Friends....Is it fair for me?

Malaysia
March 1, 2007 11:38am CST
Today is the fourth day since my soul mate start working. Actually i'm happy for her cause getting good jobs. But what make feel so upset is, she have little time to spend with me and sometime not at all. Old days, we at least sms each other and never miss for it and during night either she or me will give a call, sharing story and whatsoever. It looks like she's been busy all day long. I show some protest action to her, but i went for nothing, it just make me feel more upset and headache when thinking about it. The reason he gave for me is lots of work to do, and during night she just tired and want to rest early. Friends...i just lost my wonderful time with her. How about me? She just don't care about me anymore or just me who thinking so bad about it. I don't know. I can't sleep well for this four day because so upset. Even now, that is why i need some help here. What should i do? (thanks for reading) :(
2 people like this
19 responses
@jbrooks0127 (2329)
• United States
1 Mar 07
It sounds to me like you are much more into this relationship that she is right now. She is working and working long hours and her world is differant. The time you use to spend togeather is no more. One thing you need to understand. Regardless of how much she may feel for you if you begin pressuring her or insisting that she understand how you feel the more of a turnoff it will become. Right now she needs your support and understanding. There is a term that I have heard that may very well apply here and actually help you. "Give her the gift of missing you" I know...this doesn't sound logical but it is and it is the way we as humans work. The more we see of each other and are with each other the less excited we get. Right now you are succumming to that very concept. She is giving that gift to you and you can see how much more you want her. It works both ways. Our greatest fear is that if we do this they may just not come back. That all depends on how much she truly loves you. If she does you will see that in missing you she will be the one asking for you to get togeather. If she doesn't love you then nothing you can do will make a differance. You need to find out where she is...as hard as that is for you....so that you can stop this worry and get on with your life. It is not easy but what in a relationship is. Just remember this! If what you are doing now is not working then you must change it. You must. Otherwise you will continue to get what you always have. My best to you.
• Malaysia
1 Mar 07
Thank you so much for such an advice jbrooks, you're so kind. I feel something else right now, i never think like that. I think, you're right. I'm just like stupid who will make the situation become worst....:) thanks my friend for the advice. "Give her the gift of missing you".
• United States
4 Mar 07
I just now checked back. Thank you very much for your comment. I truly do hope it works out for you.
• Singapore
1 Mar 07
I think you have to relax a bit. If your relationship is built upon a strong foundation, it is not going to shake and tumble that easily within a few days. If it will, it is probably not worth your attention and you are better off breaking up. It's your soul mate's new job! Give your darling some time to adjust and everything will be fine. Have faith, give faith. ;-)
2 people like this
• Malaysia
1 Mar 07
I'm trying to do that lordwarwizard, i'm trying to have faith for this...at least she could discuss with me and we can come up with good solution...or it is just me who take it so hard...
@blaze21 (67)
1 Mar 07
I think you should give her own space of course she is going to be tired if she's working long hours and she just starteda new job. when i started work it took me time to get used to a new routine and i was always tired to. i think if u push her to much and be so clingly you will push her away. it doesn't mean she doesn't care she may be genuinely busy. and maybe if you went out with friends or done some overtime at work it would take ur mind off waiting around for her
2 people like this
• Malaysia
1 Mar 07
Before she really took care of me, when she don't have much time for me, at least she would give a call and give me some reason. I don't mind what the reason and i just admit it because i know she telling the truth and i know she concern about my feeling. That is something why i like her so much. It's been four days and it's hard to take it friends.
• Kuwait
2 Mar 07
i think you should be happy if she has a good work now, its natural that she will have lesser time for you now because she has work for 8 hours or so, and of course she will have something to run first. and if you believe you two are soulmate then nothing in these world can hurt you about her less time to you, but i think you just put it in your mind that she is your soul mate, my question is how can you say that she is your soul mate?
• Malaysia
2 Mar 07
Because we plan to get married this coming year my friend :) That is why i really concern about it. Wish me some good luck for my relationship...
• Pakistan
2 Mar 07
i think my friend you need to talk to her. because true love never satisfied without meet with lover. work have own place but she also need to give time her love. love needs attention. because time factor will create separation between you and her. so get her into this matter if you wana to live long life with her.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
2 Mar 07
Thank you my friend, did you realize, you're the only one here in men side :) lol...i do think like you my friends, i don't wanna lose her, i work hard for it. But it seems difficult to discuss about it.
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
2 Mar 07
i think you have to understand her position as well... i am a working woman as well and i feel extremely tired whenever i come home and i tend to ignore my husband as well... but that doesn't mean that i don't care or i don't love him... i do... and he knows it... in fact, you have to be supportive to her and be there for her because she just started her job and she needs time to adapt to it... please be strong as you are a man... if this continue on, you can have a chat with her and explain your feeling to her...
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
2 Mar 07
I'll try lingli, but it seems useless you know, she keep saying "what should i do, nothing really". So it goes back to me. I just want some solution for this, but no time at all for discussing this matter. Today is 5th day, and still the same. But today i feel more motivate than the day before, because i do think keep on thinking the thing she not. May i ask you something lingli, when you get busy all day long, what your husband would do? Did he trying to express somewhere that show him boring or else? Can you share with me...thanks in advance
@yiemega (300)
• Malaysia
2 Mar 07
You must understanding your's soul mate job, because some job need a strong commitments such as Doctor or others, some Boss are so Bossy did not want his staff have a lack of commitment in their working hours, in this chase you should be patient and don't do anything which can makes your's soul mate upset , you should ask for it but don't be angry with her because she has feeling too...i hope this can help you to solve this problem, You live in Kuantan or not if yes wheres part of kuantan because i usually visit kuantan at Balok Makmur
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
2 Mar 07
Thank you so much yiemega, i appreciate your advice, it helps me somehow. Actually i come from johor, and working here at Indera Mahkota. I've been working here almost one and a half year...Balok Makmor? hmmm work business or just a regular trip? Some malaysian :) keep up my friend...
@babyjane (1395)
• Philippines
2 Mar 07
You know what? As long as you trust her you will not doubt her. She is just tired of her work and you should understand her. Not all the times that her world would only be surround with yours. She need to deal with her time. All you have to do is to confront her. Try to understand her. All you have to do is to make yourself busy too for you not to think something of what's going on with your relationship.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
2 Mar 07
I wish i could do that babyjane, i'm also working men, and i know how busy are. How busy i am, i still have time too spend, it's about management. :) Anyway, i'm not blaming her anyway right now, because just like you said, she need some space...I will confront her and support her :)
@dixtra (27)
• Indonesia
2 Mar 07
Perhaps you just don't get usual by this current situation. You feel like you're losing your soulmate. Because before this time, you spend your whole time just with her. You forget that in this beautifull world, you can get as much friend as you can. There are many other thing that you can enjoy it with others. And this is would make your world more colorfull. This is what happen to you now, you often think about your losing. And this is makes your world missarable. As a good friend, you supposed to be feel gratefull that finaly your friend had a wonderfull job. Good friend supposed to support his friend.
• Malaysia
2 Mar 07
Supposed to be like that :) hmmmm. Anyway thanks for the respond dixtra, i jump into conclusion too early, that is why i feel so upset.
• Germany
2 Mar 07
Because she's new in the company and in the middle of trying to cope up with her workload and doing her best to adjust in the new environment...just give her the support she needs so she can soon adjust and gives time for you...tnen you'll realize that your a good friend who happens to understand she's been through...
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
2 Mar 07
You're right m_audrey, i just not realize it before because i'm so selfish :(... i will change something....thanks for such good advice
@SHOOT54 (62)
• United States
2 Mar 07
Seems like your being foolish, things have changed because she is working and she slso needs here rest. On here days off she will have more time for you, in the mean time are u working? Seems your trying to hang on to her too tight, giver here some space. You know what they say?..if you really love someone let them go, if they come back to you then you know they are yours. Ciao
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
2 Mar 07
Thanks my friend, i have good advice from all my friends here....
• United States
2 Mar 07
Dear friend - if she just started the job - it takes time to learn the new responsibilities. That means a whole new daily routine and it can be stressful. Especially such a new change. Give her some time and she will find her new pattern and then your time together will be changed of course - but you will have time together. Change is never easy - most of us don't like it. Just remember that when you truly care for someone, you have to be willing to let them have time for their own pursuits as well as the time you have together. First time love is hard - because you want to be together all the time and you miss the person when they aren't around you. But with time, you get used to the changes and appreciate the time you do have together. Remember the saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Good luck my dear friend!
• Malaysia
2 Mar 07
I'm starting my day today with some good smile. I just learn something valuable here from others including you sadgirl. You know, i feel like want to cry because so foolish because push her so much without realising she need some space too. Now i do think from her side, and gladly i think i know what she made up in her mind after all. I'm so selfish hmmmmm. She told me last two days when i argue with her "I have not change, but you change somehow" but i insist keep saying she the one who change...how stupid i am i feel right now...
@redfang (969)
2 Mar 07
there's no need to be so sad, all it means is that you don't have as much together time as you would like so you have to make the most of the time together that you do have, having good jobs and being well paid will in the end lead to a better life in years to come it will also allow you to be financially stable for having a family later on in life. Don't show protest against her having less time to spend with you just show her you love her and make every moment you spend together count so that she and you can think of those moments when you are not together.
1 person likes this
@abhisree (521)
• India
2 Mar 07
by the time i read all responses i realized there was no scope of advise so here is just a word of thanks to all of you because i was myself going through the same turmoil and reading through this discussion has made me think differently..thank you once again.
@ellijah (244)
• Nigeria
2 Mar 07
hello , well u dont have to worry much since she is working now.u know both of u need the money to do many things. dont be upset if the pay is fine. she might be have some days off in her place of work as time goeson .if the pay is not good well advice her to be looking for job well she is working if she sees another one she should just leave for the job. u can help her too to look for another job that will be good so that both of u will have alot of time to really be with each other after the days job laughing and playing u know
• Pakistan
2 Mar 07
yeah ur right
• Malaysia
2 Mar 07
Oh jakker :) i don't mind, i assume dapper_rulz hit the wrong button, that's all...Anyway thanks my friend
• China
2 Mar 07
In the first ,you should know she was busy with her job all day long.When she was back home,she was very tired.If you love her,I belive you should understand her.
• Malaysia
2 Mar 07
Thank for the advice luping :) i will understand her, i won't do something stupid anymore...happy lotting
@mcrowl (1050)
• New Zealand
2 Mar 07
I think it's good that you've realised you're being selfish in your last post, because that's how your discussion struck me from the first. It was all about you, and nothing about her. This is what relationships are: giving the other person room to breathe, not swamping them. Realising that it's never all going to be full on. Once you've been married as long as I have you'll realise that a close relationship is always full of times like this, for various reasons. We have to learn to live with it, and keep loving.
• Malaysia
2 Mar 07
Thanks for the respond mcrowl :)
@ghopit (154)
• Indonesia
1 Mar 07
quality is more important than quantity can be aplied. just find some time when you both can be enjoy. just make your meeting to be effective.
• Malaysia
1 Mar 07
we can't meet either because we're at different state, she's too far for me to go see her everyday...but we at least meet once a month. right now, i just can find any suitable time for doing that, but she told me tomorrow she have some free time, and i really hope she will spill out everything...