Do you regret getting married and wish you should have stayed single?

@steney (1418)
Philippines
February 24, 2007 11:25am CST
I heard a lot of horrible stories about marriage and being married. How it feels 'right before the rite', and realize after the honeymoon stage afterglow that it was more like a life sentence one has subjected herself/himself into where there is no turning back. They say when you get to live with your partner as a married couple, that's when the disillusioment starts. More than half of the wives I know would drop their husbands in a minute, if given the right opportunity. They say it would be better if the only ones they'll be worrying about are their children, like in my case as a single mom. They rave about how lucky I am not to have a husband to be stressed about. This really confuses my idea about marriage. I always ask myself, "when the right time comes, should I or shouldn't I get married?" Are you one of those who wish they could have stayed single?
5 people like this
46 responses
@blondbat (504)
• United States
25 Feb 07
i am a living example of the reason the divorce rate in the US is 50/50. I married first at a youngish age - before I was 25 - which was the age I was brought up as being the "appropriate age. But I committed matrimony with the wrong person. The man I am married to now is the right person. We hung out for several months before he asked me out officially, and that first night we got a lot of things straight between us in our thinking. It was 5 years later that we married and this June is our 10th anniversary. I think we got it right. The first year we were together we knew that we would be together forever. We only commited matrimony because of his medical insurance... an inside joke, but we took it by the book and vows - For Better or For Worse, etc. We believed those words then and we live by them now. I always love him, but I may not always like him every minute of every day, and vice versa. But we do have 10 years of matrimony and counting... I think that is what counts
2 people like this
• Canada
24 Feb 07
When you meet the right person you will know how you feel and if you are not sure if you really want to get married you always have the option of living together for awhile before you get married . I lived with my husband for ten years before we decided to get married . We have been together for seventeen years and I don't ever regret marrying him . Even if down the road we were to split for some reason , I at least had the experience , which is a wonderful experience . Anything we do in life can be said that if I hadn't done that I would be better off , but you would never know what you could be missing and even if it fails you take the experience with you and even in the relation that do not work there was some part of it that was wonderful or they would not have agreed to the marriage in the first place . We have had some ups and downs in our marriage but I have never for one minute regretted my decision and I know you would find lots that would agree that they are very happy and glad they chose to get married as you will find the one's who say they wish they never had . Everyone has a different way of looking at things but all the people that chose to get married at least had the experience .
2 people like this
• United States
25 Feb 07
Marriage is a commitment to make things work out in all circumstances and events. The biggest failure of marriage is not communicating your views and beliefs about marriage before you get married. Such unions are very hard work indeed as no matter how compatable the two people are they both still have their differences in opinion. Marriges are composed of three parts the ME of each individual, the YOU of each individual and the WE of the two of you together. You must get the ME right before you can get the YOU right and then you both can effectively build the relationship of the WE. You must be honest with yourself in order to be honest with your partner and then honest about the relationship. Of course your partner has to do the same. If you can't be open and honest with each other then the union at best will only be physical and that wears out quickly. Your first step toward honesty is not to ask yourself if the other person is suitable for you but rather if you are suitable for them, it's a complete sacrifice. Thats why if either of the two persons doesnt come completely clean about who they are and what they want the union will grow stale and in most cases divide. I hope that this is of some assistance. May you find the happiness you deserve. Dreamwizard
1 person likes this
@steney (1418)
• Philippines
25 Feb 07
Thanks so much. I appreciate each and every point of view presented here in the discussion :)
• United States
25 Feb 07
This is hard for me to answer as I am going to answer both ways. My first husband was an awful abusive person and if I could go back in time and change things I would not of gone through with the wedding. He really had me fooled before we were married because he would do anything for me and was the most caring person that I knew. The day of our wedding all of that changed and he told me that he owned me now and he treated me just like a piece of property and not his wife. My second husband has been a dream, he is wonderful to me and our children. I often say that I wish I would of met him first so that I would of never had to go through the hell with my first husband. My answer now would be no that I would not prefer to stay single but if I were still with my first husband I would say yes single would of been the choice.
@steney (1418)
• Philippines
25 Feb 07
I'm glad you didn't pass up the chance to fall in love again because of your previous marriage. You deserve to be happy. Well, everyone does. Thanks for sharng your story :)
@jhartana (1087)
• Australia
24 Feb 07
At first, I don't have any regret after I got married. I was liking myself being a single but for me there will be no turning back. I have to accept her as she is, and she do the same thing too. We acknowledge our own weakness and we are trying to adapt each other. We don't have children yet but hope we have one at later point. Anyway here's my little story... When I first met her, I never thought she was the one for me. Few weeks after intro I began to develop "i'm liking her" feeling in my heart. I did not know why but it's just snaps within myself. I proposed her to become my gf and she gladly accepted. I really love her so much from that point and onwards, she become my treasure I intend to keep forever. Some 8 months later I finally got married and both of us were so happy and my wish came true, a new chapter unfolds. There are pros and cons between when I got married to being a single person. Honestly I prefer being married because I feel much better. Whole things changed, it's a different world. Where I can do everything I like when I was single now I could not do that any longer. She wants to change me and I change her as well. This makes when two becomes one. I'm so blessed to have her in my life.
1 person likes this
@steney (1418)
• Philippines
25 Feb 07
Thanks for sharing your lovely story :)
@sunil999 (31)
• India
25 Feb 07
joy and sorrrow both comes in life of every person in the world.So please don't hesitate from being married.Do u know the fact that every thing in the world has both + and _ aspects.So don't care about that.Be positive about ur life and don't take the decision of getting unmarried.WISHING U GOOD LUCK dear.
1 person likes this
• Canada
25 Feb 07
Well, I'm not married yet, although we have set the date. I really struggle to understand what changes after the whole Wedding thing. I know people who lived together as a couple for years very happily, and then they got married and were divorced within 2 years. Why? What really changes? How can a piece of paper really ruin so much? I personally don't worry about whether I should be getting married or not. I feel deep down that its the right decision and thats why I said yes when my partner proposed to me. It takes work and a lot of it to make a marriage work. If you're not prepared to put the time and effort into it, then i guess its not worth it. A wedding is a lot of hassle however for someone who's not interested in making it work. As for timing, you'll know when it's right. You'll feel it deep down inside. Don't worry about the right time. It'll happen when it's supposed to.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
25 Feb 07
no, i will never regret my marriage... in fact, that is the best thing that had ever happened in my life... i love my husband so much and he also loves me a lot... marriage is a sacred institution for mature adults and it shouldn't be taken lightly... think carefully before you decided to get married and make sure that the person that you will be marrying is the right person... it is really beautiful to share your life together forever with the person that you love...
1 person likes this
@davidja (18)
• Philippines
25 Feb 07
hello steney yes , from the side of being a male , i agree with you for about 5 minutes and then i think about how alone it can be with no one around in a big lonely apartment , room , house or villa et. and i am happy again. even when the wife is screaming at me , refusing to talk about the situation , being hard headed and not telling what i have done wrong , yes being the male means accepting the blame for what you donot know why you are in trouble. and you agree "yes dearing i am at fault , i am wrong and you are right". (for why i am in trouble i have no idea) it is better to accept you are at fault then not eating a home cooked meal at all for the next few days. it is better to retreat and then fight a losing battle and it is better to make up (being civil) then to fight. cheers david
1 person likes this
@myCyndi (26)
• United States
25 Feb 07
I LOVE being married!! I have been married for just over 3 years now and I think it is great. I think if you have that felling like it is a "life sentence" then you didn't marry the right person for you. I love my husband and can't imagine not being married to him. This is an interesting subject!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Feb 07
I guess anyone is entitled to have regrets...I mean regrets are part of our life...sometimes we made decisions in haze that we forget to forsee what will happened to us in the future...and when it comes to Marriage...most mortals do have regrets...especially if one of the partners found out that their partner ain't really the man or woman they wanted to be with for the rest of their life...that's why most marriages ended up with divorce...well, this happens mostly in Western Countries wherein divorce is allowed. But her in PI divorce is not yet being implemented by law. When you decide to marry someone you should see to it that he's/she's really the perfect partner you want to be with for the rest of your life...
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Feb 07
I am extremely happy and content in my marriage. I will say this is my second marriage, my first lasted 24 years, but I can't say i was happy all 24. But this time, I have the correct partner and would not change a thing!
1 person likes this
@yanjiaren (9050)
24 Feb 07
the first time round was a bit of a disaster..but i learnt alot..i wish i had thought things out better..but i learnt alot and have a lovely son..i am glad for that..at least..
@LadyLudie (346)
• Philippines
25 Feb 07
When I decide for something and it fails I don't regret.I consider it a failure so there's nothing I could do except to face it.My lovelife is a failure,three times! but you see,I said this is maybe my destiny,I tried to fix my life alone and it works.There are some people like me who are not lucky when it comes to lovelife.do you agree?
@steney (1418)
• Philippines
16 Mar 07
Don't think you're unlucky. Maybe you just haven't met the right one yet. Think positive! I believe there's someone out there for each and every one of us :)
@mikekire (146)
• Nigeria
25 Feb 07
Marriage is a sacred institution and the happiest thing that can happen to man. If your motive is good, you will enjoy marriage. as you make your bed, so shall you lay on it.You have to respect marriage to enjoy it.
• United States
25 Feb 07
I am not married I am in a relationship and I hope to marry onw day you have to sometime see for yourself what marriage is all about and not litsen at others people are different and what others feel my not be what I feel but hey I wish you the best and your friends.
• United States
25 Feb 07
I wouldnt trade being married to my husband for nothing. I think when i got married it was the right decision for me. My husband and i are very happy. Before i got married though i took the time to make sure it was something i wanted to do, its not something i just jumped into lightly.
• Philippines
25 Feb 07
I never regretted having got married and never wished I could have stayed single. There were times in my married life though that I almost gave up. During those times, I just prayed and asked God to interfere coz if I just have to consider myself alone in deciding, I would have resorted to being a single mom considering that I was badly hurt many times. God did interfere, I sorted things out especially that we had a very young child that time that would certainly bear the consequences. What I wanted to point out is that if you only put God at the center of your married life, then everything would turn out right and mostly on your way.
• United Arab Emirates
25 Feb 07
I am happily married (well most of the time). I love my husband and I know that he loves me, but.... I miss my life. Sometimes, I feel tied down, and I did not expect that. Sometimes, I have to make compromises in my lifestyle to please other members of my husband's family and I don't like that. I don't judge people and I don't like to be judged! Having said that, my husband is the only man I ever want to be married to.
25 Feb 07
i got married at 25 years old, to a wonderful woman whom i love dearly, then last year she dropped the bombshell taht she had been having an affair with a married man,sadly we have split and i find myself single now and have been for 7 months after 17 years of marriage! do i like it? not one bit, the only saving grace is we have 2 great children who i have 7 days of the week before they go to their moms for 7 days and so on.. Despite this i dont regret getting married, and whould have my family unit back tommorow given the chance.