Infertility has made me Angry!

@ashcas (55)
United States
February 22, 2007 11:25am CST
I have become such an angry person since realizing that I will probably never have kids without alot of medical help or through adoption. I can not be happy for anyone. Someone says they are pregnant....I get mad. Someone invites us to a birthday party....I get mad. Someone says something nice about their kids...I get mad. Someone says they are tired of their kids...I get mad. Someone asks me 'do you have any children'....I get mad. Basically anyone looks at me and I get mad. How has infirtility changed you? I can hardly be around myself I don't know how other people can be around me. I don't hang out with any of my friends any more b/c they all have kids, I can't hang out with any family members because they all have kids. :-( I am just having one of those days and was hoping someone else has been there too.
10 people like this
27 responses
• United States
23 Feb 07
Girl, let me tell you, I have been there and back and now I am there again! I had alot of trouble getting pregnant, it took me five long years. When I finally did I my husband and I were so happy, it lasted a month. I miscarried my baby at 10 weeks. The devastation was more than I could take! I really don't even want to go into what all I went through. That was four years ago, I still have not gotten pregnant again. My baby brother just had his first son not even a month ago. When I first found out that his girlfriend was pregnant I was MAD! I had nine months to get over it though. Now I am happy for my brother. I still think that as the oldest child I should have been the first to have a child but it is not in my hands to decide that so...
3 people like this
@ashcas (55)
• United States
23 Feb 07
I am sorry for your loss. My situation is similiar(just not as many years,yet). We tried for 2 1/2 years finally got pregnant and then lost it at 9 weeks...2 years later, nothing. I am also the oldest and my little sister has a 8 month old with her boyfriend. She did not even want a baby! she was on the shot for birth control and it didn't work. Not to mention the boyfriend has 2 other babies with 2 other girls. Are you glad that you got pregnant even though you lost it? I think sometimes I am.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Feb 07
Hi I am so sorry about your infertility. I have t say I have children, I am however having a hard time getting pregnaant again! I have been trying for a year and taking ovulation tests and so on and so on, I know this doesn't sound bad to you, I really do feel bad I just wanted you to know that I do feel for you and I do hope the best for you. I wish there wasa unwritten rule that people who really love children Like we do should automatically recieve all they need to concieve a child! I was actually going to be a seragate mommy forMy sister in law she changed her mind, but I would have and now I am having my own issues? go figure! You have every right to be angry and every right to express your anger you should be mad let it out! and then try to work on a solution that will make you happy! Thats all we can do..... My thoughts are with you....
3 people like this
@ashcas (55)
• United States
26 Feb 07
I am sorry that you are having to deal with this also. I think that infertility in any situation is hard. I also wish that all those who love children were able to have them or have the resources to provide children without families homes.
1 person likes this
@limosonia1 (1560)
• United States
22 Feb 07
Although I have children I had my tubes untied three months ago and go through a period of almost two weeks of misery when I find out I am not pregnant and might not ever be able to be because of my own stupidy mind you. You are in even more of an emotional state because the fact that you haven't been there is very hurtful. My girlfriend is in your shoes and they have told her that she will never concieve she is devasted. She is going through counseling now because she is ready to pounce on everybody around her exspecially if somebody tells her they are sorry to hear that. Or when she hears a sad story about a baby being hurt. She will call and cry about how can god give a child to somebody that evil and not her. It is an very emotional time. You need to be able to find somebody to lean on. Do you know why you can't concieve?
3 people like this
@ashcas (55)
• United States
22 Feb 07
Yes it is very hard when you see others who have children and do not take care of them. I know many women who have 3+ kids and can not and do not take care of any of them. It is very sad.
2 people like this
@pilbara (1436)
• Australia
23 Feb 07
I'm in the same situation about kids as you are. I don't get mad about it though. However, it does upset me that all of my family and friends have children and we can't. We are looking into foster care at the moment to try to deal with it. Maybe you have similar alternatives?
2 people like this
@ashcas (55)
• United States
26 Feb 07
My family is currently having a baby boom. 8 new arrivals in the last 2 years. Mostly to those younger than me and not trying to have children! We will probably do foster care or adopt somewhere down the road. good luck with the foster care.
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 Mar 07
My friends and family are having baby booms as well! We've had 7 births in 2 years. And another one coming up in September. As for foster care, we're looking into that too.
@Mindy86 (12)
• United States
17 Mar 07
This is a wonderful topic because IM THERE! I dont know so much as the anger and all, but I notice differences in me. When I go to Walmart I catch myself walking through the baby aisle checking out cribs and clothes and such. Just the other day my husband got upset because I saw this cute onesie at Target that said "Worth the Wait" and I bought it (even though Im not pregnant. When I see babies I stare. Call it weird, but I want one so bad and it angers me mostly that there are women disposing of babies and you see it on the news, or how there are so many kids in orphanages all over the united states. Its really sad, and here I am only wanting one.
2 people like this
@ashcas (55)
• United States
20 Mar 07
Thank you everyone for all the comments. I have been doing better. The bad days come and go. It is nice to know that others are in my same situation or have been there. thanks again and I wish you all the best.
• United States
23 Feb 07
I feel bad that you are going through this. I too have had to accept the fact that I cannot have children. I went through over a year of intrusive tests and medicines. Somedays taking over 10 pills a day. Have you seen your doctor and started any kind of treatment. I suggest going to Fertility Lifelines.com they are very supportive and they offer a free concieve mag subscription for a year. It is a neat mag. I have personally come to the realization that I am fine without kids. I can leave town at a moments notice. The only person I worry about is me..and sometimes my hubby ;). It was hard for me to come to this point and I hope you either get to the same point or are someday able to have kids, either through adoption, surrogate, or through the most "natural" way for you. Good Luck!!!
2 people like this
@ashcas (55)
• United States
26 Feb 07
Thank you for the comment. Hopefully one day I will be able to look into treatments.Right now we just do not have the money. We could afford to have a baby and take care of a baby, but add in the cost of treatments and test and we can't. Not now anyway. I too hope to one day be ok with our situation and honestly some days I am, I just have bad days every once in awhile when I am not.
1 person likes this
@winky73 (1396)
• United States
23 Feb 07
I can completly understand how you feel.I found out that I'll most likely never be able to have kids when I was only 24 years old.I was pretty upset at first and it used to drive me crazy when people would ask me if I had any kids and when I'd say no.....they always wanted to know why.Most people seemed to think it was because I didn't want kids.....not that it really is anybodys buisness.I got so pissed off at a friend of mine once.....she just had her third child and they told her that she could not have anymore after that.She had the nerve to sit there and cry about it.....sorry but I just went off on her.After all she has been blessed with 3 beautyful kids and I will never even get to have one.I'm 34 years old now and I have acepted the fact that I will not have a child of my own.I still get a little upset when people look at me with pitty because of that and I usually tell them"look....I'm okay with it.....I don't need to have a child to be validated as a woman".It's best to try to let go of that anger....because if you don't....it just keeps eating away at you.Just think of all the things you can do because you don't have kids.....that really helped me alot.Just hang in there.....you are not alone with that problem.
@ashcas (55)
• United States
26 Feb 07
I am 24 now. I am sorry that you had to go through this also but at the same time it sure does help to know that there was somewhere in my shoes 10 years ago and they are ok...I will be ok too. Thank you for your support.
1 person likes this
• Australia
23 Feb 07
I am sorry to hear about how your feeling. I know sort of how you feel, i had my tubes tied coz i thought that my marriage would last forever and sadly it didnt. Now i have met the love of my life and he dosnt have kids off his own and my tubes are blocked anyway so i would need IVF which cost approx $2000 and we dont have $20 spare and my clock is ticking (loudly). I was reading an article today and it said Sarah O'hare the model who married Rupert Murdochs son Lachlan had 3 miscarriages and it was because of her Thyroid gland and was picked up in a bloodtest. She's now on tablets and has 2 beautiful sons.I realise that all of this probably means nothing to you, but keep you chin up and try to stay positive and know that lots of people are thinking of you. I hope you are able to sort this out cheers
2 people like this
@ashcas (55)
• United States
26 Feb 07
I have actually thought that I might have a Thyroid problem. I have compared some of my other health problems with those related to Thryroid problems and a lot of them match. As soon as I can find and afford some good insurance I want to get that checked first. For now though I do not want to get diagnosed with anything while I am unisured I would for sure not be able to get affordable health care then.
1 person likes this
@joy1982 (226)
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
maybe that feelings are normal..especially when you really wanted to have kids and have a called family.. maybe youre in the stage of denial that you can accept of your infertility..maybe accepting it and dealing it will really help you and start a new one..adopt a baby
2 people like this
• Canada
2 Mar 07
you say that as if infertile people can just walk down the street and adopt a baby...it's a very difficult process, emotionally, mentally and financially.
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
14 Mar 07
I get upset and start crying. I love children, so I try to help out as much as I can, but I am afraid because I got infertile through non specific Gonnerea people would think that it also accepted my brain and made me the type of person who would harm babies. (funny no one mentioned this) A couple of weeks ago I finally got up the nerve to babysit the toddlers at my Ladies Group, because I felt because of the way I got infertile or because I gave my only child up for adoption , (I got Vd from the father) I would harm the children, but I did not. I have two adopted sons, but I wanted to bear six children, but because of a stupid mistake--- Every time I see bad people having children, it makes me so depressed. It's as if someone's saying, that they will be good parents, but you will not.
@shila07 (514)
• Bhutan
2 Mar 07
I friend, i have also the same problem, i have been married for 5 years and could not get concieved, Iam also becoming mad nowadays, i feel very sad and humilated,feel unlucky. I too feel so sad when ever, i see pregnant women, attand birthday, when other talks about their kind. I have tried every thing, checked medically, my hormone level is low, i tried to improve but not working. Now iam tired of doing all these and you know iam getting anry with god thinking that why god is taking partiality. My husband is the best husband, he understands me, and recently we have decided to adopt a child and we have adopted, Now iam bit happy with my child, atleast i cant talk about him with my friends, i can be called as mother. Now he is five months old. So friend, please adopt one baby, then you will feel good and happy. You talk wiith your husband. and let me know,
• United States
23 Feb 07
I went through secondary infertility - nowhere near as devastating as you. I could just say I was satisfied with what God gave me. What you are going through is understandable and even expected. I think counseling would probably help you at this point. Perhaps your doctor could recommend one who specializes in this area.
2 people like this
@kathy77 (7488)
• Australia
23 Feb 07
No I have never been in your shoes and been infertile but my adopted mother would of been in the same shoes as you, due to she could not have any children of her own, and was very disappointed that she had infertile womb, and therefore could not have any children of her own, non the less she was a very good mother to me but other in the family did not really accept me as part of the family because I was an adopted baby. So you see there are different sides to these stories and so in the beginning my mother suffered due to this problem and in the end I suffered, but she was a wonderful woman in her own rights, and I shall never forget my adopted mother as in my eyes she was my mother.
2 people like this
• United States
23 Feb 07
Some how ..I feel that if you change your outlook on your situation..things may brighten up..Think of the children who wait in orphanages for someone to love the..I bet they feel hopeless and angry as they see others chosen and them not..For some reason, God has allowed this inconvenience..You can either use it for the good or for the bad.. You can turn your misfortune into something good for some needy orphan or even a baby whose mother is giving him/her up.. Sometimes it's hard to see beyond our own situations but there are many so far worse off then us..Anger will never solve the issue but love wil.. Just start considering your options..
@ashcas (55)
• United States
26 Feb 07
Just to set the record straight we would love to adopt. I can not help that some us are forced to start parenthood in the red. (so to speak) there is no way that right now my husband and I could afford the adoption costs. We could afford to have a baby and take care of a child but not all the costs to get them. In a few years we will but not right now.
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 Mar 07
Adoption is NOT an easy solution. I'm sorry to say but it actually make me really angry when people suggest that, as if we've never thought of that before! Sorry, I'm just angry right now myself. 25% of birth mothers "change their minds" and take their baby back before the time period is up (in Canada it's 21 days after the birth) in fact it's so common that adoption agencies tell you to BORROW baby stuff rather than buy it! Also it's very expensive to adopt from overseas.
• United States
23 Feb 07
I have a friend who has been infertile for almost 9 years. She's still trying though but she's also in the same position as you. Mad all the time. Mad at everyone and everything. She's always defensive, making hurtful remarks and criticizing everyone's kids. I feel really bad for her but I don't know why she makes it look like it's everyone else's fault that she can't have a baby. I can understand her anger and disappointment but it just feels really unfair that she takes it out on everyone around her.
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 Mar 07
I hope I'm not doing that in this thread! heheehe I do have lots of anger in me reagrding my pregnancy losses. Doctors have found NOTHING wrong and I'v been tested with everything from my thyroid, to my blood, to my husbands semen. I'v travelled to a specialist in another province and the only problem they could find was with my husbands semen, except we still got pregnant, but my body just aborted the pregnancies on it's own, a different reason everytime. As for adoption, we've looking into it, a lot, gone to seminars, weekend classes, visits with social workers, but we're deciding it's maybe not for us. I'll have to post about why in a separate thread, this is getting long, but suffice it to say, that the risk of loss with adoption is even higher than that of miscarriage.
@raheel07 (485)
• Pakistan
14 Mar 07
I know this is tough for you and people around you. But see it in a positive light. You can give a great life to a child who is an orphan and needs help by adoption. You can give her your motherly affection. You can make his/her life and future better. Maybe this will resolve your problems when that child is in your hands. You will feel love. I am sure you will have quality in you to do this virtue. This is an opportunity, if you thing it is worth and if it will make you happy then grab it.
1 person likes this
• Canada
19 Mar 07
Adoption like you say is not so easy. It costs a lot of money to adopt. Some people have to take out second mortgages on their homes. Some people can just not afford it altogether. If you adopt privately depending on the country or state you live in the rules are different. It's just not easy to adopt and the adopted child can still be taken away from you if the birth mother changes her mind. In canada, where I live, the birth mother has 21-23 days after the birth to take back HER child. This may not seem like much to you, but this would be heartbreaking for the parents who coudln't have their own children and then finally manage to be chosen to adopt a child (which can take many many years) and then to live with and love this child for 3 weeks only to have to return him or her. This is heart wrenching. Some decide they can not go through with it.
1 person likes this
@mayshoe (606)
• India
26 Feb 07
I feel sad to hear that but i would suggest you one website in which you must read that article and you will feel that you too can be pregnant..........if i cut and paste here it will be lengthy one and will look scrap.....so please see that article in that website...... http://drmalpani.com/oligospermia.htm see this page and know the real facts of infertility in men and women......
@ashcas (55)
• United States
27 Feb 07
Thank you for the information. I will add that site to the other fertility sites in my favorites.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Mar 07
Well, I honestly have no idea how you feel about having always wanted to be a parent, so I may not be of any help. But since you don't have insurance, I'm sure you can find support groups that may help you. Sometimes just having friends who feel the same as you to vent to can make you feel better. Hopefully, when you get over the anger stage to acceptance, you can be an even better childcare and education official. Maybe you can even adopt and help children who don't have homes or families.
1 person likes this
@Anakata2007 (1787)
• Canada
2 Mar 07
Hi, I'm sorry for your pain. I'm angry too. I sometimes find myself giving pregnant women dirty looks on the street. Normally I'm a nice person, I swear. It has also really affected my self esteem and I find it hard to believe that my husband still wants to be married to me. I also am very depressed and am finally taking prozac for it. It's not working so well anymore.
1 person likes this
@weemam (13377)
23 Feb 07
Please don't feel so down , you will get really depressed and make yourself ill . I have heard the harder you try the harder it is , There as so many ways you can get help with this and every day they are finding other ways , Enjoy what you DO have and try to be happy , bless you xx
1 person likes this