a huge rant.....

United States
February 23, 2007 9:44pm CST
Oh I'm so furious right now, I swear I could spit fire!!!!!!!!!!! My stupid, brain-dead sister in law left my house tonight saying she was going to go pick a friend up and take her home, and coming straight home in MY van. Well, guess what? She LIEDDDDDDDDDDDDD. First off, she doesn't have a license....I didn't want her to go but my husband wouldn't say anything to her, so I kept my mouth shut becuz he says I complain about her too much. Well she left here, goes and picks her friend up, goes to the BAR and then calls me to say that she's out of gas and has no money becuz she spent it at the bar (she was supposed to go to work tonight from 7-9pm but couldn't because she was too tired, she has only been working for TWO DAYS!!! ) Well, needless to say I am PISSED!!! My hubby and I are now in a HUGE fight because he don't care...and I'm just being a b*tch. WTF????? It's MY van. She has no license, she's out drinking and driving....she spent her last dollar so now has no money to go back to work if she even still has a job. How am I wrong?????????? Please tell me because I'm confused? Am I seeing this wrong? Am I just being a b*tch???????? What is going on??????????? I'm sorry for ranting...I'm just at my wits end....She needs to set a better example when she is living in MY house around MY children...and being an irresponsible IDIOT!!! I certainly do NOT want my children to grow up thinking this is the right way to behave.....I'm about to lose it, please someone, tell me I'm not crazy and losing my mind...Please give me some advice I can use....I can't take this anymore.........She's going to end up costing me my family....What am I supposed to do? Should I just be quiet and let it all go? WHat? I don't know...... Please help.....
16 people like this
43 responses
• United States
24 Feb 07
First off, take a second & take a few deep breaths, you need to be calm because your kids can feel your stress and anger. You are in the right to be angry, your husband is just a man, for some reason men have no real sense of responsibility, and they always lean more towards their blood related family, I don't know why it is so hard for them to detach. However, you have the right to be angry, and you should be, but be calm as much as possible around your kids so you don't upset them. I would definately take her aside tonight or tomorrow & have a little "chat" with her, I would tell her that she needs to get things straight or pack her $h!t & get out because you can not deal with this kind of irresponsible behavior around your children. You should also tell your husband the same, that she needs to take some responsibility & be an adult, or she needs to leave. Let him really know how this negative influence is affecting your children's lives. Good Luck & just don't kill her, your kids need you at home not in prison, lol.
6 people like this
• United States
24 Feb 07
It's so funny that you were responding to this as I was responding to one of your discussions!!! Thank you for snapping some sense into me! I feel better now. And your right, I want to just WRING HER NECK right now...but I'd go to jail and that is certainly not what's best!!! I'm just so darn frustrated that I can't stand it!!! THis was really the last straw!!! I'm trying so hard to stay calm and just stay away from EVERYONE right now, including my husband because I don't want to make things worse than they already are....I'm going to wait till tomorrow~when I've calmed down~ to say anything to anyone...THANK YOU!
4 people like this
• United States
24 Feb 07
thanks for best response, yes that was funny, lol, I noticed it too, but anyhow, Good Luck with your sister in law & your husband, I know that if my brother in law were to do something like that my husband would be the same way, its as if he is over protective of his family, & heaven forbid say something he disagrees with about his mom, but, its just a bad situation right now, and I hope that you can get through it easily. Good Luck, & just don't kill her, atleast not infront of the kids, lol.
3 people like this
28 Feb 07
I completely agree with this advice... instinct would say to kick em all out and be happy with yours and your childrens lives, but i think you would be miserable at letting another persons influence in your home marr your mind and good intentions to fix your relationship, if she can't abide by your home rules and respect you then she must leave, give her a final chance, tell your hubby what you wanted to do instinctively, then tell him what you are going to do, he will see you've put great thought into it, and this is no rash decision... oh yeah and no blood loss..lol
@ElicBxn (60951)
• United States
24 Feb 07
If you let her stay - & I would NOT, but if she needs a car - she get your husbands - if it is your van, put the keys on your body & don't ever let her close to it again. Personally, I would report the van stolen since she was driving without a license she could find herself in the pokey for a night. Gee, I wonder why I never married?
3 people like this
• Canada
24 Feb 07
It's simple enough. She lied so she doesn't get to use your van again. If the husband complains tell him he's whining too much :P Seriously, I understand your frustration and anger. How does she expect to gain your trust back after this? I think the idea someone had of calling the police and reporting the van stolen is a great one. Of course, the only downside to that would be if you got caught lying. They could charge you with wasting police time. Don't go running to get her home tonight though. If she was too stupid to save some money for Gas then she needs to find her own way home. I'm sorry this has happened. I hope that you and your husband can sort things out in time - but his sister needs to find somewhere else to stay
@howard96h (11645)
• New York, New York
24 Feb 07
You are not wrong at all, and I think your handling it well, compared to me. First you need to set some ground rules in YOUR home and your husband needs to back you with this. NO driving your vehicles under any circumstances what so ever. NO license NO driving, period, case closed, end of discussion! No drinking will in allowed while she is staying at your home, if she doesn't like the rules she can happily stay somewhere else (I'm sure she met new friends already at the bar). I am sorry to say this but your husband is wrong, it is his sister correct, then he should be the one to set her straight. He is passing the buck to you. If your husband thinks your wrong and he's right or your making a big thing over nothing then I would sit him down in front of your computer, pull up this page on mylot and let him read our opinions on this subject, we can't all be wrong!
3 people like this
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
24 Feb 07
I don't think your wrong at all hun... Stand your ground, your right those are YOUR kids, YOUR husband, YOUR family, and so on... She has no right to impede like that and i think maybe it's in your best interest to let her go. i'm sure she has lots of friends that she can stay with, and now that she has a job she can start supporting herself, so maybe it's about time you stopped taking responsibility for her and went on your way caring for yourself and your family... You don't want to mess up your renewed marriage, you definately don't want your kids hurt and i'm sure you don't want to lose your mind, and it seems your feeling like your close... cut the motherly ties hun... right now i don't think your sister needs a mother, she needs tough love....
• United States
24 Feb 07
I can understand your rant. That wouldn't go over here with me. Your hubby needs to see that his sister is causing problems. But, don't wait for him...just tell her that this is the LAST time she uses your van. And make it clear to him. Don't gripe and complain just state it plain and simple...if he wants her to go out and about without a license, then she can use HIS car. I feel for you. I am really glad I don't have that kind of pressure here. I couldn't handle it. I have too big of a mouth, I guess. :) Calm down and go take a bath. Hey, maybe you can call the cops and report the van stolen. LOL Sorry, that's bad. ;) Did you smile?
3 people like this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
24 Feb 07
I would be very upset too. It sounds like you have a very irresponsible husband, as well as the sister-in-law. I think you need to put an ultermatum to him, either she goes, or you and the kids go. Who do you want to stay? If that is too radical, I suggest you try to find a mutual friend or relative your husband respects, and let them try to make him understant. Finally I suggest a visit to a marriage guidance counselor. However from the way you describe your husband he doesen't seem the type to co-operate. Best of luck, I hope you can rid yourself of the sister-in-law from hell sooner rather than later.
@JrdnP16 (60)
• United States
25 Feb 07
i would be mad that is bull crap
2 people like this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
25 Feb 07
Your right he is wrong. He needs to get over it. My suggestion to you is to never loan your vechile to someone without a license anymore. If he don't stand by you, then sounds like he may need to go.
2 people like this
@MrSmitty (47)
• United States
25 Feb 07
Family has GOT TO come before friends ... period! WOW, hmmm, this girl still has hair? LOL!!! I know how women can get (no offense!), but I feel pretty confident that my wife would very possibly ... :::shudders::: ... heck, it scares me to even try to imagine what my wife would do LOL!!! Maybe she should reply here as well. ;^)
@missybal (4492)
• United States
25 Feb 07
You're not crazy but you will lose your mind if you have her in your home any longer. I don't think your husband is all to smart if he can't see that his sister is nothing but a free loader and it will effect your children if she is out getting drunk. And since she doesn't have a license and she is going out drinking. She could have driven back got in a wreck and the cops would have come and then they would ask you a bunch of questions like if you knew that she didn't have a license and then big trouble. Really you need to kick her out. She doesn't desearve your help if she is going to be so disrespectful and your husband is choosing her over you. Really I would be so pissed off too. I wouldn't be quiet. For the sake of your children and husband and the sister in law. She sounds like she is going down hill fast and she needs a wake up call. For one I wouldn't let her ever take your car again, with or without a license. Drive her to work if you must or she will have to find her own ride. Tell her she needs to straighten up or get out. And your husband I would tell the same thing to.
2 people like this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
25 Feb 07
I hate to say this but I agree with the person that said you should kick her out and maybe the husband too. I definitely thinks she has to go. If the husband is going to make you feel bad for exercising common sense then he needs to go to. Can you imagine if she got in a wreck and killed someone? My brother was killed by a drunk driver. People don't realize that this could happen to them too.
@GardenGerty (109811)
• United States
24 Feb 07
You are going to find that on here, there will be a lot of support for you. She has no business driving anyone's vehicle, and if something happened while she was driving, you and your hubby would be responsible, you might even have to face criminal charges. Your kids need both of their parents to be responsible adults. I do not buy that it is a man thing, I have female relatives who have done just as bad. You just wonder if they hatched instead of being born and raised. The kids do not need the drama, and they would be better off if you packed them up and moved away and let the cuckoos live in the current nest. You need to separate yourself finanacially from someone with this bad a judgement. The classic question is "Would I be better off without him?" and if hubby values sister, and stupidity more than kids and wife, the answer is, you would be better off without him. If you are trying to fix a damaged marriage, why did you guys let her move in? It sounds like a recipe for failure. We are all for you, and for you taking care of your kids. The rest of the people are adults and do not need you to be taking care of them.
• Canada
24 Feb 07
Being quiet in this kinda circumstance is a big NO from my opinion sure her brother might feel sorry for her, maybe that she has no where to go or is irresponsible in life and he thinks he can help change that whatever it is to help her..anyway seeing that she is living with u lieing to u and using ur property and not being responsible in front of the children and am sure 2 day's of work doesn't contbribute anything to the situation, it would be slightly different if she still hit work even though she is tierd, at least then u could see that she is trying to improve....U are not just being a B%$#h, It is something that u really need to put ur foot down for before it really get's more out of hand, and harder to handle and u do lose ur fam from it...For one ur husband shouldn't take it to the heart when u complain about her, just let him know how u realize that she is he's sister and because of that she is a lil bit better in he's eye's but just because she's he's sister doesn't mean she can't do anything WRONG!!!! Best of Luck on this tricky situation
@defeated (141)
• United States
27 Feb 07
Why in the world would you let someone who has no license drive your van? Not sure where you live - but in the U.S. a vehicle owner that lets an unlicensed driver drive their vehicle can be also held responsible if the borrower gets into an accident. What if she hadn't ran your van out of gas and had gotten into it to drive home after drinking and god forbid, gotten into an accident and hurt/or even killed someone?? Don't mean to sound harsh - but that could have been a very real reality check for your family:( Sounds like you need to find someone to talk to - maybe a pastor or close friend? Sound like your sister-in-law needs to grow up to me. Good luck - sounds like you are going to need it ((( hugs )))
• United States
27 Feb 07
I didn't want to, but you have to understand that my husband is feeling like I'm making his life a living hell because I complain about all the things she does all the time. I don't think I'm complaining about silly things. They are MAJOR MAJOR issues (like the van thing) and the night she took off, I walked into the whole conversation when it was 3/4 of the way over and I really didn't understand what was going on until he explained AFTER she left....which was all a LIE anyways, but anyhow, so if I would have known what was truly going on, I would of said something. Now, she's gone and done something way worse than this, so now I have that to deal with.... I agree with your opinion....I just wish I would of had more of an opportunity to put my two cents in. I can see what you are saying though. Thank you. Have a good day!
@jennifer611 (2502)
• United States
25 Feb 07
I think you have every right to be mad. and I really feel for you. your husband should be sticking by your side and putting his foot down and letting her know that if she is going to live under your roof she needs to be a little bit more respectful. If he is not going to say anything then just refuse to let her get your car keys anymore. Its horrible that she doesnt know how to act. she could possibly ruin your marriage, I wonder if she even realizes that.. hopefully your husband will choose you over her and put his foot down.
1 person likes this
@ladygator (3469)
• United States
25 Feb 07
Hey there wow, you have a really tough situation on your hands! I would wonder why your husband seems to think that she can do anything and not be responsible for her actions. I feel pretty firm that she needs to leave your house. I would not trust her as she seems to not respect you much.
@icequeen (2841)
• Canada
25 Feb 07
No...you are not being a b....tch...it is definitely her...I really don't understand your husbands attitude either. I really don't think that she needs to be staying with you. This is not the way to behave and she should be more responsible. That is ridiculous..especially since she just started this job and is now out drinking instead of going to work. You need to have a serious talk with your husband and make him see how ridiculous this situation is...and if he can't then the crazy gene must run in his family....
1 person likes this
@bonbon664 (3470)
• Canada
25 Feb 07
You're right to be ticket off. Don't be quiet and let it go away. Tell her that you will never, never again lend her your van. Which, you shouldn't have in the first place. I would also give her a reasonable amount of time to get out of your house. I wouldn't have her living in mine. I would give her 60 days to find a new place, or new arrangements, and then she would be gone. Good luck! You don't need her in your life.
1 person likes this
@earthsong (589)
• United States
25 Feb 07
I can't believe your hubby would allow his sister, who is obviously very irresponsible, to drive your vehicles with no license. If she gets into an accident, even if it is someone else's fault, you and your hubby are automatically liable for allowing her to drive the van knowing she doesn't have a license. What if she got drunk, drove and killed someone? Do you want that on your conscience? Your hubby is a fool and you have ever reason to be mad.
1 person likes this