What would you do?

Singapore
October 14, 2006 12:32pm CST
You are married, with kids. You realise your spouse did something somewhat unforgivable, eg cheating on you. What do you? Live with it? Divorce? Taking into consideration you have kids. Share!
1 person likes this
14 responses
@lauriefnp (5113)
• United States
10 Feb 07
You already answered the question for me- it's "unforgivable". There are no 2nd chances when someone cheats. I believe that cheating violates the basic trust and sincerity upon which a relationship must stand, and I would never be able to forgive that. Once a cheater, always a cheater. He would be out the door. I don't have kids, but I would think that I would still feel the same way about him and kick him out. It's not about the kids. I don't believe in staying together for the sake of children; I have seen too many of my friends try to do this, and everyone suffers.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
10 Feb 07
A lot of times our heart takes over. To be able to say "I love you still but I cannot live with you anymore" is not easy indeed.
1 person likes this
@lauriefnp (5113)
• United States
10 Feb 07
How true that is. But I know myself and I know that even if I still loved him the trust would be gone, and the relationship would be doomed. What good is a relationship without trust? It's not even a relationship anymore. Trust takes so long to build up, and if someone breaks it so easily I just won't put the effort into rebuilding it, only to have it crushed again.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
10 Feb 07
Oh yes. It takes a lifetime to build trust ,but a split second to destroy it all. How fragile we are, aint we? Oh... good morning! *yawns and stretches*
1 person likes this
10 Feb 07
I would divorce. Many people use the kids as an excuse, but I would want to teach my children that it's not ok to be treated that way. When I got pregant at 21, my boyfriend cheated on me. I knew it was going to be difficult to raise twins by myself, but I was not about to even introduce them to that life, so I dumped him. He got married to the girl before I even gave birth, which tells me I made the right decision! I may seem a bit harsh, but I don't think I could forgive that.
• Singapore
10 Feb 07
the truth is, women can live very well on their own without men. you might as well go without the problems of having a rascal around. Yes I agree you probably made the right decision. Sad to say, kids will eventually get used to the idea that it is okay not to have a daddy and mommy. Cause half of their peers and friends will be in the same state. To actually have a daddy and mommy who loves each other (the image of a perfect family) probably just remains so in story books...
10 Feb 07
I am married to a good man now. My children were only 2 when we got together. Their "real" dad didn't even meet them until they were almost 4, so they have always remembered having a mom & a dad.
• Philippines
25 Feb 07
I would probably ask myself where did I go wrong to make him cheat on me. If he regret what he did then I would take him in for the sake of our children, but if he repeats it then it will be a different situation. =)
• Singapore
25 Feb 07
so then in your opinion, a second chance is worth giving yar? :)
@chiyosan (29392)
• Philippines
10 Feb 07
i will not live with it. i mean, the guy cheated on me! no can do and i will not tolerate his being unfaithful to me.
• Singapore
10 Feb 07
Good on you. Women should stand up for themselves too. If all else fails I'll glad stand on your side too. :)
@Avichail (694)
• Indonesia
19 Jan 07
I will not make divorce an option once I enter a marriage. God said in Matthew 19:6 "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." Because God is so loving and knows all, I will choose to believe that He does not make that statement to make me suffer. Instead, I will believe that whatever pains inflicted by marriage, God can heal them all. I am a living testimony to this. And statistics keeps on confirming how divorce will bring negative influences to kids. I just read a book on Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson and I was stunned by the negative effects divorce caused to kids from any age. Divorce is not an option =)
• Singapore
10 Feb 07
I do not deny the effects on kids. The resentment and all that I used to have and still have. I never understood why adults can be such kids. And I mean REAL kids. But after a while you wonder, this is how a lot of marriages end up isn't it. You could divorce and still be friends, or end up killing one another. In the context of today, is a divorce always necessarily always bad? Sigh. Oh well I am thankful, whatever happens to me, i will not have any kids who will suffer from it all..
@glummy (194)
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
Communicate is definitely a great gift. :D Try to ask my spouse if he's willing to make up and start all over again. That's what love is all about, :D
• Singapore
10 Feb 07
In your opinion, do you know what true love is and how it is like? Would true love, ever go away?
• United States
24 Oct 06
He's gone. We have a strict "once chance rule" in our house - goes both ways, he cheats I'm gone, I cheat he's gone. We would never stop our children from seeing both parents though, we don't want them to be messed up over choices we make!
• Singapore
24 Oct 06
that is good. kids should not be brought in at all.. there is no one chance rule it seems. it is a no chance rule!
@rmuxagirl (7570)
• United States
24 Oct 06
I don't know what I would do. I would like to think that I would try to work things out and maybe go to counciling or something.
• Singapore
24 Oct 06
hmmm... excellent. hopefully u will never need to do so :)
• United States
24 Feb 07
It is conditional. If ur spouse is really gulit, she/he accept his/her mistake and feel herself in guilt.Than I will forgive her and live a happy life with my family.
@Anakata2007 (1789)
• Canada
10 Feb 07
Very tough question, especially if you have kids. This has alway sbeen the thing that worried me the most. I think that I would still make plans to leave because I have a feeling that it would happen evwentually anyways, because I could never trust or forgive cheating. I think it would be worse for the kids to see their parents hating each other.
• Indonesia
10 Feb 07
Well, I would say, I will get a divorce if/when my spouse is cheating on me. BUT, the fact is, if/when it happens; I have no idea if I would do that or not. I think, it would be nice to forgive and forget and start a clean slate. When God is so forgiveful, He probably wants me to learn to forgive as well. Maybe I would give my spouse a chance as long as he/she is repent. Also, I would try to find out, where did I go wrong (if there is any). Sometimes we think we are so perfect that things happened just because he/she is a cheater. And forget the fact that we PROBABLY can contribute in a way that our spouse cheating on us. I wish you all the best and prayers, if you are in this difficult situation.
@kagandahan (1327)
• Philippines
10 Feb 07
that's a tough one!i love my kids so much i don'twant them to suffer.i'd give him a second chance though,if he's still at it,i'd say i'll give him space.i will just focus on my children havinga good future.divorce is not allowed herein our country and i'm not infavor of that.i'll just give him space and time to think of what he has done.
@tammytwo (4305)
• United States
26 Nov 06
Try to talk about it and find out why they cheated. Try counseling. If that doesn't work, maybe divorce.
• Philippines
26 Nov 06
once the trust of a person has been broken, its hard to cope up it again... i go for divorce, its painful, when there is not trust in a relationship, the relationship is not stable anymore...