Jump Into The Fire Again

@wolfie34 (26881)
United Kingdom
February 28, 2007 4:56am CST
How many of us can honestly say that we 'learn by our past mistakes' do you make a promise to yourself that you will NEVER EVER get into that position again, and then, guess what you've done it again?! Do you fall down one hole, get help (counseling for example) climb out of that hole, then later in your life be it a few weeks or months you go and dig yourself into another hole? Why is sometimes so difficult to learn by our mistakes? Relationship wise I have fallen into two 'trapped' situations to get out of one I went into another! It has cost me dearly but now I am the opposite with relationships, and there is more barbed wire and defences around my heart that a well protected fortress! I won't let anyone get close to me now. Even at the retreat I had someone really interested in me but I refused to let them anywhere near me (emotionally) and the wall went up, knowing that I will fall into the same trap again. This time I am NOT jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Have you had similiar experiences, have you learnt from them, or do you make the same mistakes over and over again. Love and relationships are the most difficult things in life to tackle.
12 people like this
25 responses
• India
28 Feb 07
It often takes a few falls for some people to learn from their past mistakes. I also had stumbled a few times in life, before I learned the hard way. It actually happens, because human is a very optimistic species, and tries not to give up easily. Man does a mistake, and then thinks about correcting it. Thus when he gets another chance to rectify it, he gets into the same situation. Some people gets it rectified, and some people somehow falls into the same pit once again, and thus sets the example, that how man repeats the same mistakes again and again, without learning much.
3 people like this
@cuddleme01 (2728)
• Philippines
28 Feb 07
yes it has happened to me a lot of times. i keep committing the same mistake and end up hurting myself over and over again. i made a wrong move and i tell myself, i will never do that thing again. I will never put myself in that kind of situation. but i still sometimes end up facing the same scenario, struggling to survive the same pain.Guess i have not really learned from my previous mistakes then.
@Naomi17 (624)
28 Feb 07
I think at some point you will want to take a chance,life is about grabbing chances a bit like the monopoly board you take 2 steps back and one forward what if you took 3 forward just took that chance not all females are after anything i started out just wanting friendship and ended up in love, i had my whole life mapped out what i was going to do and no man was going to spoil my plans! love and relationships may be the most difficult aspect but if you get that special person who would lay down there life for you isn't it worth taking a chance.
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
28 Feb 07
I never land up on Mayfair that's for sure, if my life was a monopoly board I'd be stuck on the Old Kent Road when it comes to love and relationships LOL! Maybe I'll throw a double one day, soon I hope.
2 people like this
@patootie (3593)
9 Mar 07
Giggles, Monopoly indeed ... to find true happiness try and land on Leicester Square .. it's roughly half way round the board .. when someone else lands there .. then you'll both be giving and taking in equal shares :o)
28 Feb 07
I guess I will always be one of those people who never learns from mistakes. I trust people too easily only to be let down and betrayed. I always think the best of people, only to find my instincts are completely off track. It is so hard to make the right decisions, and learn from mistakes, but sometimes you simply have to let go and trust that maybe next time will be right.
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
28 Feb 07
I find it very hard to trust people now and I know it's a double edged sword, you trust and you get let down, you don't trust and you let someone slip through your fingers!
2 people like this
@weemam (13389)
28 Feb 07
I was lucky pal , really lucky , I met my match when I was only 16 and I am still with him , I sense you are a bit down my special friend , Just remember we are here , I am here and you know you can mail me anytime , hugs and xxxx
1 person likes this
@weemam (13389)
28 Feb 07
I forgot to say Love the new AVATAR xxxxx
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
28 Feb 07
Thank you my friend, that means a lot! I know isn't he gorgeous (the cat not me!) He's called Zeus and he's my baby.
2 people like this
@weemam (13389)
28 Feb 07
Yes he is gorgeous and so are you xxxxx
1 person likes this
@patootie (3593)
9 Mar 07
Sigh .. how true .. relationships (of any kind) are th hardest things we will ever have to 'manage' in our lives .. always fraught with the 'dangers' of misunderstanding, jealousy, envy and all the other 'not so good' sentiments of life .. however relationships can be the most joyous thing we will ever be privy to as well .. so we shouln't become to much of an 'emotional fortress' ... When I was younger I wore my heart on my sleeve .. and promptly had it trompled all over .. THREE times .. grrrr .. you know who you are .. and I truly loved you all in turn .. but then after the third time I'm afraid I simply 'gave up' .. I have never bothered to look for a partner .. nor responded when approached .. I am now an ice castle .. To make sure I didn't let my poor heart get hurt anymore I symbollically went and buried it in a beautiful place .. a place I love going to and can find peace there ... it's buried deep under the sand .. and no one, but no one will ever find it ...
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
9 Mar 07
If you're the ice queen then I will be the ice king!
@paule4129 (968)
• United States
6 Mar 07
i never relized until the third time iwas choosing relationships that had simular defects so i got burned 3 times now i think iknow better but now i dont trust marriage like i used to and im really too causious and still want a long tearm relationship/ive helped alot of people through the years too and got burned one too many times and really have a hard time repeating my mistakes /its hard for me not to reach out to people in need but im finding out some dont need my kind of help they need to grow up as i did the hard way .i have a bigger problem trusting people ,when i used to asume trust and bet hurt now im alone but comfortably safe and still searchin for my soul mate and a better life/yes we learn by our mistakes but it dosent help to ease the urge to do what comes naturally
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
6 Mar 07
Thank you for sharing your experience, appreciated.
• India
1 Mar 07
I think you should not raise barbed wires around yourself. you shouldn't commit yourself too soon either. I can understand the pain you might have going through after having couple of failed relationships. give your life some space to breathe. your heart will take time to heal. Life is complicated but that makes it interesting. what is life was a bed of roses and there weren't any sorrow or pain, it would have been so boring. I used to trust people too easily before but now i don't. life has been a tough journey but now i've learned from my past mistakes how to deal with it. i'll be happier when i learn how to tame it like a pet.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
1 Mar 07
Wise words, thank you.
1 person likes this
@shambuca (2560)
• United States
28 Feb 07
I'm sorry you feel that way- I could tell you stories about my childhood and teenage years that would make your skin crawl, my first real boyfriend abused me mentally and physically, i put up a wall that i swore no one would get past, but then my husband came along- and stuck with me for a year without my showing a great deal of emotion and he helped me to see not everyone treated people that way. Hopefully there will be someone who will show you the same thing, but you have to allow yourself to let go just a little bit (not a lot) just enough to allow yourself to really see someone. I hope this helps.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
1 Mar 07
It does and thank you.
1 person likes this
@mamashane (1140)
• United States
28 Feb 07
I can relate to what you're saying. I have a hard time trusting people but I wasn't like that in earlier years. It takes heartache to become that way and not want to let people in. I've been burned by some very close friends, or who I thought were close friends and by family too. It's a part of life and learning to love and forgive. Wolfie, if you put up that barrier and the barbed wire then how do you expect to ever be able to truely love? What if that one person comes along that you are meant to be with but you've put up your wall. Aren't you worried about missing that chance? I suppose if the the right person comes along then you would know it. I belive that your heart can only belong to one person and when you find that one person you know it and your heart is content. If your heart isn't content with the one you love then that isn't the one you are meant to truely love.
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
28 Feb 07
Thank you for those words of wisdom
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Mar 07
The thing sbout me is i DO leanr fro my mistakes, but then i ofgen go back and ake them again like a moron. It's lilke a compulsion that i can't control...
1 person likes this
@hmike_d (1529)
• Philippines
1 Mar 07
Sometimes its unfair to think that in return you were hurt inspite of the good things you've done in your life and to someone else. I still look for a perfect answer or shall we continue to fall in love over and over again till we able to have it nice. Well, you said love and relationship are the most difficult things in life to tackle... agree on you! I always take this phrase: "A perfect love is not at all loving a perfect person, its loving an imperfect person perfectly!"
@kpbhuvana (392)
• India
1 Mar 07
thats true that we wont be able to learn from the mistakes we have done,its because we are emotional . when ever we think of the situation we would say that we shouldnt do this, but when you are facing the situation then you are forced to take and emotional decision on it. thats why you are like that. I think you wont be able to maintian this wall for a long period and then you would get fed up and start doing the same thing as before. But you can think of the situation and make a good decision before hand whether it will end smoothly or not.
1 person likes this
@jhartana (1087)
• Australia
1 Mar 07
Unfortunately for me I have to admit it that seems I'm type of man who did not learn from mistakes. That happens to me a lot of times, but sometimes I can learn the mistakes for some other things. Honestly it proves really hard for me to learn the mistakes because I still have the tendencies to do it again. My wife have argued many times on me for not learning the mistakes I've done in the past. I knew I was wrong, but I am now trying really hard to overcome my own problem. I hope this won't lead both us into the separation.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Mar 07
I do not think I always learn from my mistakes. The biggest I can think of is that of friends. I constantly have to recall if I make a new friend to NOT get too attached and most of all if its a guy, guard my heart. I got hurt TWICE now. But the second wasnt my fault (well neither was the first). I think its rather hard to LEARN from your mistakes but if you maybe write it down or something maybe then you will learn.
1 person likes this
@razcal2267 (15577)
• United States
28 Feb 07
I have made the same mistake a time or two, probably more then that to tell you the truth. I swear that when life gets the best of me that I have learned from the situation yet there are some things even if I have learned the outcome will not be good and that I have suffered I tend to do again. I guess deep down I really have not learned from the past if I keep doing what I know is not the right thing.
• United States
7 Jun 07
I sometimes make the same mistake twice when it comes to people - but I never make the same mistake a third time. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. That's my biggest problem. I am too trusting. I think to myself "just because so and so did this to me doesn't mean this new person will..." but over time, I have built up reinforced steel walls around my heart.
@nusrath (65)
• India
1 Mar 07
its true that every body almost 90%of people learn something from their past mistakes.a man or women cant be succeeded if she or he cant learn any thing from their mistakes.becoz i can say only mistakes can make man perfect.For samll examplei can say i luv my friend alot amd alot indeed she is my friend,i cant bare anybare who atleast tries to hurt her or peak to her in harsh.this si my condition whn i am normal,But when i am irritated or out of temper with some workpressure or tiedness i scold her like any thing and hurt her.my harse words has craeted a big gap between our luv and care although we are gudfriends so i started realising my mistake and now whn ever i am in bad mood i am trying to keep my self in control becoz i cant loose her any more. in the same way friends may be u have similar experiences in ur life where u learnnt something from past mistakes do share with us. nusrath
@ananth85 (209)
• India
1 Mar 07
That would be a dificult situation, as far as i can see the picture. But, i feel that it is wiser of you to maintain a constant relationship with a person, instead of hyping up other new relationships. Learn to control yourself since it would promote you to higher levels of consciousness. Good Luck.
• Philippines
1 Mar 07
Yes, I agree, relationships are one of the most difficult part of life. I have learned from my past mistakes and swear never to do that again because of the pain that I felt after the incident in my life. Now, I am so depresed over something but I am willing to get over with it.