Fibromyaliga ending life

@raydene (9875)
United States
March 9, 2007 5:09pm CST
I've had fibromyalgia for more then 20 years.For many years I struggled to work,do household stuff,raise kids,vollenteer time,have pets etc.About 5 years ago it all fell in on me .I couldn't get out of bed half the time.I would curl up and cry with the pain then I would get angry that I was loosing my life as I knew it and I couldn't do anything about it.I had to give up my job that I loved...I was swimming against the current and barely keeping my head above water.I applied for social security disability when my short term ran out which was himiliating and belittling experience.I had tried it all from diets,meditation,different med regiments from natural,herbal.I went to every kind of dr.Went to pain management clinic.Everybody had new paperwork.Everybody had new test,mri,xray,blood,urine.I went on anti depressives for sleep therapy,which helped some and went to chrio then pt then massage and on and on.And the worst thing was how people treated you like you were just lazy.Like all of a sudden you would become a lazy person even if you had worked doubles and worked your a** off for your whole life.I started to realize how my life was worthless and that if I were gone that it would be so much better for my family.And then more pain.I really didn't want to take the vicodone pain meds .Anyway at that point my head was just above water ...then I had gone down once then again.I thought so much that I didn't want to kill myself but I did want my life to stop.I thought about accidently taking too much of my meds or mixing alot of them together.I'm an emt so I pretty much knew what to take.I also knew about poisen plants and where to get them because I have foraged for years. Through all this I never considered I would commit suicide,I just figured I would mistakenly take the wrong thing and my life would just quit. Then one day I realize how dangerous my thinking had become and went to my medical doctor and filled my first Rx of narcotic pain meds. Has anyone else been close or do you see yourself in my post? If you relate to any of this get help If this post saves one life it is worth admitting it to you all out there. Smile....
5 people like this
13 responses
@Stringbean (1273)
• United States
9 Mar 07
Fibromyaliga affects so many people that it seems like there would be a lot more study done on it. Different people seem to be helped by different things. A number of years ago I suffered from a much milder case than yours, but did have a lot of depression with it. I would just sit and cry sometimes, wondering if I would ever stop hurting. I ran across a liquid mineral supplement called Mineral Toddy and started taking it just because I thought my diet lacked a lot of essential minerals. About 3 months after I started taking it, I suddenly realized one day that I didn't hurt so much. In fact, it seemed as though I was getting better all the time. It was very slow, but eventually, I could say that I am no longer bothered by Fibromyalgia at all. I don't know if the Mineral Toddy was responsible or not, but once when I ran out and waited a couple of months to reorder, I started having vague pains again. When I returned to taking my Mineral Toddy, I felt good again. I don't say this is a cure-all for everyone, but it might be worth your while to look into trying some kind of a liquid mineral supplement and see what happens. Mineral Toddy is put out by a company called Soaring Eagle and can be ordered online. I know that local health food stores have other brands available, too.
@raydene (9875)
• United States
9 Mar 07
Stringbean,Where do you get this Mineral toddy.I would sure like to try it.I would love noy to take the narcs.I hate taking them. Thanks R
@raydene (9875)
• United States
10 Mar 07
Hey I found it. www.eagle-min.com/mintod.htm
@mobyfriend (1019)
• Netherlands
2 Apr 07
I'm doing volunteerwork with a yogatherapist who also teaches fibromyalgia patients. Your post describes exactly what I have hear from them. The swimming against the current, the fatigue, the bleak outlook on the future, the depressions. And the misunderstanding of other people: doctors, job councellors, family and friends. I feel for all who are suffering from this debilitating and life changing disease. And I sincerely hope that one day they will find a cure and at least in the near future that everything is done for all you people to make life more bearable.
2 people like this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Thanks so much..You are very sweet
@emeraldisle (13158)
• United States
11 Mar 07
Oh believe me I have been there. I suffer with pain every day of my life and add to that I'm bipolar. It makes it so some days I hide in my room and just want the world to go away. There are many days when I wonder why I bother. That it would be easier on everyone if I wasn't here. Those days when it gets that bad aren't often but often enough where it makes everything all the harder, if that makes sense to you. I try to struggle through and usually it will pass but I'm more afraid of the day when that depression will hit so bad that it doesn't pass. I just would like the physical and emotional pain to end once and for all. I know it won't and it's something I have to deal with for the rest of my life but it would be so nice to just get a break from it now and then. To have even an hour or two to be able to have no pain what so ever. I'm not even 40 yet and yet my body feels like it's a 140. The thought of what I will feel like in a few years time scares me. I just wanted to let you know I do relate. More then I can say. Every day I continue to struggle with the pain and the depression. So far I've at least continued to be here and I look for little things to keep me wanting to be here. They might not be much but they are something to help me along. To give me a reason. Believe it or not mylot has really helped with htis. For the first time in years I'm able to earn some money and not be a total burden on everyone else. True it's not a lot of money but it's something and I earned it. It's just one more thing to add to the reason to keep going. That I'm not totally useless.
2 people like this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
11 Mar 07
Bless yr heart.Wish there was a magic pill we could all take. Hug R
@Bee1955 (3887)
• United States
11 Mar 07
MS (multiple sclerosis) was the same way. For months you are fine, having a "normal" life, then WHAM! a few weeks or months you are absolutely powerless to do anything and in sever pain! Then the cycle starts again. It went like that for me for several years until the disease finally took its toll on my body and I became permanently disabled. I now live out of a wheelchair and am slowly going blind. Its a terminal disease, but can last for decades until you pass away. Many times I thought of overdosing on the pain pills or other ways, but finally I went to a psychiatrist and admitted my feelings. I am now on anti-depressants and am glad I decided to help - not hurt - myself.
2 people like this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
11 Mar 07
Bless your heart.When ever I think I'm having a hard time I meet someone who is worse off then me.This is what keeps me thankfull and humble. Thank you for sharing R
@the_vicar (1479)
• United States
10 Mar 07
I have suffered with this disease since I was 12 years old. I am now 60. Back then I was diagnosed with rheumatic fever and it may have been the catalyst that started the entire hting. Most of my family members on my Dad's side of the family have it. It is extremely painful and people who have never had it just don't understand how debilitating it can be. The flares can make life pretty unbearable and one side effect most people are not aware of is the sleep deprivation. People with fibromyalgia never go into the 4th sleep stage and so even after resting all night long, we wake up feeling tired. I take Mannatech's Ambrotose and SPort which does help it but it isn't a cure. It just helps with the pain and keeping the flares down. I have found that if I exert too much physically or emotionally, it will bring on a flare. When that happens my sed rate goes through the roof. I hope you are feeling better. Light exercise and Ambrotose have helped me to stay out of flares.
2 people like this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
10 Mar 07
Hi, I'm not famaliar with that .What is it and where do you get it. I think I probably also had it as a child but it affected me more as I aged and put the miles on my body. Raydene
@ElicBxn (59946)
• United States
10 Mar 07
I have also got fibro, but not as bad as you do. I've probably also had it for around 20 years. I'll admit I didn't try and do as much as you did BEFORE it hit you so bad. I have never considered ending my life because of fibro, but I sure know what you mean about crying out in pain. I have also never been a fast healer, and the fibro seems to have made it worse, so injuries just never fully heal and I have those additional pains. I am currently on a clinical trial medication that is using an anti-depressent related to the one that advertizes "depression hurts, but you don't have to." I have noted an improvement in my pain levels. I hope you can improve your life - sadly I can't take the narcotic pain med pills because of allergies, only the liquids and the doctors are reluctant to give me too much. Much joy to you!
2 people like this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
10 Mar 07
ElicBxn, Thanks for posting and thanks for being my new friend.I'll be checking you discussions. I hope this med helps you. Raydene
• United States
10 Mar 07
I've also had fibro for about twenty years. Two things have helped with the pain: malic acid, and omega3. The last time I ran out of malic acid, I decided to follow up on all that I'd been reading about omega3 and started taking it. Most people are short on this nutrient, which is good for your heart and helps relieve inflammation. To my surprise, the omega3 works just as well as the malic acid, and is easier to obtain. But because it's still only a partial pain relief, I'm planning to start with the malic acid again and see if the combination will work better than just one of them alone.
@raydene (9875)
• United States
10 Mar 07
Thanks for sharing that.All the things that are stated one thes post might help someone else Thank you Raydene
1 person likes this
@peni88 (469)
• United States
10 Mar 07
hi raydene. i too have this dreadful disease. i have had it since i was a young child. it really started flaring up in my teens. i cant even do a regular job now. i cant sit or stand for more than 10-15 minutes at a time. i have tried getting social security disability and have gotten 5 rejection letters saying that i can do my job. this is very hard on my husband because hes our only source of income, which really makes me sad. the only thing i am trained to do is cashiering and stockroom work which youre on your feet all day. i have tried everything to ease the pain, but nothing helps. i feel your pain and hope that you feel better soon.
2 people like this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
10 Mar 07
Hi Peni88, My heart goes out to you. A little hint about fibro folks getting their ssd. Most fibro folks suffer depression or anxiety and take meds for these conditions.When you next apply be sure that these conditions are itemized and the meds being taken are documented. Instead of stating fibromyalgia in the slot where they ask for illness/injury put fibro,depression,ibs,frequent migraine headaches,......state every little thing. Sometimes one thing will not be enough but when you add them up they prove the disability. I've been told that most fibro people's cases are passed for the depression/anxiety factor so if you suffer these things make sure your doc is documenting it on the paperwork. I was luck I was passed the first try but I was a 50 year old woman that had a good work history for years many years.I made great money and loved my job and anybody could see that to take ssd I was going to be getting less then a quarter of my wages.I didn't hire a lawyer.When I had the interview I honestly told him that I simple couldn't go on! I had struggled to work for as long as I could and I just wanted to go home to my bed.Be honest. Good luck sweety Raydene
2 people like this
@CatNPK (461)
• United States
10 Mar 07
I just posted a long comment on one of your other fibromyalgia discussions, Raydene, on how other people think you look good and don't understand. Thank you for your insight. After my last comment I felt exhausted, and reading this I am at tears. Be strong, because that is all that we can do. I hate meds too. I was twenty when the first one prescribed to me gave me severe heart palpitations by the second day I took it. We fibro people need to stick together - even if we can't meet in person. Just reading your experience makes me, oddly enough, happy. Because none of us are alone. We are not weird, or wrong, or lazy. F**k them if they think that! We are strong, because everyone I know would crumble in a heart beat if they realized what I go through every day. We deal with constant issues that don't go away, and no matter how much we collapse under the weight of that, we go on. I am still a daughter, a friend, a lover, a co-worker, and so on. And no matter what, my cat will always love me...
@raydene (9875)
• United States
10 Mar 07
You are a wonderful person wise past your years.I pray you will never have to go through some of the bad fibro things because they know so much more about it now and as time goes by I think young people may be cured totally of this affliction.So try to stay in shape and avoid the meds as long as you can.(I've only taken them the last 4 to 5 years).Myself , my body is shot from the meds,lack of excersize on those can't get out of bed days,ibs has taken it's toll on me,I'm physically week and in bad shape.Take care. Raydene
1 person likes this
@cher913 (25895)
• Canada
10 Mar 07
Heya Ray, I have had some severe health issues lately (swollen lymph nodes for about 3 weeks & drs dont know what it is) There is also a toss up between chronic fatigue or fibro... I have been so tired lately that i cry myself to sleep because everything hurts so much... so i understand why someone that is at the end of their perverbial rope would think this way.... cher
1 person likes this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
11 Mar 07
Hi Cher,I hope you are doing ok now.I get swollen lymph nodes when I have shingles which is the pain from He**.That's another of those things that fibro folks have more then once. Raydene
@kavi112 (233)
• India
10 Mar 07
hi went through your post.. i dont know wat to say.. i just wish everything become fine again.. a sort of miracle.. after all it seems you hav suffered so much...will pray for you
1 person likes this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
10 Mar 07
Thank you so much for the prayers.I know they will help. Raydene
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
10 Mar 07
My mom is currnetly having her tests taken to see if this is what she is suffering from. i am crossing fingers hoping that it´s not sine i have heard about the terrible pains that will be with you for the rest of your life. I do hope that u today live a good life, despite of the disease. Thanx for sharing!
1 person likes this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
10 Mar 07
Marie 2438, You sound like a sweet daughter.If you mom does have it she will need support so try to be there for her. Check out my oter fibro discussions and read the responses and you will lear alot about what your mom will go through. Raydene
• United States
5 Apr 07
I am new to this site, and just posted myself. I was diagnosed about 3 years ago with a rare case of fibromyalgia where I retain fluid as well. I have an extreme amount of pain, take lots of meds, physical therapy, ect. I'd like to have a conversation with someone besides my doctor. I'm not sure how this site actually works.