Am I Unworthy of His Love

United States
February 26, 2007 9:33am CST
I want to say that I am very happily married. My husband and I do alot of exciting things together and truely have fun. Just the other day, I made a comment that I always thought that I would be something special by now. I am almost 30 and a writer. I have published 1 novel but I really thout by 30 I would be further in my life. Do you know what he said? He goes, "You Did". I couldn't believe my ears. We discussed it and got pretty much no where. He claims that he thought I wanted to be President or something. You know,I don't think that his comment hurt me as much as the thought of my really not becoming something special. I am starting to feel so old. People keep assuming I am so much older than what I am. They always assume my husband is about 10years younger than what he is. I've even had people think he was my son. I am 2 years younger than him. I definately feel loved by my husband he's done things for me and stood by me in some really tough situations with my health issues. I just feel really down about myself. Things I cannot change. i often feel like my husband deserves better, but I can't bare to let him go. I love him so much but I think he deserves a wife that is on his level. When I am with him I feel like an old maid. I am always in pain, and because of the pain I can't always do things the way he wants them done. I just think he deserves better than what I can give, but I couldn't bare to see him with someone else or bare for me to be with anyone else. Other than our kids, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. But what I wanna know is, "Am I Being Selfish?"
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4 responses
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
26 Feb 07
in short: stop beating yourself, no reason to. You have put too much pressure and expectancies over your shoulders, and you are panicked about not being able to fulfill them. Your husband seems to be a great guy, and he loves YOU, so feel happy about it and love him all your life hon, that is the only thing he probably wants from you. The reason that you feel like this right now is not related to your husband, but to yourself. I suppose that if he ever has any problem with you, he will let you know, but right now you're being SO hard with yourself just by your fears, for fearing not being enough for him. If you love him like you do, there is no way you cannot deserve it. Hold on to life and live it, we only have once chance :)
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@Sazzle (71)
26 Feb 07
Agreed. You have accomplished things, you are a published author (if I read you right) and a Mum. Heck being a Mum is one of the most important jobs in the world.
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@Jshean20 (14374)
• Canada
27 Feb 07
As the other posters have already stated, you're being way to hard on yourself! Often people are not happy with where their lives have taken them, it's called being your own worst enemy (the worst kind there is!). You're married and say that you love your husband, so that should be an accomplishment in itself! You're only 30 years old and if you have other dreams you've got the time to accomplish them! Believe in yourself a little more and stop beating yourself up, trust me it doesn't get you anywhere.
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• Canada
26 Feb 07
Honestly, I think your being WAY too hard on yourself. When you took your wedding vows they were for richer for poorer in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live. I don't see that as being selfish at all, and if he really thought he'd be happier with someone else it more then likely would have already happened by now. I think you should be very proud of yourself for your accomplishments. Congrats on the novel by the way. Some people don't even get that far. That is just my opinion anyhow. Good luck and all the best 2 u.
@kelly60 (4550)
• United States
27 Feb 07
Your husband obviously loves you and wants to be with you or he wouldn't be. I know it's hard sometimes, but you have to stop with the negativity. You are a wonderful person, and if your husband didn't think so he would have let you a long time ago. Don't worry about what other people think. Just remember that your husband married you because he loves you.
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