Hated Mother in-law??

Philippines
March 8, 2007 8:43am CST
I dont know how to make my mother in-law like me.. Because obviously she doesn't. I cant explain the way she treated me.. Why is that so? Before i met her son, im a single mom of a two kids. i am seperated. Then i met her son. i know that we love each other very much. and he accepted me as i am. I never thought that his family will be a big problem to our relationship. and it comes to a point that he needs to choose between his family and me. As of now, i am pregnant. we talked about it. we made plans.. to build our own family. he accepted and love my two kids. but i dont understand what's happening between us now. he's confused. he doesnt know what to do. I know he loves me. right now, we're living on the same house. but everytime his mother calls him, he's loke a dog that doesnt even know what he will do for his mother not to be angry. Then, he talked to me, about our situation. he told me, he cant be with me, and with our son. because of her mother. I dont know what to do that time. I cried a lot. I ask myself why i have to suffer this way.. Why we have to suffer. I dont know if he really loves me. I know im not that perfect.. And we are different. he's single, and i am a single mom. I told myself why will i expect so much from him. Im hurting so much. I felt that the whole world is against me. As a matter of fact, i chose him, between my parents and him. Then at the end?? its easy for him to leave me just like that?
4 people like this
25 responses
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
9 Mar 07
your man needs to cut the apron strings with mamma, its time he grew up and became a man. she dosnt have to like you but you are whom he has chosen to make a life with and he should make it plain to his mother that he can accept you or not, but you are his family now. makes me wonder what she is holding over his head to make him jump like a dog when she speaks.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
9 Mar 07
I agree. I can't believe a grown man would act like this because of his mother, I mean is he really that spineless? Any man that could do that while you are pregnant in particular isn't worth having, what kind of an example is he to your children? His mother isn't any better, I can't imagine what type of person encourages their son to abandon his partner and unborn child. The fact is, it's none of her business what he does and if he's that weedy that he can't have a life without her permission then he's a pathetic excuse for a man. If they don't cop on then neither of them is going to be happy. Tell him he has to make up his mind now what he wants because there is no point in you hanging around and waiting for him. If I was you, I would have gotten rid of him already but I can understand why you haven't. But you being in this type of emotional state isn't good for your babies so the sooner you sort out what is going on once and for all the better.
• India
9 Mar 07
I can understand ur pain.I would like to remind you of one thing"No one in this world is perfect and it is impossible for some one to be perfect". Every human expects the best thing for their life.And you also wish to have the best thing in ur life.And u dont need to mention your self as not perfect.But it is our duty to take a perfect decision about our life.The main mistake you did is leaving ur parents.When you can't trust ur parents then who else can you trust in this world.You are in this world because of them.And about your partner atleast for now you realise that he is not made for you.You have your children.Take care of them.Have plans about your career,try to be financially independent,make yourself busy and make your children have a good future in their lives.Make them to focus on their studies.And forget him who left you for his mother.All the best.
• Canada
9 Mar 07
Your mother in law sounds like she has some issues . Have you tried being blunt with her and asking her what her problem is ? She may just be trying to bully you and if you are not sticking up for yourself she may see this and somehow feel you are no good for her son . I would be quite blunt with her , go and see her yourself and lay it all out on the table that if she doesn't tell you what the problem is an except you then the child you are carring which is her grandchild will be no part of her life especially if her son leaves you . Best of luck !!
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
9 Mar 07
well this is so awful. i mean after you giving up your parents for him but he's giving up you for his mother, that is so unfair to me. the cause that your mother in-law treated you so bad perhaps doesn't come up from you. probably she wants her son not to be shared. i think she's a kind of mom that thought her kids will put her away once they got married. i know someone who did. and your husband supposed to decides the better way to solve the problem between you and his mother then just stands on one side. don't give up too easily. remember what you've been through to be with him. talk to him again and save your little family bond for another year. good luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Mar 07
It sounds to me like this boy needs to grow up and his mother needs to cut the apron strings. Maybe you need to find a way to get out from under her.
@presel (7)
• Malaysia
9 Mar 07
Ever heard of same poles repel like the magnet? Most women are like that. When one party is feeling insecure, she will go all lway out to destroy whatever in her way. In this case, your mother-in-law felt the threat from you. She thought that you are robbing her son from her. She doesn't know the different types of love between mother and son and husband and wife. In this case, it is your husband's responsiblity to assure her that his love for her won't be reduced because of his marriage to you whereas, the mother-in-law, if she truly love her son should regard her son's happiness as her priority. Three of you need to sit down and talk. If you know somebody whom your mother-in-law respect and look upon, rope in his help. If things still cannot work out, it is wise to move out and come to visit her regularly so that your husband won't feel bad. Try not to quarrel with her, that will give her no reason to quarrel with you, know the theory of single hand clap no sound. When your husband is home, try not to mention about his mother. He comes back for peace. Let him have the peace and he will appreciate you more. If you keep silent but your mother-in-law keeps barking, it will come to a time he will appreciate you more. Just imagine, if you keep hearing someone (A) keeps complaining about the other party (B) when (B)never complains about (A), what will you think of (A)? A trouble-maker, an unreasonable person. Don't fall into her trap by making her the core of your life. Stop talking about her, keep your silent and talk about the beautiful positve things whenever you are with your husband. Afterall, that is the main purpose of your union. Remember this, Silent is Golden.
@cdparazo (5768)
• Philippines
9 Mar 07
The man that you must be with must be strong enough to stand on his own and to fight for his love for you and your children. I know that families do get in the way of relationships but his parents may also want the best for him. However, what they think is best for him may not be what he really want. There are always two sides to a coin. Your situation is really difficult because its compounded by you being pregnant for the third time. If ever your relationship has to end then, then I hope you may find comfort in the thought that a greater man is meant for you and that whatever experience you may have with him is just part of you becoming a wiser woman for the man that is really meant for you and you still have to meet. We are with the people that we are with at certain points in our lives, because that is where we should be so that we get to grow and evolve into the person that we ought to be. God won't give you also any trials if you cannot handle it. You are stronger than you think. So if you feel like fighting for the two of you, then you go girl and fight for your love...but if in then end, he would choose otherwise, then he is not the man for you.
@Lindalinda (4112)
• Canada
9 Mar 07
Well it is too bad you are pregnant again. With the attitude of your boyfriend and his mother you may find yourself a single mother with three kids. My dear, you ask how you can make his mother like you. You cannot make anybody like anybody. Either they like you or they don't. You have given up a lot for this man. So ask him to move with you and your children out of his mother's house into your own place. The whole world is not against you. You have made some decisons that turned out not so well. Now you have to find the strenght to cope with the outcome. Maybe you can reconcile with your family, call on some friends, your church or social services to help you deal with your dilemma.
@tiaramas (207)
• Indonesia
9 Mar 07
I can't stand my MIL either. I think the worst thing she ever did was kick a gift we gave her back across the floor at us, saying she already had one and asked me loudly (it was a gift from my husband and me) "don't you remember I told you about this, I already have one". She's Satan incarnate, that woman. Oh she also has given my hb specific things to take home when we visit ("here's a cake for, here's a canteloupe for" hb). Oh and 6 weeks after I had our second child she told me my weight was "off" and that was why I had been ill. I about slapped her. Honest. She has been to see our two children (she lives 2 hours away) 8 times in 3 years. They never ever call to find out how they are. She isn't smiling in any of our wedding pics, not surprised, are you? We were visiting them one time and she told me to get up and make my hb eggs. I told her that if he wanted eggs, he'd get up and make them. She jumped up, called me lazy and proceeded to cook him eggs over his protests. She is just a hateful woman, just like your MIL...just take comfort in knowing that on Saturday I will be spending an entire day with that witch....ugh. Oh well, it's over until next year.
@Stiletto (4584)
9 Mar 07
Ok if I were you here's what I'd do : I would go and speak to his mother and ask her what her problem is. Be direct but not rude and make it clear that you won't be fobbed off and that you won't stand for any interference in your relationship with her son. Then I would get a hold of him and tell him straight that he can be as much of a mummy's boy as he wants but he needs to grow up and realise he has you, your children and his unborn baby to consider now and THAT should be his priorities. By the way - you and your children come as a package - he must have realised that when he got involved with you. I would tell him it straight - most mummy's boys like domineering women so he may well look at you in a new light from now on! This all assumes of course that you want to keep going with the relationship - I understand you're pregnant and need to ensure he takes responsibility for his child - but he sounds fairly pathetic I have to say. I'm fairly sure you could do much better for yourself! Oh and another thing - you said in your question "we are different. He's single and I am a single mom". Um excuse me he is NOT single - you live together and are expecting a baby!! Make sure you emphasise that point to him!
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
9 Mar 07
Things can get a little rough with the in-laws at times. Don't give up. Talk to your husband and explain to him how you really feel. He just can't leave because mommy says so! He is a grown man and he is about to become a father for heaven's sake! If you weren't pregnant, I'll tell you to go over to your mother-in-law and tell her exactly how you feel. She has no right to treat you like that. Just because she doesn't like you doesn't mean she has the right to throw her weight around and destroy your marriage. Fine, she's the mother of your husband and it is but normal that she feels protective towards his son but the thing is, she's gone too far. I've heared a lot of stories about mother-in-laws destroying their son's marriage and it's really irritating.
@afreddy (182)
• India
9 Mar 07
Devern, this is how it normally works. I am not a practising christian but I would still like to say this, the Bible says "When a man marrys he should leave and live separate." I dont know the verse or chapter. The reasons are the wife is always a threat. you are taking away what she has nutured for all these years and it is a difficult thing for the man to go against his family so he always would feel that his wife will 'understand' Your mother in law does not (probably) have anything against you, its against the wife of her son. It would be the same with any other woman who married her son. The best thing would be for him to be away from his family and with you, and quite seriously if he cannot then you have to take a firm decision
@kurasuda (90)
• Philippines
9 Mar 07
how sad..... will maybe his mamas boy, u should find out first what kind of man u will be with...
@lpetges (3036)
• United States
9 Mar 07
you and her son will be here long after she is gone. it doesn't matter if she likes you or not. it would be nice if she did. but oh well. i am a motherinlaw, and i don't think my daughterinlaw cares much for me, and i really don't give a hoot. what matters is your relationship with your man.
• Philippines
9 Mar 07
no parents would want to disown their children. i know, in time your parents will understand your situation since, they too were once young people. as for the guy, well, he will miss his would-be son and i think that will lead him back to you.
@leedug (920)
• United States
9 Mar 07
It sounds to me like someone has not cut the apron strings yet. One of the hardest things to do when in love is deal with a "mama's boy". One day this guy is going to have to realize that his mom is not his wife or girlfriend, but his "MOM". There is something seriously wrong with this man if he has a pregnant signifigant other and he is still hanging on to mommy. Keep your head up and realize that some guys just never grow up. Maybe one day he will come around, but personally I would not wait around relationship-wise. But when the baby comes, I would 100% make him face his responsibilities. Good Luck!
• India
9 Mar 07
as the reason to u is not clear that why she doesnt like you so what you can do is just love her and her family as much you can because hate can only be removed my giving love.so,love yhem as much as you can n i am sure you will see positive results very soon.as your children loves you very much and you love them too in the same way your husband is also ones son and he also places his mother before anyone else.so have patience and hope for the best
@shopkaro (284)
• India
9 Mar 07
well this is the case with many ones actually most common trend in case of countery like india where there are serials based on that thing. so you can actually imagine how vast has this hate phenomena has been spread. well it seems that it is your first question .? and still yiu had managed to get so many reply well congrats for that thing
@classy56 (2883)
• United States
9 Mar 07
sounds like your boyfreind needs to grow up an get out from his mother dress tale.an he has no respect for you an your kids.i dont think its the mother-in-law thats the problem. its your boyfreind.if it was me i would get out of that relatesonship.an find someone else.you dont need to be going through this kind of stress being pregant.just give him an option you or his mother an stick to it.tell him to come back when he grows up!
@milagre (1272)
• Portugal
9 Mar 07
If it helps, try to talk with his mother and explain her that she's not just doing you miserable but also her son and grand-son to be. If not, forget about her and tell to your matte to be a bit mature, see the things for himself and face her mother or else, he will be alone for the rest of his life or unhappy. Good luck