Staying home from school?

@14missy (3185)
Australia
February 25, 2007 7:32pm CST
My daughter is 12 and in her first year of highschool. She is often wanting to stay home from school and gives all sorts of excuses about not feeling well. Should alarm bells be going off in my head about bullying (again) or do kids just get tired and want a day off? Did you let your kids stay home from school if they weren't really sick? I think she likes to have time with me alone also.
16 people like this
58 responses
• India
26 Feb 07
dont let this happen...bcoz if she makes it a habit and if you allow this ..she may do the same...even after getting older?? thats why ask her to go to schooldaily.........site a few examples.....abt the advantages of education i n small stories
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
27 Feb 07
I agree...thanks for your comments.
@fhhsawgj (91)
• Australia
26 Feb 07
You have to think, She might be getting bullied, when she started high school, did any of her friends from primary school go to the same high school as her? if not she could be wanting to stay home becuase she has no friends, another reason maybe that high school is a wierd place for her becuase shes use to primary school. I think you should confront her and ask her why she is having so many days off and is there anything wrong.
3 people like this
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
27 Feb 07
She had some problems last year at primary school but is in different classes than them this year. Thanks for your response.
• Canada
26 Feb 07
I would be a little concerned to be honest. It might be that she's being bullied, or maybe not coping well with the workload. When kids start high school it can be a bit of a shock to the system because everything is different. I would grant her one day off under the condition that she tells you what's really going on and why she wants to stay home so often. If she refuses, maybe you could go and talk to her homeroom teacher and see if they've noticed anything unusual in your daughters behavior. Teachers are usually up to speed on the actions of kids in school.
3 people like this
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
26 Feb 07
That's the line I'm taking at the moment. Thanks for your response.
• Philippines
26 Feb 07
Sometimes, teeners just get tired of facing the pressures of being a teen in school. But your daughter needs to recognize that she has a responsibility to be in school. Try initiating conversations with her to get some info about her life ins chool. At this stage, she may be experiencing many crises: bullying, difficulty fitting in, identity crisis, problems of the heart, academic concerns, etc. Don't press her too hard for answers. You might also want to indiscreetely check in with her teacher if you can. I've handled many counceling sessions with teeners and at this stage and most of them want to stay home from school because they are running away from a problem. It is best that we help them cope with ahetever is happening in their lives rather than coddling them and giving them the easy way out.
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
26 Feb 07
Thanks for your advice. I'm going to have a chat tonight with her. She is at school today.
@rainbow (6763)
26 Feb 07
Sometimes kids just need a break, mine do and my friends girls often do. I'd let her have a couple of days and see if she's happy enough to go back, if not I'd have to talk to her about why she's reluctant to go in and take it from there. Remember if there is a problem with other kids and she doesn't want you to talk to school to give her a chance to sort it out for herself first, maybe contact the other parents and see if something can't be sorted out, things like that. I do hope that she is just tired, it's a big change being at big school afterthe safety of primary and being one of the big ones. Let me know how she gets on please!
3 people like this
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
26 Feb 07
She is at school today. So we'll see how things go.
• United Arab Emirates
26 Feb 07
When you say often, I imagine that it is at least more than once a week, I think you could try to see if maybe she is falling back in one of her subjects, is there a particular day that she prefers to stay home. Is there a particular teacher that she has a problem with. Is she being bullied. There could be a whole lot of things happening and sometimes, especially when a child is close to a parent, that the child expects the parent to know that something is wrong without saying anything. so, my suggestion to you would be to keep your eyes and ears alert for any clues, either in conversation with her friends or teachers, or even from going through her notebooks while helping her with her studies.
3 people like this
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
26 Feb 07
She doesn't usually have more than a day a week off. (Last year it was 20 days in the semester)
2 people like this
• Canada
26 Feb 07
I would consider all of those options. Talk to her about everything you have mentioned above, and anything else you may think of. Give her a chance to tell her what is on her mind without any previous questions from you, just see what she says, and listen.
3 people like this
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
26 Feb 07
Thanks for your response. I will take it all in.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Feb 07
I would try to see if there is a pattern to her wanting to stay home. Like the day before did she come home sad or just not herself, that would be red flag. Does she not want to go to school on a day where she a certain class schedule like gym, that would be a red flag. I would say if any of these types of patterns arose than yes I would be worried that maybe something was going on at school that she hasn't told you about. At this point I would take some measures to find out what is going on. Or is it on Friday, maybe she is just to exausted from the week at school and not getting enough rest during the week. Perhaps since she likes being alone with you, you could set up lunch dates were you two have a picnic on the weekend for some mom and daughter bonding.
3 people like this
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
26 Feb 07
I think she is tired today but this happens a fair bit (once every week or so).
2 people like this
@mmiller26 (1932)
• Canada
26 Feb 07
Isn't 12 a little early for high school? Or do you mean junior high? I didn't start high school til I was 14, I think. Anyway, I would be concerned. She could be being bullied, or she could just really hate school. At that age there's a lot going on. The best thing to do is sit down with her and talk to her and let her know that if there's something going on, you're there to help her with it. She might open up to you.
3 people like this
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
26 Feb 07
In Australia we call it high school from grades 7 - 10 then college 11 and 12 then University. So she is the right age for our highschool. Thanks for your comments. We have a pretty good relationship so she does talk to me.
2 people like this
• Australia
26 Feb 07
I can’t say too much at the moment, miss 10 had the day off school today, complaining of the beginnings of the flu, but amazing how much energy she has once school had started, but when you ask for some help doing something… She is just far too sick to assist… Keep an eye on your Miss 12, as others have said, see if there is a pattern to the days off school. How is she handling the new environment of High School? I know how different it is from primary school, there may be a pattern there too. Good luck
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
26 Feb 07
She actually has a bit of a temp now and 'tummy pains' so I am being a mean mum not believing her again. Too much wolf crying has happened around this place. She says she is enjoying highschool.
2 people like this
• Australia
26 Feb 07
I'm glad to hear she is enjoying high school, I know a few kids, that find it hard to do the transition... hope she feels better soon.
2 people like this
@Caila611 (992)
• United States
26 Feb 07
My daughter is ten and in the fourth grade. She is constantly wanting to stay home. Part of it is because the kids make fun of her. She is older than thekids in her class and can't read well. So in order to avoid all the mean comments she wants to stay home. Yes once a year I will take her out of school one day and it will be just a day for her and I to do girl stuff together. It makes her feel grown up and special.
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
27 Feb 07
Thanks for your comments. I hope your daughter is coping ok also. I think they really need that one on one time with their mum to make them feel special at times.
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
26 Feb 07
I would be a little concerned. If she really hasn't been feeling well, I would take her to the dr. and find out why. Maybe she really is having medical problems. Does she have a counsler at school, maybe you could check with them and find out if there is something going on at school. She may be afraid to talk to you about something that is going on. Ask her lots of questions and give her the opportunity to answer without making her feel silly for feeling the way she does. It could be a teacher or another kid that is making her feel this way. I would do some digging.
2 people like this
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
27 Feb 07
I will def do some digging. thanks for your response.
@kgwat70 (13396)
• United States
26 Feb 07
I would pretty much assume that she is being bullied or teased a lot at school, which is why she is wanting to stay home where she feels safer and less threatened. I do not think she is getting tired since this is her first year of high school. I think normally the freshman year of high school is the toughest since they are new and back at my school the freshman got picked on a lot. I think it is better for your child to go to school otherwise she is going to fall behind in her classes which could hold her back grade wise. Once in a while it is okay to let her stay home but not often.
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
27 Feb 07
true. I agree with you. thanks for your response.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
26 Feb 07
Well I would approach her about it and find out what is going on. I had that with my Daughter and I found that she was being bullied. So please check into it, and try to stop it before it gets out of Hand.
2 people like this
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
27 Feb 07
thanks for your response.
26 Feb 07
i think it could be bullying again, you need to find out why she doesnt want to go to school. if she is being picked on you need to go sort it out with the head master, as where i come from if a child doesnt go to school the parent can find them with serious charges or even end up in prison, so you must make her ago, or change school. ask your daughter if she wants to change school if her answer is yes then this mean she could be bullyed, no child should ever have to be bullyed. i know what its like when i was at school i used to be bullyed by boys at school. but the time came i stuck up to my self and the bulling soon stoped, i do hope ur child is not being bullyed
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
27 Feb 07
I'm going to have a chat with her. I think she will let me know if it's somethng sinister as we have been through the bullying last years.
27 Feb 07
keep me posted i do hope ur daughter is not being bullyed, hope all goes well with the chat
@BELMCstar (1343)
• Australia
28 Feb 07
I used to do this when I was being bullied, but sometimes what was happening at home was worse than the bullies, so I decided to get my own back with the bullies and deal with them. I came up with a way of getting them to stop being bullies, and did not have to 'pull a sickie' again.
1 person likes this
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
28 Feb 07
Ok You can't say you came up with an idea and don't share it. I'm taking it that violence was involved.haha Good on you I hope we don't have to resort to anything too drastic.
@babystar1 (4236)
• United States
27 Feb 07
When my kids were not really sick,I send them to school anyway. The only time I left them home from school was when they were really sick. Your daughter maybe had a problem is school with someone and thats why she did not want to go. If this happends a lot with her, I would have a mother and daughter talk, to see what is the reason why she dont want to go to school.Talking seems to help. good luck.
1 person likes this
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
27 Feb 07
Thanks for your advice. She went to school today and was OK. She had to do some math work with me yesterday when she stayed home and realised it wasn't all fun and games at home either.
• United States
27 Feb 07
Well, if you really don't feel that she is sick and not responsible enough to make up all of that high school work, then I wouldn't let her stay home. If she can make up all of that work then I would possibly consider it. I would still be a little worried about her not liking school. Maybe shes having some conflicts that girls go through in high school.
1 person likes this
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
27 Feb 07
I agree. She went to school today though and didn't seem to have any problems.
@lithmus (52)
• Philippines
27 Feb 07
I definitely think that alarm bells should be ringing in your head if this happens often her desir to stay at school. I suggest you talk to your daughter as honestly and as candidly as possible. Don't get mad at her. Talk to her calmly, so she will open up to you. It really doesn't matter if it's bullying or just kids getting tired of school, either way you have to talk to her to solve the problem. If they are still young, like in preschool or early grade, maybe they can miss school a day or two, but for the older ones who should already be responsible and mature enough to know the necessity of school then I don't think it's right to let them stay home from school at a whim and their whim at that. If you think she likes to have time alone with you, a talk should still be in order, there are plenty of other opportunities for you to be together. Maybe you can have a mother/daughter bonding time. You can go out shopping or window shopping, maybe eat out, just the two of you, if you think it will help.
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
27 Feb 07
Thanks for your comments. We do have some time alone. Her dad takes the other two boys out and I have time with her doing things sometimes.
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
27 Feb 07
Don't let her stay home, but contact her teachers and ask them to watch her behavior and others' behavior towards her so they can help you figure out why she doesn't want to be at school. She may be getting picked on or bullied. An alarm should be going because something is apparently going on at school that makes me so desperately not want to go.
1 person likes this
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
27 Feb 07
true. I'll take your comments on board.