Can a WRONG marriage make a RIGHT baby?

Can 2 wrongs make 1 right? - Picture of a sad baby from an imperfect union.
Singapore
March 12, 2007 10:36am CST
We often refer to our spouses as our other halves. As a single, I've always wanted to find my missing half so that I would be complete. After all, 2 halves make 1 whole, right? Yet I was thinking... there are so many countless marriages in the world - in every country and every culture - that are not the perfect unions that some people claim only exist in fairy tales. So can there be true, complete happiness if the 2 halves did not belong to the same whole? Let's just imagine a hypothetically simple world that is populated by 2 men (M1 & M2) and 2 women (F1 & F2) only. Let's assume further that M1 is the missing half to F1, and F2 is the missing half to M2. Yet things happen and it ends up that F2 gets married to M1, and F1 gets married to M2. So instead of possibly having 2 sets of perfect unions, we have 2 imperfect unions. These 2 couples are not truly happy because the 4 of them are not with their respective halves. Nevertheless, they eventually succumb to the natural law of procreation and give birth to their respective children. Yet, can a wrong marriage make a right baby? As generations go by, it seems that as even more imperfect unions become formed, the harder it is for perfect unions to materialize. After all, wouldn't the baby be "imperfect" since it was not produced by a "perfect" marriage? I know this is a topic that is rather hard to digest so once again, I seek your indulgence. Do share your thoughts. ;-)
23 people like this
81 responses
@mummymo (23707)
12 Mar 07
Wow my mind's about to implode here - you certainly ask some weird questions! My view is that all babies are perfect and are truly a blessing! A pregnancy may be a mistake but I don't think you can ever say that of a baby!
4 people like this
• United States
13 Mar 07
Well i had a totally out of whack marriage and i had 2 beautiful children out of it. they are my life and i don't know what i would ever do without them.
2 people like this
@crazynurse (7489)
• United States
12 Mar 07
Well half of me got lost! *wink* Let me just say this, my wrong marriage (first marriage) resulted in two wonderful boys. Perfect in every way. For that, and only that, am I glad that particular marriage exsisted for a bit. My second marriage, wonderful in every way, has produced yet again, two more perfect children. So, lets see, I am batting 50% on the marriages and 100% on children. You will have to place those statistics in your formula and theory and let me know how it comes out!!! Ha!
3 people like this
• Singapore
12 Mar 07
Hmm... maybe I have to change the question to: "Does a mother's love erase all mistakes?"
2 people like this
@34momma (13895)
• United States
24 May 07
now that is a question that i can answer, and i would have to say yes. pure love, real love for your child will make up for how they were concived. how wonderful is that, no matter what, we get to start again from love
@mansha (6301)
• India
27 May 07
No and should not too. I am a mother too but I am not blind to my son's imperfections but I understand though why and what makes him imperfect so I accept him as he is with all his imperfections and still think he is the most perfect child ever born. I think its very true that God could not be every where so he created mothers. God made all of us and thats why he forgives and accepts us as we are because he knows why we are flawed where do our flaws come from. As for your discussion question, I think you need to define perfection first because until it happens no one knows if its a perfect marriage or a imperfect one. And what is a perfect child, if there is a erfect child then there must be a perfect adult too. we all are flawed but thats why human vision is limited because we are not meant to look so microscopically but accept what we get as we are give and when we are given. In hindi we have a saying you can not get a thing before its the right time and you can not get more than what your fate has destined for you.
@crystal8577 (1470)
• United States
12 Mar 07
I don't think so. I also don't think there is such a thing as a perfect marriage. If you or anyone is holding out for one, chances are you will end up disappointed. I did have a baby out of a wrong marriage. My daughter was not going to save my marriage. I got divorced & found someone who suited me better. He adopted my daughter & we became a wonderful family.
3 people like this
• Singapore
12 Mar 07
I am glad for you.. ;-)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Mar 07
It's good to know that what started wrong ends up right...I mean you didn't lose hope and still met the right guy for you which make everything fall in good place :-)
• United States
12 Mar 07
I absolutely believe that a wrong marriage can make a right baby. God is the author of life, and if he placed that baby in that womb, then it is a "right" baby. Always.
• Singapore
12 Mar 07
I guess you are right. A wrong marriage *can* make a right baby.. from a Christian point of view.
1 person likes this
@joyce959 (1562)
• Philippines
12 Mar 07
When marriage is forced on 2 persons, you consider that a 'wrong' marriage, like in the case of arrange marriages happening in other countries like india because two persons who dont really love each other are forced to marry just to follow what their parents like. Of course after marriage, they live as couple and the woman conceive a child. If you happen to be in that case and you are now the son of that couple who had been forced to marry, would you consider yourself a wrong person? Of course, you will not accept that I guess. I believe there's no wrong baby or child whether it is 'unwanted' because it has a life of its own that is so precious and with a different identity.
@raijin (10373)
• Philippines
12 Mar 07
I don't think that the baby should be the one to shoulder the parent's mistakes, after all, the baby didn't even wished to be born. I think the most important thing for those parents to do is, guide their child and try to help one another for the baby's up-bringing. They support the kids future and teach the child to be a better person as they grow, it all depends on the parents. So for me, I don't think that baby's are not the one's to be blamed if ever they have misfortunes in life, but the parents..
• United States
12 Mar 07
Well...Thats a lot to think about. I would have to day that it really doesn't matter if the babies were created out of a perfect marriage. All babies are the same. I really can't see how there would be a difference. You must have put some thought into that question!
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
24 May 07
wow i haven't seen this discussion before now, but i have to say, bravo! i don't know if any marriage is perfect, though i'd like to call mine that, i think we're just 'our' perfect... we can call our marriage right, because it works, we're in love with eachother and can't see a day apart, but the thing is, we may not be the 'universe's ' view of right, only ours, but i think it matters only how we feel.... Anyway, i don't think any child is wrong, the parents can be wrong in how they raised them at times, but the child is not wrong, after all, they are being shown how to be... I think the parents show the kids how a 'relationship' should be, so if you have a bad relationship, and it doesn't work, therefore it's not right then the child will usually think that that's the way it is supposed to be and end up in relationships like this. It's so hard now, but kids really need to learn what a good relationship is vs. a bad one, so that they know what's right. but with the way the world is turning now a days, how are they supposed to learn that? so yes, i think a right baby can be born of a wrong marriage, they just have to be brought up in a good home. Wow that was a tongue twister if i ever did see one!
• Singapore
24 May 07
Well, it is an old discussion. Glad to hear that you think your marriage perfect. ;-)
1 person likes this
• Canada
24 May 07
i see the discussion is old, but it's nice to be able to post your thought, i'm trying to catch up on missed discussions and relax a little before bed. Thanks, may not be 'world' perfect but it's definitely 'us' perfect. Though why everyone always says they want my marriage is beyond me, 'get your own, *smack* haha.' sorry... I'm tired as you can see.... You'll find your fairy tale, some how, some way, they always come to ya, just have to have your eyes wide open when she lands :P
2 people like this
• Singapore
24 May 07
Replying is fine. I commented it is old because you mentioned you have not seen this discussion before - was just suggesting a reason. :P I do think you are one of the rare fairy tales around. :P
2 people like this
@subathra (3519)
• India
26 May 07
Why not? Whether marriage between a happy or unhappy couple..it will not affect the child born to them.The only thing matters for a right child is his/her way of bringing up the baby. Well we always resemble many character from our parents but the parents can always mould their children to become a good or bad person. Similarly we can see a spoiled child of a happy couple so where this right choice matter doesnot work out here? My conclusion is only the right parental guidance will result in right/wrong brought up of a baby.
2 people like this
• Singapore
26 May 07
Yea, sure, you can think along the line of a new child starting on a clean slate.
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
12 Mar 07
i know what i mean wizard but i don't see right or wrong as meaninful words to me unless it envoloves my values i do not think there is a right or wrong baby. now another thing and i am not critisising you just trying to share my world with you..i don't see a partner like alote of people see's him as my other half..i can not see him that way cause i believe i am a whole and my partner is a whole..and there starts the complication of things..lol..but my partners always been loyal good friends and i always loved and shared with them. yes there are alote of partnerships that do not get along and there comes a baby that somtimes is planned and somtimes isn't and the mother has someone to give love to and take care of..and the baby gives her attention so it seems like the partnership is now alright..but usually it isn't..and the problems that were before arn't solved..they just found a way not to talk about them..and when the baby will grow up a bit they usually start again..so i can not realte wrong or right marriage to wrong or right baby..
2 people like this
• Singapore
12 Mar 07
Thanks for sharing. ;-) Here's a question I would like to put to you: If you feel you are already complete without your partner, might this mean that you have not been opening yourself completely to him? Just something for you to think about. :P
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21588)
12 Mar 07
Hmmm, now let me see! If the whole World met and married their perfect partner, wouldn't life be boring? We would learn none of the lessons we were put here to learn, and life would be far too sweet and lovey dovey! Firstly, the phrase "other half" when used in a marriage means the other half of a partnership and is just a phrase. If I chose somebody to be my husband who was exactly the same as me, I think I would be climbing the walls, very quickly! The two partners in a marriage have their own, individual personality and the marriage wouldn't work if they didn't have some freedom of choice. Also, wisdom develops from being with somebody who is different, and this wisdom helps in the bringing up of children, and getting through life to the best of your ability. Therefore, the children become what in your own mind, is perfect, at your hands. I really don't think nature is as technical as you show in your discussion. How, for goodness' sake, besides our heart telling us, do we know if we've met our perfect other half? An interesting discussion though... thank you. Brightest Blessings.
• Singapore
12 Mar 07
Why would life be boring? The world would be full of perfect unions and complete wholes. Everyone will have balanced hormones and we can probably do without war lol. :P By "other half", it doesn't mean you have to find someone exactly the same as you. In fact, it is exactly the opposite! Your other half should be everything you are not, yet somewhere when both of you come together in union, you become divinely complete!
@Darkwing (21588)
12 Mar 07
Life would be boring because of the absence of challenges. I like a good challenge! ha ha ha
• Singapore
13 Mar 07
Oh yea... wouldn't be too fun if I get to rule the world without any obstacles. :P
• India
25 May 07
Hi Wizz i would love to psycho-analyise you one day for coming up with such discussions i dont know about 'perfect' or imperfect marraiges b'cos iam not married yet! all i can add to your discussion is nothing was meant to be perfect in this world The Great Master Himself (GOD) made a mistake - He made MAN! looking desrutic we are bent on making to the whole creation iam sure He is regretting that mistake!! so all we can do is work at making things better but not perfect so i think there can be no perfect or imperfect marriages only people trying to make the best of their choices :)
• Singapore
25 May 07
Hey, are we getting sexist around here? :P
• India
25 May 07
LOL i meant humans! man, woman, babies etc etc LOL
• Janesville, Wisconsin
24 May 07
Well from an outsider looking in the marriage may not seem perfect of workable, however for those in these types of marriages, Many groups, triads, etcs.. have worked out good for the couples, and yes, a child or a baby can turn out right good, and perfect regardless of the backround they are raised it. Just as good people can do bad things bad people can do good things, regardless of their upbringing, and backround history. - DNatureofdTrain
• Singapore
24 May 07
Yea, of course. I was trying to be philosophical. :P
1 person likes this
• Janesville, Wisconsin
26 May 07
hmm... Phil .. Lost.. fickle... You trying to be Phil Lost in the fickle? hehehe :P - DNatureofDTrain
@moonmagick (1458)
• United States
14 Mar 07
Definately. I will adamantly say that I have an incredibly imperfect marriage. We never should have paired up. Looking back I cant see why we did. But we have a child. He is amazing. He is a beautiful, intelligent, happy, healthy baby. I wouldnt trade him for anything. He is the one reason that I wont look at my marriage as a mistake.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Mar 07
I hit submit before I was done. (thats what happens at 3am) I wanted to add that because my baby is a wonderful "perfect" gift, that is the very reason that I am considering leaving my "imperfect" marriage. I dont want him to be brought up in a household with two people who never see eye to eye, always argue, and cant be civil. I dont want him thinking thats how life should be. Plus there are other issues best not gotten into here. But to answer the question, yes and imperfect union can make a perfect baby, but it will likely alter that babies existence, thus making him/her imperfect. And likely giving them relationship issues in the future to boot.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
14 Mar 07
Aw... :/
@golfproo (1841)
• Canada
27 May 07
I am living proof that a wrong marriage can make a right baby. My wife and I never really go along for over 13 years. I have 2 awesome daughters as a result of this failed union. (I know everyone says their kids are great but believe me it is true). The trick is to keep them awesome when they see all the nonsense that goes on between their parents. That is the hard part. cheers
1 person likes this
• Singapore
27 May 07
Looks like you did a great job! ;-)
@latsmom (824)
26 May 07
I was in a relationship with my daughters dad for 8 years and at first it was great but then we finally outgrew each other and the relationship was volitile, we stayed together for as long as we could put up with each other for but ultimately split. We are still freinds and better that way and our daughter is very happy, bright, funny and sociable, if not moreso than some kids whos parents are still together. Now at least she does not see the fighting, and will grow to learn that although she may come from what is deemed as a broken home she still has both parents support and love and hopefully will continue to thrive on that.
• Singapore
27 May 07
I guess it is better for your case...
26 May 07
I don't think that a wrong marriage can make a right baby, it is simply a case that the child must be brought up in a loving and giving relationship, or by one devoted parent, they should not be brought up in a world of unhappiness, bitterness and resentment, there is too much of that in the wider world let alone from birth in the home world.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
27 May 07
Indeed, environment be a big part.
@gloria777 (1678)
• India
26 May 07
Its difficult to produce right babies from wrong marriages because growth of a kid is based on the environment where he live, primarily his home atmosphere.
• Singapore
26 May 07
You are right about the environment. I think it's a very important factor too.
@brendalee (6083)
• United States
25 May 07
In my opinion, I believe that two wrongs can make a right. I wasn't married to the jerk but my sons father and I made a son that I am very proud to have. I sometimes wish that I hadn't met that jerk but if I had not, I would not have my son.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
25 May 07
Like some math equation thingy. Two minuses cancel out. :P
• Canada
25 May 07
Wrongs and right? - Hey Wiz, it's been a long time worth the wait but, because of your contribution to mylot.com I would like to present you with this small token of appreciatiom!
Do you go right when you really want ot go left? Ithink that totally bizarre,.. and now here I am using words to describe my impression on this discussion. I don't know about finding my mate and knowing she's all wrong for me. OK, it may seem twisted in some ways... and a turn on to some..lol. Thinking the only thing you should ask is .... Do two wrongs really make a right?
• Singapore
25 May 07
If you twist her the right way, you might make her right. It's like lego, isn't it? :P