How do I tell my sister that she is never going to understand....

@sanell (2116)
United States
March 2, 2007 1:10pm CST
My husband grew up in a very wealthy home. They got everything they wanted because they h ad a lot of money. It was not middle class it was definitely higher class and status is key with this family and the way they live....so now fast forward. My husband was always told that he would be well taken care of when he got older, meaning he would have had a piece of his family's company which would make him a lot of money and provide for his own children. WEll all that has changed, a lawsuit occurred and here we are on the S*** end of the stick. we are starting over and it is very hard for my husband to deal wiht. Now I grew up in a middle class family as did my sister, we grew up in the same household. Although I am sure that my parents could have lived more lavishly than they did they are incredibly frugal and smart about money. We pay for what we can afford PERIOD, The phrase "pay for what you can afford" was not in my husband's vocabulary growing up because they never had that problem EVER! So, with that, as I have learned more about his upbringing and his family and how they live I have a better understanding of how they work. Now I am not saying that I agree with everything that they do and spend money on but I have learned to mind my p's and q's and to pick my battles. My sister on the other hand has not, and I know this because she grew up with me, she is very outspoken and seriously needs to be on something to calm her hormonal issues. However she does not agree on getting on any medication at all, FINE I do not care but she has to find ways to control her crazy temperment and frustrations without gettng SO worked up about them. So we did talk about that, and she does realize that she has an issue but she can not help it....I did suggest to her to talk with her boyfriend's dad who happens to be a doctor and she is going to because though he himself does not believe in medicating when it comes to depressin or anxiety, what they do not realize is that we have a genetic mental disease in our family and it may be NECESSARY for us to be on medication...I know it is for me, and my husband and I struggled through that and both of us realize that I need to be on my meds.... anyway, she does not understand how it is that my husband wants to provide for his family the way that his father did for him, but I do not care either way as long as our family is happy and we can provide for good education for the girls that is all that matters! anyway, any other suggestions? She says maybe she needs to just butt out but I say she should not feel like she has to butt out but that she needs to find a way to control her emotions and stress and anxiety about what MY Family does with OUR life.....
2 people like this
5 responses
• United States
2 Mar 07
I agree with your sister that maybe she should just butt out. She is not part of the family that you and your husband have made and you need to make your decisions on your own, because you are the ones living with them. I hope that your sister decides to get some kind of help, because if she doesn't she is only going to make it harder on herself. She should definitely look into taking a medication, I know a few people who have had very positive experiences with meds for depression, anxiety and anger.
2 people like this
@sanell (2116)
• United States
4 Mar 07
I agree on the medications as I do very well being on antidepressants myself.
1 person likes this
@msqtech (15226)
• United States
30 Mar 07
I think anyone who recognizes a problem needs to do something to remedy it through control or therapy as required. If you continue to have a problem and do nothing then you may as well just give up living.
• United States
3 Mar 07
Your sister is right on this. She should just but out. it is your family she is talking about. Now with her temper as it is. I hope you know not to tell her everything. This and the fact that she can't control herself.
2 people like this
@sanell (2116)
• United States
4 Mar 07
yeah, that is true, you are right, and I do not tell her everything I try to tell her in a way in which she realizes that she should do it on her own, and that seems to work better like she was the one that came up with the idea to go see a doctor and the like.
1 person likes this
@wendy82 (437)
• United States
2 Mar 07
Okay on this issues how can you offend for yourself and yet you think you are able to maintain a family. To me she needs to get her life in order. By getting the help that she needs to control her behavior because your husband is doing what he has to do to offend for his family. Maybe if she would realize what you are your husband. Maybe it would help her. Tell her that if she is not going to be able to do things for herself that you are not going to help her.
2 people like this
@sanell (2116)
• United States
2 Mar 07
I agree and I have told her that she needs to realize that she is not going to understand and there fore just needs to deal with it. I have and it is me and my husband, she needs to just worry about her and her own family which I have concerns about but I know that I have to be careful with how I approach her on those issues. She is very negative when she is stressed out and that is not a good thing, she needs to let up with that, and sometimes medication is the answer. It is not the end all be all but sometimes that is all that will work!! She is going to talk with a doctor and she knows she needs to do that. I love my husband and my family I am happy with how we are now!
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Mar 07
im sory but if it concerns you and your husband then i agree your sister needs to butt out !you saying she dosent gives me to think you may not want to admit it but you agree with her? Many good mariages have been ruined by interfering relatives dont forget that!
2 people like this
@sanell (2116)
• United States
2 Mar 07
Hi and thanks, it is not that I do not agree with her, I do to a point. I agree that it is hard for my husband to know what it is like to live Middle class because he and I argue about how he spends a lot of money that really should be held onto so we do not run out when he is not working...we have been able to work through that issue. Now, I did tell my sister that she needs to just know when to stop with her frustration and putting it out there on people, andd that is where her illness gets out of hand.
2 people like this
@msqtech (15226)
• United States
30 Mar 07
Those who never do without dont understand that people who do without learn about life many good lessons. Budget is a necessity in all homes and that extravagant spending will bite the hand that feeds it. We all think money is the thing needed for happiness and those with money become truly unhappy when they lose it. I think that your sister can give advice and dispense whatever she wants, but, you have to live your lives within the confines of what you need to do to survive and reach your goals. Respect for one another is the best way to have a happy family and be helpful.