Checking your partners cellphone???

cellphone - checking your partner's cellphone
Philippines
March 2, 2007 4:46pm CST
Ok. I admit am one heck of a nosey girlfriend...i just can't help myself but check my boyfriend's cellphone every now and then.. from the message inbox, outbox, saved items, sent items. message recipients, and also on his call logs, the numbers dialed, missed calls, and received calls...well, I believe I have some rights to know what he has been up to... I mean, if there's nothing wrong that he has done, then why not let me check his cellphone... but other people would also say that it's not really a good idea checking it coz it goes out to the amount of trust you have for your partner...well, yeah I know they are right in some point...but is it really wrong to check your partner's cellphone? is it only me doing this? if so, then I guess I really need to stop.. lol
17 people like this
104 responses
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
2 Mar 07
Well I personally do not. I think it is a trust thing. Why would you check it? Does he know you check it? If he doesn't care if you check it-- then go for it.. But if he doesn't know- would you tell him? if not then it's a definite trust thing. I know alot of people who do this though- I'm not sure if it's trust or just curious.. It's no different than checking the bill I guess.. Anyways I do not check it-- I also don't check his e-mail.
• Philippines
6 Mar 07
thanks for your response, KrisNy.... well, yeah my boyfriend knows that am checking his phone, and we even look at it together. Am not really sure if he find me disgusting doing it coz he just let me do it every time I wanted to without any sign of he doesn't want me to check his phone.
1 person likes this
• Brazil
2 Mar 07
Nope I have never checked her cellphone, nor have ever bothered to. A relationship is based on trust, and should she bertray my trust, heck, Im in Brazil, no shortage of women here.
4 people like this
• Canada
2 Mar 07
Basically trust is what it's all about. If you don't trust your boyfriend that much that you have to go through is cellphone, you might want to take a good look at the relationship and at your perspective of it. It could be that you've been hurt in the past. I was and it took a long time to not think the worst about everybody, but it could also be that you're insecure. It's something that we all have to learn; we can't take our insecurities out on those we love. Talk about it. Sit down with him and tell him how you're feeling and why you look over his phone, maybe he'll be totally cool with it. But I would feel offended if my wife insisted on that, even though I feel bad if I even look at another girl. It just says that even though we've shared so much I still haven't earned her trust, and that would hurt.
3 people like this
• Philippines
6 Mar 07
Thanks for your wonderful thoughts, answerguy. Yeah, I admit one thing that pushes me to go check my boyfriend's phone is my insecurities. I have been feeling it since the early part of our relationship especially when I see some text messages from his ex or some people related to her on his phone. I don't know, but it just hurts that's why I tend to check his phone. And yeah, I already talked to him about that and he has always reassured me of his love for me. Though I'm still checking his phone now, it's not really as frequent as before, and now it's more on the curiosity side and we check it together....I haven't really tried sneaking in to his phone while he's not around or asleep... He has already proven everything he has to and I do trust him. Again, thanks for your thoughts..I appreciate them a lot.
1 person likes this
@nowment (1758)
• United States
2 Mar 07
What about privacy? That is his right to privacy? There is also the trust issue. But first, do you pay for the bills of that cell phone? Is it in your name? Are you legally responsible for its use? If not then why would you check it, why should you check? If the phone is in his name, and he pays the bills, then it is his phone, to use as he sees fit, and he has a right to privacy. When you ask him to hand over the phone so you can check it what does he say on the issue? If he doesn't object then I suppose that is just fine because it works for the both of you, though I still don't get why you would need to check his phone. Do you get many messages or calls for you on his cell phone is it a phone you share use of? If you are checking it to check up on him, then you don't trust him, if you don't trust him what are you doing with him? There can be no real relationship with out trust. If you are checking it to check up on him and he is doing something wrong, don't you think he might have cleared anything in it that would not be good for you to know out of his phone before you asked him for it? If you are checking on his cell phone and he doesn't know you are doing, you are doing this behind his back, then obviously there is a SERIOUS trust issue in the relationship. Not only don't you trust him, but he shouldn't trust you. Because you have taken steps to prove you would not respect him, his rights, or his property, and that you are willing to sneak behind his back to get your own way. Remember I am not saying that you have shown yourself to be decietful only that if you are checking his phone with out asking him then you are, if you are asking him what good would checking his phone do since he would know to clean out any incriminating stuff before hand. I have heard of this being done before, but I had thought the girl was showing a lack of trust, that she was sneaky, adn that she also was showing her own immaturity. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised if I find out that this is something that is going on more than I realized, I suppose it means we are learning from the goverment's example, that human rights, basic common courtesy doesn't matter, not if you just arbitrarily choose to be sneaky decietful, rude, inconsiderate and invasive. I really don't get why he lets you check his phone, I suppose it shows he doesn't have anything to hide. I hope that eventually you will learn to trust him if you expect the relationship to last.
3 people like this
@vangie79 (198)
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
I don't do that. Though we're in a relationship but we still keep some of our own privacy that even our partners need not to know. Trust, respect and LOVE ( and the rest will follow) will keep your relationship stronger. Maybe your a bit paranoid, you might think that maybe he had an affair with someone else. Just give him your trust and you will gain respect from him and will even love you more. In my case i don't check his phone coz he sometimes let me show what's on his phone and tell me sometimes who texted him. Maybe, try to stop checking his phone and you will see he'll be the one let see what's on his phone and even people whom he is talking.
2 people like this
@sechsey (1836)
• Canada
3 Mar 07
Wow! You really are nosey:) Do you trust your boyfriend? If so, why do you check his phone and everything in it? I know you have a right but dont you think there's a limitation to that? Just as your parents have limitations not to check your diaries and stuff unless deeply necessary.To me it is wrong when you are doing it against his will or without him knowing. Its ok to look around with clean intentions and if there's nothing to hide im sure your boyfriend will be ok with it too. But if you push it and you insist, your boyfriend might feel you cant trust him and that he cant have his own space even at the stage of boyfriend and girlfried.
2 people like this
• Philippines
3 Mar 07
I do that too to my bf before but now I rarely do that. It's up to him if he cheats as long as I trust him and he knows that. Checking your partners personal stuff like their phones, wallets and pc's is not good. But sometimes gwe girls can't help but know what he's up to. :)
2 people like this
@lillake (1634)
• United States
2 Mar 07
I occasionally check his phone. But only because his number is 1 digit off from my number, so I check to see if anyone meant to call me but dialed his number instead. However I don't check to see who he has called or who is in his adress book. his business is his business.
2 people like this
@joanana (770)
• United States
3 Mar 07
I would say that it's not exactly kosher to be checking your SO's cellphone simply because it implies a lack of trust and is a sort of violation of privacy. I am a private person and if I wanted someone to see my call list or read my text messages then I would let them, if I didn't show them it meant that I didn't feel it was the person's business. In all honesty if an SO got my phone and checked my messages and call lists (or even an email account) I'd let into them for it. Not only are they basically telling me that they don't trust me but their actions also say that they do not respect my privacy and me as a person. Not to mention I find the behavior to be rather controlling. What's next, saying who and when you can talk to someone? No offense, but in all honesty I would have to step back and take a good long look at the person because clearly I do not know them as well as I thought I did, and they do not know me either. I would probably even call it off too depending on how things were going up until that point.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Mar 07
I would NEVER check my bf's things. Basically because whether I trust him or not won't change his behavior. If your bf is going to cheat, he is going to do so no matter what you do. You worrying yourself about it only hurts you. In the end, he is going to do whatever his personality allows...good or bad. You can only control your own behavior. Spending your time checking in on your bf not only proves you don't trust him, but also wastes valuable time you could be using to improve your rship. Instead of looking through his things, why don't you put together a "goodie bag" for him consisting of things you know are important to him. (ie, his favorite candy, CD, sports cap, gift cards or game tickets, and a hand written letter). Let him know you trust him reguardless and show him how important he is to you. If you really love him, let him be who he is. In the end, he is going to do what he is going to do. Don't smear your integrity in the process. Good luck...and relax!!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 Mar 07
I'm guilty. Lol. I check my GF's phone regularly because we kinda had a problem about er.. fidelity a few years ago. At first I was really paranoid and checked her phone like every day. But a few years later we're okay and I rarely check anymore. ^^;
1 person likes this
@jillmalitz (5132)
• United States
5 Mar 07
Uh... why do you feel the need to check his phone? Does he check yours? I can't help but think there maybe some trust or jealousy issues here. I don't check my husband's. We both have different friends. Do you think your boyfriend is hiding somethng? Do you feel guilty when you do check it and find nothing or something? Personally, I wouldn't d it.
1 person likes this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
5 Mar 07
this is not about checking your boyfriends cellphone this is a bout trust period.And from what you have written you have none, perhaps you believe that you have just cause, but before you get upset ask your self what would you feel if he was doing the same to you. The answer is what you need to work on., not checking the cell phone
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
3 Mar 07
I don't believe anyone here who says they haven't!! I'm married and my husband and I do it occassionally. I don't think theirs anything wrong with it.
1 person likes this
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
3 Mar 07
I don't believe anyone here who says they haven't!! I'm married and my husband and I do it occassionally. I don't think theirs anything wrong with it.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Mar 07
I don't know what's wrong with checking it...noone likes those surprises of "Honey I'm leaving you for another person"...I actually know two people in my life that found out about their other half messing around through the numbers left on the other persons cell phone. It's your choice. :)
1 person likes this
@dbeast (1498)
• India
3 Mar 07
well you just said that a relationship depends on trust and you are not trusting your boyfriend buddy.if you trusted him why would you go about poking your nose into his mobile phone.that is a breach of trust and hat you are doubting him.i would be offended .think about it buddy.
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 Mar 07
I've never checked my partners cellphone. Sometimes he recieves a message for me on there and when he does, he tells me its for me and he replays it for me so I can listen to it. I have no need to check his cell. I trust him 100% and don't feel a need to check what he's been up to and who he's been talking to lol. I guess this is down to how secure you feel in your relationship. If you feel secure there wouldn't be any need to check up on him. Just my two cents lol.
1 person likes this
• India
25 Mar 07
see if you ask me checking his cell phone has absolutely nothing to do with trust... you trust him and thats why you're in love... he wants you as his partner because he wants to share anything with you, then why not cellphone and messages in it??? what will be there, may be a joke or two, all guys stuff... i dont think there's anything wrong as far as you have strongly written in your heart that your boy friend is true to you and that he will never ditch you no matter what... what do ya say???? and yeah you're not the one.... i check my fiance's phone every now and then.... even when he's replying someone i'll pull or peek inside to check what is he talking, but thats not to check whether he's doing anything against me or not... just i'm curious to know everything about him......
@miryam (6507)
• Italy
8 Mar 07
No, do not check anyone, my mother checks me, even if I am 20 years than living from only. Trust and he does not interest thing or where boyfriend are the other friends, relatives or mine, and neither he checks me, he knows that at times I go outside with friends, but he does not have anything in contrary, and I neither, but he goes out little says .... I believe him. Not trusting is not a beautiful thing is wickedness, lack of confidence, only feeds quarrels. A telephone call does not show anything, if they are cheaping you by now is late
8 Mar 07
i think i have done this twice but it is 3 years ago...now i think i can trust him...
• Philippines
8 Mar 07
Well, I've done this several times. I know it's not right but I just felt like doing it. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I felt that he was hiding something from me. I thought he was texting a girl. But I stopped doing this whenI felt guilty. I also decided to just let things unfold, instead of prying on his stuff.