Should you take the husbands' last name when you get married???

@Starline (681)
United States
March 9, 2007 6:45pm CST
When I got married to my husband I wanted to be connected with him so I added his last name to my last name so now I have two. I felt bad to my parents if I would give up the name that connects me with them, and so I ended up having two instead. I think that in Sweden it's more common that women keep their last name than it is in the more traditional america for example. Did you take your husbands name? Was it hard to get used to a new last name?
9 people like this
46 responses
@jmcafam (2891)
• United States
10 Mar 07
My "hubby", boyfriend of 10 years, and I have talked about this sort of thing. I would like to keep my last name and take on his as well. I want to keep my last name because it is my birth name and I feel kinda bad cause the hubby would like if I only have his. I think it is a compromise to have both. Rather than just having one or the other after legally married.
2 people like this
@Starline (681)
• United States
10 Mar 07
I am very happy that you share my opinion. You kind of get the best of both worlds, I am proud of my family name, and I am proud of being my husbands wife. And people can tell that you are married if you have two last names, and as a woman you get more respect if you are married is my personal experience.
@jean_rose (416)
• Philippines
10 Mar 07
Philippine culture dictates that when a woman gets married, she has to "shed" her family name and bear the family name of the husband. The girl's original family name then retreats to the middle name slot. And there has been no problem with it since.
2 people like this
@Ms_Lis (35)
• Canada
10 Apr 07
It's not something I have really thought about. But if I ever would get married I may take the husband's last name.
1 person likes this
@Starline (681)
• United States
11 Apr 07
Maybe you can tell us why you would rather take his than keep yours?
• Philippines
10 Mar 07
The one thing that made me think twice about marrying my husband now is his family name. I don't want to have to take it. Even now, whenever I see his family name attached to the end of my own name, I feel my hackles rise. Still, I ended up using his name, out of respect to him. However, I also kept my own. Long live the hyphen!
@Starline (681)
• United States
10 Mar 07
Lol, absolutely. I used to date a guy whose last name I LOVED. It was italian. Unfortunately he wasn't amazing. But I was lucky because the man I did end up marrying has a really cool name too.
• United States
10 Mar 07
I did take my husband's name, and it did take some getting used too. I would have liked to have kept my maiden, and his like you did. But, it isn't that common here. Professionals are starting to do it more and more now.
1 person likes this
@Starline (681)
• United States
24 Mar 07
I'm happy about being able to keep both. Maybe you can add his name now afterwards? I'm so curious of to what people's last names are. Some names are awesome solo, but less interesting names can become more interesting if you have two.
• United States
10 Mar 07
When I got married the first time I was so excited to change my last name to my husband's. When we divorced, we had no kids so I went back to my maiden name. When I met my second husband, he didn't care one way or the other if I took his name. I knew we wanted kids so I went back and forth between adding his name onto my maiden name. In the end, I decided to take his name only, but now I really wish I would have gone ahead and just kept my maiden name too and had two names like you.
1 person likes this
@Starline (681)
• United States
9 Apr 07
Two names is usually too long so I just end up using my husbands name in most situations. There was a reason you wanted to use only his in the end.
@hezoid (2148)
10 Mar 07
I've already decided i'm going to take his last name, mainly becuase i'be never liked my own and i don't want a double-barelled name. I think these days there's no real rule of thumb, it's down to personal choice.
1 person likes this
@Starline (681)
• United States
10 Mar 07
Aboslutly.. If I hadn't liked my last name I would have appreicated the opportunity to get a new one too. Especially if he has a nice sounding last name. There is so much connected to names. People subcontiously judge eachother because of their last names. Just like they judge each other for what they wear and how they talk.
@kurtbiewald (2628)
• United States
10 Mar 07
these days you get to chose both take the better last name, exchange them pick a last name you both like whatever you want
1 person likes this
@hookfan (447)
10 Mar 07
When I got married my maiden name became one of my middle names and I took my hubby's last name. This solved the problem of keeping my family name as well as the connected feeling that I wanted of joining with my hubby. It worked a treat. I changed it all legally as well. It worked a treat :)
• Philippines
10 Apr 07
I guess the last name doesn't really matter. It is a matter of respect and how much you love the person. I'm sure this last name won't be the start of an argument. Goodluck! Aslong as love is around it wont be aproblem!
1 person likes this
@smshasan (54)
• India
10 Mar 07
I see no problems at all keeping Husband's last name at the end after one gets married. It's all about mutual understanding between a couple. It must have a significance in the identification of a woman. It's not like one has to keep that compulsorily.
1 person likes this
@sunita64 (6473)
• India
10 Mar 07
Well that trend has started in India too, where women are keeping their parents name as well as their husbands name as well, that has made their names longer ones but shows the integrity of connection with parents as well as husband.A good trend I feel.
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
10 Mar 07
I took my husbands name and it really didn't take long to get use to it. I have three brothers to carry on our family name. The funny thing is though, I am using my maiden name here in USA, because that was the name used on my passport. I never got around to changing. It gets confusing at times.
• United States
10 Mar 07
I took my husband's last name. I wish that I would have kept my name and added it to his though. I would have liked to have kept that connection with my family. I was 20 at the time and just happy to be finally getting married (after 5 years of being together), so I didn't even give it serious thought, I just signed.
@Starline (681)
• United States
10 Mar 07
I am sure that you should be able to add your family name if you want to. It's probably not a hard process. It's cool to have two last names :p
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
10 Mar 07
I liked my Monogram, MRF the first time I got married I married someone with a last name starting with W, now I am married to a guy who last name starts with F, so I am back to being who I am MRF. Though I did take my husbands last name, I am not worried about our name ending. I am the youngest out of 52 gradchildren, so I think there are plenty to keep my birth name afloat. My two brothers have three boys between them. One of my children not only have my maiden name but she also has her dad's name. (long story short, he dad was murdered before he could be added to her birth records, took me five years fighting with the courts to get him added.) I think everyone has their own ideas about this. I think that they are all okay, being happy with your name, helps you be more conifident in life.
@Starline (681)
• United States
10 Mar 07
Yeah, I agree that liking your name adds to your confidence. I didn't like my old last name so this is a trade up for me.
• India
10 Mar 07
as in sweden it is also common that women in INDIA too keep their Husbands last name.its a common practice here. its like getting connected with a completely new family. it is also a kind of respect that you are showing towards your husbands' family. generally after marriage the girl has to replace her family name or parents last name with her husbands' in INDIA. as it is a common practice in INDIA parents dont feel sad or feel bad for it. but it may be hard for girls to adopt the new name,but cannot be ignored...
@Starline (681)
• United States
10 Mar 07
Adding his to mine was a good compromise I think. Otherwise the couple should decide which last name they like better as opposed to taking his name because of tradition.
@littlemoo (317)
• Australia
10 Mar 07
Well, having not even met my hubby yet, I'm pretty certain I want to take his name, whatever it may be. Having said that, if it's totally rediculous, I probably will refuse. Of course, not much sounds rediculous with my first name, so I think we're safe there. The only thing is my qualifications. I've qualified under my maiden name, and there is some serious paperwork to go through to change it all. However, by the time I meet him, do the whole courting thing, and get married, everyone I know professionally will have my surname so ingrained in their minds, I think it will be best to keep my maiden name for work purposes. That's my plan at the moment. When I meet Mr Right, it could be a completely different matter! lol.
@Starline (681)
• United States
10 Mar 07
So it sounds like it would be a good idea for you to add the new name instead of changing entirely. It's advantageous because you get to use whichever you rpefer at the moment.
• United States
25 Apr 07
I was thrilled to take my husband's last name. What I did was dropped my middle name and my maiden name has become my middle name. No hyphen either. It wasn't hard to get used to a new last name.
• United States
11 Apr 07
I'm keeping my last name, possibly hyphenating. My name is my identity and I don't think that one partner should have to give up their identity and the other doesnt have to. We are EQUAL, including in our identities. I always say i was born with that name, and i'll die with that name. Plus, the whole changing your last name thing is 100% based on an outdated patriarchal society, and i dont want to buy into that system. Husbands used to legally own their wives, i mean it's just not like that anymore. Plus, i want MY name to be known for all my life's accomplishments, not some other random last name.
• India
10 Apr 07
owe..... thats really so sweet! name was no issue for me... i got his last name only as coincidently our last name was same... lolol! no we are not from same family! infact from different cast! now thats what i call it lucky!!!
@hcromer (2712)
• United States
10 Apr 07
I'm not married yet, but when I do marry I will take my husband's name. My family name doesn't mean much to me because it isn't my true bloodline plus my mother and her mother and every other woman in our family always took a new name, I wouldn't feel as if I were upsetting my family.