is your child a bully?
March 11, 2007 5:21am CST
Do parents know and understand if there child is a bully? I have wondered that many times. You see, I took my middle child out of public school because he was being bullied at school. Not every now and then.. but every single day. This went on for over a year.. every day. At school.. on the bus to and from school. He had nightmares of doing harm to these kids. I started driving him to and from school and I worked nights and was doing without sleep because of this. I spent countless days at the school trying to put a stop to this. Did I fail to mention he was only in the 3rd grade????? I never dreamed this would happen to him. One day at work I found a letter he wrote and put in my purse.. begging me to quit my job and stay home with him. I walked out that night.. the next morning I withdrew him from school and went before a judge to homeschool him. Why does this have to happen? Is your child a bully? Would you know if he /she was? I am pretty sure most parents know when their child is a bully. Do they not know and realize the impact their children have on others? Please, if your child is a bully, please please try to explain to me why they are that way.
• United States
11 Mar 07
To be upfront and honest with you I want you to give your self a big pat on the back for steping in. There are so many parents that don't know what their kids are dealing with every day. I know that is why some of the school shootings have happened is because most of the kids that shoot the others were picked on and bullied. You did the right approach by helping your son, now take a deep breathe and tell your self you did. Have you considered having your son counciling to help him understand bullies? I know this may be something for you to do or not to do. This will help him to beable to help heal from his thoughts and upset anger as well as supporting him through his issues. Which you are doing and yes mom you are doing a great job. I know how stressfull this may be on you but, time will heal and things will begin to work out for you both. Now to answer your question about parents that know their kids bully, I don't think they have any idea that their kids are doing this. In fact if they did then you would think that they would want to step in like you have. If they truly cared they would step in and try to get their kids to understand that hey this is not o.k. to do this. I have 4 kids of my own and my two older kids are being picked on by a kid on the bus just like you described. They come home and tell me and I ask what the kid is doing. Well he is calling them names and just keeps basically anoying them. My second daughter told me that he actually hit her the other day. Now do his parents know? Of course not, in fact I was best friends with his mother and our friendship has fallen though. We no longer talk to one another, which I find it sad but for now there is nothing that I can do to change the problem between me and her. She seems to think that her son does not lie and he does go home and tell huge lies about other kids. In fact last year he told a major lie to her so big that it got another kid expelled from school. He did amidit it to my oldest this week that he lied about it. He said that this kid on the bus was passing naked pictures of women around at school, well she was so mad. She called the state police, the principal, about 5 other teachers but, not the parents of the child to find out what did happen. Any way this other kid did not do any of these things he said and he was exspelled for a week of school. To make it worse she brought my name into it and I had absolutely nothing to do with it period. Any way my daughter told him this week that if he didn't quit that her dad was going to go to the school like his mom did and tell on him like she did on this other kid. My daughter said that he has not bothered her since then. I had asked my second daughter if he was bothering her and she said he hit her while getting off of the bus. I told her to tell him "To leave me along cause there are cameras on this bus and I can have my parents come in the school and have them look at the tape (school) to know exactly what is going on" I know this will scare him so much that he will quit, but for how long I don't know. To be up front and honest with you he is seeing this go on at home and I know that his parents have been talking bad about us cause why is he just picking on my kids? Parents do things at home and don't realize what they do, then their kids learn hey this is o.k. to bad mouth someone or to run down another person. There are so many judgemental people any more, I wish there wasn't but there is. I may be wrong about this, but I do believe to some extent this is why kids get bullied. Stop and think about this for a second, people that have money sometimes run down poor people cause they can't afford exspensive shoes or a more exspensive car. If they hear it from home their kids will do the same with other kids that are poorer and their parents can't afford the high cost items. I know we can't, but it doesn't stop my girls. They just ignore them and go one. Your son must have a very tender little heart, I sure hope things do get better for you guys and that it begins to work out. My kids I have tried to teach them not to every make fun of another no matter if their friends were or not. The reason why this is so important to me is because I was a child that picked on so much in school, it got so bad that even some of the teaches did it as well. I have told them that if one of their friends pick on some one else to speak up to their friends and to say, Hey what are you doing, You wouldn't want someone to treat you that way So don't treat them like that. So far it has worked and the other listen to them and lay off, in fact my oldest daughter friends call me if they have a problem. I wish they would talk to their parents though but, on small every day problems I listen and give them advice. Most of them call me mom and wish they lived here with us. Take care and God Bless you both.
• United States
17 Mar 07
I want to thank you for such a wonderful response. I am very proud of the way you are bringing up your children. So many people do not take the time to teach their children any manners what-so-ever. I applaud you. May God Bless you and your family and keep you safe. Thank you!
11 Mar 07
i think your child needs your entire attention. maybe thats why he wrote that note begging you to stop working so that you can spend more time with you. maybe he needed you more than your other child maybe because he was different from the rest. i hope this wont hurt you if i may say so maybe he is a specially child, he cant be that strong without seeing someone he loves is around. or it can also be because of his age, he is still too young and most kids at that age are like that. i have a nephew who acts like that but good thing he is not yet in school coz he is still 2 years old. we are trying everything to support him so that he will stop it. and we hope he will be a good man when he grew up. i think the best thing to do with that kind of situation is to be always there specially if he needs you and give him all the love you can give to him so that inside he will feel strong BUT dont SPOIL him coz that wont do any help. goodluck to you.
• United States
11 Mar 07
Thank you for responding.. however you have missed the whole question of my discussion. I want to know why other kids have to be bullies and do their parents even know. I think they do. They would have to. My child is special.. however not in the way you may be implying. He is a very good looking boy... average build.. clean.. nothing abnormal about him... other than his kind heart. He is very intelligent.. even smarter than most in his class. After being homeschooled for a year he has even excelled far beyond the grade he would normally be in. All I knew to tell him when he would ask why they were cruel to him is that they were jealous of him. Jealous of his looks, of his brightness and of his kind heart. Thank you again for responding.