Interracial Relationships

United States
March 7, 2007 1:54pm CST
How do you feel about interracial relationships? Do you think race shouldn't matter at all and all that matters is whether 2 people love each other? Or do you think it's important to be with someone that understands your culture and your values? I was in an interracial relationship for 2 years. I am hispanic and he is asian. I never thought our races mattered. I always thought that as long as we loved each other and understood each other everything would be fine, until we started talking about the future. It turned out we wanted very different things and our individual cultures and values were leading us in completely different directions. And we had very conflicting views about our families. Things just started getting so complicated, to the point where it was just too hard to try and make it work. I just started seeing another guy that is not hispanic either. I like him a lot, but I'm worried we'll run into the same situation. What do you guys think? Have any of you ever been in an interracial relationship? How did it turn out?
12 people like this
54 responses
@harwoodkp (285)
• United States
7 Mar 07
I dont think racially it does not matter. I do understand that you do need some common ground culturally or the two of you will not grow toegether. I believe that is true for everyone.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Mar 07
Regardless of race and culture if you want different things it ain't gonna work.
1 person likes this
@lpetges (3036)
• United States
8 Mar 07
i really don't think it matters. these days anything goes. if you love someone, then its your business, no one else's opinion should even matter.
1 person likes this
@rmkocher (35)
• United States
8 Mar 07
i have never been in one but if i find the woman attractive and suitable for me. there is no way im going to let that in the way of the relationship.
1 person likes this
@ackars (1942)
• India
8 Mar 07
What ever be her race?If you are a white,will u opt for a black...???
1 person likes this
@silverlou (372)
7 Mar 07
Before my current partner, I was involved with a chap from Iran, I'm white UK and we got along fine, the only problem I had was not based on race but the fact I was not ready to settle down and we were after different things, his faith was Islam and I have no appointed religious beliefs so I was happy for him to have his own set and he was with me. My best friend is in a relationship with a man from kirdistan and she is having a few problems but not due to race, just due to laziness of her boyfriend, she is also white Uk. I have settled down with a white uk man, but it was not based on my beliefs or incompatability with other races or religions, I just fell in love.
1 person likes this
8 Mar 07
yea sometimes love works as like a magic. you feel the spark. after a second, not knowing. "hey im in love"
@Drakhan (241)
• United States
12 Apr 07
I've been married three times to people who grew up in the same race and religion I did. None of them worked out because we reached a point where we both wanted very different things and it got complicated. I'm in a relationship now with a girl who's background is the polar opposite of mine and we seem to both want the same things. So, right now, I'm very hopeful that this can work.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Mar 07
I think interracial relationships are great, but I do think that cultural differences are an additional "thing" that you have to work out. But every relationship has its gives and takes. I think the key to making it work is respecting both of each other's cultures--even if you disagree or don't fully understand them. I've never been in an interracial relationship, but I have friends who've made it work. Good luck with your new one! :-)
@c2adams2 (351)
• United States
16 Mar 07
First I believe we need to make the distinction between race and ethnicity. Race is the color of your skin, ethnicity is the cultural beliefs that you ascribe to. If you are a memeber of the culturally hispanic sub-culture, you are not going to match well with a member of the culturally asian sub-culture. That has nothing to do with race, and everthing to do with the many problems that face couples as they build their lives together. It is not different than my husband and him, him a pagan, me an athiest. Can you make it work? I don't know, but it will only become harder if you confuse race with personality.
• Puerto Rico
8 Mar 07
Girl, I understand you. Interracial relationship are getting to be more and more popular with each day that passes. I'm hispanic too and my boyfriend is asian. We have an online thing and we love each other very much. We have talked about the future and right now all seems like something impossible. I'm keeping my hopes up but you are right.. IS TOO DIFFICULT!! All we can do is live day by day and, if it was meant to be, it will all be on its place soon enough. But there are another things to take into consideration when it comes to love and a relationship... I came out with a relationship with a Pakistani (before the relationship with my current bf). All was going out nicely but then he got too much into his job to the point of almost loosing contact because he was too busy. This made me think a lot and I asked myself "what did I did wrong?, does he really want to talk to me?"...questions like that. After I told him I couldn't compete with his job (break up with him), he suddenly reappeared and had time for me once again. I told him it was too late and that I have already moved on and now he is asking me for another chance. By that time, I was getting involved with my current bf so there was NO way I was getting back with him... I could have given him another chance but I saw that he had the time to talk to me but he just wasn't fighting for it. If you trully want something, you will fight for it with all of your heart. I know I still have a long way to go in terms of my relationship and knowing his culture and cosmovision but so far, we both have fought for it. There were times when I was about to give up, but my bf helped me and viceversa. We give support to each other and I think that is really important because, before lovers, we are best friends. Have a strong and brave heart and follow it. You'll see if it's worth it or not on the way. Do your research on his country: watch the news of his country, try to learn his language, try to have a friend of his same nationality so that you can ask him/her questions about your doubts and curiosities. Ask all the questions you can so you can get into his way of seeing the world. Respect his point of view and expose yours. If you don't like something, tell him. Maybe you will not find a potential husband but you can make a really good friend out of him. Either way is good. I hope I helped you out. Good luck.
• United States
8 Mar 07
I've personally never dated outside of my race...kinda, my boyfriend is half Peruvian. I used to think that couples that dated outside their own race were doomed. Now that I've grown older, I know that it doesn't matter. Love knows no color.
1 person likes this
@ackars (1942)
• India
8 Mar 07
I think it matters lots...We as humans have been highly bound by the culture around us where we all are being brought up...How much ever we try to get rid of it,its there in our gene.So it will be a great difficulty for some one from one race to get adjusted to one from the other in most cases...At one point or other they would feel it.Either through a problem arising among them or a problem each others community or race makes..Most of the times we cant blame the poor couple.Its the world around you who make all problems..what you all say?
• United States
7 Mar 07
Race really shouldn't matter. If two people really love each other, they will compromise and work around cultural differences. I have seen interracial couples, and they are just as happy as couples of the same race. Love knows no bounds, so the color of your skin and the differences in culture are no problem when someone really matters to you.
1 person likes this
@JuliaPan (564)
• Canada
7 Mar 07
Well, scientists say that up to the year 3000 there will be only one race on Earth - an Earthman. It means that gradually all the races will be mixed. It seems that nowadays the process is getting started :) OK, no jokes :). I think if you like the guy and you're happy together, then it's the most important thing. Love and mutual respect will overcome all difficulties.
@brckoba (795)
• United States
7 Mar 07
I have been married for 3 years. My wife is from Mexico and I am fro Bosnia. Our cultures are totally different. We are not even from the same religion, yet we have made work because we love each other unconditionally. We have learned from experiences to take only the best from each others cultures in order to make our marriage work. It was a little hard at first, but as time went by we learned to tolerate each others indifferences. At the end of the we are our own person. One's culture only shapes our behaviors, but it doesn't define who we are or who we will be. The key words in all of this is love and respect. If you have love and respect in any relationship, it will most likely work out...
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Mar 07
to me it wouldn't matter as long as we loved each other wanted and beleived in the same things but it would have cause problems in my family so I never did date another race but had lotts of friends from different races.
1 person likes this
@tinam13 (840)
• United States
7 Mar 07
i dont think there is anything wrong with it AT ALL...u said have u heard of interacial relationships and how did it turn out, well i am the result of it. i am mixed with white and black and so are both of my brothers. interacial relationships dont mean anything. if u love the person enough, u wouldnt let there families and values stop u, instead u would overcome it and try to understand eachothers stuff. u cant change someone u can only try to except them right??
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Mar 07
all of my long term relationships have been interracial relationships. All but 1 had got to the point of thinking and talking about the future and for the most part, we were on the same page. Marriage and starting a family is a compromise for you and your partner and the best way to work through those is to talk about them (when the time is right) so that both of you know what the other expects. If those expectations aren't too much of a hurdle to get over and you feel like the relationship can handle it, then got from there. You have to remember, no matter what you're cultural background is, it's you and your partner that's in the relationship, not your families and they, in no way, should dictate how you live your life.
1 person likes this
• Romania
7 Mar 07
sorry you broke up after 2 years but life goes on. i have never been in an interracial relationship so i don't know how it is but i can tell you what i think. race shouldn't matter in anything, moreover in love. if you both love each other very much you can sort things out. i always said that truth is somewhere in the middle. so i say you accept a part of his culture and he should accept a part of yours. anyhow isn't love blind???
1 person likes this
@mpc2000 (65)
• United States
8 Mar 07
You hit it right in the head when you stated going in different directions. For me, being a hispanic, I've dealt with Black and latina women as well as caucasian, and the only difference to me is culture. as far as relationships go and I think it's a matter of where you in life. I've dated women who wanted a family(in any race, that biological clock IS ticking)and I'm still in school.....meaning I can't afford a family yet. I have to get my career going. I think it's a matter of where you are in life. A good relationship works if you too are in sync with one another, you have to compromise so as to accomodate each other's situation. all it takes is one not wanting to compromise, then you run into a wall. I've learned to date only until I get my degree. after I graduate, then I'll think about being serious. I tell them upfront so if they want a family, sorry, but I can't do that at the moment. Catch me in two-three years and then I'll think about a family because I'll be thinking of taking that next step, marriage, after I have my career going. Of course there are exceptions, like, say, they dont' mind me finishing up school then we can work something out, because it shows you're willing to compromise for me. I'd do the same if you wanted to go to school. Interracial relationships are just different cultures that's all. the fact that the other person is another race isn't like their a dog or a cat, they're human as well as you are. Culture is the only difference so if you can accept that, and being Latino, I know I can be pretty stubborn, but if you can accept and embrace another culture, you'll be OK
• Nigeria
8 Mar 07
Nice response, if i was to be the owner of this post, I will rate you my best response. Again nice response from you bro.
@sacmom (14315)
• United States
21 Apr 07
Well I know of a few people that were in a interracial relationship, my parents being one of them. It never bothered me. In fact I'm for it as there is less chance of the couple being related by blood. :P Okay, so my parents divorced after 20 years of marriage, but they both got into interracial relationships again. My dad has been married to his current wife for almost 18 years and my mom has been married to her current husband for almost 11 years.
• Philippines
19 Apr 07
I don't think it should matter what color a person's skin is if you care for them. I believe that who you love should have no relation to their race, but be based on their inner characteristics.
• United States
8 Mar 07
My daughter was in an interracial relationship. If you look at my picture, you can see the result of that relationship. That is my granddaughter and the best thing that has happened in my life in a ver long time. Just like age, race shouldn't matter if you truly love someone. It takes patients and compromise on the part of both people. It can work out. Unfortunately it didn't for my daughter but it wasn't due to race. Don't let different race scare you away from love. Just follow your heart.