Am I over reacting?? What do you think?

United States
February 27, 2007 12:21pm CST
Just yesterday, my husband and I got into an arguement. This is the situation. We were at the grocery store and (I might ad that I admit I am a slightly jealous person, when it comes to my husband looking at other girls) anyway, there was this girl staring at him and smiling, I was walking in front of him to get through the crowd, (so ofcourse my jealous little self wanted to see what his response was), and sure enough he was smiling up to his ears at her. Now can you tell me if I was just being jealous and ridiculous, or do I have a right to have been angry with him. (PS. Its the next day and we are not fighting, and everything is fine.)
10 people like this
44 responses
@rachelzwo (310)
• United States
27 Feb 07
I don't consider myself a jealous person at all. I will even point out to my husband if I catch a girl checking him out. I don't even care if he checks out another girls butt or something like that. With that being said, if I caught my husband flirting with another girl though, I would be pissed. If I had the same situation you were in, I would be pretty pissed at him. I definately think you had the right to be mad at him. He can't help if people look at him, but he should never flirt with another girl.
4 people like this
@Fargale (760)
• Brazil
27 Feb 07
I'd go even further and say that if you keep overreacting like this, you're likely to end up suffocating him and making him feel bad about his commitment to you. There's no harm done in just looking at a complete stranger and reciprocating what might or might not be a subtle flirt, especially since she probably didn't even realized he was accompanied. Just trust yourself and your abilities to keep him hooked on you and it'll all be fine. =)
3 people like this
• United States
4 Mar 07
The reason that I am so irritated by the situation,is because he is jealous too. So if I did the same thing, I would never hear the end of it. You must know that he would drive like 90 miles an hour because he was so mad if he thought I was looking at someone. And this happened in several occasions. Double standards on his part his why I am mad.
@jimotman (634)
• Indonesia
27 Feb 07
yes I think you're being ridiculous.. if a man smiles at you, won't you smile back? if you won't than you are a very rude person. See what I mean? You hubby just smiled back to a woman because the woman smiled at him, nothing more! and trust me, men don't like women who are being too jealous and ridiculous.
3 people like this
@Kaeli72 (1230)
• United States
27 Feb 07
I'll agree with your first comment...you over reacted and you should be proud he's with you. Why are you jelous? You should be flattered that some other woman thinks your man is good looking. *lol* But, I'm not the one to notice people starin at my husband lest he tells me...because I'm too busy staring -at- my husband.
3 people like this
• United States
28 Feb 07
I think it depends on how he smiled at her. There is a major difference between polite acknowledgment and outright lechery. You know your husband and you know how to read him. Also, I would suggest talking to him. Tell him how bad it made you feel to see him checking out another woman. I may be controling or olde-fashioned, or whatever you want to call me, but I'm of the opinion that a man should only be attracted to his wife. If it's any different, then there are probably some underlying issues. Also, I hate how people say "you seem insecure" as thought it's some kind of horrible leprosy. So what if she's insecure? Everyone has insecurities and especially when you've been with someone for a long time and you start to get older, or fatter and you look at the skinny young "hot chicks" running around. It happens, get over it.
2 people like this
@mfpsassy (2827)
• United States
28 Feb 07
The only time I got upset with my husband is when he almost made us get in a wreck twice in one day over the same blonde and even at that I had to tease the ???? out of him cause it was funny. We are all only human. And guys are not very good at not making it noticeable that they are looking.
2 people like this
@mrbranan (1012)
• United States
5 Mar 07
I think all men do that and all weman get jelouse. I don't look at other man like that so why does he have to look at other wemen. I'm not going to get in an argument over it but could we at least get as alrart to all the men out there we don't like it.
1 person likes this
@mizcheekz (178)
• United States
1 Mar 07
For starters I'm glad you aren't fighting any longer. I do think maybe you overreacted. Smiling at someone is harmless. I smile at people all the time, whether they be male or female and sometimes they're smiling at me first and sometimes not. (I'm happily married.) My husband is also a very smily person and women seem to love him. So he is always smiling at other women, and it's fine. I know he's coming home to me. I think you definitely need to give him some space or he's going to feel crowded and resent you. You can just explain to him that you are jealous by nature, for whatever reason, but that you don't want to crowd him and so to please bare with you as you will work on it but to just know that it's because you care.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Feb 07
I always tell me husband smile and look all you want as long as at the end of the day you come home to me. You have to remeber that the little chick might have been really pretty but you are the one he picked, you are the one he married and you are the one he comes home to at night. Don't worry about him seeing other pretty women there is nothing you can do about it, just as he can't do anything about you looking and smiling at another man. What would have wanted him to do in this situation, give her the bird LOL!
1 person likes this
@Newbie11 (197)
• United States
28 Feb 07
Yes you are over reacting.If someone smiles at you and you also smile in return.Its an instinct.I think you are not very sure and confident of your relation.Just donot disturb your relations with such small thing.Its there in every wife.Donot be jealous and ridicuuos.Ignore such things and be fine. From next time try this way.
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
28 Feb 07
Well, you have the right to be jealous. Smiling back means flirting back. But i think you shouldnt get into a fight with him just like that. You should just have told him you saw that and you did not like it. If he said sorry then its ok. Its not worth fighting over it.
1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7603)
• Canada
28 Feb 07
Being overly jealous can be a very bad thing if it gets out of control, then it becomes an issue of trust. You need to be able to trust him. I like to be fair by offering the fact I'm probably lots older than you and at my age it goes something like this : It's ok to look but DON"T TOUCH !!! Were you over reacting ? Well maybe a little bit but you do care. Right ? Take Care...
1 person likes this
@rx4life (1933)
• United States
28 Feb 07
It sounds like you have a situation you may want to work on within yourself. Why are you jealous..has he given you REAL reason to react that way? Sometimes people have issues of their own and they "transfer" them to their partner...Perhaps you have insecurity issues..but if you really love him and want this to work long term you need to work on yourself and make sure you aren't going to send him out into the world to do what you seemingly accuse him of...My best friend was "slightly" jealous of her husband and after 4 years of her behavior when he smiled or talked to another woman, he left her because he was miserable with her jealousy...I would hate to see you go through that...so just make sure you know yourself and where you stand with your own self esteem and be sure to communicate to him that this bothers you so he can help reassure you...Best of luck...
@Artsimba (1335)
• United States
28 Feb 07
I don't think your overreacting, or jealous or ridiculous. I'm really glad that it's a new day and your not fighting. However, I do think that he should be paying attention to you rather than other women. Try staring at him and smiling and see how he reacts. If he doesn't react, maybe a little marriage counseling may be helpful. I may be out of line, I may be mistaken, but it's just a suggestion to think about before another girl comes along and really tempts him. Good luck.
1 person likes this
• Canada
28 Feb 07
you are really a jealous lady. it is not necessary to do that. that is my opinion.
1 person likes this
@vicky1 (240)
• United States
28 Feb 07
Yes you are. Is there not a man that you smiled at and he smiled back? Giving a smile and evan saying hi how is it going is fine. Well any conversation really. Unles your husband has done something to you that you can't trust him.
1 person likes this
@jhartana (1085)
• Australia
28 Feb 07
I think you were just over-reacting. Unfortunately you will need to access the situation first before you can start argument. Basically your husband knew nothing about this girl, if she was smiling at him then I don't see this as offending. I see this as a sign of being friendly. You should trust your husband that he knew what he was doing. You need to cut down your jealousy and also cut down your envy for others.
• Philippines
28 Feb 07
You are not over reacting. I would be upset also if I saw my husband smiling at this girl. Talk it over with him. Tell him how youy feel. I think that good communication is the key to a happy marriage. =)
1 person likes this
@wendy82 (437)
• United States
28 Feb 07
Yes as long as your husband knows that he loves and only you. You should not worry because he is not going to mess with any female if you are around because just as long as they look and flirt as long as he doesnt take her home you will be his only love.
1 person likes this
@coolchai (700)
• Philippines
28 Feb 07
i dont think you should fight with him. its normal for a male specie to appreciate beauty other than his partner. if you jealous you can just joke at him or say something like in a sarcastic way "would you rather be with her?" or something like that will take his mind off the girl. then if stay quiet then be quiet now. dont make it a big deal.
1 person likes this