My daughter is using my surname...

Philippines
March 7, 2007 11:57pm CST
This is for the parents and also for the teenagers out there.. I have my kid who is 2yrs old, and she's using my name not her dad's name.. Simply because her dad leaves us when i'm 3mos pregnant and it made me decide not to use his name, though, it has a law this time that illegitimate child can use their father's name even the parents were not yet married. I'm not selfish, it's just i'm thinking of the future of my daughter. Will you do the same if your in my situation? Tell me if what i've done is right or not..Thanks in advance..:)
11 people like this
45 responses
@mizrak07 (557)
• Philippines
8 Mar 07
I'll do the same, if he left me even if Im 3 months pregnant then for sure he's not willing to give my child his surname. Its his loss not mine, right?
@emarie (5453)
• United States
8 Mar 07
hell ya! i actually wanted to give my sons my last name instead of their fathers and we were married. he's a great father and he knew my reasons. my father was the last in his family line and he had all daughters. so my mother kept telling us, our family name will die with him. i really never wanted that to happen because i felt really bad since they though i was going to be a boy...well, long story short, we compromised and they carry both are names since i wouldn't give mine up anyway, i just attached his name onto mine. i'm going to tell them when their older if they find it too confusing they can switch to one or the other. since i have 2 boys now, as long as one of them take my name or keep theirs i'll be happy.
2 people like this
@steney (1418)
• Philippines
1 Apr 07
I believe you made the right decision. I know, because I did too. Although my daughter's father and I were still together when she was born, she carried my surname because of a law that time prohibiting the use of the father's surname in case of unmarried parents. We broke off a few years back and recently he offered for her to carry his surname because she can now use it legally, but I refused. Changing her surname doesn't mean she will be cared for more, by him, or that she will be granted special privileges. As I plan to get married someday, I don't want to go through the trouble of her adoption by my would be husband, just in case. Or if I do end up eventually with her dad, it would just be easy for her to take his surname. If you are concerned with the issue of her rights as his child with regard to inheritance in the future, as long as she is acknowledged by the father, then there will be no problem with it.
1 person likes this
@disvachic (10121)
• United States
1 Apr 07
I think you did right to give them your last name.He left you when you were 3months then i feel your child should get your last name.ALL three of my children have my last name,not even getting into all that though.
1 person likes this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
28 Mar 07
Yes, I think you did the right thing. I don't see anything wrong with her using your name. I don't think I would want to use his either if he had abandoned us.
1 person likes this
@naty1941 (2336)
• United States
9 Mar 07
I think you are doing the right thing as obviously the father is not interested in having a relationship with the daughter. I would do the same thing if I was in your position. Don't worry about it as long as you love your daughter she will understand when she grows up.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Mar 07
When I was born I had my mothers name and not my fathers for the same reason. He was there when I was born, but was not there for my mom when she was pregnant, and she didn't know if he was gonna stick around and be a dad or not. Later they got married (and divorced) and then they had my name changed. I think you definitely made the right decision, I now have my fathers name but if I had been in my mothers position I would have done the same thing in a heart beat.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Mar 07
I think you did the right thing, if he left you both at three months of pregnancy why should you use his name? You raised your girl alone, gave birth to her alone, it your name that should be used not his.
1 person likes this
@lisado (1230)
• United States
9 Mar 07
I would also have my daughter have my last name. It's less confusing for the child, especially since her father isn't involved in her life, or at least from what I can tell. If you had a good relationship with the father, even if you weren't together anymore, I might have to think more about which surname to use but I would still probably chose my own since she would be living with me and she might not understand why her last name isn't the same as mine when she gets older (assuming you don't get married anytime soon to someone else).
1 person likes this
8 Mar 07
If I'm understanding you correctly, and your child's father is completely out of the picture, then absolutely, I think you did the right thing. It will be easier for everyone involved and less confusing for your daughter. If he left you high and dry then why should you even consider his feelings in the situation? And if he is not in her life, I don't see any reason why your daughter wouldn't feel the same way once she is old enough to better understand the situation. I'm not a parent and I don't know what laws apply here, but I'm guessing that she would have the opportunity to take on his name later if she so chose? However, once again, I don't know why she would unless she formed a relationship with him.
1 person likes this
@cefaz_21 (2597)
• Philippines
8 Mar 07
I think what you did is right,He was never a father anyway since he left you when your 3 months pregnant, and besides you might get married someday and your future husband would want to adopt your daughter, i think it would be easier coz she's carrying your name. I'll do the same if i'm into your situation and girl, it's not being selfish it's doing the right thing.
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
8 Mar 07
When my daughter was born 4 years ago her father left when I was pregnant. I gave my daughter my lastname. I'm glad I did because just 5 months after she was born I met someone else and we been together for 4 years and the reason I'm glad I never gave my daughter her biological fathers name is because my spouse that I am with now later adopted her and she now has his lastname. If I would of gave my daughter her biological fathers name, then we would of spent over $1,000 for a name change with the adoption, plus her biological father wanted to sign over his rights and everything worked out. So you do what you got to do.
1 person likes this
@imsilver (1668)
• Canada
8 Mar 07
I think you made the right decision. Unfortunatly I did not. My children are under their father's last name and it's caused nothing but problems since we are not together anymore and I don't use his name. It's really annoying to have to bring papers to verify with everyone that yes I am there mother. I know their last name is different than mine but that doesn't change that fact that I'm their mom. I've looked into changing their names to my last name but it's going to cost alot of money and I need to get their dad to sign the forms which he will never do willingly.
1 person likes this
• India
1 Apr 07
I really appriciate to u. I love my wife and daughter and also help her even in her delivery time when I was post operated on that time also. Nothing go ahead, just take it normal one, ur the father of urchildren mentally, physically ur the motherhood.
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
31 Mar 07
I would do the same in your position. The name is not really an issue of importance really. She is your daughter and the father left you high and dry with a pregnancy, why honor his name? It is a personal decision to do that and I think you made a decision that was well thought out. Not to mention it is easier on you wiht paperwork, and so on. My daughter has her father's name and I have a different last name, so throughout this time I have had to explain to kids and others why we have differing last names, paperwork at school becomes odd and so on. In that aspect it makes it easier to have the same last name as well!
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
31 Mar 07
Yes I would have the same as you did why should she have his Surname when he has left you when you where pregnant so I agree with you giving your Daughter your Name I would have done the same
• Portugal
28 Mar 07
I guess you did nothing wrong. I also have my mothers surname but that was because of a mistake that was made at the registry. If she wants to have the fathers name she can add it to her name later.
@simplysue (631)
• United States
13 Mar 07
I think if the biological father has no involvement in your daughter's life that having his last name would only cause her confusion as to why she has a different last name than you do. I've never been in your situation but I believe that I would make the same choice you did.
• Philippines
9 Mar 07
We are on the same situation except that the father of my child didnt leave us..I just want my daughters to use my surname because we arent married and that simply i just want them to use them..Even if you will be going to change the surname to the father, she will still be illegitimate, will have the same rights with that of an illegitimate child so whats the use of using the father's family name? right?
@wolflvr (336)
• United States
9 Mar 07
I agree that it is much easier to have your child share your last name especially if the Dad is not around. When my son was born I was not married to his father. We planned on getting married so I had my son use his father's last name. We didn't get married until my son was 4 so having a different last name from my son was more work you constantly have to prove you are the child's parent. I knew I was going to be with my son's father for along tome so I didn't have any reservations on giving my son his last name. If I had a child with someone who was not going to be around I would want to give my child my last name.