I can't believe she said this!

@soccermom (3200)
United States
February 28, 2007 8:56pm CST
As most of you know, I butt heads with my MIL in this sick, passive aggressive sort of way. Anyway, my hubby calls me at the office today and says his mom is having an impromptu family get together, would I go over there after work. Hey, no prob, it means I don't have to cook. We're sitting around, his aunt & uncle, a couple cousins, etc..and we're talking about our anniversary coming up. My hubby and I worked together before we got romantically involved, and I will never forget the first time I went to their house, 7 years older than their son and with a child older than their youngest. I felt awkward. Anyway, my MIL busts out with a "I remember the first time he came over here with ___, all I could think of was what is he doing with that b**ch". From the woman who never swears! She was laughing because I guess she had heard me giving some of the employees hell once and assumed I was some sort of tyrant. I couldn't even come up with a response that wouldn't have started a war, so I kept my mouth shut. She's been very good to me, but now I wonder if it's just to keep the peace with my hubby. Would you have said anything? Or just let it go? Does everyone have issues with their MIL?
11 people like this
15 responses
@imsilver (1669)
• Canada
1 Mar 07
Ouch! I'm not sure I could have not responded if someone said that about me. Good for you though. No point in starting a big fuss over it. Makes me almost glad that I barely know my MIL. It's been kind of bugging me because the other half and I have been together for well over a year now and I just met his mother a couple of weeks ago. But he's her baby and from what I know I can ~so~ see her saying something like that.
4 people like this
• United States
1 Mar 07
Okay so trying to find the brighter side of things, maybe she feels more comfortable with you now and was just expressing an opinion of how she felt at that moment. I have thought alot of people were a-holes or bi--hes but after getting to know them I changed my mind. Perhaps that is what she was getting to in an extreme round about way. You should be proud that you were able to keep your mouth shut and not start a scene. I know how hard it can be to want to defend yourself in a situation like this. At least you didn't have to do the dishes :)
3 people like this
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
1 Mar 07
I'm trying to think it came out of her mouth different than she intended. She just has this round about way of making me feel like garbage. And just for the record (LOL) I did have to do the dishes, that's like my job when we eat over there! LOL
1 person likes this
@jchampany (1131)
• United States
1 Mar 07
I would think that she may just be more comfortable with you. I like to look at the brighter side also. I don't think (unless you have a history of horrible arguments with her) that she was meaning anything more than trying to say "I like you now but when you first came around I wasn't so sure". About the dishes, good for you. I can;t stand to go to someone's house for dinner and not help out in some way.
2 people like this
@carlaabt (3505)
• United States
1 Mar 07
I probably wouldn't have said anything to my mil either. But mine probably wouldn't say that to my face, unless she hadn't been taking her medicine. However, when I was pregnant with my son, she did tell several people that the baby wasn't my husband's. Our baby was a honeymoon baby and because my husband was stationed 1000 miles away, there was no way the baby could have been his if I had conceived like a week before the wedding or whatever. And she was convinced that I was already pregnant when we got married. The baby came a few days early, so that didn't help matters any either. But one look at him and it's obvious that my husband is the father. The baby looks so much like my SIL it's not even funny. So my MIL changed her mind pretty quick about the baby being her son's. I pretty much just ignore most of what my MIL says. She told me once that she likes my sister so much better than me and she doesn't understand why Carl would have married me instead of my sister. She says I treat him bad because I don't do everything for him, etc. She also blames me for the fact that she never sees her grandson. Even though my husband was in the Air Force before we ever even got together. So I feel your pain. I just hope I don't become one of those MIL's when my son grows up!
3 people like this
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
1 Mar 07
So maybe mine isn't all that bad. I remember when I got pregnant with out 4 year old, my hubby was ecsatic. When we told his parents she looked at me and went "And you weren't smart enough to prevent this?" I cried, because I was on the pill when I got pregnant with all my kids. She got over it quick though. I guess I'll just grin and bear her. :)
2 people like this
@mfpsassy (2827)
• United States
2 Mar 07
I was gonna say that my dad always tells me to keep domestic traquilty which I assume is extended to mother in laws also, but after reading about the pregnancy feasco I must say you are a stronger woman than I am. I have a quick temper and a faster mouth. That would have made for an unpleasant dinner. Mine must like me some she's been threatening to move in for the last few years.
3 people like this
• United States
1 Mar 07
Hmmmm..I'd have had a hard time keeping my mouth shut on that one. I probably would have said soemting like "Well luckily you got the chance to get to know me and now you know what a gerat person I am!"
3 people like this
1 Mar 07
I think you were right to stay quiet. I know that what she said was really terrible. However to cause trouble about it may make her say worse things. I think you need to stay quiet and be happy in the knowledge that you aren't dragging yourself down to her level by reacting. My ex-mother in law was pretty horrible. I am so glad I don't have to see her any more, although she is planning to move nearer to us so she can see the kids more often....I'm just hoping she changes her mind.
3 people like this
• United States
2 Mar 07
If she has been good to you, I would not take it seriously, maybe what she was really saying is, I wondered at first, but I love her now....it really sounds like she was just trying to be funny. Try having your "step mil" ask if she can see your husband's privates to see if he is as well endowed as his father. That my friends, is a dream come true! lol I don't remember how long the shocked look stayed on my face.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Mar 07
Once I got over the shock all I could think to say was, I think I will keep that a secret. First of all, I did not need to hear that about my father n law lol and second, my husband's boys are for my eyes only with the exception of doctors lol I remember catching her looking from one to the other smiling. I would much rather her have called me a b**ch lol
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Mar 07
That was very crude of your MIL. First of all to say it in front of a bunch of family members was totally uncalled for. I don't care what she thought of you at first. That shouldn't be said. At all. I would say something to her but not right then so you don't want to ruin a family get together. I would talk to my husband and discuss with him that you would like to mention to his mom how that made you feel when she said it. I would not let my husband shrug it off as that is mom. You have a right to mention to her that you were upset with her about the comment. It does make a person why she has been good to you all these years. If she is being good to you because she likes you she won't mind you bringing this up. It also is possible she said this without thinking.
@Michele21 (3094)
• United States
2 Mar 07
I wouldn't have been able to say anything...I would have been too shocked. That was in really bad taste that she said that, I don't know what you can do except kill her with kindness. Your husband can let her know that it hurt your feelings and was un-called for.
2 people like this
@thebestmom (1105)
• Philippines
1 Mar 07
Just let it go. Everyone has issues with their MIL. If you have your issues with your own mother, what more with your MIL. I think your MIL is just joking. Especially when yuo said that she's been very good to you..
2 people like this
• Canada
1 Mar 07
I've had HUGE issues with my future MIL. We HATED each other literally on sight when we met. She didn't like me, I guess because her son met me on the internet. Apparently, his mom and dad were arguing one night, and he overheard his mom asking why he had to go and meet someone off the internet, and why couldn't he go and meet a girl the "normal" way LOL. I just didn't like her because she never bothered trying to get to know me. She had decided that I wasn't good enough and that was that. Eventually it got to the point where she felt she could make her son choose between us, and she obviously thought that he'd send me packing. She thought wrong, and he moved out. A few short months later, both of us moved in with his parents. Things were very tight financially for us and he'd been unable to get a job. His mother and I came to an unspoken agreement that we'd have to try to get along while we lived together, and surprisingly, things went very well. We were there for just 2 months before we moved out to where we live now, and things are great between us. She was the first to congratulate us when we announced our Wedding and she told us that if we got married without her there she'd never talk to us again LOL.
2 people like this
@KrisNY (7592)
• United States
1 Mar 07
Wow-- that was real nice of her-- She was being honest I guess-- remembering what her first thoughts were of you-- Nice.. I think she should have made it a bit nicer. I can't imagine that happeneing to me. I am glad you didn't say anything too.. That is ridiculous-- So you didn't stoop to her level. What did your hubby say?? I think he should have spoken up. Well I'm not married-- Been with my sig. other for over 7 years.. But we just haven't made it legal (different reasons) anyway his family all treat me like we are.. But his mom passed away a while back- His dad is nice-- but he does come out with some off the wall statements.. I just remember that we are different people.. Raised differently-- thankfully my sig. other doesn't act like his dad at times! Good luck with your in-laws!
@kareng (7980)
• United States
1 Mar 07
I would have laughed and said and something like and can you belive I'm STILL here? It was tacky of your MIL and you probably did the best thing just holding your tongue. My mother in law is a gem. I'm so thankful!
2 Mar 07
This isn't a competition and your MIL is obviously a pain to you HOWEVER my MIL wins hands down for being quite possibly the most awkward, selfish and irritating person alive - oh and she's also got OCD, agoraphobia and takes incredibly strong tranx. I appreciate these are illnesses however hubby reliably informs me she was always diffcult and selfish even before her neuroses kicked in. She spends several weeks staying over our house at Christmas and I couldn't even begin to tell you the 'fun' we have at that time of year - everything has to be her way, from what we eat to when we eat it, she dominates the television, turns it up full blast and she hogs the bathroom (cleaning it you see). When I was pregnant with my daughter one Christmas and there was thick snow on the ground I actually had to pee in the back garden because she ignored all my pleas to get out of the bathroom. I could go on but I'll spare you (anyway, I'm going to write a book about her eventually!). My intention was to make you feel better about your MIL by feeling sorry for me LOL Did it work?
1 person likes this
@rusty2rusty (6767)
• Defiance, Ohio
2 Mar 07
I know what I would of done. I would of turned around and told her exactly what I thought of my mil the day I met her. I sure would. I thought she was an uptight stick in the mud. I still do.
1 person likes this