and won't try it again.. Did you ask her this? It's too bad that her best friend doesn't haven't parents as caring and open as you. Have faith-- I hope that with you guys talking about this.. she will stay away! I'm sorry-- this has to be very hard- My daughter is only 10--- I so don't want her to grow up!
• United States
22 Feb 07
Mt kids are not old enough fo that yet but I often wonder what I would do if and when this ever happened. It must be so hard. I had a pretty hard childhood and vowed that my kids would grow up in a happy loving home and that they would be able to talk to us about everything. I have many teenage nieces and nephews that are trying new things right now and they keep doing them because thier parents dont want to be bothered with trying to help them and find out why they are doing these things. I think it is wonderfull that you can talk to your daughter. I know it will be hard but you should make sure she knows that you are proud that she told you. I couldnt tell my parents anything, if I did they reacted with screeming and yelling and beating. I am sure that you didnt do that and I understand your disapointment but if my parents had just listend to me and talked with me my life would have been so much different. It sounds like you love your daughter very much and you only want what is best for her. That is a wonderfull thing. I hope that you can keep the honest relationship that you have wioth her. She sounds like a good girl and I will pray that this is just a one time thing as we all have had our little experiments as a child. I hope this event will bring you closer so she can understand the severity of these actions. My thoughts and prayers are with you in this trying time.
• United States
22 Feb 07
Thank you for your support and comments. I hope it is the last time too.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 07
I am sure you are doing a great job as a mother and some times they go astray but just love her unconditionally she will be okay
• United States
22 Feb 07
hey yer a poet!
@ESKARENA1 (18304)
22 Feb 07
i really would not worry about this. Most teenages try pot, very few of them continue with it. Its just because it is wrapped in mystery and excitement for them that they are drawn to it, most will certainly get bored
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
23 Feb 07
I agree with you. Sometimes we are so worried trying to prevent our kids to make bad choices that we make things even more appealing for them - everyone knows that if we don't like it, they will just because we're the adults :)
23 Feb 07
You are so lucky to have a daughter who will actually talk to you about things like this and tell you straight out. All teenagers will try things, it is part of their teen years as they learn and grow, they will push the limits to the edge and beyond, and all we can do is be there and support them as much as we can. I was lucky with my son, I was able to talk to him about just about anything and he was straight with me. He told me when he started smoking, I warned him of the dangers but told him that at 16 he was old enough to make a decision for himself. He stopped smoking at 18.
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
I feel for you. I am a mother to a three-year-old daughter, and i am worried this early for her. Even if we give the most tender loving care in the world, the outside world (peers, a classic example)can still be a great influence on them. I think the best solution would be to love our children unconditionally, and continue to guide and support them. The main reason why they try to do what their peers are doing, is acceptance. They want to be accepted in a group or society.
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
23 Feb 07
I understand what you are feeling, and that you really want the best for your daughter. But as you point out yourself: She did tell you! And that is very positive. Now you need to make sure that she won't stop telling you this kind of things - so hold on... breathe in.. breathe out.. count backwards from ten if needed, and then be very careful not to make her feel like it's better not to tell you anything else ever again. You did very well on your talk with her, but now you have to lay back and trust that she got it. There is no way you really can control if she does it again or not, but you can control if she tells you in case she does it again or not. I don't know how old you daughter is, but I can tell you that most kids will try pot at some point. A lot of us did too. It doesn't necessarily means that they are on a path of destruction and that her lives will be ruined. But a lot depends on staying calm and continuing communication in an understanding and informative way - not emotional. First week in high school, my daughter told me she had been invited to smoke pot. We talked about it, discussed peer pressure, the need to fit in and all that. I told her it was normal to want to experience new things, but sometimes it wasn't the smartest thing to do. I didn't forbid her to do it - kids tend to do what is forbidden - but told her that I wished she would wait until she could understand it a bit better and be able to make a more informed choice. She is in grade 11 now, almost 17, and last summer she did tell me she tried it.She also told me that it was good we talked about it, and that she wasn't really sure of why the whole big commotion about it. I know she might try it a few more times here and there, but I trust that she can make her choices and keep her goals in mind. ANd I certainly am really proud and happy that she still trusts me and is able to confide in me.
@Signal20 (2282)
• United States
22 Feb 07
I know what you mean. I asked my 15 year old some things awhile back, and she was honest, I'll give her that lol! But just remember, as much as you want to jump up and shake the heck out of them for doing that stuff, if you do react poorly-they most likely won't tell you the truth next time. So, she got stuck listening to a long lecture from me, not yelling, just a lecture of how disappointed I was, and the ramifications of her actions, etc etc. Threw in a few, well, when I was your age, here's what happened when I did that, so learn from me, I'm not lying blah blah. Got my point across, and she actually was pretty good about agreeing with me, and told me I was right and she messed up. Now, hopefully it'll all stick lol. I'm just greatful I was able to "contain" my anger and not yell about it.
• United States
22 Feb 07
sometime kids have to try things to figure out they are bad or wrong hopefully they make the right decision after they realize it really isn;t wahat others make it out to be
• United States
22 Feb 07
hey, what does that tell you that she came to you and even told you in the first palce!? most kids will not tell their parents a thing. My dad yelled at me for everything and beat me when i would admit to something. I never even had a voice. You already have her on your side. She told you and that means she wanted you to know. Just keep the lines of communication open. Your doing that by telling her you are dissappointed i what she did but still love her. letting her know that it was a poor decision but she can grow from the bad choice. I hope every day i am telling my kids all the rightthings. The only way I kn0w to get through is tell them what I had done and felt. I remember what I was doing, thinking when i wa their age and then i tell them. They laugh and say really and then tell me how weird because they are too. they talk to me.
• United States
22 Feb 07
Well, first you say you are proud of who she is and that she did tell you. MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS THAT! If you don't, she won't say one word to you in the future. Most kids do try pot at least once. I am not saying forgive it, but don't over-react too much. At least it was just pot and not something else. Did you talk to her and ask if she liked it? Talk to her. For me, I would not ground her. I would take this opportunity to really talk to her and go from there. GOod luck! Sounds like you have a great daughter and she opened up and talked to you.