Ongoing SHOE placement dispute - what do do?! HELP!

United States
February 28, 2007 12:10pm CST
I am going nearly crazy. My daughter who is almost 18 years old refuses to put her shoes on the shoe rack by the door when she takes them off. She always leaves them on the floor in the walkway that I have to walk on to get to the door or to my bedroom and bathroom area of the house. I walk through that area frequently and I am a large person with large breasts so I don't always see the floor, and have stumbled and nearly fell and put my back out a few times but it could be worse, I could really put my back out but good. I have talked to her. I tried tossing them out in the snow but then she misses the bus and I have to get dressed and drive her to school. Now she has nice new shoes, and I would hate to ruin them, especially since she lost her job and can't afford to buy more, but when I addressed it with her this morning all I got was yelled at for daring to ruin her morning by trying to address a concern that I tripped over her shoes again last night. I need to make the punishment fit the crime somehow. I can't take away freedom cuz she doesn't have any to take, she is already grounded til the end of March for another matter. I thought about putting an ice cube in each shoe each time she leaves them out. I have a very bad back and I can't afford to be tripping over her shoes while her entire shoe shelf remains empty. She also leaves her clothes, coat, school books, and stuff in the walkways leading to her bedroom and my laundry area. What can I do? How can I make her start picking up her stuff? I am so big I have trouble bending over so I have to keep navigating around stuff as the walkways get smaller and smaller. Please help!
2 people like this
4 responses
• United States
28 Feb 07
It sounds as if she's running over you and you're letting her do it. You're just contributing to the problem by not making her have to deal with the consequences of her behavior. Tell her just once that anything left on the floor anywhere except in her room will be thrown away. And then do it. If she's late getting somewhere or her shoes are ruined, that's her problem. Ignore her yelling. Stick to it, and she'll get the message. She's an adult, not a little girl. It's time for you to stop getting in the way of her growing up.
• United States
28 Feb 07
I would probably say the same thing to someone else were the situation reversed. The problem is, she can't live without shoes and a coat and if I throw them out she can't go to school or college (she is currently attending both) and I would have to buy her new shoes and a new coat as she would have to have them and she recently lost her job. We live in Michigan. There is snow on the ground. It is cold. I like your answer, in theory, but in reality, it just will not work for me. I need a solution that will actually work. One that will teach her to pick up her stuff. She can't learn to pick up what is not there to pick up. My sister suggested I put it all in a box but even that would cause her to be late and miss the bus and I don't want to have to take her to school. I also have a hard time picking stuff up from the floor. I want HER To pick it up, not me. I do think a lot like you though and your answer is a good one. Thanks.
2 people like this
• United States
28 Feb 07
The point is that not being able to go to school is one of the consequences she needs to deal with. You don't literally have to throw her stuff away, just hide it until she realizes that there's a cost to her choices. If you take her where she needs to go, you just continue the cycle.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Mar 07
If I did not take her she would call my parents who live next door and they would take her.
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
1 Mar 07
Start collectig them, like you would toys. She gets them back when you see she will remember to pick them up.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Mar 07
I went around the house this morning and collected all her clutter and piled it up on her bed. When she gets home she will see just how much stuff she leaves laying around the house and she will have to move it all to go to bed. I told her that starting today there will be consequences for anything left laying around the house. I told her I might dump powder on it, put ice cubes on it or maybe paint it with the nail polish she leaves around. She got mad and said I had better not harm her new shoes. I told her then she better not leave them laying around where they don't belong. Let's see how it goes!
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
1 Mar 07
Pick your battles, if this is the worse thing she does, then she is doing fine. Get a snow shovel, when she leaves stuff lying around, shovel it up and dump it in a trash can. You have warned her, if she sees it and gets it out, then you know she got the point. If she doesn't see the stuff, you can actually toss it or hide it somewhere for a month or 2. If you throw her shoes in the snow and she misses the bus, it is her problem not yours. By driving her to school, you lost all credibility. If she does not take care of her stuff, she does not appreciate it, I am sure she has more then one pair of shoes, let her tough it out.
1 person likes this
@flowerchilde (12520)
• United States
1 Mar 07
Is there another spot you can sweep it all to? When we were given out new cat (now a few months old) we were picking it up at our friend's house, and they said "she really likes shoes" - I didn't think anything of it, but when we got home and I set the cat down, I said "welcome to shoe heaven!" Yes, there must be ten to fifteen pairs of shoes in our kitchen inside the back door, between grown son's, grown daughter's and her daughter's, our dear granddaughter.. There's a shelf I put there, so they will put some there, but usuually it's me who puts them there every once in awhile. We're lucky as I am able to sweep them out of the way with my feet.. I have a small table which I put a floor length table cloth on, so I hide them under there, and they are under the chairs too.. and I can even sit in the chairs still, but no one actually sits there very often.. I did tell them "if your dad comes through the kitchen some night and falls over your shoes and throws out his (other) knee (he injured one three or so years ago, unrelated to the shoes) then you guys are going to have to pay the bills around here while he's laid up!" That seemed to get their attention.. And I make it a rule to only say things once, otherwise whatever I say is never heard.. They do seem to do a bit better. I don't mind the shoes under the chairs and table and even in front of the shelf but my duaghter will come in and just step out of her shoes and there they are, right in the middle of the path, so I sweep them under the chair with my foot. But come to think of it I should probably remind her about those bills.. {you wopuld think thoughts of his injuring himself wwould be enough, but no, i have to hit them where it hurts (them). Yes, good ole consquences is the best way. I feed these kids and do lots of free babysitting but I've washed my hands of being responsible for anything else for them.. Guess I can be just as selfish as they can be.. Should I tell ya about my dining room? I'll just tell you how I put huge plants in the center of the clutter on the dining room table and the wooden chest.. they're camouglage for my daughter's clutter.. They're only allowed to clutter certain places..
• United States
1 Mar 07
We live in a 14x70 mobile home and it is packed. The door is by the hallway and there is not much room there. The shoe rack has designated shelves, one for each of us. There is no reason she could not put her shoes on her shelf. As I pointed out to her, she has the biggest room in the house, we should not see anything that belongs to her laying around in the living part of the house. If it is out here, it needs to be where it belongs. If she wants to throw it in the floor, throw it in her bedroom floor. I never ask her to clean her room. It's her room. I don't care, as long as I can get to the fuse box and the water heater when I have to. Anyway, I enjoyed your story, thanks for sharing, and she did put her shoes away yesterday, let's just see if she does it again today!