When your husband hurts you.

@mrbranan (1012)
United States
March 10, 2007 12:36pm CST
Has any one out there ever been hurt by your husband and after a while he says I'm sorry and thinks that should be the end of it. Well what my husband doesn't get is sometimes I'm sorry isn't good enough. I need time to get over it. He thinks I should just say oh your sorry well that makes everything you said alright. I don't thin so. What do you think.
1 person likes this
8 responses
@seamonkey (1981)
• Ireland
14 Mar 07
My husband rarely says he is sorry or admits he is wrong so when he does it is a bit of a banner event. I would like it if he realized he was wrong AND said he was sorry.
• United States
12 Mar 07
My husband is like that too. We'll have an argument and then he won't want to talk because he needs "time to cool off" And then after a little while he's acting like everything is just fine. But it's not that easy for me. I need time to get over things too. I feel like he just wants to ignore the problem but I want to talk about it and fix it so we don't just end up arguing about it again later.
@ljames (30)
• United States
12 Mar 07
I can't speak for all men, but experience with my husband has taught me that sometimes, when a man says he is sorry, it really is the end of it for him. It is hard for them to let a woman vent, because in their minds, if they apologize sincerely, then that is all there is to it. They want the problem to be forgotten, because in for some men, it is forgotten. It's just the way they are. Haven't you ever seen two guys argue or fight really bad one day and then be buddies again the next? Men just get over things quicker sometimes and women don't. My advice to you would be to let him know how you feel and then drop it for a while. If it doesn't get better, then tell him, calmly.
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
10 Mar 07
I hear you. And please don't feel you're alone, I have heard so many other women complaining of the same thing - even myself. It's like : " Ok I said sorry, get over it ! " SOrry doesn't say much.. it's the actions after that tell the story.
@patgalca (14057)
• Orangeville, Ontario
10 Mar 07
My first marriage was abusive. I cannot recall whether he even said "I'm sorry". I think he did. But he continued to be abusive, especially when he'd been drinking. I continued to accept his apologies for two reasons. One, I knew he had been beaten by his mother as a child and felt he could be helped. Two, I thought I could change him. We cannot change them! They have to want to change themselves and when it comes to abuse counselling is needed, not just an "I'm sorry". I put up with it because I didn't want the shame of having my marriage end in divorce. I never told my family why we divorced. HE was the one who left me, by the way. I probably would have stupidly stuck it out. The best thing he ever did for me was leave. Please know that it is NOT YOUR FAULT. You may feel like you instigated an argument but it is no reason for him to abuse you. I knew becuase of my husband's childhood that it was not my fault, that he had the problem. No matter the argument, no one has a right to lay a hand on you. If things get heated, walk away and talk about it when you have both cooled down. Unfortunately that is not always possible as I tried to leave the house and that's when the beating escalated. Saying "I'm sorry" only means something if they don't do it again. It means nothing if they continue to do what they said they were sorry for to begin with. If they really mean "I'm sorry" then they won't do it again. I have said that to my current husband when he comes home late from playing golf. "I'm sorry," he says. I say, "You're not sorry because you've done it before and will do it again." He laughs because he knows it's true. This situation, however, can be laughed off because it is not severe. It just means he is unreliable and we (the children and I) know that. I'm sorry only means I'm sorry if they won't do it again. How can you possibly be sorry if you turn around and do it again?
@lifetalk (681)
• Pakistan
10 Mar 07
Well.. although am not married yet... and am a guy.. all i can say is .. even though i plan to never hurt my wife.. am not saying am perfect.. but i plan to make sure that i make as less mistakes as possible.. i sure will always be sorry.. and try my best to make up to her in every possible way!
• United States
10 Mar 07
many people think that once you say sorry its over but its not. if you are having a repeat of this happening let me tell you from experience get help now before it gets worse. my former husband and i had this problem and it went from bad to worse. until sorry wasnt even said. this behavior can lead to physical and mental abuse. depending on what has already been said or done it could be abuse now. abuse is not just physical however it is the easiest proven, the hardest to prove and the worst kind of abuse is mental and verbal. please seek help if this gets worse
@ironstruck (2300)
• Canada
10 Mar 07
If I was a woman, my husband would get away with that only once. Who knows, he might just be on edge because of pressures at work or a combination of things. Once is plenty. If it happens twice it is time to look after your own safety and make some changes in your life. If it looks like a cycle of abuse is about to start the time to get out is NOW.